MATURE: Nori Carino: Official In-Training [COMPLETE!!]

[Daren]

Well, it seems Flint didn't have quite as good a handle on the situation as I thought. It seems he let people try to work things out for themselves for too long. Not too dissimilar from Volkner in a way.
I wonder if it's normal for official trainees to disrupt the working of the Gym they end up at?
I notice the nice detail that the narration style was different in the Flint chapters.

There's one thing I'm wondering about now. Nori recognized Sofie for her standing up to a gang in Jubilife.
Is that what got her recruited, like with Nori and the Demon? Are Officials selected from people who pull off some noteworthy deed in the news?

No doubt this irony was on purpose.

 

[System Error]

Well, it seems Flint didn't have quite as good a handle on the situation as I thought. It seems he let people try to work things out for themselves for too long. Not too dissimilar from Volkner in a way.

That said, the way they go about it is very different. Volkner is apathetic, and Flint is letting things play out without intervention. The key difference is the latter cares what happens most of the time. He simply doesn't want to be this big presence looming over everyone and controlling everything. Volkner doesn't step in unless he feels like it. But when he does...

I wonder if it's normal for official trainees to disrupt the working of the Gym they end up at?

Well, it's not just Gym Leaders who get assigned them. There are implications that it's not unusual for them to disrupt things, but it definitely isn't an all the time thing.

I notice the nice detail that the narration style was different in the Flint chapters.

Yup. Different viewpoint character, different style. And different review style for these chapters too? In other fics in the metaseries, you'll also notice Prema has a significantly different narration style as well. To a far lesser extent, this applies to other characters - Lux stands out too when the viewpoint switched to him. And a brief detail here: Firuz when it briefly shifts to him, refers to Girl!Nori as Nori Masuda in his narration.

There's one thing I'm wondering about now. Nori recognized Sofie for her standing up to a gang in Jubilife.
Is that what got her recruited, like with Nori and the Demon? Are Officials selected from people who pull off some noteworthy deed in the news?

Yes and no respectively. You can get in the normal way through studying, but they're always keeping an eye open for prospective agents. This is in fact similar to how some government agencies recruit in real life - looking out for standout individuals, some among the public. Seems bizarre, but it's true. Nori and Sofie are examples of those who got scouted.

 

[Daren]

And different review style for these chapters too?

I found the old style was slowing my reviewing down and I figured a more compressed system that looked at the chapter as a whole would work better.

 

[System Error]

I found the old style was slowing my reviewing down and I figured a more compressed system that looked at the chapter as a whole would work better.

Fair. That said, the old style actually works a little better for this fic at least in some regards. It thrives on little details a point-by-point can pick up. So maybe make a note of any lines that really stand out to you? :> Like a sort of hybrid style. But whatever works for you! It absolutely does slow reviewing down to stop for every point

 

[Welkamo]

Managed to focus enough to review another chapter!

At school the next day, Nori was set upon by multiple groups at recess and lunch. All of them wanted to hang out or be friends with him.

Woah, Nori's a popular kid.

The school had a strict no-Pokemon policy on school grounds.

Wow it's the late 1990's-early 2000's all over again.

The Demon had been called one of the strongest wild Pokemon ever seen.

Woah, stronger than Mewtwo?

Nori went over to his desk. He opened his textbook to try to get some math homework done. It went slowly.

Ah, elementary school math. That was fun. Wish they made Schoolhouse Rock songs about calculus.

He was in a way glad it was him and not anyone else.

There should be commas after "was" and "way".

Kallisto stepped inside. He took a moment to appraise the room. "Nice setup you got here. Clean too," he said. After a moment's thought, he ruffled his hair awkwardly. "Sorry for yesterday. Volkner said we had to go all out, so that's what I did. No hard feelings?"

Kallisto seems like a nice person. I like the trope of "strong/powerful person that kid looks up to is a nice mentor figure".

Kallisto shrugged. "I'm not that strong, really. Still got a ways to go and things to get better at. Not perfect at everything."

Oooh did he try to fight the Champion or something?

Anyway, spoke up for you, so you got the day off."

"Really?" He needed that after yesterday. He was going to dig in his heels, but it was nice to know he wouldn't have to do that. "Um, thank you."

"Not a problem." Kallisto flashed a grin and thumbs up. He went to step out. "Me and the guys will be out in front of the Gym waiting for challengers. Eddie's trying to work on his skateboard stunts. Come by if you want to hang out, okay?"

Getting Nori a day off? This kid's super nice.

Finally, he watched Volkner battle a challenger from Batalson Island who'd beaten Eddie on Tuesday, defeating the leader in a narrow match and earning a Beacon Badge.

So this story takes place pre DPPt, so does Volkner get serotonin boosts after being defeated yet, or is he not yet at that point?

"Yeah, I know. Don't get it either,"

That comma after "either" should be replaced with a period.

"Well, if you're ready. Go."

That period after "ready" should be a comma, unless it's a stylistic choice.

"There's three," he said. pointing to them all.

That period after "said" should be a comma.

Nidorina was zipping around taking out targets at a maddening pace.

I think there should be a comma after "around".

"Three of them!" Nori pointed. All clustered together, one moving. His Pokemon noticed and rushed towards them. She punched one close to ground level as she was going by, jumped to slash at the moving one, slashed at another he hadn't seen on the opposite side of a pillar, and rammed her head into the final one.

I really like Nori and Demon's dynamic. It's clear they have a lot of trust and respect for each other.

Before he could say anything else, the Gym Leader stormed away shaking his head and muttering to himself.

I think there should be a comma after "away".
Also geez Volkner, cut the kid some slack.

"Come on," he swiftly marched over to his Pokemon, helping her off the ground.

Since the dialogue isn't followed up with a dialogue tag, the comma after "on" should be a period.

A girl he knew used to share her lunches with him, when they were still friends.

Oooh "when they were still friends" what happened.

a plush Buneary

How to make me sympathize with a character:
Step 1: Give them a stuffed animal
Step 2:
Step 3: I love the character

"Look, I'm fine with a bit of teasing, especially if someone deserves it." He didn't mind seeing a self-superior egoist get theirs. "But this is too much for too little." What did Lux ever do, besides being easy to get a reaction out of?

Nori has standards, I see.

Several kids went ‘Ooo’ at this. Spike's jaw nearly dropped. He narrowed his eyes. "You threatenin' me?"

"What if I am?"

Spike replied by lightly shoving him. Nori shoved back with all his might. The larger boy went stumbling back. He scowled and gritted his teeth as he regained his footing.

Uh oh, pissing off Spike. That's gonna have consequences.

Nori escaped any trouble from that incident. He was concerned that Volkner was going to get a call, or a teacher was going to pull him aside one day.

I have this mental image of Volkner needing to go to parent-teacher conferences and PTA meetings. A very funny premise. I might write a fanfic around it.

One day in fourth grade, she asked him to join her on a journey. He was stupid and said some harsh things, and that was all it took to destroy that friendship.

Ahhhhh I see.

Nori found they're often kids who consider themselves better than everyone else, anyway.

This sentence is worded a little weirdly. I can't pinpoint why, but it has to do with the "found they're often" part.

"Plus I, uh," Nori rubbed the nape of his neck. "I have been in some schoolyard fights before."

Because the dialogue is interjected(? That's not the right word) with an action, you should use em dashes:
"Plus I, uh"—Nori rubbed the nape of his neck—"I have been in some schoolyard fights before."
Also uh oh, Nori got into elementary school fist fights?

The others snickered and laughed. Nori for a moment regretted asking that, even if this was the exact response he expected. To his shock, Kallisto smiled. "Actually, sure," he said. "I'll let you know the trick." The others opened their mouths in protest, but he kept talking over them. "The targets speed up as you go faster. You need to pace yourself. Go too fast and they'll get too fast."

Comma after "Nori" and "moment".

Well, I like Nori and Demon's dynamic, an I also like Nori and Kallisto's dynamic. Nori and Volkner's dynamic is also interesting.

 

[System Error]

Woo! I'll probably address most of your grammar things in chunks - probably starting with all of Month 1 and the prologue. Have to update on FFNet (which is annoying to work with) and AO3 too.

Wow it's the late 1990's-early 2000's all over again.

Yup. Those were the days. Back at my elementary school (from grades 4-6) they not only banned "Pokeman" but "Digiman" as well.

Woah, stronger than Mewtwo?

Mewtwo's a science experiment.

Kallisto seems like a nice person. I like the trope of "strong/powerful person that kid looks up to is a nice mentor figure".

Pretty much!

Oooh did he try to fight the Champion or something?

He's just expressing modesty here. He is definitely underselling himself, that said. Kallisto most certainly is an insanely strong trainer.

So this story takes place pre DPPt, so does Volkner get serotonin boosts after being defeated yet, or is he not yet at that point?

DPP Volkner was the way he was because he was bored with the lack of competition. It's not an issue for him at this point, so he has fairly normal if stoic/restrained responses after a challenger wins.

That period after "ready" should be a comma, unless it's a stylistic choice.

Style choice in that instance. He full paused.

I really like Nori and Demon's dynamic. It's clear they have a lot of trust and respect for each other.

Nori is not your typical Pokemon trainer, nor is the Demon your average Pokemon. They certainly have a unique dynamic, rather than the usual give orders and obey (or not) thing.

How to make me sympathize with a character:
Step 1: Give them a stuffed animal
Step 2:
Step 3: I love the character

Lux definitely is adorable and precious in that regard.

Nori has standards, I see.

Nori's the kind of person who understands that bullying is simply a thing that happens in schools. He also knows that sometimes there is good enough reason for it happening, like some kid being full of himself. You can't exactly stop it. This was not one of those instances, and was compounded by going way too far - Lux was out there in a Sinnoh winter without a jacket.

Uh oh, pissing off Spike. That's gonna have consequences.

Totally worth it to Nori.

I have this mental image of Volkner needing to go to parent-teacher conferences and PTA meetings. A very funny premise. I might write a fanfic around it.

I can see you doing a drabble of something like a super serious character being thrown into an everyday situation. My Volkner here would probably be all "Can I go now?"

This sentence is worded a little weirdly. I can't pinpoint why, but it has to do with the "found they're often" part.

Stylistic thing. It's supposed to be worded a little weirdly, since Nori's putting it a little awkwardly.

Also uh oh, Nori got into elementary school fist fights?

Yes, with bullies, like he did in this chapter. While it's implied he's made fun of others before, he reserves actual physicality for fighting back or protecting others. He's not exactly a squeaky-clean kid, but he's definitely not bad either.

Well, I like Nori and Demon's dynamic, an I also like Nori and Kallisto's dynamic. Nori and Volkner's dynamic is also interesting.

There are a lot of fun dynamics and character interactions in this fic.

 

[Juliko]

Yay! New beta Pokemon! I did notice some errors here, with one being "If you makes you feel better about yourself. I think you meant to write "if it makes you" rather than "if you makes you." You also spelled Accelerock wrong, as it has two E's, but you forgot the E between accel and rock. Plus, there's this sentence "Sofie's stride not been broken by the appearance of her one time partner." I think you forgot to put a "had" between stride and not. Nothing a bit of editing can't fix. Moving on from grammar stuff, this was also pretty good. It's clear that the dynamic and situations between Flint's gym and Volkner's are very different, with Flint's gym trainers being much friendlier and open than Volkner's gym trainers...and in Flint's case, the problems they're having with Sofie are much more valid due to how she's openly cruel to the other trainers, to the point of forcing Tai Ying to outright quit because of it, whereas Volkner's gym trainers are just cruel to Nori, even if some are trying to hide it. I had missed that Kimmy was nine years old, though. Isn't she kind of young to be a gym trainer? Or are there special rules allowing some to become a trainer before they turn ten? I did love the scene of Kimmy questioning why Shinobu playfully smacked Nori on the butt, not realizing that in this context its a gesture of affection (Since they're a lesbian couple and all) rather than spanking to discipline/punish someone.

Glad to know the story might get a happy ending! But something confuses me about these chapters: In the Gaiden chapters, is Flint the gym leader of the Snowpoint Gym? Because it's mentioned these two chapters take place at Snowpoint, and Candice isn't mentioned as being the gym leader. I can only assume so because at this point in time, Maylene isn't the gym leader of Veilstone, as she's a young child in your story and someone else is the gym leader. Is this the case with Flint? I might have missed mentions of it in the previous one, so feel free to clarify if you can. Anyway, great job with this one!

 

[Welkamo]

Woo! I'll probably address most of your grammar things in chunks - probably starting with all of Month 1 and the prologue. Have to update on FFNet (which is annoying to work with) and AO3 too.

Woah you have an AO3 too?

I can see you doing a drabble of something like a super serious character being thrown into an everyday situation. My Volkner here would probably be all "Can I go now?"

Yeah, that's kind of how I am.

 

[System Error]

Yay! New beta Pokemon! I did notice some errors here, with one being "If you makes you feel better about yourself. I think you meant to write "if it makes you" rather than "if you makes you." You also spelled Accelerock wrong, as it has two E's, but you forgot the E between accel and rock. Plus, there's this sentence "Sofie's stride not been broken by the appearance of her one time partner." I think you forgot to put a "had" between stride and not. Nothing a bit of editing can't fix.

Editing pass was a bit rough here. x-x Been down the last few days.

It's clear that the dynamic and situations between Flint's gym and Volkner's are very different, with Flint's gym trainers being much friendlier and open than Volkner's gym trainers...and in Flint's case, the problems they're having with Sofie are much more valid due to how she's openly cruel to the other trainers, to the point of forcing Tai Ying to outright quit because of it, whereas Volkner's gym trainers are just cruel to Nori, even if some are trying to hide it.

They both have a tight-knit dynamic. However, it's much friendlier in Snowpoint's case and much more tested in Sunyshore's case. Similarly, they both have issues with the official in-training as you noticed. For different reasons.

And here's another thing to consider: not only would Sofie fit Volkner better, she'd fit the Gym Trainers there better too. She'd get along better with them, and though there's the whole "no dating" thing that would annoy her, Kallisto would eventually criticize her, and she would be far more compelled to listen. Similarly, it would be far healthier for Nori at Snowpoint because of them: there'd be someone his own age in Alicia, someone to look up to in Firuz, other adults, and Kimmy to look up to him.

But of course the big wrinkle: Nori and Volkner were able to form a genuine bond anyway. And it's stronger than Nori's bond with Flint would've been

I had missed that Kimmy was nine years old, though. Isn't she kind of young to be a gym trainer? Or are there special rules allowing some to become a trainer before they turn ten?

There are! She's a direct reference to how there's classes of trainers that are very obviously below ten in the games - in fact, there's a remark in the previous chapter saying that Wake has a "kid with a floatie" as a Gym Trainer. It's several years before DPPt, but he does indeed have Tuber Kids as Gym Trainers in the games. Kallisto in M5-3 mentioned received his Mareep when he was eight too, and caught Lotad sometime before turning ten. Kids can own Pokemon just fine, it's just the League doesn't allow them to do anything with them in an official capacity until they turn ten.

I did love the scene of Kimmy questioning why Shinobu playfully smacked Nori on the butt, not realizing that in this context its a gesture of affection (Since they're a lesbian couple and all) rather than spanking to discipline/punish someone.

I thought a role-reversal would be amusing. And kids not understanding flirty gestures.

Glad to know the story might get a happy ending! But something confuses me about these chapters: In the Gaiden chapters, is Flint the gym leader of the Snowpoint Gym? Because it's mentioned these two chapters take place at Snowpoint, and Candice isn't mentioned as being the gym leader. I can only assume so because at this point in time, Maylene isn't the gym leader of Veilstone, as she's a young child in your story and someone else is the gym leader. Is this the case with Flint? I might have missed mentions of it in the previous one, so feel free to clarify if you can. Anyway, great job with this one!

He is the Gym Leader and not Candice. For a similar reason as to why Maylene is an actual character, Candice makes an actual appearance here to make it clear that she isn't one yet. Since part of the thing going on is a competition between Volkner and Flint for promotion to Elite Four - similar to Koga and Flannery's grandfather in canon - I had to figure out where he was. Of the options not taken (including Oreburgh since Roark isn't one yet either), I went with Snowpoint - it let me worldbuild, it fits with the idea of Volkner being a better trainer via the League's "recommended" order, and it's a ferry away from the Battle Zone, where Flint was born - presumably in canon since Buck was born there too.

Very big detail too that's extremely difficult to notice and I'm mentioning at the start of next chapter anyway: Alicia is actually a canon character. Sort of - she's one of Candice's Gym Trainers. And she indeed has a Tentacruel in DP.

=====

Woah you have an AO3 too?

Here it is!

 

[creativelover93]

more than a torchic said:
Woah you have an AO3 too?

Here it is!

I have my own A03 account too!
My A03 Account

 

[Juliko]

I have my own A03 account too!
My A03 Account

Same here.

 

[Welkamo]

I'm bad at introductions to these things, but at least I'm good at pointing out grammar stuff.
I'm trying to do daily reviews of this story. it's a good habit to keep.

Nori never minded going to school; he felt it was the opportunity to learn for his future. Despite now being set to become a Pokemon Rehabilitator, he found himself looking forward to school more often. It was the only chance he had to get away from the training at the Gym. He thought he was going to enjoy learning to become an official, yet it was nothing short of frustrating. He could only relax in the evenings, and by then he was often too tired to do anything. The parallels to what Claris said she went through were not lost on him.

Good for Nori. You've gotta make the most of school and the free resources there.

"Today, we're going to be dissecting flowers."

Oh good; they're not dissecting frogs. Granted, I got exempt from doing that, but still.

This was very different. They'd been learning about cells, with a bit of Pokemon biology stuff mixed in. Plants had been touched on, but barely. Did something happen that necessitated a lesson change, or was this leading into something?

Can relate. Schools don't teach enough about plant anatomy.

The other boy again didn't reply. Nori continued to look at him inquisitively. After several seconds, he relented with a sigh. "I didn't want to take any more of your time."

"I mean you really weren't. I wasn't in a hurry or anything." If anything, it was time he didn't have to spend at the Gym. "I don't mind talking."

The paragraph break here made it feel like Lux is speaking, even though he isn't.

And what about Spike? Screw him."

Nori deliberately said that last part louder and looked out to see the reaction. The tall boy glared, but didn't otherwise respond.

Yeah, Nori! Throw shade at Spike!

He tried to inject some enthusiasm, "Nothing to do but do it. All right?"

I think the comma after "enthusiasm" should be a period, but I'm not entirely sure.

"...okay,"

Capitalize the "o", since this isn't a continuation of a sentence.

"Well, I think you're all right." He was good-mannered. So far, Lux had been one of the few people who'd treated him like a person and not as a big celebrity or something. That in itself was a big plus. Come to think of it, he could be a good friend. He threw that notion out there without hesitation. "I actually wouldn't mind being friends with you, you know."

Aww. I like their friendship

A simple and sharp, "Yes."

I don't think there should be a comma after "sharp", but I could be wrong.

As the two new-found friends set out, a thought occurred to Nori. This was actually very close to how he met Maylene. He saw her being bullied, pushed those bullies around, and that's how they became friends. Funny, making another friend the same way.

Oooh Nori is a friend of the friendless.

"Ha!" Ollie snorted. "Took you this long to meet someone at school? You some anti-social dweeb?"

I'm going to punch these three.

"You shall," said Tono, "If you pay attention to Kallisto's upcoming battle."

"If" shouldn't be capitalized.

Nori stood with the Pachirisu from earlier and an Elekid, as two Magnemites floated on either side of him. He had made it just in time to see Volkner walking to the center of the battlefield. "This will be a three-on-three battle," the Gym Leader said. "Select your Pokemon in advance. No switching. The first Pokemon will be sent out double blind."

Remove the comma after "Elekid". Also, the dialogue should be a separate paragraph.

He had wild green hair, being dressed in jeans as well as a white and blue sweatshirt.

This sentence feels a little weird. I can't pinpoint why, but I would probably rewrite it as:
He had wild green hair, and he was dressed in jeans as well as a white and blue sweatshirt.

"Spaghetti, go!"

I won't say it. I won't say the thing from Hotel Mario.

Kallisto turned to the intrigued crowd. "Oricorio is a Pokemon found primarily in the Alola region." He would occasionally interact with the audience like this when obscure things came up in battle. "Depending on the nectar it consumes, its type and the type of its Revelation Dance move will be different."

Kallisto being the Pokédex of this story. Nice touch, I like it.

"Also–"

"Would you hurry up and get going?" Volkner asked.

Kallisto snapped to attention. "Sorry."

"Curb the exposition dump, Kallisto. We get it, you're a huge nerd."

In all seriousness, I really like how Volkner cuts him off.

The challenging trainer sent out a Sudowoodo next which actually managed to bring down the dancing bird.

I think there should be a comma after "which".

Rain had been summoned, thankfully localized over the battlefield.

Good to know that—in this universe, at least—the poor spectators don't get wet.

It had taken a vicious Bubble Beam however,

I think there should be a comma after "Beam".

the...dancing yellow, frog thing formed a bright translucent green sphere between its hands.

The use of commas here is a bit strange. I would suggest moving the comma so it's after "dancing".

Nori at that moment knew it was indeed over,

I think there should be a comma after "Nori" and "moment" since "at that moment" is a nonrestrictive clause.

"It's...not over yet!" Yuuta insisted.

But it is over.

That was, until the Leech Seeds sapped away at her, draining what little stamina she had left and causing her to collapse.

OOOOH LEECH SEED.

"Were you..." He spoke up, hesitantly. "Bullied yourself?"

I can't say exactly why, but the way "He" is capitalized seems off. It might be because "He spoke up" could both technically be a dialogue tag or an action in between dialogue, but it's also sort of neither. I don't know if that explanation makes sense.

(or doing worse)

Like what

The other boy nodded. "My mom's a civil engineer and my dad repairs vacuum cleaners. I'm just, well. Me. I don't think I'm very interesting."

Ooooooh backstory.

"So what do you like to do, Lux?"

I like this scene. It shows that Nori and Lux care about each other.

"Pokemon, I guess," he said more quietly. "And um..." Nori leaned in closer. "Promise not to laugh at this?"

Hey, it's the Pokémon world. Who doesn't like Pokémon? A lot of people.

Lux blurted it out quickly. "I like flowers."

That's sweet. Not to be a Grass type trainer (I'm probably a Water or Flying type trainer lol), but flowers are pretty, and they're really cool.

"Oh." If he wanted to, he was fine with that. "Well, I like going outdoors and exploring! Haven't been able do that here, though. I like science, and I like helping people. Oh, and I also like listening to the radio."

Lux's eyes lit up, "Really?" he marveled. "I like the radio too. I really like the radio dramas."

Nori grinned. "Me too! They were all I had back in the trailer. I still do. Been following one called Crime by Starlight lately."

"That's my favorite!" Lux grinned back at him. "They really left off on a cliffhanger with Tybalt last time, didn't they?"

"Yup. Can't wait to see what happens next." Something decisively in common! They were going to have fun talking about this.

Radio dramas is such a neat thing to bond over.

Nori's hands balled up. He exploded into a rant. "What, am I not allowed to spend time with my friends? Is there something wrong with showing a friend around the Gym? Is that not allowed, or is it something else? I have to start training when I get back from school every day! Everyone else–"

Nori snapping like a rebellious teen.

"Ugh, whatever." Volkner waved a hand repeatedly to dismiss them as he walked away. "Just don't make this a habit."

Volkner shrugging Nori off like an angsty teen.

He abandoned Claris by not joining her on hers, but there were other reasons.

Ooooooh the drama

He hadn't had the chance to write any of them. How was Maylene, his mom, Rashid, and everyone else he knew doing?

I hope he writes to them or something.

The four took pause, exchanging glances. Ollie was the first to speak. "Really? That's a guy?"

"What do you mean, really?" Did they want to see Lux's wiener as proof or something?

Eddie raised his palms in defense. "Believe you," he said, adding the most insincere chuckle Nori had ever heard. "Thought he was a chick, that's all." Understandable given Lux's appearance, but he didn't get why they were making such a fuss.

"Yeah, he looks like a fa–"

I AM GOING TO PUNCH THESE THREE.

"All right!" Kallisto interrupted Ollie mid-word. "Calm down guys, it's no big deal."

Kallisto is far too nice to these kids.

"No, but he sure does like me." The Pachirisu rubbed his cheeks against Lux's. "Seems to like you, too."

Aww, is Pachirisu going to follow Nori around and eventually join his team.

"Yeah, I can get that." Lots of people get into Pokemon as kids. Starting out as an adult isn't unheard of, but most adults either step back from Pokemon or make a career out of them in some way.

The prose after the dialogue is worded a bit like dialogue. Maybe it's the present tense, I don't know.

He had a bit of fun going and yelling at the adults from the balconies.

Go, Nori! Yell at some adults!

Nori alertly turned, not noticing immediately due to the one responsible being so small.

Not noticing what?

Pokemon could eat people food okay most of the time, as he learned.

This leaves another question: can Pokémon drink alcohol? Does the Pokémon have wine 'Mons like how we have wine moms?

The Gym Trainers had the day off too.

Comma after "off".

Kallisto sat on the large sofa. There were three comfy places to sit in the lounge: the one-seater Nori was on, the two seater across from him, and the sofa that four of them could cram into.

Ha! True kings of EMI sit stately on the floor.

Kallisto sat on the large sofa. There were three comfy places to sit in the lounge: the one-seater Nori was on, the two seater across from him, and the sofa that four of them could cram into. "So, you've been at this for a month now," the heterochromic teen stated. "Nice to have a couple days off?"

Dialogue should be a new paragraph.

"Rude? Egotistical? Stupid?" All of the above?

All of the above.

The deep end.

Swimming.

Water.

Sinking.

"Something wrong?"

Ooooooh ominous foreshadowing/flashbacks

Plus he likes to throw you in the deep end and see if you can swim or not."

Crasher Wake is sobbing, Volkner.

Also, I think there should be a comma after "plus".

Dumb metaphor.

Welcome to literature analysis.

But none of that meant anything if Volkner wasn't willing to train him.

Volkner! Do your job!!!

Kallisto abruptly stood with a snap of his fingers. "Got it! Want to train under me?" The slightly chiseled teen walked over. "All the guys do it. I'm always willing to help those who need it. I can't help with everything, but I should be able to teach you a thing or two about battle. Eleventh grader too, so I can help with school too. How about it?"

Kallisto seems nice.

Also, I found you all on AO3. It's nice to recognize some people there.

 

[Welkamo]

Wow, another chapter review? Yeah, I'm procrastinating on a thing because I don't know if it deserves a TEEN rating or a MATURE rating.

"Just do it," Volkner said with a light grumble. "It's the least cliche thing you can have here."

"Embrace the cliché, Nori. Ash hasn't battled me yet, so if anything, you're creating the cliché before he even appears."

They go out on their journey, find what they want to catch, and catch them. They get to raise the Pokemon from humble beginnings to mighty battlers, and probably fail at the very end to some overpowered veteran anyway. But not Nori. He would be getting Pokemon who probably had a lot of experience already, like his Nidorina. The opportunity to raise something from the start was certainly going to be uncommon for him.

The switch from present tense to past tense feels a bit odd here.

"His ball's here." Volkner held out an ordinary Poke Ball. "You'll be graded on this."

"You'll be graded on your Ball Capsule designs."

"Only you'd say that about a Pachirisu." Nori chuckled, but this made Lux groan. He reassured him, "I don't mean it badly at all. Makes you who you are. You like cute Pokemon and aren't afraid to admit it. I like that, not being anyone but you no matter what. Just like I can say you're my friend, screw anyone who doesn't like it!"

I like cute Pokémon, too! I use Jigglypuff competitively. Granted, I don't battle competitively anymore, but I tried to do an Eviolite!Jigglypuff simply because I think Jigglypuff's cute. You've heard of Enlightenment philosophers, now get ready for Karenian and Gentlemanian schools of Pokémon philosophy.

The group left the school grounds and headed to the northwest. There were seven of them present. Besides them, there was Jamie's best friend Kelsey, and two others in her circle named Arty and Marie who appeared very close. They talked about various things along the way, although none that gave any clue to their destination.

The comma after "Kesley" isn't necessary methinks, and I think there should be a comma after "Marie".

"Uhhh..." She was holding his hand. They were holding hands!

"Not like, hot. But you are cute." She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.

Woah woah woah, these elementary kids know what "hot" means? Then again, I didn't know where babies come from until halfway into middle school, so maybe I'm just an outlier.

Nori felt all the blood rushing to his face at once. He didn't hate this. But this was so much and so fast! One minute he was being invited to something, the next he was being asked out? Jamie was pretty cute herself, but this was too sudden! He had no idea how to handle this!

They're asking each other out already??? Wow. I'm with Nori; I wouldn't know what to do in this scene. I had crushes in elementary school, sure, but I only saw classmates dating in middle school.

"The old cabin."

"Gonna run away cryin'?"

"No...I'll be fine..."

This is a bit confusing without dialogue tags, unless it's just various characters speaking (like in the later scene at school).

"You can't walk to it. You have to go by water or air," Jamie explained. "They say an old sea dog lives in it."

"I hear he catches Remoraid and eats them raw," said Kelsey.

A quivering Lux nodded. "I hear his Sharpedo eats anyone who gets too close."

"Pft. Probably just some tryhard." Spike laughed it off. The bully scratched his head. "Did hear even the cops want nothin' to do with him, though."

I hear there's a Kyogre in there.

What happened next happened in an instant. Arty's nose started to twitch. He vocalized, trying to hold it in. "Arty, no!" rasped Marie. The pink-haired girl tried to cover his mouth, but it didn't help. He sneezed. Loudly.

Ahhhh a classic trope.

He fell. He felt like he was falling forever. This was it. This was how he was going to die. Drowning in the waters of another city, if not worse. He wished he'd listened to Lux. He wished he had never come along on this and just stayed there with him. He was falling,

Ooooh more references to drowning.
Also that comma after the last "falling" should be a period.

incidentally blocking Jamie who looked like she wanted to give Nori a tight hug.

Comma after "Jamie".

"You're like, a badass!"

Wow! They're cursing! Yeah, that checks out.

So this was what it meant to be saved by the bell.

Hey, like that show I watched two episodes of.

Nori sat at the desk in his room, scribbling away at a piece of paper. He was writing a letter to his mom about what had been happening over the past month.

Oh good.

Volkner's reply was swift and simple. "Just put it in an envelope, write the address and postcodes in the middle, and the return address in the top left." He paused, scratching his cheek. "I'll give you the stamp."

Pokémon: Volkner goes to the post office and teaches kids how to send letters Platinum

"I don't know their addresses, though. Or their postcodes."

"Look it up."

"How am I supposed to do that?"

Volkner's reply was to turn and leave, shaking his head all the while.

Come on, Volkner! Not every teacher makes kids memorize their address!

She lived in a house, but had only basic things.

This isn't a comma splice; it's called something else, but I don't know what.
Either remove the comma:
She lived in a house but only had basic things.
or make the dependent clause an independent clause:
She lived in a house, but she had only basic things.

Also I lost the quote mentioning how Maylene's dad won't let her use the computer and I was gonna say "gosh darn it, Maylene's dad, how is Maylene gonna play GirlsGoGames?"

the students were asked to come up in front of the class and tell what they wanted to be when they grew up.

The use of tell feels a bit weird. "Say" would fit better.

Mrs. DeWood had a light scowl on her face as she jotted something down.

Well gee, DeWood, I said I wanted to be a teacher when I was in elementary school, but now I'm writing Pokémon fanfiction and studying the humanities. I don't even know what I want to do as a job anymore.

as if daring him to do it too.

So I looked up when to use a comma before "too", and the consensus I came to is that it's not really necessary unless you want to emphasize the "too".

Today he had been given free time to do whatever he wanted, as long as it was Pokemon related.

And so he made Champion fancams.

He was about to send out Nidorina to join him and Pachirisu in running a couple laps around the arena, when the Gym Trainers approached.

I don't think the comma after "arena" is needed, but I could be wrong.

"I think it's retarded."

Kallisto looked over at the chubby teen. "Ollie–"

You're really doing a good job of making me hate the Gym Trainers (apart from Kallisto. Kallisto is good).

As it faded, Pachirisu remained standing for several seconds. He eventually shook himself off and appeared invigorated? What happened? Why didn't that work? Nori was dumbfounded, left to scratch his head. As was his opponent.

"Volt Absorb?" Kallisto called from the stands.

YEAH VOLT ABSORB!!!

He looked down at his feet. They were waterproof, but were covered in grime.

His feet are waterproof? Or is it his shoes?

"And Ollie," Kallisto said, taking on a far harsher tone. "Pushing around someone doesn't make you a good trainer. It makes you a bully. Stop. You're going too far with that attitude of yours, and disgracing us Gym Trainers.

Yes, Kallisto! Call out Ollie and the others!

Like this morning, he asked an adult something politely and got silence in reply. Unlike this morning, the adult's mood was very much readable. She was leering at him in disgust. "I never liked you," she said.

Woah, lady. Telling a child that you don't like them? Wow.

"That husband of mine thinks it's good that Lux has a friend. If I had my way though, he'd have nothing to do with you." Lux's jaw dropped. Nori could only listen as she flew into a rant. "Pokemon trainers are worthless human beings. They serve no purpose in society except to achieve their own self-centered desires. They warp kids' minds and think it's okay to be a drifter instead of having a good proper well-paying job and starting a family."

Given the context of her other son, I can understand her perspective. At the same time, this rant is funny in a way that's hard to describe. I like it.

Not much else to say. I've wanted to read this story for a while, and I'm glad I did.

 

[System Error]

I'm trying to do daily reviews of this story. it's a good habit to keep.

Hey, can catch up no problem then.

Good for Nori. You've gotta make the most of school and the free resources there.

This goes double for someone who didn't have much growing up,

Oh good; they're not dissecting frogs. Granted, I got exempt from doing that, but still.

I had to dissect cookies, if I remember correctly. I don't remember the context of it at all. Flowers seems a bit less gruesome than frogs, and ties into cells - which is a sixth grade subject in some places.

Can relate. Schools don't teach enough about plant anatomy.

I think it's more of an early grade thing.

Yeah, Nori! Throw shade at Spike!

Nori is the type of person who absolutely will say what's on his mind.

Aww. I like their friendship

It's a very fun friendship to write.

I'm going to punch these three.

Well, it's mostly Ollie acting out in this scene. Eddie completely gets it.

I won't say it. I won't say the thing from Hotel Mario.

Dob't get the meme here.

Kallisto being the Pokédex of this story. Nice touch, I like it.

"Curb the exposition dump, Kallisto. We get it, you're a huge nerd."

In all seriousness, I really like how Volkner cuts him off.

Volkner can get impatient when it comes to these sorts of things. But hey, someone has to be the Pokedex here, given that Nori as a viewpoint character doesn't know much in the way of Pokemon.

Good to know that—in this universe, at least—the poor spectators don't get wet.

Making weather moves isolated was the best way to solve a bunch of problems with the moves. Like, what if someone decides to have their Pokemon use it out of nowhere? Or wild ones? It'd be a regulatory nightmare from a legal perspective.

OOOOH LEECH SEED.

Gotta watch that persistent damage. I like using some of the more esoteric moves in my writing.

I can't say exactly why, but the way "He" is capitalized seems off. It might be because "He spoke up" could both technically be a dialogue tag or an action in between dialogue, but it's also sort of neither. I don't know if that explanation makes sense.

I like this scene. It shows that Nori and Lux care about each other.

They are very close friends already!

Hey, it's the Pokémon world. Who doesn't like Pokémon? A lot of people.

Quite a few indeed. There's more to the world than just Pokemon after all, so many people are indifferent or uninvolved with them. Plus, even as pets, they are a responsibility to take care of. This actually gets addressed: Nori had to take the Demon hunting and scavenging to help feed her, since his mom only has so much money.

That's sweet. Not to be a Grass type trainer (I'm probably a Water or Flying type trainer lol), but flowers are pretty, and they're really cool.

I don't really flesh this part about him out as much as I want to given the situation, unfortunately. And heh, you being Water or Flying makes sense in context, knowing you write about Wallace and Winona.

Radio dramas is such a neat thing to bond over.

Sometimes you can bond over the silliest little thing.

Nori snapping like a rebellious teen.

Volkner shrugging Nori off like an angsty teen.

I mean he's twelve and a half, it's not that far out of the realm for him to act like an angsty teen.

I hope he writes to them or something.

He has no reason not to!

I AM GOING TO PUNCH THESE THREE.

Tono: "Hmph. Leave me out of their ridiculous antics. If this Lux is a feminine boy, that is how it is."

Aww, is Pachirisu going to follow Nori around and eventually join his team.

It's a fair assessment! But it could also be the Elekid that's shown up a couple times. Who can say?

This leaves another question: can Pokémon drink alcohol? Does the Pokémon have wine 'Mons like how we have wine moms?

Oh, I imagine. There was a discussion on Discord a while back about how wined fruit technically could be alcoholic. Ergo, it's not that out of the realm of possibility even in the wild.

Ooooooh ominous foreshadowing/flashbacks

Heh heh heh.

Welcome to literature analysis.

Yup. It can get pretty silly at times. Like I read a literary analysis of what can only be described as a joke Mario fic that was very parodial and toilet-humor based in nature. There was a scene where the Mario Brothers set off to fight Bowser with beans, salsa, etc. to empower themselves. And "In Yoshi's bag was just piss." The analysis - probably equally joking - interpreted this as pee/poo making-tools vs the actual stuff. Dinosaurs are ancient, and wouldn't have these tools, and also made a comparison of the spread of Catholicism - based from Italy - moving into Asia. It was a thing all right.

Also reminded of an interpretation of Peter Pan that suggests the Lost Boys are in purgatory.

And see you dropped another review, so I'll get to that later.

 

[Welkamo]

I had to dissect cookies, if I remember correctly. I don't remember the context of it at all. Flowers seems a bit less gruesome than frogs, and ties into cells - which is a sixth grade subject in some places.

Cookies? Lucky you. (Squeamish stuff) We did pig hearts in eighth grade. I wasn't there for it, but still.

I think it's more of an early grade thing.

I vaguely remember doing plant stuff one year, but 1. it was basic, general stuff, and 2. it was too long ago that I can't remember.

Dob't get the meme here.

Here it is.

It'd be a regulatory nightmare from a legal perspective.

Listen, being a lawyer in the Pokémon world must be a nightmare. There was some discussion about law in the Pokémon world in one of the anime episode threads that got me thinking "geez".

I don't really flesh this part about him out as much as I want to given the situation, unfortunately. And heh, you being Water or Flying makes sense in context, knowing you write about Wallace and Winona.

My favorite type is Psychic, but realistically, I'd probably be a Flying or Water type trainer. Maybe that's because of Wallace and Winona. Maybe it's because I like birds (I'm scared of IRL fish faces, though, but Pokémon fish are fine).

Oh, I imagine. There was a discussion on Discord a while back about how wined fruit technically could be alcoholic. Ergo, it's not that out of the realm of possibility even in the wild.

OriontheAbsol and I had a similar discussion about fermenting Berries.

Yup. It can get pretty silly at times. Like I read a literary analysis of what can only be described as a joke Mario fic that was very parodial and toilet-humor based in nature. There was a scene where the Mario Brothers set off to fight Bowser with beans, salsa, etc. to empower themselves. And "In Yoshi's bag was just piss." The analysis - probably equally joking - interpreted this as pee/poo making-tools vs the actual stuff. Dinosaurs are ancient, and wouldn't have these tools, and also made a comparison of the spread of Catholicism - based from Italy - moving into Asia

...wow. I have no words. Just... wow.

 

[System Error]

...wow. I have no words. Just... wow.

Yuuup. Although it is on-point for what it is. If you're familiar with the Ralph Pootawn meme from way back when, it was written by the same guy.

"You'll be graded on your Ball Capsule designs."

You know it never occurred to me to give any to him given he actually uses them in-game.

I like cute Pokémon, too! I use Jigglypuff competitively. Granted, I don't battle competitively anymore, but I tried to do an Eviolite!Jigglypuff simply because I think Jigglypuff's cute. You've heard of Enlightenment philosophers, now get ready for Karenian and Gentlemanian schools of Pokémon philosophy.

Well I mean Puff is monstrous in competitive Melee. There's worse meme builds to try in the actual games.

Woah woah woah, these elementary kids know what "hot" means? Then again, I didn't know where babies come from until halfway into middle school, so maybe I'm just an outlier.

They're asking each other out already??? Wow. I'm with Nori; I wouldn't know what to do in this scene. I had crushes in elementary school, sure, but I only saw classmates dating in middle school.

As I mentioned a couple times in a few responses, Jamie is based on a girl who had a crush on me in elementary - also named Jamie. She was just as open in her affections. Nori has a much more open reaction than I did, however.

This is a bit confusing without dialogue tags, unless it's just various characters speaking (like in the later scene at school).

Okay, so this. This is very much a stylistic thing. Nori is so terrified his narration is messed up. It's supposed to be a little confusing, but when you look at the context, it's easy to tell that Kelsey or Jamie is the first speaker, Spike is the second, and Lux is the third.

Ooooh more references to drowning.

Funny enough, you're the only reader so far that took note of that at this point. You're very much correct to take note of it

Pokémon: Volkner goes to the post office and teaches kids how to send letters Platinum

Come on, Volkner! Not every teacher makes kids memorize their address!

Well to be fair, Nori lives in a trailer park. Figuring out how to send a letter there is complicated.

Also I lost the quote mentioning how Maylene's dad won't let her use the computer and I was gonna say "gosh darn it, Maylene's dad, how is Maylene gonna play GirlsGoGames?"

She's more of an outdoorsy type anyway.

Well gee, DeWood, I said I wanted to be a teacher when I was in elementary school, but now I'm writing Pokémon fanfiction and studying the humanities. I don't even know what I want to do as a job anymore.

This was inspired by my middle school. We were expected to plan for our futures right there, including multiple options: a Plan A, a Plan B, etc. I don't think very many actually followed it, and I knew right away that your opinions are likely to change. Like when I was a kid I wanted to be a meteorologist. Then something involving math or science in middle school, and now I'm not sure like you - besides a bit of freelance photography stuff I don't really do much of these days.

And so he made Champion fancams.

But Nori despises the Champion!

You're really doing a good job of making me hate the Gym Trainers (apart from Kallisto. Kallisto is good).

The Gym Trainers (except Kallisto) are very much hateable! Eddie and Tono at least have some good points, but Ollie on the other hand...

His feet are waterproof? Or is it his shoes?

Well whoops, dunno how I mangled that one. Another thing to fix when I get there. Although I suppose water on the feet isn't a big deal either.

Yes, Kallisto! Call out Ollie and the others!

He may tolerate his friends' antics sometimes, but he knows when they're going too far.

Woah, lady. Telling a child that you don't like them? Wow.

Given the context of her other son, I can understand her perspective. At the same time, this rant is funny in a way that's hard to describe. I like it.

It is, objectively, a little over the top. But then put yourself in Nori's or worse yet, Lux's shoes. And it becomes a little frightening

Not much else to say. I've wanted to read this story for a while, and I'm glad I did.

And I'm glad you're enjoying it.

 

[Welkamo]

As I mentioned a couple times in a few responses, Jamie is based on a girl who had a crush on me in elementary - also named Jamie. She was just as open in her affections. Nori has a much more open reaction than I did, however.

Ahh I see. I was open about a few of my elementary crushes, looking back now.

Now I realize I should read the other responses so I don't repeat a question that's already been answered...

Funny enough, you're the only reader so far that took note of that at this point. You're very much correct to take note of it

Wow. I accomplished a thing.

This was inspired by my middle school. We were expected to plan for our futures right there, including multiple options: a Plan A, a Plan B, etc. I don't think very many actually followed it, and I knew right away that your opinions are likely to change. Like when I was a kid I wanted to be a meteorologist. Then something involving math or science in middle school, and now I'm not sure like you - besides a bit of freelance photography stuff I don't really do much of these days.

We had a similar thing in home economics in middle school. We had to take this quiz, and then we were given suggestions for careers based on categories.

But Nori despises the Champion!

In that case... fancams of every Gym Leader except Volkner.

 

[Welkamo]

A bit late tonight. My apologizes.

He jumped to his feet. "You better back the hell off, Eddie."

I was a bit confused here because of the pronoun stuff. I thought it was Eddie telling himself to back off.

First, it's you I don't like.

This is the antithesis of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood.

"Pokemon training has a rich history. A lot of people forget that it wasn't always about the sport. There's lots of different stories and theories on how people first came to use Pokemon. Some say it was for hunting, some say it was by a deity's blessing, others say it was for the Pokemon to keep themselves in-check. But all of them agree that people started training Pokemon for good reasons, and to improve the lives of both humanity and Pokemon." He paced and gesticulated as his spoke, pausing for a moment. "There's nothing wrong with being a trainer. If your friend's mother doesn't see that, well."

I don't know why, but I like this part.

"Thanks, Eddie. Wanted to say that in a better way, but," and with this Kallisto shrugged. "More or less covers it."

It would be better to format this as:
"Thanks, Eddie. Wanted to say that in a better way, but"—and with this Kallisto shrugged—"More or less covers it."

Despite their present kindness, Nori had to roll his eyes at that. Kallisto was okay, but if the Gym Trainers were his friends, he'd hate to meet his enemies. Still, maybe this was that good heart Kallisto was talking about.

Eh, I'm still not going to side with/like the Gym Trainers (minus Kallisto and maybe Tono), but I guess when someone talks trash about their job, they'll let bygones be bygones.

He emitted a massive burst of electricity, arcing out on all directions. In a split second, a number of targets lit up and were almost instantly hit.

I was going to say, "but why doesn't he use a OHKO move?" and then this happened, and I realized that a move that attack all opponents would work, too. It's probably more reliable than a OHKO move.

He slammed his whole body into the target, falling down panting after impact, as all the lights went green.

I would add an "and" between "down" and "panting".

The Gym Leader dropped the remote, dumbfounded. Kallisto laughed and started to applaud, a gesture the other three followed suit in. Volkner said nothing for the longest time, giving Nori a chance to check on his Pokemon. Pachirisu had been given basic training like most of the Gym's Pokemon. The rest had to be potential and Nori having done something right with his own training. Whatever it was.

Yay, Nori won something!

"Then we'll move on from this." Nori breathed a heavy sigh of relief at this.

Maybe make Nori's action a separate paragraph from Volkner's dialogue.

"Then we'll move on from this." Nori breathed a heavy sigh of relief at this. Finally, no more stupid target test! He gave his Pokemon a tight hug in thanks. "There's a lot more you need to learn, anyway. We'll move on to practice battles next week. I also want to start you on physical activity soon."

Gym Leader? More like Gym Teacher.

"No problem!" Nori declared. "I'm good in P.E.!" He was never a top athlete like some of his peers were, but he always did very well. Whenever he went to play soccer in the fields, he was always one of the first picked after the captains' friends.

Man, I'm glad I don't have to do P.E. I hated that class, and it was made even worse by the fact that I've been interested in every subject except sports (well, except for walking three miles a day).

He spent most of his spare time doing some reading of his law books.

Good job, Nori. Someday, I want to sit down and read about law.

Thankfully, she nodded and let him get on his way.

Oh good. Jamie respects Noris boundaries.

councilor's

I thought this was a regional spelling of "counselor's", but "councilor" is not a regional spelling; it means the member of a council. I think you meant to say "counselor".

Lux looked away. He sighed. "Mom and dad had a big fight about you. They were yelling really loud. Mom told dad to leave. She let him back the next day, but..."

And here I was thinking Lux's family was functional.

And yes, I'm insulting your mom.

This line is funny.

"Good! Because so do I!" Nori offered a hand to his friend. After some hesitation, Lux took it and stood. They were going to spend lunch hour together, whether his stupid mom liked it or not. "Let's go find a place to eat!"

This gives me the same energy as the scenes in anipoké where Ash says, "Don't worry! We're gonna train and be the very best!" Cue music swell.

"Well..." The other boy looked down at his bag. "Can we stay here and eat? Like usual?"

"Oh, uh, right." Whoops.

This reminds me of another anime thing that I don't know the word for.

Oh. No wonder she was feeling deflated. Almost her friends and classmates were certainly getting the chance to go to this amusement park or whatever, and she wasn't.

Almost all

"I guess?" It was something the rest of the class had been anticipating, but he'd only heard about it just now. "I don't know if the Gym Leader will let me since I'd be skipping training, but we'll see."

Pokémon: Volkner signs a permission slip and accidentally signs up to be a chaperone Diamond. Coming to the Nintendo Switch.

That? "Oh, well." Nori ruffled his hair. "I did say those things, but if it's between you and her, I'd pick you. She's nice, but you're way more important to me." He patted his friend on the shoulder. "So don't worry. You're my best friend, and I'm not going to just ignore you over anything."

Aww Friendship

"Beep test." Nori rubbed his hair in confusion. What in the world was a beep test? Volkner just looked exasperated. Was he supposed to know? "Kallisto, can you?"

Is this what I think it is.

"Sure," said the orange and pink haired teenager. "It's a school gym class thing, mostly from junior high. There'll be a beep, and you need to get to the other wall before the next one. There's multiple levels, it gets faster as it goes along. Mess up twice in the same level, and you're out."

THE FITNESSGRAM PACER TEST IS A MULTISTAGE—

A healthy body houses a healthy mind.

Geez, Volkner. Did you get that quote off of Facebook or something?

This was about endurance, not speed.

Nori recognized that right away.

Wish I did when I still had to take the Fitnessgram.

How many of these were there? Twelve? Fifteen?

Twenty one, apparently...

To his shock, he wasn't even straining! The muscular teen continued, handling what remained of round eleven up through round fourteen as if it were nothing. The test ended there. Kallisto threw up his arms in celebration.

...Nevermind.

He was expecting to at least get to round twelve before burning out, but he couldn't even do that much!

Hey, don't worry, pal. I never got above 40.

The wonder in his mind.

The excitement of exploring.

The fun of ______ .

The ______ of trying to find his ma.

The ______ of ______.

The wind hitting his body.

Oooooooh more flashback stuff.

Well, she did things like that, and like once, really wanted me to be a trainer.

A bit confused on the "and like once" part.

Whenever he fought Kallisto he'd just be destroyed.

I think there should be a comma after "Kallisto", since it's a dependent + independent clause.

There it was, that was the Electric move.

Period would be better, I think, but I'm not sure.

They were like eight meters tall.

Like" should be surrounded with commas.

"Now, your double beam combo!" The moth hovered close. His eyes and antennae began to glow different colors. He fired these off in the form of two beams - one Psybeam and one Signal Beam - which fused into one.

Woah, that's possible? Then again, I've seen crazier things in the anime.

"I'm very disappointed, Nori." Volkner said. The Gym Leader only ever called him by name when he was upset. "I was expecting you to do far better."

I don't know why, but this humors me.
"Son, I am very upset."

Hey, I didn't think I'd have time to do a review today, but here I am! Good stuff so far. I first, accidentally, clicked on the chapter after this one, and I got a sneak peak at the Valentine's Day episode. Oooooh what will happen?

 

[System Error]

Don't worry about repeating questions too much, I don't mind.

Eh, I'm still not going to side with/like the Gym Trainers (minus Kallisto and maybe Tono), but I guess when someone talks trash about their job, they'll let bygones be bygones.

They're not bad people at least, just jerks. That much was clear from this scene.

I was going to say, "but why doesn't he use a OHKO move?" and then this happened, and I realized that a move that attack all opponents would work, too. It's probably more reliable than a OHKO move.

What OHKO move can Pachirisu use? And would there be any point in using one on a mechanical target specifically designed to take Pokemon moves??

Yay, Nori won something!

Something better than nothing!

Man, I'm glad I don't have to do P.E. I hated that class, and it was made even worse by the fact that I've been interested in every subject except sports (well, except for walking three miles a day).

I had to up until high school. It's where the beep test that's in this chapter was inspired from in middle school. I never minded PE, but my low lung capacity coupled with HATING basketball for how it always made me build up static made me drop mit.

Good job, Nori. Someday, I want to sit down and read about law.

Pretty advanced stuff for a twelve year old. And way more formal than myself learning about negative numbers and such on my own.

And here I was thinking Lux's family was functional.

Certainly is not at all.

This line is funny.

"Your mom" but she actualy is.

This reminds me of another anime thing that I don't know the word for.

Nori can be a derp.

THE FITNESSGRAM PACER TEST IS A MULTISTAGE—

Oh it has a different name too? For the record, the middle school one only went to about fifteen or so.

Geez, Volkner. Did you get that quote off of Facebook or something?

It's actually a subtle hint he has a bit of depth.

Oooooooh more flashback stuff.

Dun dun dun.

Woah, that's possible? Then again, I've seen crazier things in the anime.

Anything's possible if you can imagine it! Of course some things aren't going to work very well, but this one did.

Good stuff so far. I first, accidentally, clicked on the chapter after this one, and I got a sneak peak at the Valentine's Day episode. Oooooh what will happen?

Mhm. Antics abound! Spoiler, no White Day episode, however

 

[Welkamo]

What OHKO move can Pachirisu use? And would there be any point in using one on a mechanical target specifically designed to take Pokemon moves??

Nori Carino: Nori Uses Gameshark

Oh it has a different name too? For the record, the middle school one only went to about fifteen or so.

I looked up a recording of the Fitnessgram recording, and it went up to twenty one. Granted, no one I ever saw ever got to that level.

Mhm. Antics abound! Spoiler, no White Day episode, however

Dang it