EVERYONE: More Than Ribbons

[TwinklingCupcake]

Table of Contents
1. Cerise (you are here)
2. Lilac and Hazel
3. Registration
4. Normal Rank
5. Two Dreams

----

Chapter 1: Cerise

"Cerise, sweetie, sit still," Alicia Everwood laughed a little as she tugged her daughter's arm, forcing her to sit back down.

"When do they come out?" five-year-old Cerise asked, hopping back up the instant her mother let go. Her amber eyes scanned the stage in front of and below her, eager to see the Contest participants.

Alicia tugged Cerise down again. "In a few minutes. Now please, sit still and watch patiently."

No sooner had she spoken than the lights went down, and new lights hit the stage. Cerise gasped, leaning forward in her seat to get a better look.

"Presenting, the contestants of the Master Rank Beauty Contest! First, Marjorie and Milotic! Nino and..."

Cerise didn't listen to the MC, waiting for the princess to appear. She was participating in this one, wasn't she? Mama wouldn't lie to her about this, right?

"...and fourth, Rosetta and Sylveon!"

Cerise screamed, causing her mother to wince slightly, as the spotlight fell on the princess.

Of course, Rosetta wasn't really a princess, but ever since Cerise had seen her on TV, she thought she certainly looked like one. Rosetta smiled at the audience, waving a lacy glove-covered hand at them like a monarch addressing her people. In front of her, her Sylveon did a few excited hops, glancing around at the audience with large, sparkling eyes and an open-mouthed smile. The light caught the details on both Rosetta's contest outfit, and on Sylveon's ribbon, making both sparkle and increasing their appeal.

The contest officially began, and Cerise continued to stand in front of her seat, leaning on the railing as if it'd get her closer.

"Rosetta's Sylveon is going first, and it looks like – oh my!" A silvery, shimmering mist covered the stage, Sylveon smiling in the middle like a mystical being. "Misty Terrain! This is a perfect first move!" the MC had to yell over the audience's cheering and the applause from the judges.

The entire rest of the Contest, Cerise didn't take her eyes off Rosetta or Sylveon.

-----​

"Rosetta! Rosetta, I have a berry for you!"

"Rosetta, can I have your autograph?!"

"Rosetta, please tell us the diet you give your Sylveon!"

Cerise hung back, pressed against her mother, tiny autograph book in her hands. She bit her lip as she saw the sizable crowd around Rosetta and Sylveon – it was all she could see, they were so packed together that all she could see of the princess was the top of her curly up-do. "Mama, they won't let me..." she mumbled.

"It's okay, Cerise, just wait until they're gone..."

"Bu-But Princess Rosetta will leave when that happens!" Cerise's voice became higher-pitched at those words, and her childish shriek managed to briefly overpower the voices of Rosetta's fanclub. A few moments later, the small crowd parted as Rosetta carried Sylveon out, both of them looking around curiously.

In no time, Rosetta's gaze fell on Cerise, and she smiled. "Ah, hello there!" she called, approaching.

Cerise froze, eyes growing huge as Rosetta – the Rosetta! - stopped and knelt before her. She looked even more like a princess up close. Her contest outfit was a pale cream dress, the thigh-length skirt made of layers of chiffon and ruffles. A few tiny gems embroidered into the dress caught the light and twinkled like silver stars, the sheer ruffles on her forearms and wrists shimmered like the mist Sylveon had made. Her hair, a pale blonde with crystal-pink ombre to offset her dark skin, was piled into a curly up-do and secured with a sparkling tiara.

No wonder Cerise thought her a princess.

"U-Uhm!" Cerise began, thrusting her autograph book at Rosetta. "C-Can you and Sylveon sign my book?!"

"Of course!" Rosetta pulled a pen from seemingly-nowhere and began to write. "Did you like the contest, miss?"

"Uh-huh! I really like you and Sylveon! You're so pretty and cool a-and...and I wanna enter a contest too when I get big! I wanna be just like you!"

Rosetta's smile widened slightly. "Is that right? Well, I'd love to see you in the Beauty category!"

"Yeah! But...but I don't wanna be against you..." Cerise mumbled, deflating a bit. Rosetta was so cool and pretty and nice, she didn't want to be her competition!

Rosetta was quiet for a few moments, obviously contemplating something. Her Sylveon hummed a little. Finally, Rosetta leaned in closer, as if she were about to share a secret. "You know," she said, "there are other contest categories you can participate in."

"Really?!" Cerise perked up.

"Of course!" Rosetta laughed a little, her Sylveon joining her. "I always was partial to Beauty, but there's also Clever, Tough, Cute..."

"Ah! I like Cute things! I'll enter a Cute contest someday! That way...that way we won't have to be rivals!"

"I look forward to it," said Rosetta.

"Silvi!" Sylveon, who had been patting at the book's pages with one paw, chimed in.

"And so does Sylveon! I'll tell you what – Cute contests are one of my favorites to watch. If you grow up and enter the Cute contest in Lilycove, I'll be sure to see you. And then..." Rosetta handed back Cerise's book. "And then someday, I'll be the one asking for your signature. Alright?"

"Silvi!"

Cerise's eyes couldn't get any bigger as she stared at her heroes, taking back her autograph book. Finally, she nodded, closing her eyes as her smile stretched nearly to her ears. "I - I will! It's a promise!"

-----​

"O-kay, so that will be $3.75! Would you like that for here, or do you want one of our to-go bags?"

"Here's fine, thank you." The man reached into his wallet to pull out the money, sighing wistfully as he slid it across the counter. "Is it really your last day today? It won't be the same, coming into Clefairy Cafe and not seeing your smiling face."

Sixteen-year-old Cerise smiled in a bittersweet way. "I know...I'll miss this place too – Oh! Mina, Mr Winton wants his usual Pecha berry shortcake for here! - but I'll be back to visit later! And soon you'll be able to see my smiling face in the Contest coverages!" A competitive gleam appeared in Cerise's eyes, and she pumped her fists in front of herself. "You can bet on it!"

"Ahh, you still haven't given up on that, have you?" chuckled Mr Winton. He glanced over his shoulder to make sure there was no one else waiting in line, then leaned onto the counter on his elbows. "Eleven years and you're still planning on going to Lilycove?"

"Well, of course! Why else would I be working for so long?"

"And I thought you liked us..." muttered Mina, leaving the kitchen and approaching the counter with a plate of shortcake. "All this time, Dad and I thought you enjoyed our company but here I find you were using us for money. How low!" The older woman frowned and folded her arms, keeping up the charade for a few more moments before smiling, scoffing a little. "I can't believe it, though. It seems like only yesterday, you were just a little five-year-old, knocking on our door before we opened and asking for a job."

"I-It does not feel like only yesterday, does it?" Cerise laughed awkwardly.

That had been an odd day for the owners of this small, local cafe. They'd just been lifting the chairs off the tables and setting them on the floor when there'd been a small knock at the door. Mina's father had moved aside the curtain that blocked the interior from view during closed hours, and seen a little girl with dark skin and blonde pigtails. And she'd just stared right up at him and said "Can I have a job, please?"

They'd taken her inside that moment and, after a bit of questioning, got her phone number out of her. Mrs Everwood had run to the cafe in a panic, having apparently woken up to find her daughter's bed empty – Cerise just said she had to be up early to job hunt.

Of course they couldn't actually, properly employ a five-year-old, but after Cerise had finished her week of being grounded, she was allowed to help Mina sweep the porch and dust the lower windowsills for about an hour a day. In exchange, she would receive one dollar. Then she was old enough to help wash dishes and work for two hours daily, and pay went up to four dollars. Slowly but surely, she was able to take on more and more tasks, until she was considered old enough to work part-time, with a set wage and a uniform and everything.

Eleven years straight, saving up the vast majority of her money and putting it into the savings account Alicia had made for her, and she was finally ready...

Just as soon as her last day was over.

Cerise glanced at the clock, biting her lower lip as she noted the time. Five minutes left of work... She'd been pretty excited earlier, but now...

-----​

"Cerise, could you come back here for a moment?" Cerise's boss called from the back room.

"Huh?" Cerise blinked, realizing too late that she'd zoned out. Mr Winton had already finished his cake and left. Which meant, Cerise realized as she glanced at the clock again, her last day at small, comfortable Clefairy Cafe was officially over. Her boss probably wanted her to hand over the apron and name tag, and to give her her final check of course. "Okay, I'm coming – Kyah!" she cried in surprise as she entered the back room.

Her eyes grew wider as she stared – in the back room, the unofficial break room, Mina, her father Clark, Alicia, Mr Winton, and a few other regular patrons sat around a large chocolate cake, broad smiles on their faces. Mina lifted a popper and pulled, sending confetti and streamers over Cerise's head. "You didn't think we'd just let you leave without a proper send-off, did you?" she teased.

"Wh..." Cerise mumbled.

"Well, I told Mina and Clark you wanted to get going as early as possible," Alicia spoke up just then. "So they decided to give you and Skitty a little going-away party tonight."

"Skitty's here too?!" Cerise cried. Her question was answered a moment later when the pink Pokemon nuzzled against her leg, mewing for attention. "Oh, sweetheart!" Cerise dropped down to pick her up. "Were you in the back this whole time I was working?"

"Nyaaa!"

"Ooooh, I'm sorry! It must've been so boring back here-"

"Er...actually, I was playing with her all day long," muttered Clark, holding up a ribbon attached to a stick. Cerise had to bite the insides of her cheeks to keep from smiling too much – Clark was a big, burly man, even in his older age, and the mental image of him waving a little ribbon around for five hours for a pink Pokemon was...

"Alright, alright, that's enough," Alicia said suddenly. "Let's hurry up and cut the cake!"

-----​

"So you're going for the Cute category? Well, you've certainly chosen the right Pokemon for it," Mr Winton said, scritching Skitty under her chin. Skitty purred in contentment, making Mr Winton smile before he went on. "But hearing your story, are you sure you don't want to try for Beauty? It was the category that first got your interest after all."

"Sor-ry, no can do!" Cerise held up two fingers in an X. "I want to be a champion alongside Rosetta, I want her to see me, not be my rival."

"Isn't the expression 'work until your idols become your rivals,' though?" asked Clark as he helped himself to another slice of cake.

"Well, yes...but as I said, I don't want us to be rivals. I want Rosetta to have her thing, and me to have mine. You know?"

"Nya!"

"See, Skitty agrees!" Cerise laughed.

"Is Rosetta still even competing, though?" Mina asked with a frown. "I mean, I've never kept up much with Contests, but I don't think many famous Contest stars last eleven years. What if she's retired?"

"Well..." Cerise's smile faded just a little as she looked down at her lap. It was true – Rosetta hadn't been heard from very much in the past nine years. She would enter the occasional Contest, still, but her fame had diminished a bit since Cerise had seen her. That should have been expected, with all the new stars and idols coming out, but it still hurt a little. On the other hand... "Her fanblog still updates from time to time, and she does make a few special appearances – last week I saw her on a daytime talk show with Sylveon! They're looking very well. So even if she doesn't compete much, she can still see me!" And really, that was what Cerise really wanted.

"Okay, okay, it's time to lighten up! Cerise, I have some things for you," Alicia said suddenly, snapping Cerise back to attention.

"Wait, no one said anything about presents!"

"Oh, no one had to bring presents – this is just something from a mother to a daughter." Alicia leaned sideways in her seat, then straightened again with a large black bag in hand. On the side of the bag was a shop name – one that Cerise definitely knew wasn't located in Rustboro City. "Mom! You got me something from Lilycove?! You didn't have to do that-!"

Alicia merely smiled and set the bag on the table in front of Cerise. Skitty hopped up from Cerise's lap to nose at it in curiosity. "Go ahead, look inside."

Cerise frowned lightly, but pushed back her chair and stood up. Looking at it directly from above, all she could really see was a lot of blue. And something that was clearly circular-shaped in the middle of something square – hey, wait a second! Cerise let out a squeal and shoved her arms into the bag, startling her poor Skitty and making her fur bristle. Mumbling a quick apology, Cerise struggled to pull the item out of the bag. "It's blue and it has shapes and you got it from Lilycove is this what I think it is aaaaaaah, it is!" Cerise screamed as she finally got the item out.

"A PokeBlock kit!"

As everyone else laughed, Alicia smiled and petted Skitty. "I know you said you had enough money to buy one yourself, but I wanted to at least provide one thing for you. Make Skitty good PokeBlocks, okay?"

"Nya?" Skitty chimed in.

Cerise just smiled broadly, hugging the kit to her chest. "Oh, Mom...I will!" she said cheerfully.

-----​

Hours later, however, her mood had done a 180.

It might have seemed strange to say out loud, but when she wasn't surrounded by smiling, familiar faces, when she was alone with her thoughts in the dead of night...It gave her time to really think.

It helped that she'd been unable to sleep for the past... Cerise glanced at her digital clock. It was one in the morning. So she'd been awake for all of the four hours since she told her mom she'd go to bed.

Cerise sighed and went back to idly stroking Skitty. The pink Pokemon lay curled up in a ball at Cerise's side, just like she had done every night for the past two years. She purred lightly and began to make biscuits, which lifted Cerise's spirits just a teeny bit. Skitty sure had grown, hadn't she? It felt like just last week she'd been a little kitten and Cerise was picking her up from a trainer with a box full of them, one very smug-looking Delcatty by their side. She'd brushed her every day, given her a weekly bath with sweet-smelling, Pokemon-safe soaps, slipped her Pecha berries on top of her dinner for a treat... And now here she was, her full size and ready to take on the world.

Cerise only wished she could say the same for herself.

She looked away from Skitty and out the window above her bed. The moon was full that night, offering some light even in the late hour.

"I'll have to sleep under that moon a lot," Cerise mumbled to herself. Sure, she wasn't heading out to be a trainer, but the cities holding the different-ranked Contests were rather spaced out. And Cerise definitely couldn't get a taxi to take her all the way there.

She looked away from the window and to the spot by the door, just across from her bed. Her rolling suitcase was packed and ready, her sleeping bag rolled up and secured to the top of it, and she'd managed to make room in the bag for her PokeBlock kit. And there was room to spare. She'd be fine. She was sixteen. She'd be fine on her own...without her house, or her room, or...

Or her mother...

She'd be fine.

With a groan, Cerise sat up, rousing Skitty from her sleep and making her meow in protest. "Sorry, Skitty," Cerise smiled weakly as she got out of bed. "Go back to sleep, okay?"

Skitty meowed again, but instead of immediately doing as told, she made her way to the foot of the bed. After kneading the blanket a few times, she turned in a circle once, and then nestled down to sleep. Cerise wasn't going to wake her up when she came back to bed, no sir.

Cerise chuckled under her breath and left the room. Some coffee would calm her down and help her sleep...It wasn't supposed to do that, but it did for Cerise all the time.

She stopped at the foot of the stairs, eyes widening. The light was on in the kitchen, a rectangular patch of it on the opposite wall in the hallway. Had someone broken in? But she didn't hear anything... Holding her breath, she cautiously walked towards the kitchen, nervously peering around the door frame.

And saw her mother sitting at the table, a hot mug of coffee between her hands. "Mom?"

"Oh, Cerise," Alicia gasped, looking up. "I didn't hear you get up."

"I couldn't sleep," Cerise explained, entering the kitchen properly. "Did you make an entire pot, or...?"

Alicia gestured to the coffee pot. "Over there. Help yourself."

Cerise nodded and went to get her favorite cup – a round cappuccino cup in the shape of a Jigglypuff. She couldn't pack it because of how fragile it was, which did upset her but breaking it would upset her far worse. She set the cup on the counter and set about preparing her coffee as slowly as possible. Half a cup of coffee, two sugars, and a bit of caramel creamer, just as she liked it. Her return to the table was slow too, and she realized that she was moving so slowly in order to prolong having to go back to bed and...

...sleep, and then wake up to find it was time to go.

Alicia smiled and reached across the table to squeeze her daughter's hand. "Nervous, hon?" she whispered.

"I guess..." Cerise mumbled. She lifted the cup to her lips, blowing on it gently before taking a sip. "It's strange," she added later. "I've been looking forward to this day nearly my entire life...the past two months I was so excited." And the calendar, with its big yellow star around the date and every weekend before that marked "X weeks til Contest Trip!" could prove it. "And now it's like...it's really happening, and I'm going to leave home. I won't see my room until I get back, I won't be able to eat your dinners, or walk past the neighbor's Mightyena on my way to work anymore – I don't work anymore!" she added. "And I'll just... it's a big step. Tomorrow, everything will be different..."

"Are you scared you can't do it?" Alicia murmured sympathetically.

"Hm-m." Cerise shook her head and took another, longer, drink. "It's not that. I know I can do it – I've been waiting and imagining and I've even practiced tons of cute poses with Skitty in front of the mirror! It's just...I won't be here. You know?"

Alicia silently sipped her coffee.

"I know it doesn't make sense but-"

"I felt the same way when I left home for the first time," Alicia said. She smiled as Cerise looked back up at her. "It's a strange feeling, being on your own for the first time. Relying on yourself, having to take care of yourself... Being independent is a little scary at first. And it's understandable that you're a bit nervous. I know you're not afraid you can't do it," she added as Cerise opened her mouth. "But it's more like...this is a big step, a new chapter in your life. And it's a strange, scary feeling, knowing it's about to happen.

"Oh dear, now I'm the one who's not making too much sense..." Alicia chuckled.

Cerise laughed along with her, then smiled down at her coffee. "No...No, it's just that it's a little hard to put into words, is all. But either way, at least talking about it has made me feel a bit better.

...I'm really going to miss you, Mom."

"I know, sweetheart. I'll miss you too..." Alicia's smile was sad as she finished the last of her coffee. "But you're coming home after this, aren't you?"

"Yeah."

"So it's not 'goodbye.' It's 'until next time.' And remember; if you ever need to come back home, at any time, I'll always be here to welcome you back." And then Alicia's hand was over Cerise's. "Don't ever think you can't come back."

Cerise's vision started to blur a little, and she sniffled. "Okay... I love you, Mom."

"Love you too, sweetheart." Alicia squeezed Cerise's hand and nodded at her cup. "Now...finish your drink, and go back to bed. You don't want to be tired for your big day, do you?"

-----​

And she wasn't tired as she stood in front of her mirror the next morning, carefully placing her pink beret on her head. She straightened her back, looking herself up and down. There was nothing like new clothes to start a new chapter in your life, right? She almost felt like a new person herself.

The girl in the mirror wore a light purple and pink capelet with a plaid pattern, secured closed with a round red (fake) jewel. Beneath that was a white shirt with long sleeves, pink stripes on the cuffs and a light purple ribbon belt with a bow at the side. The belt allowed the scalloped edge of her shirt to flare out slightly and lift enough to show the light purple layer beneath it. A long pink skirt with scalloped edges and lace covered her legs all the way to mid-shin, and on her feet were sturdy yet comfortable brown boots with red laces criss-crossing at the front. "Fashionable and practical," Cerise said with a smile. "What do you think, Skitty?" She turned away from the mirror to smile at Skitty, who sat next to the suitcase, waiting to go.

"Nyaaa!"

"Okay, just hang on one second..." Cerise mumbled and went to her nightstand. She ran the brush through her long, wavy blonde hair a few more times, then put in her earrings. They were made to look like she had two little cherries hanging on her earlobes. "Okay, your turn!"

"Nya?"

Cerise reached into her top drawer and approached Skitty. "You think I'd forget you? Hold still...there!"

Skitty sat there, dumbfounded, for a moment. Then she looked past Cerise and at her reflection. "Nya?" She smiled widely when she saw the pink scarf tied around her neck. "Nyaaaa!"

"If I get a new look, so do you!" Cerise grinned. Then her smile faded, and she scooped Skitty up in her arms. "Well...I guess we're done stalling, huh, girl?" She moved her arms a bit to allow Skitty to move up to her shoulder, then grabbed the retractable handle of her suitcase and headed for the stairs. "Here we go..."

-----​

In the early morning light, Alicia stood on the front porch and adjusted Cerise's hat a few times. "You have everything you need?"

"Yeah..." Cerise mumbled, a queasy feeling in her gut.

"You packed enough food and drink to last til you hit the next town?"

"Yeah."

"Healing items? You never know when you'll come across a wild Pokemon."

"I did."

Alicia straightened then, mouth twitching as she tried not to cry. "You'd better be going, then..." She said noting as Cerise quickly hugged her, just hugged with one arm and patted her head with her free hand. The two finally parted, Cerise giving a watery smile, and then Alicia watched her daughter walk down the short path leading to the road.

After a moment, however, she couldn't keep quiet. "Now – now you call me as soon as you reach Slateport! I don't care how late or early it is, just call me as soon as you get there!"

"I will."

"And don't talk to anyone who seems shady!"

"I won't!"

"Remember to eat breakfast every day! And – And I mean you eat well, too! You have a card and money in the bank, you can afford that! I don't want to find out you've been eating nothing but hamburgers and junk!"

"Nyaaaa!"

"Skitty, you keep her safe!"

"We'll be fine, Mom!" Cerise was already halfway down the road when she turned and yelled that. She waved, one arm high over her head. "Until next time!"

Alicia's wave was more subdued. "Yeah...until next time, hon."

Cerise watched her mother for a moment, until it was clear the woman wasn't going back inside til Cerise was out of sight. She inhaled deeply, exhaling from the mouth as she looked to Skitty. "Well, friend...Are you ready to become a Contest Star?"

"Nya!"

"Me too." And she took another step forward.

But this time, she didn't look back.

 

[Olive]

I normally don't venture into the whole review business, but I can't resist the opportunity to read a live story centered around contests. As such, here are my humble thoughts.

No wonder Cerise thought her a princess.

This line just feels a little off. The narrative here was following Cerise pretty closely and then suddenly we got this external observation, almost like someone else suddenly intruded into the story for a second.

"Skitty's here too?!" Cerise cried. Her question was answered a moment later when the pink Pokemon nuzzled against her leg, mewing for attention.

A skitty. Appropriate choice given the type of Contest she wants to work with. Original, nothing too fancy.

The moon was full that night, offering some light even in the late hour.

Very poetic. I have a thing for nighttime imagery with deeper subtext.

She looked away from the window and to the spot by the door, just across from her bed. Her rolling suitcase was packed and ready, her sleeping bag rolled up and secured to the top of it, and she'd managed to make room in the bag for her PokeBlock kit. And there was room to spare. She'd be fine. She was sixteen. She'd be fine on her own...without her house, or her room, or...

Or her mother...

She'd be fine.

You handled this bit of internal hesitation nicely. It's easy to create a perfect character about to go on a journey and then have said character leave home with either no doubts or include some superficial second thoughts just for the sake of attempting to humanize the character. This though just feels so real, the way she rationalizes her doubts on and off in her head.

Alicia smiled and reached across the table to squeeze her daughter's hand. "Nervous, hon?" she whispered.

"I guess..." Cerise mumbled. She lifted the cup to her lips, blowing on it gently before taking a sip. "It's strange," she added later. "I've been looking forward to this day nearly my entire life...the past two months I was so excited." And the calendar, with its big yellow star around the date and every weekend before that marked "X weeks til Contest Trip!" could prove it. "And now it's like...it's really happening, and I'm going to leave home. I won't see my room until I get back, I won't be able to eat your dinners, or walk past the neighbor's Mightyena on my way to work anymore – I don't work anymore!" she added. "And I'll just... it's a big step. Tomorrow, everything will be different..."

"Are you scared you can't do it?" Alicia murmured sympathetically.

"Hm-m." Cerise shook her head and took another, longer, drink. "It's not that. I know I can do it – I've been waiting and imagining and I've even practiced tons of cute poses with Skitty in front of the mirror! It's just...I won't be here. You know?"

Alicia silently sipped her coffee.

"I know it doesn't make sense but-"

"I felt the same way when I left home for the first time," Alicia said. She smiled as Cerise looked back up at her. "It's a strange feeling, being on your own for the first time. Relying on yourself, having to take care of yourself... Being independent is a little scary at first. And it's understandable that you're a bit nervous. I know you're not afraid you can't do it," she added as Cerise opened her mouth. "But it's more like...this is a big step, a new chapter in your life. And it's a strange, scary feeling, knowing it's about to happen.

The chemistry here feels so natural. The moments leading up to the conversation and then the conversation itself all felt exactly as one might expect the atmosphere to be under the given circumstances. Particularly how you managed to so naturally convey Cerise's inability to express her feelings. You've also done a very nice job of constructing Cerise's mother. I've seen more than a few parents in Pokémon stories written so one-dimensionally petty. While Alicia has been extremely warm throughout the whole chapter, she reads the way you'd expect a real mother to be. Anywho, none of this conversation feels contrived and it also works miles to humanize the characters.

Alicia straightened then, mouth twitching as she tried not to cry. "You'd better be going, then..." She said noting as Cerise quickly hugged her, just hugged with one arm and patted her head with her free hand. The two finally parted, Cerise giving a watery smile, and then Alicia watched her daughter walk down the short path leading to the road.

After a moment, however, she couldn't keep quiet. "Now – now you call me as soon as you reach Slateport! I don't care how late or early it is, just call me as soon as you get there!"

This is my favorite part of the chapter.

I particularly applaud your decision to write the first portion of this last section from the point of view of Alicia. In journey stories it's so easy to end up just seeing everything through the eyes of the journeyer, without ever seeing how their life choices impact those around them from an emotional standpoint. This little bit written from her mother's view gives the story such a warm, bitter-sweet feel. I also commend you once again on creating an entirely believable exchange. I have a thing for naturally flowing dialogue.

***​

Perhaps I'm biased because I like frilly-looking, non-gym journey stories, but I particularly enjoyed this chapter as well the larger story it portends. You give us a chapter to establish what Cerise's normal life is, what her relations are like, who she is. It's so easy to just plunge right in, but you keep things at an appropriately reasonable pace that provides an excellent foundation without bogging us down by trying to cram in too much exposition or character information. That really is what hooked me here; it all feels so natural. The motivation and the means are all here for a fantastic story. As such, consider me a captive fan.

 

[TwinklingCupcake]

Thanks sooo much for your reply! I'm glad I was able to hook you so quickly, I just hope I'll manage to keep that going for the rest of the story.

I had noted how so many journey fics were about battles and gym badges and the like, and while it's true that that's what we're doing in the games (or it's our main goal), I wanted to try a different angle. I haven't seen many Contest fics, so I thought I'd give that a shot. Glad you approve!

On that note...

-----​

Chapter 2: Lilac and Hazel

"Okay, so let's go over this one more time..." Cerise muttered to herself, checking her map.

She and Skitty were seated in a small ferry, bound for Slateport. Despite the ferry's smaller size, it was still bustling with people. Cerise sat in a booth by the window, allowing the early-day sunlight to filter in and illuminate the map she'd laid on the table.

There hadn't always been a ferry system, of course. In the past there was an elderly gentleman named Mr Briney who would offer people rides from his home outside of Rustboro to the seaside towns of Slateport or Dewford. But then some years ago, one of the young trainers he'd assisted had actually saved the world from being dried of its oceans...and somehow this led to a ferry service in Briney's name, him becoming the captain of the first of the ferries, and the business taking off. Cerise was a little foggy on the details.

She took a sip from her latte, tapping their destination with a fingertip. "So, Skitty. First we're going to Slateport to buy the Contest Costume..."

"Nya!"

"And we have to double back and head to Rusturf Tunnel, and it's a short walk to Verdanturf for our first Contest!" Cerise beamed as she leaned back in her seat. "Waaah, I'm excited!"

Just then, a chime sounded, and a woman's voice filtered over the PA system. "Attention, passengers. We are now approaching Slateport City. Please gather all your personal belongings and dispose of all trash in the proper receptacles. Have a wonderful day, and thank you for riding Briney Ferries."

Cerise quickly folded up the map and slipped it into the front pocket of her rolling bag. Then she stood up, grabbed the handle, and ran for the door leading to the deck. Skitty ran after her, just as eager as her coordinator.

The salt in the air tickled her nose a bit as she leaned over the railing outside, watching Slateport come closer and closer. "Waaaaah, it's beautiful!" she cried. A soft wind blew, lifting her hair a bit and threatening to make her hat slide back. Cerise reached up to hold her hat down, laughing a little as she did so. "It's just like the magazine photos, but better!"

At her feet, Skitty voiced her agreement.

-----​

"Hi there, please try our Sea Incense!"

"Welcome! We've a new shipment of medicine in today-"

"Does anyone wanna trade for an Eevee?"

"Protein sale! Protein!"

The ferry had docked near Slateport Market, which Cerise was awkwardly making her way through at the moment. It figured that she had to arrive during the rush...It felt more crowded here in this one area than it did in all of Rustboro, but that was probably because of how many shoppers there were in one contained location. And if she remembered right, some people would even come in from other cities and towns just to buy a rare item or medicine, so she had those people to account for too. She glanced over her shoulder at her suitcase, double-checking to be sure no one was nicking her PokeBlock Kit.

"Skitty, maybe you should ride on my shoulder now," she suggested.

Skitty, still trotting at Cerise's feet, looked up and meowed.

"I know, I know, but it's very crowded, and someone might step on you!" Cerise laughed at the indignant look on Skitty's face. "Now, come here, sweetie – that's it~!"

Despite the grumpy look on her face as she was lifted off the ground, Skitty began purring when Cerise transferred her to her shoulder. She made a small noise of contentment and nuzzled Cerise's cheek, making her laugh again.

"Drama queen," Cerise said affectionately. "Just don't make that pouty face when we're on stage; I don't think the judges would find it cute."

"Mommy, I want that Skitty!"

Cerise whirled around, a protest already on her tongue, but then she spotted another stand a short ways away. The stand was full of PokeDolls, and a small girl was holding a plush Skitty. Cerise suddenly felt pretty silly. Good thing she hadn't actually spoken up.

"Paige, I told you, you're getting it for your birthday! You can wait two weeks, now come on." The child's mother grabbed her hand and tugged her in the opposite direction. Paige mumbled a few protests, but obeyed.

Cerise made her way to the booth to take a look at the dolls, her eyes going wide. "Woooow, look at them all!" she whispered.

The woman running the booth chuckled. "See any you like, hon?"

"Yeah, all of them!" Cerise laughed. "Ah, but I only have so much room in my bag, I should only take one..." But how to narrow it down? She shouldn't take a Skitty doll, she already had the real thing. Maybe a plush Delcatty? No, but then Skitty herself would get the wrong idea...

"Excuse me, did you get the Tentacool dolls in?" a new voice asked as someone else came to the booth.

The saleswoman turned her smile towards the newcomer, a chubby girl with light brown skin, with an affectionate tone in her voice. "As a matter of fact, Lilac, I did! They're right over there," she added, pointing to one corner of the stand.

"Ah, thank you!" Lilac said, and moved to where the saleswoman was pointing. She stopped, however, as she caught sight of Cerise and Skitty. Her eyes widened a bit, a faint pink dusting her cheeks. "Awwww, your Skitty is adorable!"

"Thank you!" Cerise said, slightly caught off-guard by the sudden compliment. "That's the idea! We're entering the Contests."

"Ah, that's neat! I know a bit about Contests; we get a lot of coordinators coming to the new clothing store." Lilac looked away just for a second to pick out a plush Tentacool. "Since it's Skitty, you'll be in the Cute category, right?"

"Right!"

"I thought so! It suits you both," Lilac said with a small smile. Suddenly her eyes went wide and she turned bright red, waving a hand in front of herself. "A-Ah, sorry-sorry-sorry, that sounded weird-!"

"Not at all," Cerise chuckled. "Thank you."

"I-I'm Lilac Ashgrove!" Lilac said suddenly, thrusting out her hand. Unfortunately, she'd held out the one grasping the Tentacool doll. Turning even redder, she pulled that hand back and held out her other one instead. "Sorry."

"Cerise Everwood! It's nice to meet you!" Cerise shook Lilac's hand.

Lilac sure was cute, Cerise couldn't help but think. She had bright blue eyes that reminded Cerise of the ocean; and her dark, reddish-brown hair was cut to her ears, but one section in front of her right ear was longer, going slightly past the shoulder. That part was braided and secured by a pink ribbon.

She wore a light purple bolero with ruffles, tied in a knot at the top over a longer, white shirt with a scalloped bottom and collar. The edges of the shirt had a pink line following the scallops. Her pleated skirt was knee-length and a dark blue color, and she wore dark gray stockings over her legs. Her shoes were the same color as her jacket, simple slip-ons that still looked like they'd take a lot of travel.

"Are you a trainer, then?" Cerise asked, wanting to make more conversation.

Lilac flushed and shook her head. "No, I can't-"

The saleswoman cleared her throat. "Girls, I'm really sorry, but it's a busy day and I've got other customers-"

"Ahhhh, sorry!" Lilac cried. She dug into her purse and pulled out some money, laying it on the counter. "Keep the change! It was nice to meet you, Cerise, Skitty!" And with that, she ran off into the crowd.

"H-hey, wait!" Cerise cried. She cast one brief look at the PokeDolls before tearing her gaze away and running after Lilac. She could get a doll later... "Wait, excuse me!"

Lilac actually heard her, slowing to a stop and turning around, face still a bit pink. "Y-Yes?"

"Uhm – you said people came here to get costumes for the Contests? Can you tell us where the shop is?"

"Nya!"

Lilac blinked, then a shy grin appeared on her face. "I c-can do better than that!"

-----​

A few minutes later, the two of them stood in front of a modest building with impeccably-dressed mannequins in the window display. Some of the mannequins had plush Pokemon at their feet, decorated with some accessories, like a hat with ribbon, or a cape. Cerise suddenly felt a little self-conscious, just looking at them. Maybe she should have waited before getting Skitty a scarf...

Skitty, who at some point in their venture had jumped back to the ground, caught Cerise looking. She sat up a little straighter, meowing and puffing her chest out as if she knew what Cerise was thinking.

"Your Skitty really is cute though," Lilac said suddenly, breaking Cerise out of her reverie. Cerise looked at her; Lilac was gazing at the kitten Pokemon with an affectionate smile. "Where'd you get her? From a breeder?"

"Well, actually-"

"Would the two of you mind stepping out of the way?"

Cerise and Lilac turned around in surprise. Cerise blushed a little, realizing they'd just blocked off a business establishment again. Oops... "R-Right, sorry about that!" Cerise laughed awkwardly.

The other girl scoffed and tossed her short, curly black hair. "Thank you," she muttered, her tone exasperated. The Azurill in her arms warbled cheerfully as the girl walked through the automatic doors of the shop, leaving Cerise and Lilac alone again.

Lilac coughed into her hand, face red. "W-Well, here's the shop...They have very reasonable prices, and lots of styles and colors. I sometimes come here myself but I haven't gotten much nerve to buy anything..." As she spoke, she and Cerise walked through the automatic doors together. Lilac blinked when she heard the chime sounding; apparently she hadn't realized she'd been moving. "Ah-"

"Welcome!" the salesman called from the counter. "Let me know if you need anything!"

At the counter, the black-haired girl from earlier looked over her shoulder. Her expression showed clear distaste as she saw who it was. "Are you going to block my way out, too?" she said with a scowl.

"Riiii..." her Azurill chirped. The girl quieted it with a few pats to the head.

Lilac frowned and looked like she wanted to say something, but Cerise just smiled and waved her hand dismissively. "No, no, just here for a Contest costume!"

"A Contest?" The girl accepted a wrapped dress box from the salesman, then approached the others. She spared Skitty a passing glance, noticing the pink scarf. "Ah, so you're going for the Cute Contests, too."

'Too?' Cerise looked at the other girl's Pokemon, but it was Lilac who spoke up.

"Uhm...Cute is the perfect category for your Azurill, you know! Most of their moves are-"

"Yes, I know. I know all about Ruri's moves; I made sure to learn them when Papa and I got her from the breeder," the girl interrupted her.

Cerise wasn't surprised this girl had picked her Pokemon up from a breeder. Not that Pokemon Breeders were expensive or anything, but this girl didn't look like the type to just swing by someone selling babies, or catch a Pokemon in the wild. Her black hair was curled and styled perfectly without a hair out of place, and her white lace dress looked pretty expensive. Combined with her black cardigan, black stockings, and sparkling-clean white Mary-Janes, she rather reminded Cerise of some of the rich girls from TV.

"That's not your outfit for the Contests, is it?" the girl asked, raising her eyebrows.

"No, of course not! I'm here to get one right now, actually." She smiled and held her hand out. "I'm Cerise Everwood! What's your name?"

The girl stared hard at Cerise, her own blue eyes narrowed slightly. She was making no move to accept her outstretched hand. "Why are you telling me this?"

Lilac looked between the girls as Cerise spoke, frowning lightly. "Well, we're both going to be in the Cute Contests, right? We might run into each other, we may as well know each other's names."

"You're talking like you'll even be on my level," the other girl said, tapping her foot. "But fiiiine, I'll humor you. My name is Hazel Avalon, and this is Ruri. Satisfied?"

Cerise blinked. "Ahh..."

"Now, if you'll excuse me..." Hazel said once again, and side-stepped around Cerise. The girls watched as she walked through the automatic doors without a single look back. Azurill would be heard chirping quietly, as if wishing the others goodbye.

Skitty made her dislike clear by hissing a little at the closed doors, then icily licking one of her paws.

"What was her problem?" Lilac mumbled, though not unkindly.

"Maybe she was having a bad mood...Or a stressful day..." Cerise mumbled. She then shook her head and smiled at Lilac. "Enough of that! I need to find a costume!"

"Ah, I'll help! Two pairs of eyes are better than one!"

-----​

"Hmmm..." Cerise frowned as she pulled out a yellow dress with thick black stripes. It came with black gloves and matching hat.

Lilac, standing behind her, shook her head. "Not that one."

"Oh...okay, uhm...how about this?" She pulled out a spring-green number.

"If you want to enter with a Grass-type, of course but..." Lilac bit her thumb. "I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be mean, but...You should really try to coordinate with Skitty." Lilac pointed at the kitten Pokemon, napping on a nearby chair. "See, you want a cute outfit, and you want to try and match her colors. Something with lots of pink."

Cerise was looking a little pink herself.

"...er...you knew that, right?" Lilac asked sheepishly.

"Well...I usually only ever paid attention to Rosetta-"

"Who?"

"Never mind. But I only ever paid attention to her, not many other coordinators...I guess I didn't notice much about anyone else's clothes but hers." And at first glance, Rosetta didn't look like she was matching with Sylveon. She had looked more like a ballerina princess on her wedding day, and Sylveon didn't look a thing like that...But then again, Rosetta had just seemed to make it work. And...Cerise thought back to that fateful day. And there had been the way Rosetta's dress had shimmered in Sylveon's own opening move...maybe that had been the purpose of it. Matching and being accentuated by a move rather than Sylveon herself?

"I'm not even in a Contest yet and I'm already messing up," Cerise sighed morosely, putting the outfit back.

"H-hey, you're not messing anything up!" Lilac protested, nearly waking Skitty. She lowered her voice, her hands balled up into fists. "F-Fashion is a little tricky sometimes, that's all. Especially for Contests, because you have to look just perfect. And we've only just started to look for outfits, we'll find one to fit you. You're not messing up..." Cerise couldn't help notice how Lilac had been saying 'we,' instead of 'you' at some parts. "Come on, let's keep looking."

Cerise hesitated for a moment longer, then smiled. "Alright," she said simply, returning her focus to the racks of clothing.

"Remember. Call me if you need help~!" the salesman's voice drifted over the forest of clothing.

The next half hour was spent looking at various outfits. After Lilac's suggestion, Cerise tried to focus mainly on pink articles of clothing, but even then it was tricky to find the right look. There was a pair of overalls with short, poofy legs that, on second thought, both girls agreed would work far better for a Jigglypuff partner. There was a slim, evening dress that was far more suited to Beauty than Cute; a tutu with long white ribbon cufflets; Cerise was rather ecstatic to find a replica of Rosetta's own costume ("Too busy for a Skitty," Lilac said with another headshake. With a heavy heart, Cerise put it back), but finally, they seemed to find one.

Cerise stepped out of the fitting room, arms poised slightly away from her waist, ankles together. She smiled as if she were stepping out on stage, and did a small twirl. "Well?" she asked her audience of two.

"I think you look great," Lilac said with a smile and another light blush. "Skitty?" she asked the kitten.

"Nyaaaaa!"

"Guess that's a 'yes,'" Lilac chuckled.

Cerise took another look at herself in the mirror on the door. She looked...She looked...

She'd removed her hat for this, and had replaced it with a frilled white bow with a pink heart in the middle. The dress had short, puffy pink sleeves with a square, ruffled collar. Two rows of yellow lace went down the middle and towards her waist, which was encircled by a yellow ribbon and bow. The fabric between the lace was white, and below the ribbon belt, the dress split and flared out, its edges scalloped. The skirt was three layers of white ruffles that ended above the knee, and she wore ankle-height socks with lace. She'd swapped her boots out for pink Mary-Janes, a white lace cufflet was on her right wrist, and pink heart-shaped earrings finished the look.

She looked...

"Cute~!" both girls sighed.

"Nya~!" Skitty agreed.

-----​

"Thank you, come again please!"

"Thanks for shopping with me, Lilac! I really appreciate it!" Cerise said, looking at the other girl over her shoulder.

Lilac started, blushing again. "Ah, I didn't do much of anything though."

"You did!" Cerise smiled even more. "Your input was really important! If it weren't for you, I would have grabbed the wrong outfit altogether! And then I'd look like a real idiot up on the stage...You really saved me, you know that?"

Lilac stared for a few moments, then lowered her head, a shy smile on her face. "Well...if you say so...I hope I'll see you on TV sometime!"

"Oh, you definitely will!" Cerise laughed. She patted Skitty on the head lightly. "I'm hoping we can get to Verdanturf and our first Contest in the next two days or so. It might take longer if a wild Pokemon attacks us."

"Why's that?"

"Well, if we're attacked, Skitty is the only one who can defend us," Cerise said. "The other option is to run, of course, but that doesn't always work..."

"Wait." Lilac held up both hands in a 'stop' gesture. "Skitty...is the only one who-? You mean...you don't have any other Pokemon than Skitty?" Lilac's eyes were going wider and wider with each word. At Cerise's and Skitty's nod, she couldn't help but squeak in alarm and cover her mouth. All of a sudden, a barrage of horrible images came to mind. Cerise losing her footing in a cave and falling to certain doom, Skitty succumbing to poison and leaving Cerise unprotected, the two of them attacked by a Groudon of all things...

"Th-Then I'm coming with you!" she declared, pumping her fist in determination.

"Eh?" Cerise blinked.

"I have one Pokemon already!" Lilac reached into her pocket and withdrew a Pokeball as proof. "And he's more than capable of protecting all three of us if need be! Until one of us can get more Pokemon, anyway... But anyway! I can't, in good conscience, let the two of you go all alone. It helps to have someone watching your back..." she finished weakly, smiling a little. Now that the heat of the moment was gone, she was feeling a little embarrassed...

But regardless, Cerise and Skitty only had to exchange one look before nodding as one. "I would love to have you with us," Cerise said.

"Nyaaa~!" Skitty sang out.

Lilac blinked once. Twice. Then, slowly, another grin worked its way across her face, her eyes growing shiny. "A-Ahhh...thank you~!" She saw Cerise hold her hand out, and gratefully accepted it. The girls cemented their partnership with a firm pump. "Let's make great memories!"

The joyous atmosphere lasted all the way til the girls were on the ferry again, when Cerise suddenly let out a loud wail of horror.

"What is it?!" Lilac cried.

"I totally forgot to call my mom!"

 

[TwinklingCupcake]

Chapter 3: Registration

"You were supposed to call me earlier!"

"I knoooow, I'm so sorry!" Cerise bowed her head, eyes squeezed shut. Despite the apology and appropriate gesture, she couldn't help but smile. Even if she had just left today, it was still nice to know her mom worried about her.

Alicia's image was on the video screen, clad in a towel and with her hair wrapped up. Evidently she'd just gotten out of the shower when Cerise had called. Her face was still pink from the shower steam, a few stray hairs popping out from her hair-towel. And she was slightly winded; Cerise figured her mom must have ran to the phone to answer.

"You didn't call and I thought you might have missed your ferry! Or gotten lost, or worse!"

Cerise kept her head bowed but raised her hands in supplication. "Sorryyy..."

In the background, Lilac stood with Skitty at her feet, both of them staring at the exchange. Lilac scratched the side of her face; at least she knew her own parents wouldn't be so upset. She glanced down at the pink kitten. "Is her mom always like that?"

"Nyaa..."

"Ohhh, I see..."

"Oh, I made a new friend, too, see?!"

Lilac yelped as Cerise suddenly ran towards her and dragged her in front of the phone screen. She felt her face heat up as she saw Cerise's mother, and quickly straightened her back with her hands clasped at the waist. "H-Hello..." she mumbled. "N-Nice to meet you!" she added, bowing suddenly.

"So formal..." Cerise's mother mumbled, blinking awkwardly. Suddenly, she shivered and clutched her towel tighter around herself. "Listen, I need to get dressed, so I'm gonna let you go, Cerise. Call me when you get to Verdanturf."

"I will!" Cerise laughed.

Alicia just stared at her with narrowed eyes. There was a long period of silence before Cerise straightened up, much like Lilac had.

"I-I will!"

"Okay. You'd better. Love you, sweetheart," Alicia added the last part in a much warmer voice.

"Love you, too, Mom!" Cerise held her smile until the connection was cut off and the screen went dark. Then she sighed, shoulders slumping.

"Your mom really cares about you," Lilac noted later, as the girls were stepping off the ferry and onto the dock.

Cerise nodded, carrying Skitty in her arms. "Yeah...It's my first time away from home, so she's kinda nervous too."

Lilac chuckled sheepishly, privately thinking that 'nervous' was a bit of an understatement.

"How about you?"

"Huh?" Lilac looked up, blinking.

Cerise and Skitty were both smiling kindly at her. "What about your parents?" Cerise asked. "You didn't need to go back home to pack a bag, your call to your parents took about thirty seconds...You're okay at home, right?" she added with a light frown.

Lilac's face turned bright red as she realized what Cerise was suggesting. "A-Ah, I swear it's not like that, it's not as bad as you think!" she cried, waving her hands in front of her chest. She looked down at her feet then, moving her hands to clasp at waist-level. "They've just...they trust me, and they trust my Pokemon to look out for me-"

"Ahhh, you never told me what Pokemon you have, by the way!" Cerise gasped, straightening her spine. "What is it? Is it a flying type? Do you enter it in Contests, or do you battle with it?"

"Er, I don't usually battle with him unless I have t-"

"So it's a boy Pokemon?" Cerise's eyes seemed to sparkle. "Is it one of the Pokemon that looks different, depending which gender it is? Is it a Nidoran?!"

Lilac held her hands up, laughing awkwardly. "C-Calm down, Cerise! At l-least let me finish a sentence..."

"Oooh, sorry!" Cerise squinted her eyes shut as she spoke, briefly poking her tongue out as she smiled. "Sorry, I just got a little carried away..."

"Nyaa..." Skitty murmured, nuzzling Cerise's face.

"I-It's okay..." Lilac said, facing forward again. "You'll meet him later anyway – oh!" Her eyes lit up as the entry to the tunnel came into view. "Look, we're almost to Verdanturf! W-Well, not really but..."

Unseen by Lilac, Cerise's own expression faltered at the sight of the tunnel.

"Once we go through, we'll come right at at Verdanturf. B-But, ahaha, I'm sure you already knew that... Sure is lucky this is here, though. Used to be that you had to take the long way around, and that took a bit longer." Lilac was still talking as she approached the tunnel, not noticing that Cerise's own pace was slowing.

Cerise didn't seem to hear Lilac either. She just kept staring at the mouth of the tunnel, huge and black – like an actual mouth. She gripped the handle of her rolling bag a little tighter, swearing she heard a low noise. It sounded like something inside was moaning...

Against her will, she remembered a scary story she'd read as a child. It was about a group of children going to play in a spooky tunnel after dark, just because it was there and it was what cool, big kids did. None of them questioned why their parents told them not to play in that tunnel. Not until it turned out that the "tunnel" was really the mouth of a giant monster, who swallowed the kids whole.

Cerise shuddered, and stopped walking.

Lilac, on the other hand, kept moving, and was five paces inside the tunnel before she realized her new companions weren't following her. "Hm? What's wrong?" she asked, turning around in surprise.

All Cerise could see of Lilac was her shadowed form. She shivered a bit, briefly imagining the tunnel growing sharp teeth and closing around her. "Er...it's pretty dark in there..." she said. On her shoulder, Skitty gave her a strange look.

"Oh...well, it'll still be okay! See, look." Lilac pointed. "Because of all the trainers that come this way, they've got a nice, lit-up pathway. It'll be fine!"

"Mmm..." Cerise chewed her bottom lip.

Lilac noticed their silence and frowned, tapping her chin. "Hey, uhm...if it'll make you feel any better...I can let my Pokemon out? He'll help with any Pokemon we come across on the path, and if it's the dark you're worried about, he can use echolocation for us. Would that be okay?" Without waiting for an answer, Lilac pulled out a Pokeball and tapped the button to expand it. "Okay then!" The ball opened, there was a burst of light, and...

"Skreee!"

Cerise's eyes widened when she saw the Pokemon flapping in front of Lilac's face. A Zubat!

Lilac smiled warmly and held her hand out. The Zubat settled itself in her hand like a Tailow, a tiny smile on its tiny face. Now that Cerise looked at it holding still, it did seem smaller than usual... "Can you do us a favor?" Lilac asked. Getting a tiny screech in response, she said "My friends and I need to get through this tunnel. But it's a little scary...can you keep an eye out for us?"

"Skree!"

"Thanks!" Lilac held her hand up higher in the air, allowing the Zubat to fly off a little ahead of them. She turned and smiled at Cerise and Skitty, gesturing them to come closer. "Don't worry, he's got this!"

And that was how, minutes later, Cerise was walking close to Lilac's side, Skitty sitting on Lilac's shoulder and purring. The small Zubat flew about a foot in front of them, sending out little sound waves every now and then. Once in a while he'd fly back to the girls, as if checking to be sure they were still behind him, then fly back to his earlier position. The dim light cast eerie shadows all around them, it was much too quiet for comfort, and there was the occasional cry of a wild Pokemon from the darkness, but Cerise didn't feel as scared as she had before.

And she wasn't thinking about teeth suddenly closing on them either.

"Your Zubat's adorable," she whispered.

Lilac blushed slightly, a proud smile on her face. "Thank you. Did you hear that, Zubat?"

"Skreeee~" Zubat called back.

"He's kinda small though...is he a baby? Did you raise him yourself?"

"No, and sorta?" Lilac blushed deeper and twirled a strand of hair between her fingers. "I found him in Dewport's caves when I was a kid. I didn't have a lot of friends growing up, so I'd go to the caves to explore a little, or to get some quiet. And one day, I just...found him. Or he found me."

An affectionate smile appeared on her face. "When I would explore the caves near Dewport. I never went too far, except for like, one time. And it just so happened, that one time, I got lost. I didn't know which way I'd come from, or which way I should go, and I was just so turned around."

She remembered being younger, sitting on the damp floor of the caves, the air smelling like salt. She remembered how her sobs echoed around her and made her feel even more lost and lonely than she already was.

"And then this little guy showed up. He was just a baby himself, but he led me back out of the caves. At first I didn't really get why – yes, Pokemon are really great creatures, but I thought it was weird at the time. Then I went back the next day to see if I could still find him, and there he was near the entrance of the cave."

The Zubat flew back over to the girls, flapping in front of Lilac's face. She laughed and raised a hand towards him, and he playfully nipped her finger. "I didn't see any other Zubat with him. No Mama, Papa, or sibling Zubats at all. Just him. And then I realized – he must've been alone and scared too. Except he was alone and scared all the time. So when he knew I was there, he wanted to help because he knew how it felt." Lilac's smile softened as the Zubat settled on her shoulder, streaks of light appearing in front of them. "So I'd go to visit him every day, bringing food and toys and stuff...He didn't have a Pokeball, but he was as good as mine."

As the girls exited the tunnel, blinking in the sudden increase in light, Zubat let out a tiny "skree!" and flew over their heads. He hovered in front of Skitty's face for a few moments, making quiet noises as she playfully batted her paws at him. Then, almost playfully, he flew back to Lilac, nuzzling her face.

Lilac smiled, lifting a hand to pet the back of his head. "We've never been apart since then."

Cerise sniffled loudly, making Lilac jump. She wiped at one eye with a fingertip, eyes closed. "That was a beautiful story..."

"Ehh..." Lilac chuckled sheepishly. "What about you? How'd you get Skitty?"

"Oh, nothing nearly as exciting as you and your Zubat! Mom got her for me when we went out shopping one day. Someone's Delkatty had a bunch of Skitty kittens and they needed to give them to good homes. That's all." Cerise smiled and ran a hand over Skitty's back. "That's alright though. You don't need an exciting story when it comes to your Pokemon. Just love. Right, Skitty?"

"Nyaaa!"

Laughing, the girls walked away from the tunnel and further into Verdanturf. Cerise inhaled deeply through her nose, letting the scent of grass and trees fill her senses. It was such a lovely town, she couldn't help think. Green trees, green grass, flowers...She remembered another book she'd read, a much more pleasant one, with a place called the "Emerald City."

Right now, she thought 'emerald' described this place rather well.

"So what do we need to do first?" asked Lilac, jarring her from her thoughts.

"First thing is to find the Concert Hall," Cerise said, opening her eyes. "Then I get registered for the Normal Rank Cute Contest, learn when I'm going to compete, aaaand then we just find a place to stay."

Lilac stared, the hand petting Zubat slowing a bit. "You've got this all figured out, huh?" she said.

Cerise laughed, one hand behind her head. "It's not a big deal..."

"Nyaaa!"

-----​

They found the Contest Hall relatively quickly, close to the tunnel exit. Or was it entrance now?

"It's smaller than I imagined," Cerise said, looking around as they walked through the doors.

"Nya!" Skitty seemed to agree.

"What was the last Contest you went to?" Lilac asked.

"Seeing Rosetta and Sylveon was the first time I was at a Contest in person..." Cerise admitted, scratching the side of her face in embarrassment. "All the other Contests I saw were televised...I guess they don't show the lobby on TV, huh?"

"No, they do not," Lilac laughed. On top of her head, Zubat made more noises.

"What?!" a sudden, sharp cry startled the girls. Zubat shrieked and flew straight into the air, Skitty tumbled off Cerise's shoulder and into her arms.

The speaker was soon revealed to be a familiar dark-haired girl, who stood at the registration counter with one hand on her hip. Though her back was to the girls, they imagined she must be glowering at the poor receptionist. "What do you mean, 'tomorrow?' I came all this way, I got my outfit, Ruri's ready, and you're telling me you have no room for me to compete today?!"

The receptionist adjusted her small glasses and bowed her head. "I do apologize, miss. I know you're upset, but we already filled the Contests for today. There's some empty spots for tomorrow, so that's really the earliest we can-"

"And what am I supposed to do until then?"

"Well, Verdanturf is a very nice town with some lovely natural scenery and-"

"Ma'am, I'm from Mauville. I'm sorry, but with all Mauville offered, do you think I'm going to enjoy 'natural scenery' here?"

"It was just a suggestion..." the receptionist mumbled.

Hazel scoffed, turning her head aside. "Just put me down for tomorrow's Cute Contest anyway. I'll see if I can find some way to occupy myself til then!" With that, she turned on her heel and stalked towards the doors, faltering when she saw Cerise and Lilac. She blinked, then sighed, shoulders slumping.

"Great, it's you again..."

"Hi there!" Cerise smiled, holding up one hand in greeting. "Did you happen to see if there were still any empty spots for the Cute Contest?"

Hazel's brow furrowed. "How was I supposed to-"

The receptionist, having apparently heard them, called over from her desk. "We still have a slot for the eleven AM contest!"

"Oh, thank you!" Cerise called back. Then, still smiling, she looked at Hazel. "Is that the time you're competing?"

Hazel just glared, one hand on her hip while the other hand held Ruri. "Why?" she asked darkly.

"Well, it'd be nice to see more of each other, right?" Cerise asked, tilting her head. "And it'd be fun to see what each of us is capable of!"

Lilac just stared between the girls, a lost expression on her face. What was Cerise doing?

"Anyway," Cerise went on before Hazel could say anything further. "I need to sign me and Skitty up for the contest. I'll see and Ruri there! Bye – and bye to you, too, Ruri."

Ruri warbled happily, bouncing slightly in Hazel's grip.

With that, Cerise smiled and breezed past them, leaving Lilac and Zubat to stare after her in confusion. Then, suddenly, Lilac nodded once at Hazel, her face bright red, and followed after Cerise. She could feel Hazel's gaze on her back as she followed her friend to the counter, sweating slightly. That had been...strange. And awkward. Very awkward. Was Cerise just oblivious to the atmosphere?

"-here's your Contest Pass," the receptionist was saying when Lilac reached the counter. "You'll need that to get into the Contests. And here's a case for any ribbons you might win."

"Heee...'might' win," Cerise chuckled good-naturedly as she pocketed the Pass. "I'll definitely win ribbons, ma'am! Count on it!"

The receptionist laughed. "Well, I'll keep my eyes on you, then! Alright, so now that you're registered, can I put you down for the eleven AM Cute?"

"Yes, ma'am. Me and Skitty."

"Aaaaalright, you're in! Now, you'll want to come in early to get dressed up..."

A few minutes later, the girls were leaving the Contest Hall and stepping back into the cool air. A light breeze made Cerise's hair and skirt flutter, and Lilac held Zubat closer so he wouldn't get buffeted around by it.

"Well, now all I have to do is get to the Pokemon Center and call Mom-"

"H-Hey, Cerise?"

"Hm?" Cerise turned her head, blinking a few times. "What is it?"

Lilac frowned, taking a tendril of hair and twining it between her fingers. How was she going to ask this...? "That girl back there...Hazel?"

"Yeah?"

"...you know, she didn't seem very nice at all. I think she was trying to bully you a little, and you saw how mean she was to the receptionist. She even insulted this town!"

Cerise just stared blankly, prompting Lilac to continue.

"Doesn't that bug you a little?"

"Mmm..." Cerise thought for a moment, rolling her eyes skyward and puckering her lips. "It does a little," she admitted. "Like, she didn't have to be quite so rude-"

"See!"

"But...I dunno. I don't think that's all there is about her." Cerise placed a fingertip on her lips. "I mean, there were some things I sort of...noticed." She lifted her gaze back to Lilac. "Like, she said she was from Mauville. That's a long way from home! And I didn't see anyone else with her, so she's probably homesick and lonely."

Lilac decided not to point out that Cerise had been traveling alone too, and she'd been a lot nicer.

"And Mauville's got all this technology and is a more urban area than Verdanturf, so she's definitely not used to this environment...So all in all, I think she's just having a bad day. She'll probably feel better after she gets some sleep and we get to the Contest."

I'm not sure about that... thought Lilac.

"And even if she's not..." Cerise said, startling Lilac out of her thoughts. Cerise grinned, teeth showing. On her shoulder, Skitty mimicked her expression. "Even if she's not, there's no sense in lowering myself to her level~"

Lilac and Zubat just stared.

"Okay! Now let's get to the Pokemon Center already! I need to call Mom before she gets mad at me," Cerise laughed, skipping off.

 

[Beth Pavell]

Now first thought that occurs to me is this: why is "Moderation is about to get way more lemon-y" listed as a similar thread?

Technical Accuracy/Style
Technically there's nothing much to complain about - a spelling error somewhere in Chapter 3 and a missed word, but that's it. The style's ok - I get that it's supposed to be rather frothy and girly. Sometimes I found the anime dialogue a bit aggravating, possibly because a lot of it - especially Lilac's stuttering - comes right out of the anime dialogue playbook. Don't get carried away with it, I suppose I'm trying to say.

Oh, and I would recommend adding a table of contents

Story
Again, it's supposed to be kinda frothy and unchallenging, so that's fine. I like that you took your time getting the journey started, since rushing that bit has to rank among my biggest pet journey peeves. The meat of the story is really casual conversations between Cerise and Lilac, which in general I have a lot of time for. The story could definitely afford to slow down a little, mind. When you're writing something firmly in the slice-of-life camp, so much of the appeal comes from really being in that life. You don't need to move on as quickly as the "shonen" journeyfic would - in fact slowing down will likely be a positive factor.

Setting
Which brings me neatly onto your world. It's almost an afterthought. You generally describe the scene just enough for the plot to make sense, and then move on. You do trip yourself up with that approach when the scene transitions from the ferry to Verdanturf Tunnel. One minute there's the ferry, then some conversation and then the Tunnel, without any apparent passage of time or much walking in between. There's so much space in the pacing here to really give us a vivid, vibrant picture of how you see Hoenn. I suspect that the story will have a more of a bite to it if you gave the setting the same level of attention as you do your character's costumes.

Characters
They're ok. I think that characters can be excused for not grabbing the reader right out of the park - if they do, it's because they're got one big dramatic hook to them which instantly makes me suspicious. Lilac is kind of a pencil-sketch right now, which again, isn't a huge sin, so much as something to bear in mind. I suppose the one that stands out right now is Hazel. She's got more of the unthinkingly rude jerkiness to her than the irrationally hateful, which I appreciate in a rival archetype.

Final Thoughts
In general, it's ok. If there's one theme that pops up again and again, it would be my thinking that the story relies a little too heavily on the dialogue. The setting and the - what's the word? - visuals of the story support the conversations

 

[TwinklingCupcake]

Holy cow, Beth Pavell. I feel like I got visited by a celebrity.

Now first thought that occurs to me is this: why is "Moderation is about to get way more lemon-y" listed as a similar thread?

Oh, good, so it's not just me wondering that. I think because they both have "more" in the title?

The style's ok - I get that it's supposed to be rather frothy and girly.

Again, it's supposed to be kinda frothy and unchallenging, so that's fine.

I seriously can't thank you enough for this. No, I know that sounds sarcastic, but really.
My goal with this fic is to make something frilly, frothy, and girly - something I am totally not ashamed of, being a girly-girl myself - with a 'shoujo feel.' While I intend to have fun and hopefully entertain readers, I'm not trying to make a masterpiece or something deep.
So I really do have to thank you for acknowledging this.

Sometimes I found the anime dialogue a bit aggravating, possibly because a lot of it - especially Lilac's stuttering - comes right out of the anime dialogue playbook. Don't get carried away with it, I suppose I'm trying to say.

Which brings me neatly onto your world. It's almost an afterthought. You generally describe the scene just enough for the plot to make sense, and then move on. You do trip yourself up with that approach when the scene transitions from the ferry to Verdanturf Tunnel. One minute there's the ferry, then some conversation and then the Tunnel, without any apparent passage of time or much walking in between. There's so much space in the pacing here to really give us a vivid, vibrant picture of how you see Hoenn. I suspect that the story will have a more of a bite to it if you gave the setting the same level of attention as you do your character's costumes.

I think the 'anime dialogue' is something I'll really have to work at to get out of. I've mostly written for anime fandoms in the past, and sometimes the anime mindset is a little hard to get out of. I'll work on it, though, and hopefully the next chapter has a lot less of it.
Same with the world-building and pace. I got way too excited to get to Cerise's first contest that I forgot to focus a lot on the locations and worlds, especially in towns she makes a pit-stop in. Again, hopefully you'll think this will begin to get better in the next chapter. The next chapter will be the first contest, and I am slowing down to show how they work in this fic's world - if you're a coordinator, that is.
Since I'm going on the first R/S game logic and having the Contest Halls be spaced apart, I'll definitely be able to focus more on the other locations they have to pass through to get to them.

I suppose the one that stands out right now is Hazel. She's got more of the unthinkingly rude jerkiness to her than the irrationally hateful, which I appreciate in a rival archetype.

Hazel, I'm actually quite proud of for that. I'm going to have fun writing her in the future, and hopefully the readers will find her enjoyable the whole ride through.
I never liked the "irrationally hateful rivals" anyway. Just because someone is the MC's rival, doesn't mean they have to be horrible people or bitter enemies.

If there's one theme that pops up again and again, it would be my thinking that the story relies a little too heavily on the dialogue

I notice that's my big problem in my works. I'll work on that, too.

Thanks very much for the tips and crit, and I will definitely try applying them as I make chapter four!

 

[Beth Pavell]

Holy cow, Beth Pavell. I feel like I got visited by a celebrity.

Well, that's the strangest review response I've ever seen.

A few links I forgot to mention, since you're new:

The Welcome Hub, for the Workshop-specific rules (You haven't broken any)

The Directory, where you can find stories sorted by genre and have your own added to the list

The Review Game, where you give reviews to get reviews

Aaand the General Chat, where we talk about nonsense

 

[Olive]

My reactions to Chapters Two and Three. I'll say right off the bat that you managed to keep your momentum going from the first chapter. So kudos for that. Now for some specifics.

Cerise sat in a booth by the window, allowing the early-day sunlight to filter in and illuminate the map she'd laid on the table.

This line has such description that it reads almost poetically.

There hadn't always been a ferry system, of course. In the past there was an elderly gentleman named Mr Briney who would offer people rides from his home outside of Rustboro to the seaside towns of Slateport or Dewford. But then some years ago, one of the young trainers he'd assisted had actually saved the world from being dried of its oceans...and somehow this led to a ferry service in Briney's name, him becoming the captain of the first of the ferries, and the business taking off.

I understand the relevance of this line, and really do appreciate the world-building that it conveys, but I still found it to be a tad lengthy and just a little off tempo from the surrounding narrative.

She wore a light purple bolero with ruffles, tied in a knot at the top over a longer, white shirt with a scalloped bottom and collar. The edges of the shirt had a pink line following the scallops. Her pleated skirt was knee-length and a dark blue color, and she wore dark gray stockings over her legs. Her shoes were the same color as her jacket, simple slip-ons that still looked like they'd take a lot of travel.

While I've never been a fan of the stop-the-narrative-for-a-chunk-of-description way of describing things like characters and setting, your ability to describe the intricacies of fashion is particularly honed.

"I thought so! It suits you both," Lilac said with a small smile. Suddenly her eyes went wide and she turned bright red, waving a hand in front of herself. "A-Ah, sorry-sorry-sorry, that sounded weird-!"

"You're talking like you'll even be on my level," the other girl said, tapping her foot. "But fiiiine, I'll humor you. My name is Hazel Avalon, and this is Ruri. Satisfied?"

I see the strategy of giving new characters an interesting quirk to make them memorable (You've pulled it off better than M. Night Shyamalan), but both Lilac and Hazel still feel a little unrealistic, maybe like their quirks -- Lilac's flustered nature and Hazel's obligatory haughtiness -- were just a tad overplayed. Of course if the alternative was having bland, unmemorable characters I can see why the choice was made.

"If you want to enter with a Grass-type, of course but..." Lilac bit her thumb. "I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be mean, but...You should really try to coordinate with Skitty." Lilac pointed at the kitten Pokemon, napping on a nearby chair. "See, you want a cute outfit, and you want to try and match her colors. Something with lots of pink."

Despite its length, the dress shopping scene didn't drag on me in the least. You managed to really get to the heart of what would in all honesty be an integral part of the Contest process, while simultaneously avoiding any lengthy explanations of fashion theory. I was a bit curious as to why Lilac, a girl who doesn't compete, knows so much more about fashion than Cerise, whom I figured would have been studying Contest outfits, but there are a number of possible explanations. So I suppose I commend you on putting in a seemingly inexplicable thing like that to give the reader something to puzzle over.

"I'm not even in a Contest yet and I'm already messing up," Cerise sighed morosely, putting the outfit back.

This line seemed just a little out of character for Cerise. She's been so elated the whole time, this little bit of sudden defeatism just felt like an odd change of tone without any real foundation. Especially since she totally goes back to elation in her next line.

"I'm hoping we can get to Verdanturf and our first Contest in the next two days or so. It might take longer if a wild Pokemon attacks us."

"Why's that?"

"Well, if we're attacked, Skitty is the only one who can defend us," Cerise said. "The other option is to run, of course, but that doesn't always work..."

"Wait." Lilac held up both hands in a 'stop' gesture. "Skitty...is the only one who-? You mean...you don't have any other Pokemon than Skitty?" Lilac's eyes were going wider and wider with each word. At Cerise's and Skitty's nod, she couldn't help but squeak in alarm and cover her mouth. All of a sudden, a barrage of horrible images came to mind. Cerise losing her footing in a cave and falling to certain doom, Skitty succumbing to poison and leaving Cerise unprotected, the two of them attacked by a Groudon of all things...

"Th-Then I'm coming with you!" she declared, pumping her fist in determination.

"Eh?" Cerise blinked.

There are a couple of things I found note-worthy here.

First, this has been one of the few lines of dialogue that really did feel deeply contrived. As I read it for the first time I thought to myself, "Well, make it in two days as long as we don't get attacked" That's an odd thing to say right now. And then you tied it in -- quite fluidly I might -- to Lilac asking to come with her, and I realized, Oh, I see. Cerise needed to say that to give Lilac a reason to ask to be her travelling companion. It was clever, but it just felt much too unnatural in a story that has featured stellar dialogue.

Second, the sudden, mid-narrative switch in POV to Lilac was a little jarring. I had to go back and re-read this section to make sure I knew who was thinking. It's not a problem by any means, just a bit of a surprise at how sudden the shift took place. On a different note, I am curious to see how you pull off and utilize this pseudo-omniscient perspective in the future.

The joyous atmosphere lasted all the way til the girls were on the ferry again, when Cerise suddenly let out a loud wail of horror.

"What is it?!" Lilac cried.

"I totally forgot to call my mom!"

"Okay. You'd better. Love you, sweetheart," Alicia added the last part in a much warmer voice.

Another two perfectly crafted bits of dialogue. I also commend you on actually having Cerise not only recall her promise to stay in touch with her mother, but actually make it a part of the narrative. You could have dropped it and just left us to presume it's happening out-of-story. You actually showed it, and it works miles to give this story its overall feel.

Cerise and Skitty were both smiling kindly at her. "What about your parents?" Cerise asked. "You didn't need to go back home to pack a bag, your call to your parents took about thirty seconds...You're okay at home, right?" she added with a light frown.

Given what little genuine bonding we've seen these two share, this seems like an oddly personal question for Cerise to ask. I could see her wondering about Lilac's relations with her family mentally, but to outright ask her seemed a tad unnatural, particularly since Lilac faintly dodges the question and Cerise makes no attempt to press her or even give the matter further though. It just seems like it was forced here, and could have been touched upon more naturally at some latter point.

Ruri warbled happily, bouncing slightly in Hazel's grip.

The way you wrote a blissfully unaware Marill named Ruri as a contrast to Hazel's jerkiness was brilliant. I also commend you on a perfect implementation of the word "Warbled".

***
​

Like I said at the start, you managed to keep the story's initial charm from being lost, and that really is an accomplishment all on its own. There were some shaky lines of dialogue, and Lilac's insertion onto the main cast felt a little abrupt (As most traveling-companion-additions tend to be), but the vibe you've managed to give the story certainly overshadowed those moments. I look with great anticipation to see how you treat Cerise's first Contest.

 

[TwinklingCupcake]

While I've never been a fan of the stop-the-narrative-for-a-chunk-of-description way of describing things like characters and setting, your ability to describe the intricacies of fashion is particularly honed.

As someone who loves character-design and fashion, I always do try to describe a clear picture of important people for the reader. Some of the lesser characters - such as some of the random contest opponents - won't get as much description. I am glad to know I at least seem to be good at it, instead of halting the entire story for a wall o' text!

I see the strategy of giving new characters an interesting quirk to make them memorable (You've pulled it off better than M. Night Shyamalan), but both Lilac and Hazel still feel a little unrealistic, maybe like their quirks -- Lilac's flustered nature and Hazel's obligatory haughtiness -- were just a tad overplayed. Of course if the alternative was having bland, unmemorable characters I can see why the choice was made.

Much as I hate to trot out the old chestnut, I do plan to show other aspects to their personalities in future installments - including Cerise, which I'll mention below. Hazel especially will prove to be more than "just" a haughty rival, aaand there's going to be a reason for Lilac being flustered around Cerise.

I was a bit curious as to why Lilac, a girl who doesn't compete, knows so much more about fashion than Cerise, whom I figured would have been studying Contest outfits, but there are a number of possible explanations.

Ah, that's my bad. Simply-put, Lilac likes fashion. Even not partaking in Contests herself (though now that she's with Cerise, she'll be watching them), she does know a thing or two about color coordination. I should've shown that better - now that you mention it, I'm kicking myself for not having her just say "I like clothes."

This line seemed just a little out of character for Cerise. She's been so elated the whole time, this little bit of sudden defeatism just felt like an odd change of tone without any real foundation. Especially since she totally goes back to elation in her next line.

Now for Cerise. I'm trying to show that despite her elation and excitement for Contests, she is a bit nervous, it just tends to get lost in the "oh my God I'm really doing this eeeee" feelings. I'll work harder on that to make it less jarring.

The way you wrote a blissfully unaware Marill named Ruri as a contrast to Hazel's jerkiness was brilliant. I also commend you on a perfect implementation of the word "Warbled".

Oh, I'm going to enjoy writing about Ruri and Hazel's interactions. And thank you! "Warbled" is such a fun word.

 

[TwinklingCupcake]

Chapter 4: Normal Rank

--

“Okay, now we push this button...”

Skitty and Zubat watched as Cerise closed the lid and hit one of the buttons on her PokéBlock Kit. There was a low whirring noise, the buttons on the top lighting up. A few moments later, there was a ding! and the kit opened to reveal some small, pink cubes with bright red speckles.

Lilac emerged from the bathroom, day-clothes in her arms and her hair wrapped up in a towel. “The shower is free if you want it.”

“Okay.” Cerise barely looked up as she spoke, shaking the PokéBlock free and letting it fall into her hand. With a smile, she held her hand out to Skitty. “Eat up!”

“Nyaaa!” Skitty smiled broadly at Cerise before hopping forward and nibbling at the PokéBlock, making small, happy noises as she ate. Zubat just stared, making quiet, displeased sounds, wiggling his shoulders a little.

The girls had settled in at the Pokémon Center about an hour earlier, claiming one of the smaller rooms for their own. Once there, they tucked into some of the snacks Cerise had brought with her from home rather than go out again for dinner, and had just spent the evening unwinding.

Lilac settled in front of Cerise, toweling her hair dry as she watched Skitty finish off the treat. “What's that?”

“PokéBlocks. They're really good for improving a Pokémon's appearance in contests – shinier coat, cleaner teeth, brighter eyes... Some magazines I've read said that sometimes they seem to improve a Pokémon's aura or something, but I don't know if that's true or not.” Cerise leaned to the side and grabbed a magazine she'd been reading, PokéGlamor. She flipped through the pages until she found the article she wanted and passed it to Lilac, who took it curiously. “See, right here. All the Contest Coordinators swear by them.” Cerise grinned as she withdrew her hand and shook another PokéBlock free.

Lilac read over the article. “'Don't Be a Blockhead – Use a PokéBlock?' Does it work that fast?”

“Well, no, it's not an overnight thing. You have to put them in your Pokémon's diet or give it them for a treat. Have them eat some over time, you know?”

Lilac skimmed the beginning of the article before she glanced at her Pokémon. “Can I give one to Zubat?”

“Sure. Gimme your hand.”

Lilac held out her hand for the PokéBlock, then passed the pink treat to Zubat, who sniffed at it delicately. “What's this one?”

“These are Pecha-flavored PokéBlocks – they're really sweet. They're good for making your Pokémon cuter. I'm not entirely sure how it works, but that's how it is.”

Zubat finally leaned forward, apparently having been satisfied with his sniffing, and carefully took the PokéBlock in his mouth. He chewed for a few seconds, then recoiled, mouth opening slightly. Tiny little hacking noises emitted from his mouth as he shook his body a bit, until he finally spat a chewed-up, soggy mass on the floor.

“Zubat!” Lilac cried, but Zubat wasn't listening. He just gagged again, then flew over to a little bowl of water in the corner of the room to wash the taste of his mouth.

Cerise winced sympathetically. “I guess he doesn't like sweet ones?”

“I guess not...Sorry, Zubat. But that was still bad, what you did!” Lilac called over. Zubat just screeched over his shoulder at her and went back to drinking. “There are other flavors though, right?” asked Lilac.

“Oh, sure. Spicy ones, sweet ones, sour ones..combinations...there's a lot of flavors, so there's a little trial and error involved. I just lucked out with Skitty liking sweet PokéBlocks. And Skitty, that's gross...That's not cute at all.” Cerise groaned and squeezed her eyes shut so she wouldn't have to look at Skitty eating Zubat's leftovers.

Skitty just made a little “mrr” noise and finished eating. She sat back, licking her chops and purring happily.

“Alright, come on, Skitty. Bed time.” Cerise stood up, scooping Skitty up as she went.

“Aren't you going to shower?” asked Lilac.

“Oh, I'll do that in the morning. Do you want to wake up with me or come to the Contest Hall later?”

Lilac thought for a moment, frowning. Finally, she said “I'll come by later. I'll have to talk to my parents when I get up, and this way I'm not distracting you.” Her face softened into a smile. “Good luck tomorrow!”

“I won't need luck!” Cerise laughed.

-----​

Cerise lay awake in bed, staring at the ceiling, Skitty was curled up in the crook of Cerise's arm, purring quietly in her sleep. A lot like the night before; the irony wasn't lost on her.

But this time it wasn't wholly because of nerves or fear – oh, sure, some of that was still there.

After all, she'd traveled pretty far in just eighteen hours. Okay, so the towns weren't that far apart, especially with the tunnel system to serve as a shortcut, and with the ferry able to shuttle trainers and tourists back and forth so quickly. But it felt...it felt like she was much further away than she was. Away from her mom, her room, her Jigglypuff cup, as silly as it was to think about a cup in times like this...

But she wasn't just overwhelmed or nervous. She was also excited.

This was something she'd wanted since childhood. She was going to be like the cute version of Rosetta! She was going to walk onto the stage, with its polished floors and a big pink ribbon painted in the center, golden spotlights illuminating her... She was going to look like a pretty princess, Skitty at her side...

Lilac's phone buzzed on her nightstand, but Lilac didn't wake up. Cerise ignored it and kept imagining how the next day would go.

“No jitters,” she told herself. “Just confidence...I can do this!”

Jitters...she wondered if that girl, Hazel Avalon, had jitters. Probably not, she seemed so put-together and classy, rich people didn't even get nervous, did they? What did they even have to be nervous about?

Cerise's mind kept on skipping around, making her next thought seem a little out-of-the-blue, even to her. She'd been all smiles and politeness when she spoke to Hazel – both times. She'd told Lilac that it was because she was sure Hazel was just having a rough day, and “no need to stoop to her level” but the truth was... The truth was, she just had experience with irritable people. One didn't work behind a register for years and not run into those people. So despite the smiles and assurances that things were fine, Cerise honestly wasn't so sure she could keep it up.

Unless Hazel had changed her attitude a little by tomorrow, but Cerise wasn't sure how likely that really was.

Lilac's phone buzzed again.

Cerise rolled onto her side, taking care not to disturb Skitty. Her gaze fell upon Lilac, curled up under the covers with her hands near her mouth, her hair fanned out on the pillow. Above her head was Zubat's Pokéball, Zubat himself napping inside. Both of them were going to see her tomorrow. Her second group of fans... Cerise couldn't help but smile.

The phone buzzed again and was still slept through. Cerise's last thought as she finally shut her eyes was that she hoped this wasn't anything too important.

-----​

The next morning, Cerise showered, breakfasted, and after leaving a reminder for Lilac, went off to the Contest Hall. It was a little more crowded this time, and Cerise had to dodge and weave around people as she made her way to the desk. She smiled, a little out of breath from both exertion and excitement. “Hi! Cerise Everwood, for the Cute Contest?”

The woman at the desk, the same as before, smiled and nodded in recognition. “Welcome! You're the last one to arrive.”

“I didn't want to be too early...” Cerise laughed awkwardly.

The receptionist chuckled and then stepped back, opening a small door for Cerise to join her on the other side. “Come with me through those back door please?” she said, pointing to the double doors behind them.

Cerise stepped through the double doors and into a...well, there was no other word for it: salon.

It was a white room with lights that managed to be bright but not harsh, and a row of sinks and bath stations against the wall adjacent to the doors. The baths ranged from tubs the size of kitchen sinks to showers that looked like one could park a car in them. Those larger baths had shower curtains around them, to block off most of the water. Each bathing station had a mirror somewhere nearby it, be it directly in front and above it, or right next to it. Along another wall was a shelf lined with shampoos and soaps especially for Pokémon, and some brushes, combs, and even make-up on the shelf below. Along another wall was a counter with hair-dryers and even more combs with a row of mirrors above it. And the last wall wasn't a wall at all, but rather a row of stalls – fitting rooms, Cerise realized.

She'd seen pictures of these rooms in PokéGlamor, so she'd known what to expect, but to actually be inside this place...It was something else. It wasn't just about the smell of shampoo and soap in the air, the occasional blast of warmth as someone used a hair-dryer, or the sound of excited voices around her. It was a feeling of accomplishment.

Being in this room, making her way to a sink – this was what made her realize I'm finally doing this. I'm not just getting a pass and saying I'll do it later, I'm here, I'm doing this!

“The Cute Contest begins in about thirty minutes,” the young woman said to Cerise, knocking her form her reverie. “During that time, you'll have to make both yourself and your Pokémon presentable. Do you think you have enough time for that?”

“Sure!” Cerise said, a little too loudly.

The woman just smiled indulgently. “Alright. Now, you see we have plenty of sinks to choose from, so pick any you like. I would suggest that you get Skitty ready first, then get dressed yourself. If you have make-up, feel free to put it on in the fitting room. If not, you may borrow some of ours. Someone will let you all know when there's five minutes til Contest, and will call you once more when it's time to come out. Good luck!” And with those words, the woman turned and left the room.

Cerise waved her off, then took a deep breath and turned to the sink she'd stopped at. “Okay, Skitty,” she said, untying her scarf. “You ready for a bath?”

“Nyaa!”

Cerise didn't say anything further as she turned the water on and waited for it to heat up. After testing a little on her wrist, she set Skitty in the sink, grabbed a nearby soft bristle brush, and began washing her. Okay, this part would be easy. All this was was cleaning and making them both pretty so they'd look good on the stage. It was no different from pageant contestants applying make-up and styling hair.

And, she realized as she glanced up to grab her Pokémon shampoo, some of the ladies were doing just that. Probably for the Beauty category.

As she washed Skitty, she listened to the various voices around her; men and women of various ages and personalities calling out to their Pokémon and each other.

“Hey, that was my brush!”

“Don't move, I dropped my contact!”

“Are you done using this dryer?”

“Scoot over!”

“Don't worry, Ruri, you're better than all of these plebeians.”

Cerise blinked at the familiar voice and name. She looked up and leaned over a bit to see over a little girl and spotted--

“Hazel!”

Hazel stood two sinks down, Ruri happily floating in a sink full of bubbles. The girl stiffened, then looked towards Cerise. As soon as she did, her expression darkened in distaste. “What?” she called back.

“Just saying hi! Are you and Ruri excited for the Contest?”

“What are you trying to do, psyche me out?” Hazel spat, her hands still gentle as they rested on Ruri's head. “Because it's not going to work!”

Skitty growled quietly as Cerise's hands stilled. “I'm really not trying to do that. I just want to be polite.”

“Well, quit it already! In case you haven't noticed, we have less than an hour to prepare for the contest, and I need to focus on Ruri. So stop distracting me!” She turned her gaze back to the Azurill, muttering quietly under her breath.

Cerise sighed, rinsing Skitty off. Well, so much for that...

“I'm excited!” a small voice came from Cerise's left.

Cerise looked down to see a young girl, probably no ore than eight years old. She had short, brown hair held back by thin pink barrettes, and black eyes. She was already dressed in her Contest outfit, but wore a smock over it so Cerise couldn't see it too well. In front of her, sopping wet, was a Zigzagoon. “Ziggy and me are gonna be in the Cute contest! Daddy's gonna watch me.”

“How nice!” Cerise said, clapping her hands together. “Is this your first Contest?”

“Uh-huh! I'm real excited! Which Contest are you in?”

“I'm in the Cute Contest too!” Cerise smiled. “Looks like we're competing together then!”

“That'll be fun!”

Cerise finished rinsing Skitty and turned off the water. She looked over at Zigzagoon and the girl, noting how the Pokémon was still in the sink. “Do you need help carrying him to the drying station?”

“Nuh-uh, I've got him. Thank you, though!” the girl said, gathering him in her arms and jumping off the stool. “See you later, lady!”

Cerise smiled as she watched the girl go. From the back she could get an idea for what her Contest outfit looked like: the brown, cap-sleeved top and the mass of fluffy, frothy white tulle below made the girl look something like a walking cupcake.

Well, she decided, talking to a friend fellow competitor had certainly made things nicer. Her mind was blissfully carefree as she dried Skitty off a few minutes later, carefully running a hand through her fur to fluff it a bit. That part done, she took Skitty with her into one of the fitting rooms to remove her smock and change into her Contest Costume. Her normal clothes went into a bag, and from there went into a locker next to the changing station. She adjusted Skitty's pink scarf, switched out her own hat and earrings for the bow and the diamond hearts, and just as she was stepping out of the fitting room--

“Five minutes to Cute Contest! Contestants, please come forward!”

Cerise took note of who else was joining her as they all walked forward. There was the little cupcake girl, of course, Ziggy wearing a little bow tie under his chin. There was Hazel, clad in a blue and white dress that might as well be made of bubbles or clouds, especially in the layered skirt and puffy white sleeves. She had wrist-length, frilled gloves, white stockings, and blue slippers with pale blue faux-pearls on the sides. Red pearls sat in the center of the dress's neckline, and Cerise could see a delicate-looking silver tiara atop her head.

Hazel's eyes shifted to meet Cerise's, making the blonde look away. Staring was rude, staring was rude...

The only other Contestant was a tall, brown-skinned man in a three-piece tuxedo. He ran his fingers through his thick black hair nervously, while his other hand cradled a little Luvdisc.

“Alright, everyone!” a voice rang out, snapping Cerise to attention. “We're ready for you!”

The four of them marched out of the room and down a hall towards one of the stages. After being instructed to wait in the shadows until their names were called, they were left alone.

“Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the Normal-Rank Cute Contest! Let's give a warm welcome to our trio of Judges for this competition, as well as our local Nurse Joy!”

Cerise took a deep breath through the nose and looked down at Skitty. “You ready?” she whispered.

“Nyaa!”

“--and a warm welcome to our Contestants!”

In front of them, Hazel stiffened, shoulders tense and spine ramrod-straight. “Be quiet,” she hissed. “You'll make us miss our cues.”

The group fell silent again, listening and waiting for their names to be called. The first called out was the man – Enrique Rodriguez , his name was – and his Luvdisc. The audience roared their approval, and then it was Hazel and Ruri's turn. Hazel tossed her hair, the light catching on her tiara, as she walked onstage to the sound of cheers. At Cerise's side, the little girl tensed up and drew a deep breath.

“Number three, Andy Laurent and Ziggy!”

The girl – Andy – ran onstage, Ziggy at her heels, to the sound of applause.

“We're up...” Cerise whispered.

“And finally, Cerise and Skitty!”

Cerise stepped onstage, telling herself she was calmer than she was, a broad smile working its way across her face without her notice. The lights were bright, nearly blinding as she turned to the crowd and waved - Just like Rosetta did. Rotate the wrist slightly, but make it cuter - spread the fingers out more and smile brightly, not demurely. She slowed her steps as she approached the end of the row, Skitty prancing and mewling around her feet as she batted an imaginary ball of yarn. When Cerise stopped, so did Skitty, sitting on her haunches and using her paw to wash behind her ear.

The audience continued cheering; Cerise almost felt like it was a wall of applause hitting her in the chest. She smiled even brighter, straightening her shoulders and clasping her hands at waist-level. Her face felt warm as the smile lingered on her lips. Good job, Skitty!

From the corner of her eye, she spotted the judges' table; there were three of them, two men and a woman in suits. The woman and one of the men looked to be near the same age; late twenties to mid-thirties. The woman had her hair pulled away from her face and had lipstick on. The other man looked old enough to be someone's great-grandpa, with a fluffy white beard. They were glancing quickly between the Contestants and something on their table, probably their notes. Then, just as quickly as they had looked away, they turned their focus back to the stage.

“Alright, Cerise will be going first! What's Skitty going to do?”

Wait, first?!

Cerise froze, staring blankly, hands gripping tighter than ever.

The MC stared, lowering his mic a little. The silence pressed around Cerise as Skitty pawed at the ground, mewing. “Cerise?” the MC whispered, hand over the microphone. “Are you alright?”

She was first. She was first.

All her eyes would be on her – not just the audience, but the Contestants. The first move was what everyone else based their own moves off of. First moves could be an advantage to the Coordinator, or to the opponent, could make or break a performance.

And she was first.

“Cerise?” the whisper was harsher now.

Okay, calm down, it's okay...You can do this, just think, think--!

“Underpants.”

Cerise blinked, the tension leaving her hands and shoulders.

”Pantaloons.”

Pantaloons?! Cerise bit the inside of her cheek.

The MC, apparently not hearing, cleared his throat. “It appears Cerise needs a moment to--”

“Fffft – ahaha!” Cerise suddenly laughed, eyes squeezing shut and a hand covering her mouth. The MC, Skitty, and the mystery whisperer fell silent, the MC staring as Cerise continued giggling, nearly doubling over. “Ahaha – aha – ah, Skitty, Sing!” she managed to get out between bubbles of laughter, finally straightening up again.

Skitty skipped forward a few paces, tilted her head back, and began singing. Her body swayed slightly, head tilting as she continued her little ditty, heedless of the way the Luvdisc behind her shrank back.

The MC began speaking again, over the tail-end of her song. “Ah, it seems this was another performance of Cerise and Skitty before they made their first move! A bit unorthodox, but we'll see what the judges have to say. And what an adorable little song we have! Let's see if the other Pokémon can top that!”

As Skitty sat back on her haunches and waited for her next turn, Cerise exhaled deeply, one hand rising to her chest. That was much better...But the question was, she thought, glancing sidelong to the other three Contestants, who exactly had done that?

“And it seems Luvdisc is hiding behind Enrique, too nervous to make a move, oh, you hate to see that happen the first round,” the MC said. “Now what's Hazel got in store for--”

“Charm them, Ruri!” Hazel yelled.

“Ruuu...” Ruri hopped forward, blinking up at the judges. She continued warbling quietly, a tiny, cute smile appearing on her face, her body rolling forward ever so slightly. “Ruuu~!”

At Cerise's feet, Skitty tensed up a little.

“It's okay, Skitty,” Cerise whispered. “It's just a little--”

“And what an adorable Charm!” the MC cheered. “I think our judges are taken with this little guy!”

“Nyaaaaa...” Skitty quivered as she lowered herself to the floor, paws over her nose.

Cerise made a sympathetic noise in her throat, looking from Skitty to Ruri. The blue Pokémon was bouncing back towards Hazel, chirping happily when the girl bent to pat her head. “You'll do fine,” she whispered. “It's only Round One, we'll be okay.”

“Ziggy, Tail Whip, please!”

Andy's Zigzagoon didn't move forward like the others. He stayed put, blinking owlishly up at her as his hindquarters shook a little, swishing his fluffy tail back and forth.

“Ziggy!” Andy's cheeks puffed out as both laughter and aww's filled the area. “You're supposed to go to the Judges!”

“Roo?” Ziggy paused in his movements, turning to look at Andy over his shoulder. Then his eyes went wide and he began to run to the Judges, but it was too late.

Between laughs, the Judges were already marking on their clipboards, and motioning for the MC to continue.

Ziggy sank to the floor, growling despondently.

Andy just smiled, revealing a missing tooth, and patted his head. “Next time, okay?”

“Round One is over! The Judges are now beginning Round Two, with Cerise and Skitty!”

Cerise knelt down to pet Skitty's head for a second and whisper to her. “Okay, just like we used to practice...”

Skitty edged forward, dragging one of her paws on the floor as she went. She stopped, gently nudging at a spot on the floor before she looked up and locked eyes with the Judges. Then, with a tiny mew, she slowly blinked her eyes and began purring.

“Is this what I think it is?” the MC's voice rang out.

Skitty purred and approached the side of the Judges' desk, nudging at it and meowing as if she wanted to be picked up.

“It is! Skitty is using Attract! And – oh, hey now, sir! You can't pet the Pokémon during a contest, it's bad form!”

The elderly Judge withdrew his hand from Skitty's head, clearing his throat and turning red. Skitty just looked proud of herself and returned to her place, head held high and tail swishing behind her. When she reached Cerise, she took a moment to circle her ankles first, then sit in front of her as she was supposed to.

As the MC commented on a cute return to her place, Cerise focused on her Pokémon. “Good job!” she whispered, feeling the tension that had settled upon Ruri's first move finally leaving her. If they could keep this up, she thought, barely noticing Luvdisc's own Charm, they'd be golden. “How are you feeling? Still nervous at all?”

Skitty shook her head, puffing up a little. “Nya!”

“Not this time? Let's keep this up, then!” Cerise looked up and watched as Ruri hopped forward, awkwardly balancing atop her own tail and wobbling back and forth. According to the MC, it was another Tail Whip, but it certainly wasn't any kind of Tail Whip Cerise had seen before.

She glanced over at Hazel, who watched her own Pokémon intently, still as a statue. Didn't she know how to relax at all? It was past time for nerves, and things were going great for them so far, so what was going on?

“And with Ziggy too nervous to make a move, we let the Judges make their marks, and move on to the next round! Let's start with Luvdisc!”

The Luvdisc hopped forward, batting its eyes at the Judges and wobbling to and fro, adding little swishing movements. A faint blush could barely be seen on its pink cheeks, and the audience started cheering at the Charm. Cerise took a second to look down at Skitty, holding her breath--

But Skitty just remained where she was, head high and chest out, staring pointedly ahead. Cerise sighed in relief; an anxious Pokémon wouldn't do for what she had planned next.

“Skitty, you're up again!”

“Disarming Voice! We're almost to the end!”

One tiny, high-pitched note sounded from Skitty's mouth, as if she were begging for a treat. She rolled over onto her back, briefly pawing at the air before returning to her feet and going back to Cerise. Cerise crossed her fingers.

The audience's cheering intensified, filling Cerise's ears and nearly drowning out the MC announcing Ruri's turn. Almost, almost, we can do this!

“Ruri, Water Sport!” Hazel yelled before the MC could speak.

A small fountain of water went up, like a small leak in a garden hose.

Cerise tensed again. A Combination!

One of the things PokéGlamor talked about was Combinations. And Cerise had seen plenty of Combos when she watched Contests on TV or the internet. She shot Hazel a smile. Clever!

Hazel glanced her way, then tossed her hair and looked ahead again.

Cerise sighed. Okay...

“Luvdisc is too nervous to perform!”

“Ziggy is too nervous to perform! Last Round!”

Luvdisc shook itself and hopped forward, sending a spray of water into the air. The droplets fell around it like tiny diamonds, and the heart-shaped Pokémon shook a bit, as if taking a shower. The Judges nodded, marked their clipboards, the audience cheered...

And then it was Skitty's turn.

“Last move, let's make it count! Do Sing one more time!” Cerise whispered as she sent Skitty forward.

Skitty hopped around a bit to avoid the puddles created by Luvdisc's Water Gun. Once again, she began to sing, a little mewling tune that was higher-pitched than her first attempt. She batted at the waters' surface as she sang, deliberately tapping her paws to the tempo of her song. Near the end, she circled around herself and looked up at the Judges, coming forward to rest her front paws on the side of their desk. As the Judges smiled indulgently, Skitty let her head tilt from side to side, then hopped back.

It was done.

Cerise exhaled as Skitty returned to her, and looked at the other two Contestants. Andy was petting Ziggy, who was curled up in a ball at her feet (“Ziggy seems to be too nervous? Or maybe he's just napping, it's a little hard to say...”) and Hazel...

Hazel thrust her arm out. “Ruri, Water Gun! Finish the combination!”

Ruri hopped forward once...and then just sat there, wobbling slightly.

Hazel's arm slowly came down. “Ruri? Ruri, come on!”

“Riiii...” the Azurill slowly turned around, fixing Hazel with a watery stare.

“Ruri, we practiced this, now come on!” Hazel snapped, lowering her voice to a harsh whisper. “Water Gun!”

Ruri turned back around, hopped forward another space, and then... Turned around and bounced back to Hazel. “Rururuuuuu!” she wailed, leaping into her flabbergasted Coordinator's arms. She buried her face in Hazel's voice, chirping quietly as Hazel looked around the stage, a bit lost.

“Ruri is too nervous to compete! This concludes the final round in the Contest!”

”What?!” Hazel shrieked, but her voice was drowned out by the audience's cheers and the MC's talking.

“Now, while the Judges look over their marks and add up their points, we would like to remind you all to stop by Pauletta's Pizza, one of our gracious sponsors! Remember, people and Pokémon love Pauletta!”

Hm, pizza does sound pretty good right now... Cerise thought to herself, licking her lips.

“And it looks like our Judges are finished! Let's take the mic over to Mr Yamada...”

Silence fell as the elderly gentleman stood up to take the microphone. He cleared his throat, tapped a few papers together.

Cerise held Skitty in her arms and held her breath.

“The winner of today's Normal-Rank Cute Contest is...

Cerise Everwood and her Skitty.”

The man spoke so calmly and matter-of-fact that at first Cerise didn't register what he'd said. Then the arena exploded into cheers, and Cerise nearly fell backwards, eyes wide. “Really?!” she shrieked, making poor Skitty meow in protest. “Really really?!”

“Congratulations, Miss Everwood!” the lady judge approached her, a simple, pink ribbon in her hands. “Your Ribbon Case, please?”

“Are you serious, I won?!” Cerise squeaked, numbly handing it over.

Behind the Judge, Hazel scoffed and looked away.

The woman just smiled. “You did, indeed.” Pinning the ribbon onto the plush cushion of the case, she added “I hope to see more of you in the future, Miss Everwood.”

“O-Oh you will!” Cerise gasped, blinking as her eyes started stinging for some reason. “Thank you, thank you so much, thank you! H-Hey, Lilac!” she screamed towards the audience, even though she couldn't see where her friend might be sitting. “I did it! See, I did it! We did it, Skitty!”

The Judge walked off with an indulgent smile, allowing Cerise to clearly see Hazel. The blue-clad girl stood there, glaring idly at nothing, tell-tale motions indicating she was chewing on her cheek. Ruri was still in her arms, being held tenderly despite the expression on Hazel's face.

Cerise blinked, though not because of her tears this time, and approached her. She smiled sheepishly as Hazel looked up. “Hey, it was a great Contest!” Cerise said, holding her hand out for a shake. “If you'd done the Combination, I bet you'd have beaten me! You've really done well with Ruri.”

Hazel just stared hard at Cerise, then at her hand, then back at her face.

She made zero motion to take her hand.

“I would have beaten you,” she said simply, her voice icy. “Don't get used to this – next time we compete, you won't be defeating me.” And with that, she breezed past Cerise, head high and shoulders squared.

Cerise just stood there with her hand in the air for a few moments, then sighed. I can't say I didn't try... Then her eyes widened. Wait...next time we compete? She turned around, watching Hazel's back as the girl walked out of the warm spotlights and into the shadows cast by the curtains. This means...

Cerise laughed, pressing the hand holding her Ribbon Case to her forehead.

...I have a rival!

-----​

 

[Beth Pavell]

First things first, I'm quite glad I'm enjoying reading this as much as I am. I'm not usually much of a fan of shoujo at all

Technical Accuracy/Style
I quite like your prose in general. It's straightforward and gets the job done nicely. I can see that you're not trying to sound clever for the sake of it. As far as the accuracy is concerned, just a case of one or two silly typos

Story
I have to say, I am pleasantly surprised. The Contest turned out to be very readable. It's nicely paced, overall. I especially liked the attention to detail in the preparation. If I had to come up with something to say about it on pain of death I suppose I'd be a bit sceptical about how long you can keep your adaptation of the contest format going ... but then, I suppose that depends on how complex you're going to make the combinations and the like.

Characters
I liked that Cerise is actually thinking about wanting to be this ace Coordinator, instead of it being stated as a motivation and then more or less forgotten about. Er, let's see ... Hazel isn't a bad character in herself, but I'm not really all that bothered about her as a rival at the moment. Perhaps I'm not supposed to be, but there it is

 

[TwinklingCupcake]

First things first, I'm quite glad I'm enjoying reading this as much as I am. I'm not usually much of a fan of shoujo at all

That makes me pretty proud of myself as a writer! Thanks!

I quite like your prose in general. It's straightforward and gets the job done nicely. I can see that you're not trying to sound clever for the sake of it.

You know, this will sound so weird, but that couldn't have come at a better time. Lately I've been doubting my prose skills, thinking it's too bland or flat or simplistic, because I see so many other people getting popular and beloved while writing more poetically. It's been getting me down lately, and is something I have trouble changing without sounding like I'm being...less genuine, I guess?
So to hear you say that is a big confidence booster, thank you.

Hazel isn't a bad character in herself, but I'm not really all that bothered about her as a rival at the moment. Perhaps I'm not supposed to be, but there it is

I'm a little confused by this, though. You mean, like, you're not like "Grrr, rival"? or you're not like "Aw, too bad they're not friends?"

 

[Beth Pavell]

I prefer prose that's more straightforward in general. I certainly wouldn't suggest trying to spice your style up if it's really not something that comes naturally. I can think of at least one author that can write a lot more poetically than me, so I can relate.

I mean, there's nothing wrong with experimenting with words, or trying to emulate something you like to see what happens. That kind of noodling around can be good for growth as an author. Point is, if you try and write in a style that just isn't yours - particularly if it's more poetic, or verbose - chances are it'll come across as contrived and awkward.

I'm a little confused by this, though. You mean, like, you're not like "Grrr, rival"? or you're not like "Aw, too bad they're not friends?"

More a case of "Oh, they're rivals. Eh." Thinking about it again, I wouldn't take that as a problem so much as something to be mindful of. Hazel being a bit of a jerk and Cerise being a bit of a pollyanna means that there's not going to be much to get invested in, at this point

 

[TwinklingCupcake]

5. Two Dreams
----

Lilac grinned to herself as she and the other audience members shuffled out of the stands. Her palms still stung a bit from how hard she'd clapped for Cerise, both at the beginning and the end of the Contest. She hoped that would stop eventually – she didn't want stinging palms every time Cerise entered or won a Contest.

And she knew there would be at least three more. That was what PokeGlamour had said in its article, right?

As she finally stepped out of the row of seats and onto the stairs leading to the door, she fished her phone out of her pocket and turned it on. After a minute of 'waking up,' the phone's screen lit up to reveal a Tailor holding a tiny envelope in its mouth. Lilac's heart sank a bit at the text underneath.

You have thirty-two unread text messages!

Holding her breath, she tapped the screen to open the messages. Sure enough, all of them were from her parents.

Lilac, remember to ask a LADY if you need any help.

Lilac, don't eat junk food all the time, please. I've done some searching online and found a list of healthy and organic restaurants nearby for you.

Don't use hotel soaps, most of them are very corrosive and you'll get a rash!

You didn't call me this morning, are you okay?

And so on and so forth.

Lilac sighed, opening the latest text message (asking if Cerise was a nice girl and was Lilac sure she wasn't a bother by coming with her) to reply. It took a little effort so she didn't walk into someone or hold up the line by accident, but she eventually managed to write a good response.

Dear Mom,

I am doing just fine. Zubat is a good companion, and he and Cerise's Skitty will protect me if it comes to that. Cerise is really nice so far. She just won her first Contest, so now we're going to the next town.

I told Cerise you trusted me and would be alright with me journeying, and she's okay with me coming along with her. I don't think it would be good for either of us to travel alone.

Love,

Lilac

The last sentence, before the "Love, Lilac," she added at the last second. Her mom would certainly agree with that, maybe she'd calm down. The line finally moved out the door and into the lobby, and just as she was about to pocket her phone, it buzzed with a new text.

Lilac,

Oh, I do trust you, dear! I trust you and Zubat so much, but sometimes a woman worries when her daughter isn't home and doesn't even call her before bed. I trust you but please keep in touch, and don't talk to strangers.

Love, Mommy

"Liiiiiiilaaaac!"

Lilac only just managed to pocket her phone before she was jumped on by Cerise, now clad in her everyday wear. She fell back a few paces, bringing her arms up to hold onto Cerise so she wouldn't drop her. "C-Cerise!" she yelped, face hot.

Cerise kicked her legs a few times in excitement, still hanging above the floor. "I did it! I did it, I did it! Did you see – oh, of course you saw, you were right there – I did it! And oh my gosh, those other Pokemon, too! They were amazing!"

"Nyaaa!" Skitty chimed in. She ran past Cerise and over to Lilac, placing her front paws against her calves. "Nyanyaa!"

"We did it!" Cerise laughed again.

"Y-Yes, you did, but please get down, you're hurting me..." Lilac wheezed.

Cerise dropped heavily to the floor, hugged Lilac for a second longer, then let go. Her face was flushed with excitement, her eyes shining as she pulled away. "My heart's still pounding, oh my gosh," Cerise whispered. "Lilac, you should have seen it – the lights were so bright I could barely see the audience, and it's so clean and shiny and the spotlights, wow-" She suddenly gasped, freezing where she stood. "I've got to ask Mom if she saw! I'll be right back! C'mon, Skitty!"

Before Lilac could stop her, Cerise ran off for the phone in the corner of the lobby, Skitty at her heels. leaving Lilac with Skitty. Lilac sighed in an affectionate exasperation. "Yes, hello-goodbye to you too," she laughed under her breath.

A movement in her peripheral vision caught her attention. Well, admittedly there was a lot of movement around her, this being a crowded lobby, but this was different.

Because there was no mistaking that shade of blue after she'd seen it illuminated onstage.

Lilac looked off to the side to see Hazel standing a few feet away, Ruri in one hand and her cell phone in the other. She was standing so Lilac was viewing her from the side, Ruri looking up at her in concern.

"Yes, Papa, I know, you don't have to keep telling me." She fell silent, apparently because her father began speaking. Hazel's profile frowned deeply. "No, she was perfect! Ruri never-"

This time she stopped speaking because she suddenly looked next to her and saw Lilac staring at her. Lilac turned a vivid red at being caught, but Hazel didn't have anything to say to her. She just sneered a bit, turned her back to them, and stormed off. She began speaking again - angrily, but Lilac couldn't hear what she was saying anymore.

"I hope I didn't make her too mad..." Lilac mumbled.

*****​

"-and look at her, she's so happy!" Cerise held Skitty up to the video screen to illustrate her point. Both her and Skitty's faces were still flushed with post-Contest excitement.

Alicia laughed, clapping her hands together. "I knew you could do it, sweetheart!" she crowed. "You did wonderfully!"

"Did you see the whole thing on TV?" Contests were shown on live TV, with various categories and ranks being on various channels. Cerise had told her mother what time her Contest would be the night before, making her mother promise to tune in.

"Of course I did!" Alicia laughed again. "What do you take me for? I told all your friends at Clefairy Cafe to watch, too-"

"Oh my gosh, really?! What'd they think?"

"Well, Cerise, I haven't called them yet," Alicia pointed out. "But I'm sure they loved you both!" After waiting for Cerise to finish giggling excitedly, she asked "Do you know what you're doing next? Will you be staying in Verdanturf for a little longer, or are you heading out right away?"

Cerise adjusted Skitty in her arms, petting her soft back as she considered it. "I think we'll be in Verdanturf for the rest of the day, leave in the morning," she said. "We'll head out towards Fallarbor for the next rank." And, before Alicia could tell her so, Cerise added "Of course we'll take the time to enjoy ourselves and sight-see on the way!"

"Send me a souvenir when you can," Alicia said, eyes glinting.

Cerise was about to say more when she felt something tugging at her skirt. "I'm sorry, I'll wrap this up in-" she began to say, when her gaze landed on the little brown-haired girl from the salon. Andy! Cerise realized. "Hey, Mom, I've got to go now, I'll text you later! Love you!"

After Alicia bade goodbye and a 'Love you too, sweetheart,' Cerise set the phone back on its hook and turned to grin at Andy. "Hi again!"

Andy grinned back, just as a huge, muscular man approached behind her. "Daddy and me were wondering if you could come to our shop with us," she said.

"You have a shop?" came Lilac's voice as she finally found Cerise again.

"Sure." The deep rumble to the man's voice made the girls jump in alarm. But he didn't seem to notice, just smiling and picking up Ziggy in his huge arms. "Would you mind coming by? We've something we want to give you."

*****​

Ten minutes later, the girls were approaching a small brick structure a few roads down from the Contest Hall. Cerise could smell berries in the air the entire walk over, and when they reached their destination, she could see why. Next to the small shop was a huge, fenced-in area that was full of berry bushes. Some of them were already ripe and ready for picking, a few of them looked as though they'd just been planted. There wasn't a bug, wilted plant, or a filching Pokemon in sight either.

Andy's father caught the girl staring and grinned, clapping a meaty hand down onto her head and displacing her cap. "That's what we use for our merchandise," he said. "Best to have it grown right next door to us, yeah?"

"Yeah?" Cerise said, wondering just what exactly she was agreeing with.

"I told Daddy you were entering the Contest for the first time," Andy suddenly piped up. "And he said you were probably going to try to enter all of them. Are ya?"

"She is!" Lilac blurted out before Cerise could stop her. Cerise flushed and smiled, nodding.

"I've entered five times before," Andy went on. She was about to say more when Cerise cried out in shock.

"What?!" Now Cerise was feeling guilty... All she could imagine was poor little Andy, entering Contest after Contest with Ziggy, not winning any of them. She briefly wondered if maybe she should have known that earlier. Then maybe she could have thrown the Contest somewhere, given the girl a chance to win.

Wait no, if she didn't win then Hazel definitely would, and Andy would still have lost...

"I'm sorry," Cerise said at last, wringing her hands at waist-level. "I had no idea..."

"Oh, it's okay! I don't try to win anyway!" Andy said, opening the door and making a little bell jingle. "We run a shop that sell shampoos, soaps, and conditioners! That's why I enter so much, to promote the store!"

Cerise and Lilac looked around in awe. The shop was small, and they could easily see everything just from standing in the front door. But it was lined with shelves from floor to ceiling, and every shelf was packed with brightly-colored bottles. There was a nice smell in the air, somewhere between fruity and floral, filling the senses without overpowering them. A counter and register stood opposite the door, next to another, open door. The girls could see a sink and tub inside the smaller room.

"Grrrr..."

Lilac looked down to see a Linoone tensed underneath an end table by the door. It saw her looking and tensed further.

"Linus! Behave!" cried a new voice. A young woman with short blonde hair rushed out from the back room, wiping her hands on her pink apron. "I'm so sorry! He doesn't like strangers. Linus, get out from there, stop harassing the customers!"

The Linoone – Linus – didn't respond, just kept staring at the girls.

"Linus!" the blonde shouted.

Lilac just smiled and crouched to her knees, holding her hand out. "Hi there," she whispered. "Don't worry, we're not going to be here for very long. We'll just be in and out, okay?"

Linus slowly relaxed, staring at Lilac.

Lilac's smile widened and she slowly reached for Linus, ducking down to reach under the table better.

Andy's dad cried out "I wouldn't do that-!" but Lilac's hand was already against Linus's head. The Linoone relaxed, purring slightly as he leaned into Lilac's touch, nuzzling her palm before licking it a little, much like a kitten.

"Good boy," Lilac crooned, ceasing her caresses and standing back up, ignorant of the family's stares.

Cerise glanced between Andy and her father. "What's going on?" she whispered.

"Linus hates strangers," explained Andy's father. "Like Stacey said. And he's a biter." He looked past Lilac towards Linus, who had now curled into a ball and begun to doze. "I'm surprised he didn't take your hand off!"

Lilac's face turned rosy. "I'm good with Pokemon," she said simply. Then, feeling the weight of everyone's staring a bit too much, she turned redder and coughed into her hand. "Uh, you wanted us to be here for something?" she mumbled.

Cerise blinked, remembering herself. "Yeah!" With a bright smile, she turned towards Stacey, eyes gleaming. "Your dad and sister invited us out here to see your shop! It's really nice in here, by the way."

Stacey blinked a few times before turning pink, smiling and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Oh, ah, thank you," she said. "We just started a year ago."

Lilac and Skitty were looking at the bottles in interest. Lilac turned one over to read the back. "Organic?" she read.

"Yup, all our soaps and shampoos are made from berries," explained Andy's father. "We make it all here in the back."

Cerise's eyes lit up. "Ohhh, I've heard about doing that! PokeGlamour says that the natural juices and chemicals of the berries help make your Pokemon healthier and more appealing from the outside too! It's kind of like PokeBlocks, but from outside and it doubles as a way to get them clean," she added to Lilac.

"That's right!" the man said, puffing himself up a bit. "And you know what? We'd like you to take some of our products, free of charge."

"What?!" everyone sans Andy cried.

"Dad!" Stacey whispered loudly. "We can't afford to- Andrea, tell him!" she added.

Andy just shrugged.

Cerise frowned. Can't afford?

The girls' father just pointed to the back room, looking at Cerise. "Follow me. I'll get you a freshly-made batch."

Cerise glanced at Stacey as she passed. Stacey was biting her lower lip and frowning, but why, Cerise didn't know. She had a feeling she could figure it out, though...

The smaller room had little else besides a tub, sink, and buckets of berries. There was a shelf with more bottles along one wall, but Cerise could tell they were empty. The man shut the door behind them and went to the tub, glancing inside. It was half-full of a thick, creamy light green substance. "Oh, good, Stace made enough," he said. "You're entering the Cute contests only, right?"

Cerise nodded, realized he couldn't see her, and then said "Yes." As she watched him select a pink bottle and start scooping the mixture into it, she sniffed the air. Wait, this was... "Watmel berries?" she asked.

The man smiled sadly. "Yep. My wife's favorite scent, and favorite berry. She used to make perfume and shampoo out of it, just for her to use. That's where we got the idea for the shop."

Used to. "I'm sorry for your loss," Cerise said.

"It's alright...it was a few years ago. We've mourned, we've accepted it, trying to keep her interests alive with this..." He straightened, capping the bottle and shaking the mixture to the bottom to settle. "But there's a problem. Did you see how many customers we have?"

Cerise blinked. "But the shop was empty when – ohhh..." she whispered, eyes widening.

He smiled, pressing the bottle into her hands. Up close, Cerise could see printed on the front was 'Adeleine's Addition.' That must be the name of the brand and store. "So. I have a favor to ask of you. You're going to the Master Rank, aren't you?"

"Absolutely."

"Then use our products on your Skitty. Make sure the others in the salon see what you're using. Call us when you're running low and we'll send more, free of charge. All you have to do in return is try to spread the word. Do you think you can do that for us?"

Cerise stared a few moments longer, hands tightening on the bottle. She glanced down at the label again, then at the man. After another pause, her neutral expression became a determined smile. "I'll do better: I'll namedrop you on television," she swore.

Andy's father grinned.

*****​

"Really, Dad?!" Stacey cried after hearing about the deal. They all stood outside the shop, under a blue sky. "You really think this is okay?"

"You bet it's okay!" Cerise cried before anyone could say anything. "I'm going to go all the way to the Master Rank with your stuff, and...and I'll even tell Rosetta about you!" she promised.

Skitty and Lilac's eyes widened. Andy just tugged her sister's sleeve and whispered "Who's Rosetta?"

"I'll tell you later, Andrea," Stacey whispered back. Then she fixed her attention back on Cerise, frowning. "You swear you're not going to to use any other shampoo on Skitty? What if you change your mind?"

"Are you kidding?! Why would I ever?" Cerise knelt down to pet Ziggy, marveling at how easily her fingers ran through his thick fur. "See how nice his coat is? How he has no knots of tangles or mats?" Then, not caring how it must look, she leaned forward slightly to sniff between Ziggy's ears. "See how nice he smells? I'm definitely not going to switch to any old store-brand.

"I'm going to keep Adeleine's Addition going for you! So watch the Contest channels, because I'm going to mention you every chance I get!" Cerise declared.

Andy laughed and hugged herself. Her father just smiled, and Stacey seemed a bit taken aback. Cerise's determination grew.

"I'm going to make two dreams come true. I promise."

 

[Beth Pavell]

I'm not quite sure how this one slipped by me, but what the hell, I'm caught up now

Technical Accuracy/Style
I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I really like being able to relax when reading a story and not keep mentally picking at awkward flow or odd sentences. I don't get that here, and that kind of stylistic smoothness is very difficult to teach, so huzzah. Oh, I did spot what looked like an autocorrect error

reveal a Tailor holding a tiny envelope in its mouth

Setting
Hmm ... nothing I'm going to rave about, but then this chapter isn't really one for a lot of setting based exposition. It's a nice touch that you've obviously thought about the trappings of the Contests and what it would mean to people who aren't Coordinators

Story/Characters
I like it, I mean I'm really not a huge fan of shojo girly frothiness at all. But I think it's how you write frothy but not ... what's the word? Juvenile? The personal conflicts are pitched down in the story as well, where so often in fanfiction melodrama takes over. I'm interested to see where you go with some of the parental themes here, not least because I don't think I ever really got them right in The Long Walk

Adeline's Addition is a clever little subplot, looks like that will fit in rather nicely with the story

 

[System Error]

All right, so because I was a judge in the awards and decided to read ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING in the Journey Category and maybe more, I guess I'm reviewing this! Let's give this a shot, shall we? This is going to be a bit more constructive/nitpicky than is usual for me because of that role, although I'll still include my personal thoughts at the end. Although that said, this is one of the ones I didn't officially judge. But I read it anyway!

I'll be giving point-form comments on each chapter, as well as a general review after them.

Spoiler: C1

- I like how there is consistency with how the moves work in-game - Misty Terrain being a Beauty move that works best if done first, and the princess going first.
- Noted you used the same "caught the light" description twice.
- I find it a bit silly that a big Contest fan wouldn't know about the different categories.
- Referring to Cerise's mother by her real name was a bit awkward in certain spots, particularly in the part about the savings account. Sometimes, just using the pronoun of [Cerise's] mother is better.
- Scene transition from the party to the night scene felt a bit odd.
- It might have seemed strange to say out loud <- Narration in-general feels a bit strange at times which I'll get to, but this line in particular stood out. Who's saying this out loud?
- There's some inconsistency with end quotes at the end of paragraphs, namely with ...knowing it's about to happen. and "Oh dear, now... ~ as well as ...has made me feel a bit better. and ...I'm really going to miss you
- Going to Slateport first? Wouldn't it make more sense to go through Rustturf Tunnel - I'm guessing Rustboro due to it being mentioned here.
- Now – now / And – And <- More inconsistency.

This one was a decent enough opener...if dangerously on the fringe of the pitfall of many journey fics - rushing to get out of the gate. If not, outright rushing the start too much. Initial impressions were that you're good at worldbuilding. It's different - seemingly game canon with its own twist in how it's apparently uncommon for coordinators to venture out of one category. Really not much to say about this otherwise.

Spoiler: C2

- Well, this chapter explains why she's heading to Slateport first, although a bit too late. I still stand by it being a bit awkward, but just an inconsequencial nuance in the grand scheme of things.
- which Cerise was awkwardly making her way through at the moment. <- Present-ish tense? My own fic is in that, and there's nothing wrong with that! But it's not clear if that's what you're going with. If it is, cool! If not, this is something to fix.
- "Just don't make that pouty face when we're on stage; I don't think the judges would find it cute" <- Ironically, Fake Tears is, in fact a Cute move.
- simple slip-ons that still looked like they'd take a lot of travel <- Bit of an awkward line.
- Good intro to Hazel, but...well. I'll save that in full for when I get to the Antagonist part of this review.
- The clothes shopping paragraph was nice.
- Geez. Lilac is...well. She has an overactive imagination, let's say it like that. And I mean, Cerise obviously made it there all right - passing through Petalburg Woods and such. Speaking of...

Now we're definitely rushing a bit - skipping over the whole trip from Rustboro to Slateport. There's nothing wrong with taking time to smell (or show?) the roses in a journeyfic. This isn't to say to go at a snail's pace and show every little thing, but don't feel compelled to rush in. Again though, it's fringe. It's good you at least waited a chapter and nice in the sense that there's little filler, but it's something to keep in mind.

Spoiler: C3

- The opening to this chapter is a bit unclear, until it's revealed later there's a video phone on the ferry that's being used.
- Hm, it just occurred to me. Cerise doesn't have a cell phone? Or equivalent?
- Travel time seems to be insanely fast in this fic. In the span of one day, Cerise sets off to Slateport, goes shopping in it, travels back, goes through Rusturf Tunnel, and arrives in Mauville.
- Speaking of, the geography of your Hoenn...I was wondering why Cerise wouldn't just stop by home on the way back, but it seems the ferry took her directly near to Rusturf Tunnel.
- Zubat is an interesting choice as a Pokemon. Feels rare you see that as anything but a pest. Nice backstory to Lilac capturing it, too.
- Dewport? The town's name is Dewford!
- One of the paragraphs is randomly italicized. I'm guessing it's supposed to be part of a flashback, but its short length kind of makes it stick out more than anything.
- How Cerise got her Skitty reminds me of how I got my own cat...
- "First thing is to find the Concert Hall," <- One wild typo you got here. o,o
- ...close to the tunnel exit. Or was it entrance now? <- Lines like this almost make it feel like the narrator itself is a character.
- Odd, I thought they did have interviews in the lobby. Some of which would presumably make it to TV. But meh, not too big a deal.
- I'll see and Ruri there! <- Typo.
- Mauville is the next town over!! She's not that far from home!!

A plot progression chapter, with a bit of dialogue to establish characters. I...don't dislike the interactions between Cerise and Lilac. I'm a bit mixed, although it's more positive than negative. On one hand, they're very solid and realistic enough, and the casual conversations are nice. On the other hand, they can be kind of cliche.

Apparently I had down "comment on the game logic" here. That feel when you're trying to rush and forget 100% what you were supposed to say. It's interesting, to say the least, although do keep in mind that being too beholden to it can lead to constriction.

Spoiler: C4

- I'm guessing you're shouting out how Sheen actually factors into the first rounds of contests there?
- But what about Poffins for increasing a Pokemon's look?! Although then again, I suppose this is the same girl who didn't know there were different categories. So it's in a weird way, sensible.
- Trying to match up Zubat's Nature considering it's one that dislikes Sweet. Drawing a blank. Derp.
- Scolding a Pokemon for puking? Sheesh. Just sheesh, Lilac.
- The night scene was nice, if debatably redundant.
- knocking her form her reverie <- Typo
- Ruri, you're better than all of these plebeians <- Plebians? All right, I like Hazel already.
- probably no ore than eight years old <- Typo.
- talking to a friend fellow competitor <- Awkward wording/typo
- It's a bit unusual in the intros that they don't use Cerise's last name, when they do for the others.
- Liked how Cerise's thoughts were being shown as she left.
- I barely noticed Luvdisc's Charm too...and dang. tfw you do so poorly in a round you go after someone who did nothing at all. Actually, the turn ordering beyond the first is a bit random in general.
- Luvdisc used Charm twice in a row to cheers both times?
- Seems a bit weird that Cerise knew the combo was coming right away. Maybe she's just that good?
- Man, feel sorry for Hazel. Nothing worse than getting screwed by nervousness RNG.
- Like the small bit about the Contest's sponsors, just adds to the world a little.
- Bit at the end, I'll again go over when relevant.

So this one. I have mixed feelings on the Contest. On one hand, it's well-written, adapts game mechanics mostly well, and has some interesting imagery. On the other hand, the pacing felt slightly erratic, and the other two competitors almost come across as an afterthought - Andy was built up and hardly did anything after the first round, and Enrique, while having more of an impact, was more or less just there to fill the fourth slot.

Did like the bit at the end with Hazel. Gives her a bit more depth. More on that in the review itself!!

Spoiler: C5

- Was going to bring up why Lilac's parents would be so uncaring of her randomly joining someone she just met on a journey. Which is still strange, but this silly scene at the start helps make up for it.
- A Tailor? Like Pavell said, you probably meant Taillow here.
- The bit about holding up the line while on the phone felt a bit clunky and out of place.
- Hm, Hazel disappointing her father, perhaps? Interesting. Just a subtle bit that adds some depth to her character.
- Interesting motive for entering a contest. Advertising.
- Is bathing in fruits legit IRL? Outside of like, herbal shampoos and such.
- Oh baby, Cerise sellin' out! AppealBig.Net

Not much to comment on here in and of itself. But okay, now we're getting interesting. Being sponsored in her contest life is a pretty cool twist, and gives the journey a bit more kick to it. The family was nice to see.

-----

So an overall review. Of what we have, anyway.

Your general description is generally good, particularly when it comes to outfits and such. You in particular do a fantastic job of describing coordinator outfits for contest, leaving little to the imagination. I can also especially appreciate how your characters are especially animate. You pay quite a bit of attention to their physical actions in every scene. That said, I have noted that when it comes to scene setting/description, it's hit and miss. Mostly miss.

Hazel is a nice and enjoyable rival, even likable. She has an attitude that makes her stand out from other characters. There's also the elsementioned twist where such a character is treating her Pokemon well. Very strong character at base value. But the problem lies in with Cerise not reacting at all to her - in fact, she actually seems happy that she has a snooty rival. While it may change later, at this stage of the game, it's kind of difficult to get invested in the rivalry. It's different! It's unique! That much can't be taken away from it! But that's about all that can be said about it. It's really not an engaging rivalry. That said, the fic is young, and that's simply a judgment of how things stand as they are.

That said, I can't really say too much about the other characters. Cerise is shown to be somewhat well-rounded in the initial chapters, although thereafter shows, I'd almost say excessive bubbliness, being very aloof. Then there's her companion, Lilac. I think I get why she's accompanying Cerise...not that it's subtle. If I'm right, I just hope it's handled in good taste/form. That aside, there's even less to her character. She's just kind of there, really. Hoping to see some development/exposition on her. Again, their casual conversations are nice, if cliche. Help keep interest through the travel and such.

The dialogue can be screwy at times. More noticeable is the narration; it sometimes feels as though the narrator itself is a character with thoughts and opinions. The pacing also feels somewhat rushy. It's not awful, but dangerously on the fringe at best. Finally, while the worldbuilding is decent, it could be better. We pretty much only know what canon this is set in (post-OmegaRuby Hoenn). You could do so much more with this if you really wanted to - especially if you applied your thoroughness with outfit descriptions to scene setting!

My personal thoughts on this...well. I don't dislike it. Despite the fic's genre not being my cup of tea (especially in pure form), there's nothing that turns me off about it, and the bit about the sponsorship is interesting enough to make me want to come back. Just such a rare thing for a fic to be doing.

 

[TwinklingCupcake]

Ho-lee wow that's a long and amazing review, @System Error! Thank you!
I was kinda hoping I might at least get a nice review after the contest votings were over.

It's almost time for work, so I can't really type up an equally-long or coherent response, but I'm going to take into account everything you've said - especially as far as characterization and world-building. (Descriptions of outfits and people have always come easier than describing towns and surroundings...maybe I should try to imagine the town as an awesome dress or something.) I do have some future plans for Cerise and Lilac and even Hazel, and hopefully they'll be to your satisfactions.

I still don't know when the next installment will be - I've said elsewhere that due to my own kitty's declining health+advanced age, I've been in no mood to write about a girl and her kitty Pokemon, I'm sure you understand where I'm coming from - but hopefully you'll see some improvements when it comes.

Thanks again!

 

[GastlyGibus]

Greetings! I had the pleasure of reviewing this as well for the awards, so here's my take on things. This is a little copy-pasted from my discussions in the judging, edited slightly for coherence.

So first off, with the plot, it’s hard to say much of it because the story is very straightforward with it from the get-go. It is nice to see a journey fic that’s not about the trainer league and about contests for a change. Since things are in such an early stage though (haha, stage, because contests!) it’s not much to praise. Not that there’s much to disparage, but so far, it’s just Cerise going on her contesting journey with wide eyes and wider dreams. It does seem a bit cliche, as we already have a partner and a rival so early on, but I guess it’s better to establish the basics early rather than wait for so long before anything of interest.

I'll echo what System Error said in that your scenery descriptions are very lacking. The settings follow the games too closely. Each city only gets a passing description before we’re thrust right into the next scene. While normally I’m the one to chastise a story for having too much description, there’s so little of it here that we as readers hardly have any idea of what the world around them is like. If a reader has no familiarity with the games or the cities in question, they’d be completely lost. While it’s enough to make things work, it needs more polish to it. It can almost be forgiven since the action comes more from the characters and the dialogue, but it still is an addition that is much, much needed and desired. The setting is easily the most glaring flaw, and it definitely needs improvement.

Now, onto the good stuff. Despite the cliche characters, I actually had a ton of fun reading about them. Cerise is just so delightfully cheerful, and how she interacts with the world is just really relaxing and uplifting to read about. Cerise, Lilac, and Hazel, despite having only five chapters of screen time, are already showing their personalities, and even though they might be a bit on the banal side, it’s pulled off well enough to still enjoy the story. Even still, we can see a bit of depth in Cerise in her doubts for the contest, both before and during said event, so there’s definitely room for a more rich personality. While such archetypes can go without being explored further in the beginnings of a story, I’m hoping that we’ll see a bit more exploration into their inner workings in future installments.

The overall style of the story is what I most enjoyed. It’s cute, bubbly, happy, and fun to read, but perhaps a bit lacking in terms of depth. A light-hearted fic is all well and good, and such a fic deserves an equally light-hearted style; however, it can be easy to get lost in the cutesy nature of the story and not notice that the style is lacking vigor. It’s very candid, and more than a little bit campy, which fits the story somewhat, but is also prone to getting stale quickly. While using big words and being overtly descriptive is not needed, adding a little to the style in terms of scenery and expressions would go a long way to making this fic infinitely more enjoyable to read. Even still, I found myself easily reading along and enjoying it, which is something I really look for in reading.

Overall, this story was a pleasant surprise to me. At the beginning, I thought to myself “Ugh, this looks so trite and cliche,” but as I continued reading, I found myself smiling a bit and enjoying myself far more than I thought I would. The story is a bit on the cutesy side, following our starry-eyed protagonist as she follows her dreams of becoming a top coordinator, and even with it’s slightly overdone concepts, it manages to captivate with it’s simplistic charm and appeal. Even with so little, it manages to attract you to follow the story to see where it goes.

However, as mentioned before, it’s not without its faults. As it’s so early on, I feel it can’t be judged too harshly, as these problems can certainly be addressed and fixed in future chapters. Even still, the characters could use more depth to their personality. The rival, in particular, is so stereotypical in the “rude and snobby rich person” persona, that I sincerely hope something is added to make her more than just a breathing wall for the protagonist to climb over. Hazel definitely needs to be more relatable. More depth overall is what’s needed, but as stated before, it’s still a bit early to chastise the story for lack of depth. Nonetheless, this lack of deeper substance is really the only thing holding this story back. Aside from characters and setting, I found myself enjoying this little read, and I hope it can improve what needs to be improved. It’s short, sweet, and amusing, and as it stands now, I feel that, with a little effort and work, this story could be so much more.

 

[Life]

Hi! I was the second judge who got to read your delightful little story this awards season. Here's my thoughts:

Plot
It's established but it's nothing grandiose. While the character's pursuing their goal of becoming a top coordinator so they can befriend their long-time idol, it's been slightly hinted that they may not even be relevant anymore, so I'm looking forward to seeing how the story develops as the protagonist furthers their contest victories.

In the most recent chapter we also got a side-plot of the protagonist promoting a smalltime company, which is a nice addition that feels like it will be able to work within the bigger plot. Overall however, it's very simple, which isn't necessarily a problem but does lack in comparison to some other stories, and the overall feel of the story isn't as impactful.

Setting
Unfortunately this area was a big issue for me. The cities/towns aren't described very much (if at all) and the atmosphere is really only existent due to the character's dialogue. I think one thing that would really help is if instead of using scene cuts, you wrote out the transitions from place to place. Not only does it help in the flow of the story, but it betters sets the atmosphere and area. A lot of the cities also feel like cutouts from the games (which is fine) but if you don't want to expand on them anymore then I would still suggest describing them a bit more. Not everyone might have played R/S/E/ORAS after all.

Characterization
Unfortunately I found this area was very bare bones as well. Externally, we never really get a description of how a character looks. The supporting character, Lillie, didn't even get a description at all, so after three chapters I'm still left wondering what she looks like. And the only reason I know what the protagonist looks like is due to your signature.

Personality wise, very little is known too. The characters all appear very one-dimensial, and while that's not completely bad given we're only five chapters in, I'm unable to really connect with or get a feel of any characters that are being written. My advice would be to take some time and think about your characters - imagine them in certain scenarios and see how they react to different types of things. This, I think, would be helpful in making them more realistic and believable.

Style
It's getting there, I think, but it's also hard to say because we're only 5 chapters in. A lot of the dialogue sounds the same (for example, I can only tell the two main characters apart because one of them has a stutter that appears semi-often). Description could again use some work but you do a great job of describing dresses and are able to convey a contest atmosphere quite nicely, which I appreciated. The story flows well, and the frilliness of the characters and dialogue works within the story.

Technical
Two missing words and a few spelling errors was all I found, but that's relatively minor stuff.

Overall
I think the story has a lot of potential, but would recommend slowing down to build your world, characters, and think about what's going to be happening in the story for a consistent piece of fiction. Upping the description would help a lot, too, especially if you can describe cities as well as you can clothes. d:

However, despite some negatives I did really enjoy reading your story. Something about it just captivated me and I thought you have a very charming little story here, and I'm excited to see it grow.

I also got to judge Hazel's character:

Hazel's character was a nice break from the very happy-go-lucky protagonists, and while I thought that was good, I was left feeling rather disconnected from Hazel as a person. She has very little depth thus far (though I can sense it's there, especially from that conversation she had with her father. I am excited to see what gets revealed!) and doesn't appear to be much more than what has already been done: a rude, arrogant rival who mysteriously hates the protagonist. While these questions may very soon be answered, without knowing her reasons I can't connect or feel strongly about Hazel.

Despite that I don't think there's anything wrong with Hazel, I just think she needs more time to grow within the story.

If you disagree with anything or would like me to clarify, please don't hesitate to ask!

 

[TwinklingCupcake]

I find it a bit silly that a big Contest fan wouldn't know about the different categories.

A bit silly of me to use this as an excuse, but well, she is five in that scene. =p
(True, there are lots of five-year-olds who know a lot about things they like though....)

If you disagree with anything or would like me to clarify, please don't hesitate to ask!

I do have one.

I am excited to see what gets revealed!) and doesn't appear to be much more than what has already been done: a rude, arrogant rival who mysteriously hates the protagonist.

While yay I'm so glad to know you're looking forward to her future development/involvement! I am a little worried.
Well, maybe "worried" is too strong a word, but I wonder if I've made Hazel come off too strong somehow? You use the word "hates" and it was never my intention to show Hazel as someone who hates Cerise, not really.
I'll be honest, I've never liked the whole "the rival is outright hateful towards the protagonist" angle, either in fanfiction or any kind of competition-based story, so I tried to make Hazel be...a bit rough around the edges as far as Cerise is concerned, and Definitely Not Amused by her, but not hating her.

True, there's only five chapters so far and she hasn't shown up or interacted with Cerise that often, so maybe that's the problem, but it does worry me.