- Joined
- Mar 31, 2021
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I unironically hate what I made. I've gotten rid of it completely. Feel free to take this down.
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With the way this sentence is structured, I feel like a noun should come after the "orange and yellow".The leaves fall and travel across the wide field, spreading a beautiful orange and yellow across the green plains.
A Poochyena laid in the shade of an oak tree, snacking on an apple.
Okay, so "lay" and "lie" are kind of... weird verbs? Especially in terms of conjugation. I think in both of these cases, "laid" should be "lay". This video might be helpful.The Poochyena carefully laid on the egg
The sentence structure of "they did the thing, the thing doing the thing" is a bit exhausting, especially when it happens three times in a row. Not that it's a bad structure, but varied sentence structures are important and help keep the prose form reading as monotonous.A Poochyena laid in the shade of an oak tree, snacking on an apple. An egg dropped from the tree, landing near the Poochyena. The canid creature looked at the egg, slightly confused.
"Approach" should be "appoached".They approach it, looking around before sitting near it.
"Spring" shouldn't be capitalized.as it was surprisingly cool for Spring.
"Comes" and "passes" should be in past tense.Nightfall eventually comes, and the exhausted Poochyena passes out....
I would have liked to see a little more about the Poochyena. Why were they out in the fields? What is their relationship to the town? What makes them decide to go to town? (To get help with the egg/grass/etc.?)The Poochyena began to move away from the plains to return to town, bringing the egg with them.