GastlyGibus
World's worst critic
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2013
- Messages
- 1,210
- Reaction score
- 97
Hi, my name is *REDACTED* and this is a story I wrote. Actually, it's one of the first fan fictions I've ever written. No, there's no sex in it. No, there's no self-loathing or mary sues in it either. I know, it's terrible, isn't it?
Anyways, since this is the first story I've actually posted for public review, I expect fair judgement. If it sucks, tell me why so I can improve it. If you just say "This is terrible" without telling me why, well, I'm afraid I can't help you. If you say "It sucks because of XYZ," well, then I can improve on XYZ, and I thank you for the advice! Seriously, I want you people to tell me whether it's bad or not. I won't flip out and have a temper tantrum over it, promise.
I guess I should actually POST it now, shouldn't I? Here you go. It's about a guy in a band in the pokemon universe. It gets exciting later, but, you know... character development and all that. Enjoy!
---
"You can't do this to us, man!"
"I'm sorry! Do you think I wanted to let you guys down?"
"No, but I thought you'd at least stick it out for our first gig!
Matthew eyed his friend angrily, staring him down in the school lunch room. He and his three friends had started their own garage band and had been practicing for weeks. Two more weeks from now they were scheduled for their very first gig, and even though it was just a small local club, it was an important show for them. They had a solid grasp of their parts and were fully prepared for a live show.
Except now their lead guitarist was quitting on them.
"I'm sorry man, but with school and work I just don't have time to keep up with the band. We've got mid-terms coming up and I haven't studied nearly as much as I should have." Derrick replied. He really didn't want to let his friend down, but he just couldn't keep up with it all at the same time.
"You should have thought of that before you decided to join this band!" Matthew snapped back at Derrick; Matthew was visibly upset, and even though Derrick was a good friend, he couldn't help but feel anger towards him.
"Guys, come on. I know tensions are high right now, but you two need to chill, alright?" Paul stepped in, trying to put out the flames of anger that has sparked between his two band mates. Paul, the band's bassist, was normally silent, but he couldn't stand to see two of his close friends treat each other with such animosity.
"I know..." Matthew sighed. "Look man, I'm sorry for raising my voice; it's just that we have our first gig in only two weeks and you pick now to quit on us."
"I understand that you're angry man; I would be too." Derrick replied, "Life is just so busy right now, you know? I'm sure you can find a replacement; the material isn't that difficult."
"Yeah man, just let Derrick do his own thing. We can find someone to replace him and have fun rockin' without him!" Sammy, Matthew's other friend and the band's drummer, decided to lighten up the tension a bit. Sammy looked over at Derrick, waving his fingers and blowing him a raspberry out of jest. He meant it as a joke, and Derrick couldn't help but chuckle at Sammy's antics.
Derrick looked at his phone, checking the time, then looked back up to Matthew. "My next class starts soon. Sorry again, man, I hope you can find a replacement." With that, Derrick left the lunch room and headed off to his next class.
Matthew let out a long sigh. The material wasn't terribly difficult, but how was he going to find a new guitarist and teach them the song in only two weeks? Sure, he could play lead, but then there would be nobody to play rhythm, and the music just wouldn't sound right.
"C'mon man, don't worry about it. I'll help scout out the university for a good guitarist. I'm sure we'll find somebody!" Sammy chimed in, breaking Matthew's train of thought. Sammy was always so upbeat about things, despite how bad they were.
"Yeah, I guess you're right." Matthew replied, trying to share his friend's enthusiasm. He got up from his table and looked towards Paul and Sammy. "I've got classes soon as well, but tomorrow we need to start searching for a replacement ASAP."
Matthew gathered his things and threw on his backpack, with Paul and Sammy following suit. "I'll see you guys first thing in the morning, in front of the dorms." Paul and Sammy both nodded, and they each left for their respective classes.
--
Matthew threw his backpack on his bed and fell face first onto the covers, an audible sigh escaping him. He had been thinking of people to replace Derrick all throughout his classes, but nobody he knew had the talent that Derrick possessed. He had briefly mused with the idea of playing lead guitar himself, but then there'd be no rhythm guitar, and he had trouble playing lead and doing vocals at the same time. Rhythm was just simpler for him.
"Scrafty?"
Matthew pulled his face off of his bed and looked down towards the direction of the sound. He saw his Pokemon, Scrafty, poking her head over the bottom of the bed and looking quizzically at her trainer.
"Hey Jackie." Matthew sat up on his bed, patting the covers beside himself, motioning his Pokemon over to sit beside him. The Scrafty jumped over the bottom of the bed and climbed over to where Matthew sat, sitting beside him. Matthew brought his hand to her head, lightly brushing her head crest, which he knew she liked. Although the university he attended was a bit antsy about having Pokemon out of their pokeballs on campus, they had no qualms about them in the student's dorms, something Matthew greatly appreciated. He had caught Scrafty, which he had nicknamed Jackie due to her tenacity, back during high school, and he often participated in battles with her against other trainers. Though he enjoyed the occasional battle, he never wanted to take the Elite Four challenge. He preferred a more laid-back lifestyle, and so he enrolled in a university to get a degree in art and focus on his music, which he enjoyed the most.
The Scrafty closed her eyes and purred her name to herself while Matthew kept rubbing her head, which greatly pleased her. Matthew kept petting her like that for a few minutes before sighing to himself again.
"I just don't know what I'm going to do." Matthew said out loud, partly talking to his Pokemon but mainly vocalizing his own thoughts to himself. "How am I going to replace Derrick so quickly?"
Matthew stood up off the bed and grabbed his guitar, a simple acoustic guitar that he had owned for quite some time. He always played his guitar to cheer himself up. He strummed a few tunes to himself, just focusing on the music. Meanwhile, his Scrafty just sat on the bed with her legs crossed, just listening to the sounds her trainer made with his instrument. Scrafty always loved listening to him play; it relaxed her and made her feel calm.
After several minutes of Matthew just strumming away, he put his guitar down.
"I supposed the parts aren't too difficult to learn..." he thought to himself. "Still, I got to find someone who can actually play them."
Matthew stretched his arms upward, yawning loudly. Grabbing some clothes from his dresser, he headed out the door to his room and towards the bathroom.
"I'm going to shower real quick, Jackie. Don't get into any mischief while I'm gone." He always told her that, though he knew she was generally well-behaved. He closed the door to his room, leaving his Pokemon to her own devices as he made his way towards the bathroom.
Matthew turned the handle to the shower and let the water warm up before stripping down and heading in. A nice hot shower was just what he needed after the stressful day he had. The water ran down over his dark-brown hair, down his bare body. He soaped himself up, lathered shampoo into his hair, and got himself all cleaned up, all while humming music to himself. Once he was squeaky clean and relaxed, he turned off the water and wrapped a towel around himself.
Matthew stepped towards the mirror and looked at his reflection. He had darkish brown hair which fell slightly over his eyes, though he usually swept it to the side for that skater boy hair-style. He had a slight tan, but was still very much white. He looked at his own brown eyes as if having a staring contest with himself, then grabbed another towel and rubbed it vigorously on his head to dry off his hair. He threw his new, fresh clothes on before heading out with his towel still on his head.
He began walking to the door of his room, which he had to admit was the best thing about having a quad-room dorm; having an entire room to yourself. As he got closer though, he heard sounds coming from behind the door. It sounded... musical?
"Great, my roommate must be 'borrowing' my guitar again" Matthew said to himself. His roommate would often take his guitar and try to play it, even though he didn't know how, just to mess with Matthew. They were friends, but his roommate was a bit of a prankster, which both amused and irritated Matthew at the same time. Matthew turned the handle to his door and swung it open.
"Look man, you can't just come in here whenever you want and--" he stopped mid sentence as he saw just where the sound had been coming from. It wasn't his roommate, but Jackie, his Pokemon, playing the guitar!
"What are you doing, Jackie?" Matthew said, rather confused. Jackie immediately stopped what she was doing and put the guitar down, putting on her best "I'm innocent!" face. Matthew didn't like people messing with his stuff, and she knew that; she didn't want her trainer to be upset with her.
"Scrafty!" she said, trying her best to communicate her "innocence." She held her hands up, showing they were empty.
"No, wait a minute Jackie..." Matthew said to her. "I'm not mad... just a little confused. How long have you been using my guitar when I wasn't here?" He knew she wouldn't be able to answer, at least not in a way he'd understand.
"Scraf... Scrafty" she said as she shrugged to herself. Truthfully, she had done it whenever he was in class or otherwise pre-occupied, though she never let him know for fear that he might take it away from her.
"I didn't even know Pokemon could play guitar... wait a minute..." Matthew thought to himself, when an idea popped into his head. He picked up the guitar and pulled up a chair in front of Scrafty on the bed.
"Here, try this" he said to her, as he strummed the well-known opening riff to "Smoke on the Water" by Deep Purple. As he finished the last chord, he handed the guitar back to the Scrafty.
"Try to do what I did." Matthew said to her. He watched intently as she picked up the instrument and began to mimic his sounds. She played slowly, but managed to repeat the whole chord progression back to Matthew. He was slightly astounded, he never knew she could play.
"Let me see that." He picked the guitar again, this time strumming the opening riff to "Shout at the Devil" by Mötley Crüe. Once he finished the intro, he handed the guitar back to Jackie, motioning for her to mimic him again. She thought for a bit before placing her fingers on the strings and copying Matthew chord-for-chord, thought she missed a few notes.
"That's okay, no big deal to miss a few." Matthew said reassuringly. Despite the fact that she was a Pokemon, he had to admit she knew what she was doing. Matthew grabbed the guitar again, this time going for something a little more challenging. He strummed the intro for "Yer So Bad" by Tom Petty, trying to see how much should could actually play. He handed it back to her, and after a slight pause, she managed to repeat the phrase back to Matthew.
Matthew was flabbergasted. Not only did she know how to play, but she could learn quickly too. He thought to himself a bit, before he stood up off of his chair.
"I'm probably crazy for even thinking about this, but it's worth a shot" he said to himself.
"Scrafty?" Jackie said to him, puzzled, though she was greatly relieved with the fact that Matthew was perfectly okay with her playing his guitar.
"Say Jackie, how would you like to practice guitar with me some more? Maybe I can even teach you a whole song!" Matthew said to his Pokemon, smiling the biggest smile he ever had in weeks.
"Scrafty!" she nearly jumped for joy at the thought of learning from her trainer. Matthew picked up the guitar and sat next to her on the bed, playing music with his Pokemon long into the night.
END
---
Anyways, since this is the first story I've actually posted for public review, I expect fair judgement. If it sucks, tell me why so I can improve it. If you just say "This is terrible" without telling me why, well, I'm afraid I can't help you. If you say "It sucks because of XYZ," well, then I can improve on XYZ, and I thank you for the advice! Seriously, I want you people to tell me whether it's bad or not. I won't flip out and have a temper tantrum over it, promise.
I guess I should actually POST it now, shouldn't I? Here you go. It's about a guy in a band in the pokemon universe. It gets exciting later, but, you know... character development and all that. Enjoy!
---
"You can't do this to us, man!"
"I'm sorry! Do you think I wanted to let you guys down?"
"No, but I thought you'd at least stick it out for our first gig!
Matthew eyed his friend angrily, staring him down in the school lunch room. He and his three friends had started their own garage band and had been practicing for weeks. Two more weeks from now they were scheduled for their very first gig, and even though it was just a small local club, it was an important show for them. They had a solid grasp of their parts and were fully prepared for a live show.
Except now their lead guitarist was quitting on them.
"I'm sorry man, but with school and work I just don't have time to keep up with the band. We've got mid-terms coming up and I haven't studied nearly as much as I should have." Derrick replied. He really didn't want to let his friend down, but he just couldn't keep up with it all at the same time.
"You should have thought of that before you decided to join this band!" Matthew snapped back at Derrick; Matthew was visibly upset, and even though Derrick was a good friend, he couldn't help but feel anger towards him.
"Guys, come on. I know tensions are high right now, but you two need to chill, alright?" Paul stepped in, trying to put out the flames of anger that has sparked between his two band mates. Paul, the band's bassist, was normally silent, but he couldn't stand to see two of his close friends treat each other with such animosity.
"I know..." Matthew sighed. "Look man, I'm sorry for raising my voice; it's just that we have our first gig in only two weeks and you pick now to quit on us."
"I understand that you're angry man; I would be too." Derrick replied, "Life is just so busy right now, you know? I'm sure you can find a replacement; the material isn't that difficult."
"Yeah man, just let Derrick do his own thing. We can find someone to replace him and have fun rockin' without him!" Sammy, Matthew's other friend and the band's drummer, decided to lighten up the tension a bit. Sammy looked over at Derrick, waving his fingers and blowing him a raspberry out of jest. He meant it as a joke, and Derrick couldn't help but chuckle at Sammy's antics.
Derrick looked at his phone, checking the time, then looked back up to Matthew. "My next class starts soon. Sorry again, man, I hope you can find a replacement." With that, Derrick left the lunch room and headed off to his next class.
Matthew let out a long sigh. The material wasn't terribly difficult, but how was he going to find a new guitarist and teach them the song in only two weeks? Sure, he could play lead, but then there would be nobody to play rhythm, and the music just wouldn't sound right.
"C'mon man, don't worry about it. I'll help scout out the university for a good guitarist. I'm sure we'll find somebody!" Sammy chimed in, breaking Matthew's train of thought. Sammy was always so upbeat about things, despite how bad they were.
"Yeah, I guess you're right." Matthew replied, trying to share his friend's enthusiasm. He got up from his table and looked towards Paul and Sammy. "I've got classes soon as well, but tomorrow we need to start searching for a replacement ASAP."
Matthew gathered his things and threw on his backpack, with Paul and Sammy following suit. "I'll see you guys first thing in the morning, in front of the dorms." Paul and Sammy both nodded, and they each left for their respective classes.
--
Matthew threw his backpack on his bed and fell face first onto the covers, an audible sigh escaping him. He had been thinking of people to replace Derrick all throughout his classes, but nobody he knew had the talent that Derrick possessed. He had briefly mused with the idea of playing lead guitar himself, but then there'd be no rhythm guitar, and he had trouble playing lead and doing vocals at the same time. Rhythm was just simpler for him.
"Scrafty?"
Matthew pulled his face off of his bed and looked down towards the direction of the sound. He saw his Pokemon, Scrafty, poking her head over the bottom of the bed and looking quizzically at her trainer.
"Hey Jackie." Matthew sat up on his bed, patting the covers beside himself, motioning his Pokemon over to sit beside him. The Scrafty jumped over the bottom of the bed and climbed over to where Matthew sat, sitting beside him. Matthew brought his hand to her head, lightly brushing her head crest, which he knew she liked. Although the university he attended was a bit antsy about having Pokemon out of their pokeballs on campus, they had no qualms about them in the student's dorms, something Matthew greatly appreciated. He had caught Scrafty, which he had nicknamed Jackie due to her tenacity, back during high school, and he often participated in battles with her against other trainers. Though he enjoyed the occasional battle, he never wanted to take the Elite Four challenge. He preferred a more laid-back lifestyle, and so he enrolled in a university to get a degree in art and focus on his music, which he enjoyed the most.
The Scrafty closed her eyes and purred her name to herself while Matthew kept rubbing her head, which greatly pleased her. Matthew kept petting her like that for a few minutes before sighing to himself again.
"I just don't know what I'm going to do." Matthew said out loud, partly talking to his Pokemon but mainly vocalizing his own thoughts to himself. "How am I going to replace Derrick so quickly?"
Matthew stood up off the bed and grabbed his guitar, a simple acoustic guitar that he had owned for quite some time. He always played his guitar to cheer himself up. He strummed a few tunes to himself, just focusing on the music. Meanwhile, his Scrafty just sat on the bed with her legs crossed, just listening to the sounds her trainer made with his instrument. Scrafty always loved listening to him play; it relaxed her and made her feel calm.
After several minutes of Matthew just strumming away, he put his guitar down.
"I supposed the parts aren't too difficult to learn..." he thought to himself. "Still, I got to find someone who can actually play them."
Matthew stretched his arms upward, yawning loudly. Grabbing some clothes from his dresser, he headed out the door to his room and towards the bathroom.
"I'm going to shower real quick, Jackie. Don't get into any mischief while I'm gone." He always told her that, though he knew she was generally well-behaved. He closed the door to his room, leaving his Pokemon to her own devices as he made his way towards the bathroom.
Matthew turned the handle to the shower and let the water warm up before stripping down and heading in. A nice hot shower was just what he needed after the stressful day he had. The water ran down over his dark-brown hair, down his bare body. He soaped himself up, lathered shampoo into his hair, and got himself all cleaned up, all while humming music to himself. Once he was squeaky clean and relaxed, he turned off the water and wrapped a towel around himself.
Matthew stepped towards the mirror and looked at his reflection. He had darkish brown hair which fell slightly over his eyes, though he usually swept it to the side for that skater boy hair-style. He had a slight tan, but was still very much white. He looked at his own brown eyes as if having a staring contest with himself, then grabbed another towel and rubbed it vigorously on his head to dry off his hair. He threw his new, fresh clothes on before heading out with his towel still on his head.
He began walking to the door of his room, which he had to admit was the best thing about having a quad-room dorm; having an entire room to yourself. As he got closer though, he heard sounds coming from behind the door. It sounded... musical?
"Great, my roommate must be 'borrowing' my guitar again" Matthew said to himself. His roommate would often take his guitar and try to play it, even though he didn't know how, just to mess with Matthew. They were friends, but his roommate was a bit of a prankster, which both amused and irritated Matthew at the same time. Matthew turned the handle to his door and swung it open.
"Look man, you can't just come in here whenever you want and--" he stopped mid sentence as he saw just where the sound had been coming from. It wasn't his roommate, but Jackie, his Pokemon, playing the guitar!
"What are you doing, Jackie?" Matthew said, rather confused. Jackie immediately stopped what she was doing and put the guitar down, putting on her best "I'm innocent!" face. Matthew didn't like people messing with his stuff, and she knew that; she didn't want her trainer to be upset with her.
"Scrafty!" she said, trying her best to communicate her "innocence." She held her hands up, showing they were empty.
"No, wait a minute Jackie..." Matthew said to her. "I'm not mad... just a little confused. How long have you been using my guitar when I wasn't here?" He knew she wouldn't be able to answer, at least not in a way he'd understand.
"Scraf... Scrafty" she said as she shrugged to herself. Truthfully, she had done it whenever he was in class or otherwise pre-occupied, though she never let him know for fear that he might take it away from her.
"I didn't even know Pokemon could play guitar... wait a minute..." Matthew thought to himself, when an idea popped into his head. He picked up the guitar and pulled up a chair in front of Scrafty on the bed.
"Here, try this" he said to her, as he strummed the well-known opening riff to "Smoke on the Water" by Deep Purple. As he finished the last chord, he handed the guitar back to the Scrafty.
"Try to do what I did." Matthew said to her. He watched intently as she picked up the instrument and began to mimic his sounds. She played slowly, but managed to repeat the whole chord progression back to Matthew. He was slightly astounded, he never knew she could play.
"Let me see that." He picked the guitar again, this time strumming the opening riff to "Shout at the Devil" by Mötley Crüe. Once he finished the intro, he handed the guitar back to Jackie, motioning for her to mimic him again. She thought for a bit before placing her fingers on the strings and copying Matthew chord-for-chord, thought she missed a few notes.
"That's okay, no big deal to miss a few." Matthew said reassuringly. Despite the fact that she was a Pokemon, he had to admit she knew what she was doing. Matthew grabbed the guitar again, this time going for something a little more challenging. He strummed the intro for "Yer So Bad" by Tom Petty, trying to see how much should could actually play. He handed it back to her, and after a slight pause, she managed to repeat the phrase back to Matthew.
Matthew was flabbergasted. Not only did she know how to play, but she could learn quickly too. He thought to himself a bit, before he stood up off of his chair.
"I'm probably crazy for even thinking about this, but it's worth a shot" he said to himself.
"Scrafty?" Jackie said to him, puzzled, though she was greatly relieved with the fact that Matthew was perfectly okay with her playing his guitar.
"Say Jackie, how would you like to practice guitar with me some more? Maybe I can even teach you a whole song!" Matthew said to his Pokemon, smiling the biggest smile he ever had in weeks.
"Scrafty!" she nearly jumped for joy at the thought of learning from her trainer. Matthew picked up the guitar and sat next to her on the bed, playing music with his Pokemon long into the night.
END
---
