TEEN: The Long Walk

[Persephone]

Interesting chapter, with curses and all of that.

I admittedly read the blog first because I don't care much about spoilers and came in expecting that this would take an odd one-episode dive into fantasy. What's impressive about this chapter is that you managed to deal with very fantastic things in the same fairly realistic universe of the rest of TLW.

The Shinto references were also rather interesting and, if nothing else, actually gave me an answer to a question that I had been mulling over for a long time about how to go about an aspect of Vaira dealing with another religion.

I don't have any major critiques for this chapter. Style and grammar were very good as always and plot/character problems tend to be more long-term issues anyway. Keep up the good work!

 

[Flaze]

Uhhh.....so....where to start xD

I liked the chapter, I thought that it was an interesting experiment and I liked that you delved a little bit into the supernatural and mythology of the world. I read the blog and I did spot the kitsune tale even before reading it I didn't know that it was connected to elves or anything like that though. On that note I think that this chapter accomplished its purpose of showing something more plus it also worked as useful character developtment in order to further the trust between Eve and Josh.

However....maybe it's just me and maybe I'm just not smart enough but I was kind of thrown off by the chapter from time to time. During the scene with the diverging roads and the fire scene while I was convinced of the idea that they were all connected due to the power of Ninetales it got a little confusing, I don't know what it was but it was kind of me to follow the story properly during these scene because everything just seemed to move faster.

This happened again at the beginning of the Ninetales attack when she transformed into Eve (nice fanservice scene btw c; ) I think when the illusion Eve went to walk over to Josh it threw me off a bit because you referred to her as Evelina, I think referring to her as the Illusion at least for that one last time would've made things easier.

Lastly the battle was good but it felt a bit stale in a way. Like it kind of felt like things were happening because they had to happen and it lacked a certain sense of quickness to it, maybe it was just me, I have been feeling a bit odd today so I wouldn't pay too much attention to it.

Lastly, I know that exploring the world and expanding on the geography and how the Pokemon World in this story work has kind of become the purpose of this story, but I really do hope the Ilex Forest arc ends next chapter because it's starting to drag the plot along a bit. It can only take so many chapters of Eve and Josh going through their sexual tension while exploring every inch of the forest. I probably sound like a dick saying that since it is a journey fic, but I just think maybe pumping things up a little bit could help, sorry if I do sound like one though >_<

Over all: 75/100

 

[Beth Pavell]

Spoiler: Responses

@Airt: Aaand, now I can relax a bit! I wasn't sure how this chapter was going to turn out, if I'm honest, so I'm absurdly pleased that you liked it. It's more, well, cinematic than usual which is always a pain because things have to be snappy and vivid >_< Oh, yes, the old pagan beliefs are strong on the edges of these isles. Folklore, to me, is just another way of saying “religion”, except that it has no priests, unless grandmothers count. Oh, and in response to your question, I will ask a counter-question: “What do you think?”

@Vivillon: I haven't planned for Ninetales to return. For all her fiery Scots threats I can't see her leaving the Deepwoods to get her revenge. It would have been a smart idea for Maisie to be a Ninetales victim, sure! But the chance to reference the Queen of the Elves would have been too tempting in any case, I think

@Rediamond: I put a lot of thought into how – in the context of a world where foxes can breathe fire – the illusions would work. At first it was just going to be a Stantler overreacting, but then the fairytale theme came to me. Anyway, the point is that I tried to only ask the reader to suspend disbelief regarding Ninetales' motives. All the rest of the fantasy elements are already canon, one way or another, including the Ninetales habit of cursing people. Part of this was in response to your review, by the way, adding in some explanation for otherwise chance events.

@Flaze: Drat. I'd hoped that referring to the illusion as Evelina would be enough. Maybe I dug myself a hole with that bit. It's a bit of a perspective shift since you don't see much of Eve's reaction during that short sequence. I didn't intend for it to be fanservicey ^^' I was trying to go for something rather odd and uncomfortable, but oh well, lesson learned.

It's not my favourite battle I've ever written and I'm considering going back to put a bit more life into it. That being said, the battle only really needs to serve a purpose and I didn't want it to dominate the chapter overall.

Spoiler: Version History

1.1 : The officer interviewing the pokémon hunter is now a Detective Inspector

Interlude - Old Maud (Version 1.1)

Junior Ranger Alicia Fennel carefully tweaked the folds out of her sweater vest. Her sergeant was a stickler for neatness in office uniform and was not above sending her back to the locker room to redress. She checked her shoulder boards one last time – patrol station ID on the right, name and rank insignia on the left.

Fennel sighed, just a little resentfully. She was outside Interview 2, one of Bluefinland Patrol Station's small suite of interview rooms. She quietly entered Observation 2 next door. The room was dimly lit, dominated by the one-way mirror looking into Interview 2.

“You wanted to see me, sir?” Fennel said. Sergeant Harlow gave her an appraising look, no doubt searching for something to upbraid her on. Her sergeant had no double standards, every bit as neat and orderly as he expected her to be. He always reminded Fennel of an action figure fresh out of the box.

“Fennel. Take a look,” he said. Fennel obediently looked through into the interview room. It had the air of a very dull office, apart from the Detective Inspector conducting the interview and the stony faced suspect in prison fatigues cuffed to his chair.

“Another poacher?” she asked.

“Not just a poacher. That's pokémon hunter Piers,” Harlow said solemnly. “We've been after him for a while. About a week ago he washed up below Giant's Leap. Finally took on more than he could handle.”

“What's he being charged with?”

Harlow ignored this. “There are some things a Junior Ranger ought to be told before she earns her laurel,” he said. “Do you remember when you asked me if I believe in Lugia?"

“Yes sir. You said you didn't.”

“Right. What I didn't tell you was why,” Harlow continued. “And that is because there is no point in believing in things that exist.”

“But … I thought Lugia was a legend,” Fennel said tentatively.

“And? That doesn't mean it can't also exist. There are five of them that we know of. A mother, and her four children. Oh, don't look so astonished,” he said, catching Fennel's expression. “Lugia is still a pokémon. Pokémon breed and die same as everything else.”

Fennel said nothing. She was sensitive enough to her sergeant's moods to know when to shut up and listen.

“Some of the legends may be true, for all we know. They usually live in the open ocean, down near the abyssal plain. Try studying a pokémon that can cruise at twelve knots two miles below the sea. The mother lugia is about two hundred years old, we think. Who knows what she calls herself, but we call her Old Maud. Each spring she brings her children to the islands, for the sardine boom. Sometimes she stays for the summer, sometimes not,” Harlow paused, a faraway look in his eye. “I saw her once. I was a Junior Ranger not much older than you … she was with her eldest son just off the Lariggan Rocks. She doesn't often let herself be seen, but I think it was her way of letting the Union know they were ok.”

Fennel glanced back at the stony faced pokémon hunter. Sergeant Harlow liked to keep testing her.

“He was trying to capture her, wasn't he?”

“No. Piers isn't that stupid. It was the young ones he was after.”

“... what for?” Fennel asked, with some trepidation. Most poachers at least had a grudging respect for the pokémon they captured, but hunters … they were different.

“Perhaps his client wants to find out just how many of the legends are true,” Harlow said. “I doubt that is Piers' style though. More likely he'd sell one to some dictator. There are plenty of despots in the world that would pay handsomely for the ultimate counter-rebellion weapon.”

Pokémon hunter Piers stared stonily back at the DI. The worst part about all this was how normal he looked. A pokémon hunter ought to have some sort of facial scar, or a steely gaze, at least a threatening tattoo or something. But Piers, well, Piers looked like the kind of guy you'd see in an office cubicle somewhere, not in a Ranger Patrol Station. This was the kind of guy who would sell a lugia to be used as a terror weapon. Against civilians. Fennel tried and failed to suppress a shudder.

“So what do you think, Fennel?” Sergeant Harlow said quietly. “This is as high as the stakes go. Do you still want to earn your laurel?”

“More than ever.”

Next Chapter: Comfort Zones

 

[diamondpearl876]

It was the first thing that Bulbasaur thought, every time he was recalled.

I used to put “that” in my writing a lot when it wasn't necessary. I was always told to use it sparingly and when it made the sentence flow better. I would remove it here along with the comma. You could say the sentence out loud to see which way flows better too.

I like the philosophical thinking Bulbasaur experiences in the prelude. Especially like the phrase “chlorophyll dreams”.

If I go back, he'll just say that I quit again.

Here it is again already. How often, when you're thinking to yourself, do you include the word “that”? Probably not often. Sorry if it's nitpicky, but I'm revising my old fic and I used it SO MUCH it was distracting. I don't want to see it happen to you too.

There's not a lot of opportunities in Mulberry Town. I've done a fair few office jobs, temporary work. All administering something very ordinary and irrelevant. Anyway, a few months ago I was filing some stock reports or something and I guess I just snapped. Quit. No more pushing paper around for arrogant middle-managers ...”

Josh sounds a little older, which might make up for his weird unnatural sounding dialogue. I like that he's had other jobs before pokemon training. You rarely ever see that in fics.

Later that morning, Josh swung his multi-pocketed messenger bag over his shoulder and left the Pokémon Centre. He’d left a little note on the counter to say thank you to Nurse Joy. She didn’t need to be compassionate towards passing trainers and he appreciated the effort. She had told him the closest Pokémon Gym was in Violet City if he wanted to challenge the Gym Leader, but he didn’t quite feel ready for Violet yet. Josh didn’t like cities very much. He liked being close to trees, like the ones that lined the road east of Route 30. They were sprightly beeches and chestnuts, full of pidgey that fluttered onto the path to scratch about in the dirt. As he tramped tirelessly westwards, Josh smiled at the milder March weather. It was a good day for walking, especially with the outfit he’d developed after years of long walks.

Well, I like this paragraph for a few reasons. It delves slightly into Josh's personality, the description is nice, Johto is amazing, and I like that you say what season it is. I'm guilty of this too but I find many writers forget about the fact seasons exist/change when writing traveling fics.

“Get back here with my bag you thieves! Brigands!” she yelled, accompanied by much fist-shaking.

Can I ask what time period this takes place in? The dialogue sounds so formal, not to mention the archaic language used sometimes, I would think this was set in an older time period than what I'm used to when it comes to pokemon.

I read some of your reviews on the first chapter and I agree the prose is kind of slow, which might reflect Josh's thinking process. Which is fine, as long as you speed it up when it's appropriate and keep the prose consistently well written. The first chapter included standard character introduction and trainer-to-be's first battle. The battle was short, but if this isn't the type of journey fic to focus on battles themselves, it's fine. I quite like the fact Joys are involved in this and I'll be interested to see where you take it. On a side note, I won't be reading a lot of your old reviews and commenting on them since you've updated your fic since then, and they're not quite representative of your updated writing style.

Josh tried to answer them all as best he could, trying not to seem aloof.

I would just put “Josh answered them all as best he could, trying not to seem aloof.” The repetition of “trying” seems awkward.

Woah, that second chapter went by fast and I didn't really leave a lot of comments. Sorry about that. You might want to work on transitioning. Between chapters 1 and 2 Josh became more experienced. There's a couple mentions of Bulbasaur battling a lot, but not enough to be winning every single battle. Also, the thing about the generator was clever but it wasn't really cleared up. It seemed like a vague excuse to run into a magnemite and capture it. Unless I'm missing something important? I'm slow sometimes. :~) Either way I love your writing style. I'll be back for more eventually. Probably sooner than you think.

 

[diamondpearl876]

The sun slid down in the sky, bringing a cold evening.

Might I suggest starting chapters in ways other than with route descriptions? For some people that can tend to get boring.

Her meowth has found his way into the higher branches of the tree, where he now stood smirking shiftily down at his trainer.

Remove “has”. Putting “has” in there takes it away from the past tense.

Presently, she came to a fork in the road.

I wouldn't use words like “presently” and “now” when using the past tense. It sounds like I'm about to read a present tense sentence and then I'm thrown off when I don't.

Meowth, old and cunning.

That's an odd combination, but a unique, interesting one nonetheless.

“That was a clever tactic you used back there. Luring Paras in and then using Protect.”

“Oh, thank you! But it wasn’t a tactic. At least I didn’t plan it. But thank you.”

“It was a clever tactic,” he repeated. His solemn tone made Evelina smile.

Joshua's dull personality is rather endearing.

Eve’s hand flew to her mouth, stifling a small gasp. She had to admit, she was a little impressed. Not many people would dare go poking around an onix burrow, storm or no storm. “You went down an onix burrow to get out of the rain,” she said with a giggle.

Very clever detail. I like it.

“The Poké Scanner retrieves data from the Poké Ball,” Eve explained, shuffling her chair round so Josh could see, “You can see Magnemite’s ID number, gender, its Ability, and look – its moves.”

Yesssssss I love pokedex technology.

Josh drummed his fingers on the table. Eve could almost see the cogs turning in his head as he thought it over.

I could totally see Josh like a machine.

To a pokémon trainer, a Badge is not just a pin. The capital letter is important. It is proof of a trainer’s skill, emblematic of the long walk to the Pokémon League. In a way, earning a Badge is a highly tangible achievement. Earn eight Gym Badges, and you earn the right to compete in the League. That was the way it always was. A Badge doesn’t gain or lose value in the way a diploma might. An employer may argue over the value of a university education, but a Badge is always a Badge.

I don't know about that. People who graduated 20+ years ago still use their high school diploma to apply to college, no? Basic skills aren't generally lost, either. That's what semantic memory is for. But complex concepts, such as (for me, anyway), long division, the scientific method, and other lists/step-by-step procedures can be forgotten. Same with pokemon concepts. You can easily forget attack names, how they're used, specific strategies you once used while battling, etc. Am I even making sense? Oh man...

I just realized I skipped Josh's Union Cave and Tyler battle by reading a review. How did this happen? Well, no big deal. Time to backtrack....

“I thought we could walk to the pass together,” Josh said. “Get to know each other, sort of thing. Er.”

Stare.

“In a creepy way, you’re kind of cute really,” he said desperately.

Cute dialogue. I like this magnemite already.

The look it gave Josh was somehow old, like a stern but kindly grandfather.

Maybe I like something about old pokemon? Nice use of italics, at any rate.

A grey dawn broke over Route 33. It was a pale, shivery sort of morning, cloaked in the subdued calm that comes after a storm. The sun rose lethargically through shredded clouds that hung high and wispy above the world.

Your description is always spot on. Makes me jealous.

Dead on his feet, his trainer had fallen straight into a deep sleep.

Should be “it” if you're sticking with magnemite being genderless.

I like the concept of a gym leader saying, “I'll battle you, even if you're not ready yet. I advise you to train.” Very original and it led nicely into Josh's conversation with his dad.

 

[Beth Pavell]

Responses:

Spoiler

@diamondpearl876: The first two chapters have always been a bit ropey. By rights I should have scrapped them and started again but I’ve edited them so much over time I’m reluctant to do so. There’s still some typos that always slip through >_<

Josh’s dull personality is rather endearing

That’s one of the stranger comments I’ve ever received, assuming you’re not being sarcastic, that is

I don't know about that. People who graduated 20+ years ago still use their high school diploma to apply to college, no? Basic skills aren't generally lost, either. That's what semantic memory is for. But complex concepts, such as (for me, anyway), long division, the scientific method, and other lists/step-by-step procedures can be forgotten. Same with pokemon concepts. You can easily forget attack names, how they're used, specific strategies you once used while battling, etc. Am I even making sense? Oh man...

It’s a fair comment. I suppose Eve would probably say that with eight Badges you must be given entrance into the Silver Conference, whereas a diploma has no fixed value. I’m not saying you’re wrong, you see, just that you have a different opinion to the viewpoint character.

Anyway, about Bugsy, I wanted him to be very obviously an authority figure. It kind of bothers me in fanfic how Gym Leaders tend to have status based on how easy they are to beat in the games. And it ties in with Bugsy’s one anime appearance where he very explicitly develops tactics to counter Bug-types’ weaknesses[/mention]

Note: Beta reader credits go to AetherX, since my usual reader is essentially busy

Chapter Fourteen – Comfort Zones (Version 1.0)

Evelina​

From: Imogen Joy ([email protected])
Sent: 6 April 2012 21:28:09
To: Evelina Joy ([email protected])

Eve,

Well done! You're one step closer to the Silver Conference! I know you think that Lyra evolving was lucky, but really, you need not think so. I'm surprised that Lyra hadn't evolved yet anyway, it appears that the stress of the Gym Battle was just the push she needed. Still, to defeat a scyther right after evolving, that is quite a feat! It just goes to show that you're a great trainer.

Eve, darling, when were you going to tell me about your new friend? You know I'm not going to go reporting to your mother. I'm glad that you have someone to hang out with on your travels. He seems quite taken with you – did you know he told your mum off this morning? She called him at Arborville to talk to him for herself … well, long story short she told him to behave himself. He didn't like that. Told her that you would be safe with him as a matter of honour, and that he wouldn't answer to her.

In any case, Eve, if you trust him then so do I. And just remember, we all support you. Joys look after each other, and that's that. Mail me back, I'm sure you have some stories to tell!

*​

Eve clenched her fists tightly and relaxed them again. Don't go spare. Get his side of the story. Then go spare. It was hard enough to get away from family squabbles without her friend participating in them. Josh ought to consider himself lucky that she wasn't as angry as her mum must be. Eve scanned the common room, spotting Josh reading the bulletin board at the front of the Pokémon Centre.

“Joshua Cook!” she yelled. Josh took one look at the look on her face, and immediately looked for an escape route.

“Don't!” Eve commanded. “Did you talk to my mum on Friday?”

“Well, yes, but she called me. Er. You could say it was a rather frosty conversation -”

“Do you have any idea how angry she is?”

“Ok, so I'll admit I was a bit antagonistic. I'm sorry, but I get defensive when my honour's questioned.”

“Are you kidding? I couldn't be happier that you pissed off Queen Bee!”

“Then why are you shouting at me?” Josh said, exasperated.

“Because. Because you should have told me,” Eve said. She subsided, with some effort, “I need to be able to trust you, Josh. And that means -”

“No, no, you're right. It was thoughtless of me.”

Why are you trying to fight with him?

“It's not your fault,” she sighed. “You weren't to know. It's just … sodding family games,” she sighed again. “What were you reading?”

“Apparently people are willing to pay good money for pokémon.”

Most Pokémon Centres had a classified ads board. This one was covered with requests for pokémon caught at White Lake. Fifty dollars for an Infiltrator zubat, seventy for a chinchou … a hundred for a vaporeon. A hundred and fifty for a buizel?

“Real good money,” Eve mused. “There are buizel at White Lake?”

“A small population. The only permanent buizel population outside Sinnoh, as it happens,” Josh said. “I was curious,” he added.

“You trainers wouldn't happen to be interested in my ad, now would you?” somebody said in a smooth baritone. The voice belonged to a middle-aged fellow, quite handsome in that distinguished way middle-aged men sometimes were. He looked like an advert for one of the better class of clothes chain.

“I'm seeking a trainer who can catch a buizel. For my daughter's birthday.”

“Oh, we're just brows – mmph!” Josh started.

“Oh dear, is that my hand clamped over your mouth?” Eve said innocently. “Would you excuse us for a moment?”

Eve dragged him, protesting indistinctly, out of earshot. “Mon-ey,” she intoned.

“I recognise that smug face! That's the Right 'Honourable' Timothy Fitzroy MP!” Josh fumed sotto voce. “Last year he paid for the mortgage on his second house with taxpayer's money then sold it for a profit! He can catch his own damn buizel.”

“So he's rich and arrogant and has a flimsy idea of the value of a dollar?”

“Yes!”

“So it would be quite easy for a working-class boy to chisel him out of a couple hundred dollars?”

Eve smiled to herself, imagining the cogs spinning in Josh's head. An iniquitous little grin spread slowly across his face.

“Two chisels are better than one?” he said.

“Let's do it,” Eve agreed.

Fitzroy was watching with an air of paternal amusement. Josh is right, he does look smug.

“We'll catch that buizel,” she said. “But we'll need three hundred dollars.”

“That's twice the price my assistant set,” Fitzroy replied with an indulgent laugh. “How about two hundred, because I like your enterprise.”

“Two fifty. Plus daily expenses,” she insisted.

“I can't pay expenses,” said Fitzroy. “It's only a few days until her birthday.”

“Are you suggesting that I would drag my heels in order to claim more expenses, sir?” Eve said sweetly. “Because that would be dishonest. You're not accusing a Joy of being dishonest, are you?”

“No, no,” Fitzroy said hastily, with a sideways glance at the other trainers in the Centre, “I was emphasising the short-term nature of -”

“Two fifty, and you supply the Poké Balls,” Josh broke in. “Six. Three Net Balls, three Dive Balls.”

“Six Poké Balls to catch one pokémon,” Fitzroy said doubtfully.

“Doesn't look like many trainers are heading up to White Lake,” Josh said conversationally.

“I remember when my daddy gave me my little Meowth,” Eve said dreamily. “Best birthday ever.”

“Alright! I'll agree to those terms,” Fitzroy relented. “I'll have my assistant bring round the Poké Balls.”

Eve and Josh smirked at each other as Fitzroy left. As soon as he was out of sight they simultaneously whooped and high-fived.

“You are so evil!” Eve laughed.

“Me!” Josh cried in mock outrage. “You caught your Meowth in an alley, you liar!”

“Scoundrel!”

“Grifter!”

Laughing and accusing one another of villainy, they headed to the cafeteria for a cup of coffee while they waited for Fitzroy's assistant. There was an empty table by the window, looking out onto Len Town high street. Rather a lot of people here owned Psychic-type pokémon, for some reason.

“Hold on a moment,” Josh said as soon as he sat down. “White Lake is a free catch zone, isn't it?”

“I think so,” Eve said uncertainly.

“Blast. I'd better go and check. Last thing I need is for Dad to find out I've been arrested for pokémon poaching.”

Eve smiled faintly as Josh ambled off, grumbling to himself. She wondered vaguely whether she should offer to patch up his jacket – it was already looking a bit threadbare, but now there were three long tears in the fabric from where Ninetales had raked him. Ninetales!

"Don't you want to see what's under my jacket?"

"What about Maisie?"

Damn that fox. Eve had been so glad to be finally out of the Deepwoods that she hadn't really thought about the incident until her head hit the pillow that night. She couldn't help but wonder what might have happened if Josh hadn't seen through Ninetales' illusion. What if he'd been harbouring a crush on her since Azalea Town? She could be accidentally leading him on, and that wouldn't be fair. Damnit. She liked being able to hang out in pyjamas! That would be first to go, Eve thought ruefully.

What Eve really wanted to do was to ignore the whole issue in the hope that it would somehow resolve itself. But that was damn silly, and Joys aren't damn silly. Doing nothing changes nothing.

“One buizel per trainer, otherwise free catch zone,” Josh said, startling Eve out of her reverie. “Everything ok?”

You can't put it off forever.

“Um, Josh … can we talk? For a while?”

“Of course, bud. What's up?”

Eve took a deep breath. “About yesterday. When Maisie was, pretending to be me you didn't exactly … say no.”

Josh couldn't meet her eyes, and just stared at the tabletop. Eve you idiot! What did you ask him that for?

“Bear with me. These thoughts are complicated,” he said, after about a century. “I was thinking so many things. Part of me wanted to run. I might have done just that but … a stronger part of me didn't want to hurt your feelings. And then a small part of me was saying 'Go for it!'. I didn't know what to do. It was all very sudden, and all those provocative little comments just … well, they just made me very nervous.”

“Oh,” Eve said. Ohmigosh he's talking and I didn't screw everything up! “That's actually kinda sweet. Complicated, but sweet. Did I really make you that nervous?”

“I'm not used to this sort of thing, Eve.”

Wait a minute. Nervous, not used to sexy talk, wanted to run away. Two plus two makes four. “You haven't done it before, have you?” she said quietly. Josh hesitated, as if reluctant to answer, “I'm not going to make fun of you,” Eve added.

“… no. No, I haven't. It doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that other people think I should be bothered by it.”

“I don't think it should bother you,” Eve said. Josh gave her an appreciative half-smile.

“Um, sweetling? You haven't really answered my question. I saw you looking,” she said pointedly.

“Eve, I'm so sorry about that, I mean I didn't realise it was you and -”

“Josh, Josh, Josh,” Eve cut in. “I'm not angry with you. I just want to know how you feel about me.”

Josh paused to think again before he answered. “Eve, I need you to believe me when I say I honestly haven't been stealing glances at you. Yeah, I find you attractive. But I find you attractive because you're so confident and passionate, you know? So when you were apparently in front of me with your top unzipped I, I couldn't help but …” he trailed off, blushing fiercely. “Now I've had space to think, I know I want to be near you. As your friend.”

Eve laughed with relief. “That's great!” she said, and meant it. “That's really great.”

Josh drummed his fingers on the plastic tabletop. “I didn't see a lot, you know,” he said shyly. “Just a bit of cleavage.”

“I suppose I should consider it a compliment that you couldn't resist taking a peek,” Eve joked, winking roguishly at him.

“You shut up, you,” he chided, but he was half-smiling at her anyway. “We're ok, right?”

“Yeah,” Eve said as encouragingly as she could. “I'm not blaming you. Frankly I'd rather that damn Ninetales hadn't flashed you, but you've never made me feel objectified. I know you're not staring at my butt every time I turn my back on you. And if you want us to be even then you can lose the jumper and show me those pecs.”

“Alright, I know a wind up when I hear it! Get your Pokédex out, we've got captures to plan.”

Eve giggled and slid her Pokédex across the table. She felt oddly tired, like she'd run a mental mile. But it was the content feeling in her chest she noticed the most, and hadn't felt for a long time.

Next Chapter: Gotta Catch 'Em All

 

[Vivillon]

I don't have much to say about this chapter, as it was rather short. However, I do have one little spelling mistake that you must have missed:

She could be accidentally leading him on, and that wouldn't be fair. Damnit. She liked being able to hang out in pyjamas! That would be first to go, Eve thought ruefully.

That should be pajamas, not pyjamas.

 

[GoneGuy]

Woo Chapter update!! I really liked some parts of this chapter!! Your use of the email format at the beginning creates a wonderful sense of space, that characters can interact though there is great distance between them. Plus, we get to see a bit more of Imogen Joy's development too.

And, while discussing character development!! Josh and Eve - I knew it!!! It's blossoming!!! Well, I hope

The whole concept of this chapter seems just a small bit lacking in comparison to others, if I'm brutally honest and if I start nitpicking. The idea of catching a Buizel, to sell to a Lord, who will then give it to his daughter for her birthday, just seems an integral part of The Long Walk, but it then felt like to came to a sudden - yet very cute - end

Still loving it though,
Le meas,
Airt

@Vivillon: Pyjamas and Pajamas are just two variations of the same word. I would write 'pyjamas' too - it's an English/Irish thing I suppose. It may be more European than that too

 

[Vivillon]

Woo Chapter update!! I really liked some parts of this chapter!! Your use of the email format at the beginning creates a wonderful sense of space, that characters can interact though there is great distance between them. Plus, we get to see a bit more of Imogen Joy's development too.

And, while discussing character development!! Josh and Eve - I knew it!!! It's blossoming!!! Well, I hope

The whole concept of this chapter seems just a small bit lacking in comparison to others, if I'm brutally honest and if I start nitpicking. The idea of catching a Buizel, to sell to a Lord, who will then give it to his daughter for her birthday, just seems an integral part of The Long Walk, but it then felt like to came to a sudden - yet very cute - end

Still loving it though,
Le meas,
Airt

@Vivillon: Pyjamas and Pajamas are just two variations of the same word. I would write 'pyjamas' too - it's an English/Irish thing I suppose. It may be more European than that too

I did not know that. Thanks for the heads up! It must be the 'Murican in me that sees it at the only correct spelling. xD

 

[Flaze]

Yay for a short chapter at a time where I can't really afford to read a long one xD

No but really the chapter was a nice set up for what's to come, sadly it means spending more time in Ilex Forest but at least the next chapter has a lot of interesting things that'll make it more fun to read. When it comes to the characters I think this chapter at least achieved some developtment on Eve's and Josh's traits as well as settling the issues that arose in the previous chapter (even if Josh doesn't admit he totally wanted that *shot*).

It also did good in showing their conniving sides xD I had to admit I really laughed when Josh and Eve got all conspiring and sly with the guy and it was exactly what I expected.

About the special chapter, there isn't much to say about it aside from the fact that it kind of continues with what the previous special chapter dealt with. It at least gives us a view of other things going on in other parts of the wolrd and furthers the Lugia plot that was hinted at before.

 

[FullMoon]

So I'm reviewing for the first time here, which means I'm probably going to suck at it. I only read the prelude and the first chapter so I'm going to talk about my first impressions.

The prelude was simple, short and nice. I don't have much to say about it because it was so short, but you did a good job with it. "Chlorophyll dreams" was also a nice touch.

Now about the first chapter proper. I will say that I enjoy your narrative, your descriptions are very well done and they keep the flow going, something I struggle to do since ever. The conversation between Josh and Christine was pretty sweet as well.

The second part of the chapter is the one that bothered me a bit and that's mostly because some the dialogue felt a bit... Forced overall.

Joy sighed. “You are at the same time the strangest and most interesting person I’ve met all week. The least I can do is offer you a little of my supplies. Care to join me for lunch?”

Considering they only exchanged a couple of sentences at each other, Evelina saying that comes out as a bit random. It's not like Josh was acting or talking in a weird way, he simply forgot about the existance of his Pokémon for dealing with a problem which didn't even need it anyway. So this dialogue from her just comes out as rather odd overall. It would've been better for her to say that after they've talked for a bit longer, giving Josh more of an opportunity to show his personality which could prompt Evelina to call him that.

Evelina's character came across as like the story is trying to say "Hey, look! This is a rebellious Nurse Joy!" and it's not exactly subtle about it either, what with she suddenly going to angry mode at the slightest mention of her family and their job. I understand that she might just be like that, but I just feel that she comes across as overdramatic in regards to her family's tradition. Take this for instance:

Evelina sipped at her tea for a moment and said nothing, giving Josh an intense look as if she intended to nail him to the spot with her eyes alone. Josh just blinked calmly at her in return. “I’m taking the Gym challenge,” she said defensively. “It’s not that I don’t like looking after pokémon, I just don’t want to be in a Pokémon Centre all my life!” Evelina folded her arms defiantly, as if daring Josh to disagree. Josh considered this, wondering what Evelina’s mother had to say about this choice.

The way she acts just feels a bit disproportionate. You could just have her give Josh an annoyed look, maybe followed by a sigh that implies that she's tired of hearing the same question over and over (that's the impression I got from this part at least) before speaking up. It comes out as more natural without making it feel overblown and still getting the message across without changing the character too much.

Josh... He feels kinda dull and not very interesting at the moment. Sure, we know his motivation, but overall he just hasn't showed much of his personality yet so he comes across as rather generic. I can sympathize with him, but right now he doesn't come of as very interesting. That might change as I keep reading though.

Also, the battle was... Kinda underwhelming. Sure, it's Josh's first battle, but the way it was described was really simplistic, which is kinda jarring when put in constrast with how your narration seems to be more detailed when it comes to describing things.

I'm interested in seeing how the story develops and I'm probably gonna keep reading it later when I have more time. I'm sorry if this review comes of as rather unhelpful because I'm really not sure if I'm making any sense here, but eh... At least I tried.

 

[diamondpearl876]

Forty feet long from her draconic head to the tip of her tail.

The fragment sentence made me do a double take.

For those that could understand, it meant: I am here! Be somewhere else!

Interesting dialogue, but I like it.

For those who could understand, her song meant: I am here. Come back to me.

Under the grey waves, the beast of the sea swam on …

… followed by her children.

Clever return to the dialogue.

She recalled her cyndaquil and took off at a run, leaving Josh alone on the battlefield with Magnemite quietly circling him.

We haven't seen Bulbasaur in a long, long time. I wonder why? I think you're focusing way too much on Magnemite. Even if you want to train it for Bugsy's gym, it should be a team effort.

She mugged a passing human for his hamburger, but it just wasn't the same.

Absolutely adorable characaterization and she isn't even caught yet.

Bugsy shrugged. “I accept all challengers.

Not really, since he wouldn't face someone who lost against Benny.

Black rays like the negative of a Psybeam lanced out from the gloom, smashing into Magnemite's left magnet with a flash of shadow.

Nice reference back to the interlude.

Rolling into a dive, Pidgeotto swept his wings back and plummeted like a meteor. A few quick flaps of his wings corrected his course, a barrel roll compensated for ledyba's sluggish dodge. Next, the talons swung forward, six gleaming claws ready to crush ledyba once and for all. Less than a second before impact, there was a flash of green and then -

You refer to pidgeotto as a male here.

Josh was shifting his weight from foot to foot, as if the soles of his boots were burning.

This is one of the nicest trainer details I've seen during a battle.

 

[diamondpearl876]

Ledyba – Lyra – had been unusually active near sunset these past few days when she'd normally be lethargic and sleepy. She wondered whether Bugsy would try and capitalise on the time of day by using a crepuscular or nocturnal pokémon … a venonat, maybe.

That would be extremely clever. I like the little details you put into your story.

Left jacket pocket, Poké Ball, not Fast Ball. Pokédex, back jeans pocket. “Lyra! You have the honour!”

Including this one. How often do writers pay attention to pokeball details? Holy ****. Pardon my language for being in awe.

Eve did gave no orders of her own –

Get rid of the word "did"

his pokémon held off the furious meowth with one

Not sure what the point of saying "the meowth" or "the ledyba" is when they don't have nicknames.

“So, Pidgeotto is your new pokémon? Flying-type or no Flying-type, we're not backing down!” said Bugsy, “Use your Toxic Spikes Beedrill!”

Did Bugsy ever get a look at her team? I can't remember.

“Your Pidgeotto's fast,” he said, smiling, “Lucky for me I have a pokémon who's just as fast. I choose you Yanma!”

I generally like your dialogue, but sometimes it seems a bit automatic. You have either Bugsy or Eve draw out their dialogue to say something snippy or antagonistic against the other every time they talk. It's not really necessary. Sometimes people keep things to themselves.

And because life is never quite that neat, they almost missed.

I was going to comment on the cliche where pokemon evolve at the last possible second, but this line kind of makes up for it.

assembled a burger for her while he waited. Mustard, she likes a lot of mustard.

The adorable-ness could kill me.

“Anyway,” Josh added, “If I'm going to the Poké Mart, you're getting the groceries.”

I think you mean Pokemon Center? Unless I'm misunderstanding something. Either way, cute scene and shows Josh's sympathetic side.

Yesterday she'd decided to catch a pineco

Even after that explosion attack that nearly gave me my own heart attack? She's crazy. This doesn't bode well for them.

Eve felt a bit disappointed; the Ilex Forest Shrine should be mystically illuminated by a sunbeam, not standing gloomily in this grey shade.

Not sure if you've noticed this, but "gloom/gloomily" is a word you tend to overuse. It's descriptive, sure, but there doesn't seem to be any significance to its repetition.

“Josh …” Eve asked hesitantly, “How did … how did you know it was another illusion?”

To her surprise, Josh actually blushed. “The eyes. They were the wrong shade of blue.”

Ah, perceptive as always.

o I was right to trust you,” she said, “No forest has defeated you yet.”

Josh gave her a tired smile. “Yeah, well, it's a matter of honour. For you to be safe with me, that is.”

Geez, and she doesn't even know the half of it. I wonder what'll happen when she realizes her mother is keeping tabs on her the way she is.

He always reminded Fennel of an action figure fresh out of the box.

A creative analogy.

“And? That doesn't mean it can't also exist. There are five of them that we know of. A mother, and her four children. Oh, don't look so astonished,” he said, catching Fennel's expression, “Lugia is still a pokémon. Pokémon breed and die same as everything else.”

I was half hoping you'd stick with the slice of life thing and have the interludes just be a sort of "Here's what's happening in the world while Josh and Eve travel together" sort of thing, which them further demonstrating certain themes, but not actually having any significance toward the plot. I think I was wrong. I'll be interested to see what you do with Lugia regardless.

“You shut up, you,” he chided, but he was half-smiling at her anyway. “We're ok, right?”

I give you props for having this conversation go the way it did. This could have easily turned into a love confession scene and it would have been too early, in my opinion.
And with that, I'm all caught up. I must admit, I'm not used to reading slice of life or romance fics... That is, I'm assuming this will eventually be romance. Characterization is obviously your strong point, and I love character-driven fics, so there's that. I notice you're from Britain, which might play a part in the odd dialogue. I have one friend from Britain and I recognize some phrases: "sodding" in particular. Nevertheless, it's only the dialogue. The narration/description is perfect and I might actually refer back to this fic when writing one of my fics in the future because it's that good and I've always wanted to incorporate physcal description, though I'm no good at it. I can't say I know what the point is in adding your own bits of worldbuilding, but I enjoy reading those parts and the atlas bits at the end of each chapter anyway.

 

[AetherX]

Big block review of the last two chapters and interlude:

Chapter Thirteen was pretty sweet. It was a great combination of worldbuilding and engaging storytelling. Not to mention, it's set up a couple new paths for character development which you capitalize on later. Probably my favorite part about the chapter is the little things. As well as the fairy tale stuff you went over in your blog, there's little bits of foreshadowing like this:

“One minute she's away with the fairies, the next – calculating. Ruthless. Indomitable as a glacier.”

That's so cool! So few authors have the foresight to pull off subtle mentions like that. I also like the fact that although your characters are smart, they aren't omniscient. Josh thinking the illusions were from a Ghost Pokemon, for example. It's a reasonable conclusion to draw, despite being wrong. The little seduction scene was spot on from both a fairy tale perspective and a character perspective. I can easily believe Josh's reactions. He wasn't immediately skeptical, just hesitant and kind of confused at first (been there ). The battle was short, which is good. It didn't need to be some huge climax and came across fairly realistic. Fights in real life don't last very long. Although I love the use of the Pokedex, I'd try to avoid using it too much in the heat of battle if I were you. It slows the pace.

The interlude was solid. I like the elaboration on the Ranger Corps (or whatever you're calling it) you're doing. Once again, you've beaten me to the punch on stuff that I've been wanting to write about for a while. I look forward to seeing how this Lugia stuff plays in to the rest of the story.

Chapter Fourteen was fixed perfectly. I never mentioned how much I love the idea of catching Pokemon for money. It's a great, believable way for traveling trainers to make a quick buck. The transitions were much smoother and the whole thing was a lot more cohesive than before. All the issues I had were addressed.

If there's anything else specific you want feedback on that I missed, let me know. I had to write this review between classes, so I'm a little short on time :3

 

[Persephone]

So... long overdue, but I'm current.

The interlude was nice for setting up the apparent long-term villains of the story. I appreciated the efforts to make the villain seem as normal as possible, while also being evil in his own way. It's a break from the over-the-top villains on some other journey fics on the site (Walker and Bolton from Unpredictable and 8ES come to mind as nice contrasts) and rather fitting of the different path this story takes from other journey fics. Your take on legendaries was interesting enough, although it does seem to suggest that you subscribe to the "legends are not gods" philosophy. It works for Lugia and Ho-oh, I suppose, since they aren't really gods of anything like Kyogre, Dialga, and Yvetal are. I think there are multiple Lugia in the anime canon, which this story follows most closely, so that's also a nice little nod.

And then we get to the last chapter. I like the concept of trainers paying for their journey by capturing wild Pokemon for non-trainers and busy people. The brief political/social class jokes were nice, but I do wonder why a rich MP is chilling in a rural Pokemon Centre randomly. It just seemed odd to me.

And more shipping. Because if you have a journey story with one guy and one girl, you know what's going to happen...

Not sure how I feel about that scene. It was surprisingly quickly forgotten given how awkward that probably was for both parties involved. I mean, both are about the most honest characters on the site so I could see them having enough to trust to believe answers, even when they come off more as half-truths in Josh's case. And a return to e-mails! They were some of my favorite narrative devices earlier in the story so i can definitely live with those being back.

Beyond that, the chapter was surprisingly short. Could just be that my definition of a 'chapter' is unusually long, but that one seemed a little short by TLW standards.

I'm struggling to come up with much more so I'm cutting this review off here. Until sometime a few weeks after next time, bye.

 

[Beth Pavell]

Spoiler: Responses

@Airt: Someone’s excited ^^

@FullMoon: I may have mentioned it a couple of times in responses by now, but I’ll freely admit that the first couple of chapters have their issues. I originally wrote them without much in the way of a plan, and since I rebooted the story I decided – unwisely, in hindsight – to try and edit them to bring them up to standard rather than rewrite them entirely. Eve was originally written to be odder than she is now, though her overreaction was deliberate. If I were to scrap that chapter and start again I think I would smooth it out somewhat.

The battle was my first attempt at choreographing a pokémon battle. And boy, does it show! That is one aspect of the chapter that has bugged me – one of these days maybe I’ll go back and give it a proper overhaul.

@diamondpearl876: Blasted technical errors! It just goes to show what a fresh pair of eyes can do, I thought I’d caught them all to date.

As I recall the pacing of the Azalea arc became an issue. I originally had a longer arc planned, and in Chapter Eight especially Josh was going to try and copy Eve’s battle style, only to realise that the only way he could win was by developing his own style. I ended up scrapping the idea and hinting at the training with Magnemite since Magnemite was the new catch – and because I realised that the arc would start to get stodgy, and I wanted to get to the first Gym battle a bit quicker.

Speaking of Gym battles. Bugsy could figure out Eve’s team – he already knew she had a ledyba from judging her qualifier match, and he saw Meowth, so by process of elimination Eve’s new pokémon must be Pidgeotto. I put in a line explaining why Bugsy would use Toxic Spikes, knowing that Eve’s team is two-thirds Flying-types, but I think most people miss it. I forget whether in the games Gravity makes Flying-types vulnerable to Toxic Spikes, but what the hell, it doesn’t make sense for them to still be immune even if they touch ground.

While I freely admit that it’s a big cliché, I maintain that pokémon evolving mid-match wouldn’t be all that uncommon. I made an attempt at foreshadowing Lyra’s evolution beforehand – with the change to her sleeping habits – though that’s something else that had to be condensed for space along with Josh’s training.

About the last conversation, in Chapter Fourteen. I’m not about to give any hints as to where Josh and Eve’s relationship is going – you guys are all going to have to theorise about that for yourselves – but a love confession in that scene … eh, I don’t know, it just would have felt tacky. I mean, what would be the inference there? Josh doesn’t realise he likes her till she apparently wants to have sex? Or it takes an invasion of privacy from a pokémon to get the feelings out there? No. Just doesn’t feel right.

@AetherX: Thanks for the review! I’ll admit, the “away with the fairies” line is one of my favourites. It was originally “spaced as a psyduck”, which I quite liked and ended up staying in there another way – Lorelei here being a pastiche of her anime and manga appearances. Anyway, Chapter Thirteen was a deliberate attempt to mimic Terry Pratchett’s masterly use of shout-outs and references, so you might say in that regard that it’s a very fanboyish chapter ^^

I really liked writing the seduction scene. It was tricky to get Ninetales!Eve’s dialogue right – but what I really enjoyed was writing Josh’s reaction. Sure, he’s waaay out of his depth there, but it’s kind of a nice moment for him to figure out the illusion by paying attention to the details.

I’m glad that you liked the finished Chapter Fourteen. Details to the rescue! Once I’d decided to show a bit of Len Town – and the law around selling pokémon, thanks for your comments on that – how the transitions should happen became obvious.

@Rediamond: The banality of evil is a favourite theme of mine. It’s continually amazing, in a horrifying stare-at-the-wall sort of way, what evils can be committed by an otherwise blameless man who loves his family and is kind to his dog. You’re right in that I’m going for a more mundane approach to legendaries in this story – my job’s made easier insofar as I don’t have to deal with the creator problem.

I think there may be a cultural divide here. Wealthy people living in rural towns and villages is quite a common trope in Britain, especially in the south. I forgot that this might not necessarily be what happens elsewhere in the world.

I love seeing the different views on Josh and Eve’s interactions!

@Flaze: How did I manage to miss a response again? Well, good news in that Chapter Fifteen doesn't take place in the Ilex Forest. Merely near it xD

Spoiler: Version History

1.1 : Altered dialogue during the dream sequence
1.2 : "Wednesday" is now "Osturday"

Chapter Fifteen – Gotta Catch ‘Em All (Version 1.1)

Joshua​

A cloud of fog covered White Lake like pale velvet. It stubbornly lingered even this late into the afternoon, transforming the landscape into a ghostly watercolour. The air was chilly, and damp. Moisture beaded in their hair – Eve was crowned with a scattering of silvery drops – mud squidged underfoot with play-doh consistency. Josh could only just make out the far northern shore of the lake through the mists – closer to on the western side of the lake, the dark fringes of the Ilex Deepwoods loomed suspiciously out of the fog.

Cold water dripped off Josh’s curls and down the back of his neck. He swung the fishing rod he’d hired onto his shoulder. Suddenly a wail of pain and anguish tore through the silence. It was the cry of some lonely and evil creature, a cry that froze the blood and thrust a dagger into the heart. Blank terror seized him. His heart jolted, trying simultaneously to skip a beat and beat twice as fast.

But then the wail changed into a delighted laugh, and the sudden terror drained away as quickly as it had manifested. Josh spun around – behind him, what appeared to be a disembodied head hovered in mid-air, dark blue with long locks of hair floating in an imaginary breeze. Its large eyes were scarlet with yellow sclerae, with what looked like a string of red pearls hanging around its neck.

The pokémon, whatever it was, was laughing as gleefully as if it had just heard the funniest joke in the world. Then, without warning, it melted away into the fog.

“What the hell was that?” Josh demanded of the world in general.

“Some sort of Ghost-type,” Eve said breathlessly. “Quite a scream, huh?” She looked more amused than annoyed, laughing off her own nasty shock. Josh sighed and pushed his glasses back up his nose. He reminded himself that it would be worth the cold and damp – and screaming - to be able to tell Dad that he’d made several hundred dollars in one day.

They pitched their tents near to the water’s edge, on the driest ground they could find. Josh cast his line into the weedy shallows to the left of their camp, with Screwball waiting patiently by his side. Every now and again it would start to wander off, only to come right back as soon as it was called. If it was disobedience, then it was a weird kind of disobedience. Josh was beginning to think that Screwball simply forgot what it was supposed to be doing every now and again.

Eve’s set-up was considerably more sophisticated. She was using her own telescopic rod down by the deeper water to the right of their camp. With the kind of casual preparedness that Josh was coming to expect of Eve, she already had a small selection of lures to choose from. Eve, however, wasn’t using a hook. Instead, the end of her line was hung with a proximity sensor and a reduced Net Ball.

While Eve patiently cast and reeled in her lure, Josh was reminded of why he’d never really liked angling. For one thing, he wasn’t very good at it. This damn lake seemed to be full of nothing but remoraid. Every time he reeled in a bite there’d be another pistol fish flapping around on the end. There was a familiar tug on the line, and Josh promptly yanked back. Whatever he’d hooked immediately panicked and started thrashing around aimlessly. He reeled it in without much enthusiasm. Oh look. Another remoraid.

“You again! Didn’t I hook you an hour ago?”

The remoraid flailed around and made ‘Omp! Omp!’ noises at him. “Go on, get!” he sighed, sending it back into the lake with a flick of his rod.

“Ha-haaa! Up you come!” Eve whooped from her spot further down the shore, her reel whirling madly. The Net Ball on the end of the line erupted from the water, bouncing and jiggling. The furious pokémon escaped just as Eve managed to swing it ashore. A sleek orangey-brown pokémon landed heavily on the grass, twin-tailed with a wide yellow collar around its neck.

“Bui-bui!” it growled, baring its teeth. Lyra was already airborne and ready to battle, her gauzy wings churning the fog.

“Mach Punch!” Eve commanded.

“Diii-an!” Lyra cried, shooting forwards. The wild buizel stood up on its hind legs and blasted out a Water Gun. Lyra spun round so the Water Gun splashed off her wing cases. She spun back around and changed her attack into an Air Cutter. Her attack lacerated Buizel’s belly, throwing it off its feet.

Buizel recovered quickly, dropping down to all fours. It threw itself into a bounding run, building momentum and leaping high into the air. Neither Eve nor Lyra reacted – until Lyra intercepted at the last moment with a stinging Mach Punch, pitching Buizel back down into the mud.

“Al-right, Lyra!” Eve called. “Go Dive Ball!”

Eve made the throw look so easy. The Dive Ball snapped up the buizel, wobbled half-heartedly, and pinged shut.

“Yea-heh-eeah!” Eve crowed. “Payday for little Eve! Uh-huh. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Uh-huh.”

Josh tried to ignore Eve’s excessive celebrations, gazing resentfully across the lake. Something was cruising purposefully out there – Josh thought he caught sight of red spines and a smirking mouth. Was that a totodile?

“Right,” Josh growled, throwing down his rod. “Come on, Screwball. Let’s make a catch our way.”

*​

An industrious twenty minutes later, Josh was kneeling behind a handy bush, watching a pile of chicken giblets. Somewhere in that heap of squishy meat was a Net Ball Josh had hidden as a straightforward trap. Hah! To hell with fishing. A good squeeze of raw meat juices into the water should be enough to attract the attention of a passing buizel.

“Right, Screwball. There’s a good chance this won’t be a straight-up catch, so if this doesn’t work -” Josh realised that Screwball was staring off into space. Well, it always stared off into space, but this time it wasn’t paying attention.

“Hey. Screwball. Focus,” Josh said, rapping it sharply on the head.

“Mag?”

“Right. So if it escapes then you hit it with Thunder Wave, then Thundershock. Repeat it back to me.”

“Magnemite. Mag. Mag.”

“Right -”

A harrowing wail ripped through the fog, blank terror seized him, his heart skipped a beat –

The mystery Ghost-type was back and screaming happily about two feet away from Josh’s ear, rolling its red-and-yellow eyes dramatically. Josh flailed at it with the butt of the Capture Spear, realising a bit too late that there was no point. It just laughed at his fury and embarrassment and faded away.

“Magnemite!” Screwball said urgently. Josh spun round to see what Screwball was looking at and hurriedly ducked behind the bush. A submerged pokémon was heading towards the pile of assorted giblets.

A small crocodilian pokémon emerged from the lake. I knew it was a totodile! It eagerly scuttled up to the trap on all fours. Come on. You know you want to bite it. The totodile let out a croaky cry and happily chomped down. There was a flash of red, and the astonished totodile was sucked into the hidden Net Ball.

“Ha-ha-ha!” Josh crowed, leaping to his feet. “Suck it, Eve!” he yelled down the shore. “Told you it would work – oh, heads up Screwball.”

The Net Ball’s capture lock failed, releasing the flailing totodile. It caught sight of Screwball and opened its maw wide, displaying rather a lot of teeth. Screwball just stared back. Unperturbed, the totodile kept on trying to intimidate Screwball – that is, until Screwball blasted it with a crackling tangle of Thunder Wave bolts.

Totodile hissed and flailed at the red-and-blue sparks crackling over its scales. It spewed a short blast of Water Gun, hitting Screwball’s body dead centre.

“Magnurrr …” it slurred, drifting drunkenly. Totodile leapt teeth-first and bit down triumphantly on one of its magnets. It grumbled and muttered indistinctly, apparently pleased with itself. Come on Screwball, you know what to do!

A long spark snapped lazily off Screwball’s body. Josh smiled with satisfaction, just before his magnemite hit totodile with a Thundershock right through the teeth. The totodile dropped into the mud, smoking gently.

Josh smartly stepped forward and jabbed the smouldering totodile with the Capture Spear. The Dive Ball mounted on the end almost immediately pinged shut. Yes! I love these specialist Poké Balls.

“Ha-ha! Flash, snap, ping!” he shouted back to Eve. Even at this distance the fog made her look washed-out and hazy, “Payday for Mr Cook! See Eve, that is why I study!”

*​

The night was cold, and damp. The view across the lake was velvety black. Here and there chinchou-lights glowed with ghostly bioluminescence, beautifully ethereal through the veil of fog. Down by the reeds Eve baited the lines for night fishing, while Josh sat in a pool of firelight, peacefully preparing a chicken with his favourite knife. He roughly spatchcocked it and secured it on newly whittled wooden skewers. After that, he combined salt, pepper, ginger and olive oil in a mug with a bit of lime juice for the seasoning. That mixture he rubbed thoroughly onto the meat before it went over the fire to roast.

It didn’t take long for the smell of food to draw Eve back to camp. “What we having?” she asked eagerly.

“Chicken,” Josh replied.

“All that extra weight for food? You’re a fool, Joshua Cook,” Eve teased.

“You’ll be eating those words for dessert, Evelina Joy,” he replied mildly. “And it wasn’t that far to carry.”

“We’ll see,” Eve said. “Can I help?”

“Well you can feed the pokémon and wash up some of the utensils.”

By the time their various clamouring pokémon had been fed and returned to their Poké Balls, the chicken was cooked and cooling. Josh chopped it in half and handed Eve her piece. They ate it hot and steaming with chunks of seedy bread, unselfconsciously tearing it apart with their fingers.

“Ready to admit that I’m right yet, Evey?” Josh asked innocently.

Eve gave him an odd look. “Did you just call me a pokémon?”

“What?” Josh said. The words lined themselves up in his head – Evey/Eevee. “Oh. No! Sorry.”

“Don't be so quick to say sorry. I didn’t say I didn’t like it,” Eve protested sheepishly.

“What?” Josh repeated. “Since when are you a girly-girl?”

“Hey! I have a feminine side. You just haven’t seen much of it yet.”

Josh shrugged inwardly. Who am I to argue? “Alright then, Eevee – ready to eat your words yet?”

“No. I haven’t finished my chicken.”

“Ugh,” Josh sighed. “Looks like you’re enjoying that. I think I’ll take that as an admission.”

“Mm-mn, no you won’t, ‘cause -”

“Too late, Eevee!” Josh cut in. Eve pulled a face at him, and went back to her chicken.

Later, Eve lay back on her sleeping bag, singing to herself. Josh sat in the shelter of his own tent, running an oiled cloth over his knife. It was the same one he’d bought from the steelsmith on Dewford Island. Strictly speaking there was no particular reason to carry this knife over a stainless steel belt knife, but Josh had always loved the simple beauty of his bowie. What a craftsman that man was. None of that Croconaw Dundee rubbish in his bowie knives – the knife Josh had bought was a dignified six inches long. He tilted the blade to catch the firelight. The blade was pattern-welded from a mix of carbon and aron steel – the process had left a pattern of ripples and whorls in the steel.

“I'm on a master quest, I want the whole world to see ...” Eve sang. She had a low, husky singing voice, “Is carrying a weapon a Mulberry Town thing?” she asked, wriggling round onto her stomach.

“Weapon? What, this?” Josh said, aghast. “This isn't a weapon, this is a multi-tool!”

Eve raised an eyebrow at him. “Ok, it's a multi-tool. Want to play a game for a while?”

“I'm not playing 'Never have I ever'. That's asking for trouble,” he replied.

“Give me some credit. I've got a pack of cards. Brr. Let me put my hoodie on first, though.”

Josh slipped the knife back into its scabbard with a disdainful sigh. A weapon! He discreetly turned his back on the sight of Eve struggling into her hoodie dress. It was irrational, but he didn't really want to be reminded of her tits right now. 'I know what I want this evening.' Josh tried to exile the image from his mind, instead busying himself with rummaging in his backpack.

He stoked up the fire while Eve shuffled the cards. She huddled up as close to the fire as she could without burning herself. “You build a good fire, but I'm still a bit chilly.”

“Then you'll be glad that I brought this,” Josh said, producing a small bottle. “Blackthorn Spirit, the finest single malt whisky within its price bracket. And a fine way to warm up on a cold night.”

“Joshua Cook, are you trying to spoil me?” Eve said with a wink.

“Spoil you, nothing. If I was trying to spoil you I'd have asked you your favourite drink,” Josh said. “Now give me your cup.”

Eve laughed and threw him her mug. He poured them both a generous measure of whisky, with a splash of water to take the edge off. Eve pushed aside a cluster of assorted Poké Balls to make space for their game.

“The game,” Eve announced, “is Crazy Eights.”

“Are those tarot cards?” Josh asked. He sipped at his whisky and water, savouring the earthy fire of it, and the lingering smoky aftertaste.

“They're prettier than ordinary cards. Besides, the minor arcana has fifty-two cards in four suits anyway,” Eve said, taking a draught of her own drink. “You know, this'd be great with cola.”

“What! You can't put cola in -”

Eve started giggling. “That was too easy, Josh. I'm kidding, you boy scout.”

The first card was the knight of swords, roaring at the viewer with his sword raised. Josh tutted and played his eight of swords. “Err, coins,” he said.

Eve promptly played her six of coins. “So what are you going to do with your money?”

“Hmm. You know, I don't really know. What about you?”

“I'm going to buy a TM. I know just the one: Drain Punch.”

“Blast. Out of coins,” Josh said. He ended up drawing another nine cards, “So why Drain Punch?”

“Lyra already knows Reflect and Protect. With an Iron Fist-assisted Drain Punch she'll be surprisingly durable,” Eve said, playing her eight of cups. “Cups. You should invest in a TM yourself.”

The knight of cups looked smugly at Josh from his card. “Hmm. Do you think Screwball would like learning a new move?”

Eve shrugged and played the equally smug queen of cups. “It's your pokémon. What move are you thinking of?”

“Don't know. Something more powerful than Thundershock,” he said. Eve took a casual sip of her whisky and water. She played the nine of swords after Josh's queen of swords.

“I've only ever known one other girl to really enjoy whisky without cola,” Josh said conversationally.

“Oh, sweetling,” Eve said, winking lazily at him. “When will you learn that I'm an exceptional girl?”

*​

By the time they'd started the second round Josh was feeling light-headed and content. Eve was thoroughly tipsy and smiling merrily. “Sinnoh,” she said. “Defin'ly want to travel Sinnoh someday. Where d'you want to go? Come on, dream holiday, you can go anywhere.”

“Anywhere? Then … Orange Islands. I like to be able to hear the sea,” Josh said, remembering the drawn-out crash of waves on the shore.

“I thought you liked the forest?”

“I do. But it's the sea I really love,” he said.

“Darkness settles on roofs and walls,
But the sea, the sea in darkness calls,
The little waves, with their soft, white hands,
Efface the footprints in the sands,
And the tide rises, the tide falls.”

Eve gave him a long, thoughtful look. “You ever wanna confuse my mother, recite that in front of her,” she said wryly. “Hey, you should go see Sinnoh too! Those high mountain forests by the fjords. I want to take the train journey there someday.”

“I've heard of it. You know that line was one of Brunel's projects -”

A harrowing wail tore apart the quiet of the night. Josh's heart jolted and so did his arm, spraying half his whisky and water into the grass. The mystery Ghost-type appeared in the shadows, gleefully screaming its childish laugh. Its red-and-yellow eyes gleamed brightly in the firelight. Right, that tears it!

Josh searched furiously in the grass, seizing the first Poké Ball he could find and flinging it at the laughing pokémon. It wasn't until he started to throw that he realised how much the whisky was affecting his hand-eye co-ordination. By then it was too late, the Ball had left his hand and was tumbling in the vague direction of the mystery pokémon -

- except, somehow, the Ball struck it on the forehead. The Ball opened in a flash of of red, snapped shut, and fell to the ground, rattling frantically. It bounced into the shadows, the button light flashing fretfully in the dark.

… ping.

They stared at the quiescent Ball. “Huh,” Josh said.“I'm not sure I meant to do that.”

He got up unsteadily and retrieved the Ball. The top hemisphere was deep pink, with a heart design on the front. “Oh. It was the Love Ball.”

“What're you going to do with it?” Eve asked, pouring herself another drink.

“Don't know,” Josh said, sitting himself down. “I don't even know what 'it' is.”

“Use my Poklédex. I mean Prokédex. Mmn. Gotta pee.”

As Eve meandered off into the fog, Josh hunted out her Pokédex. The HANDY912i was about the size of a small notebook, slim, brushed-silver in colour, and well named. It occurred to Josh that he might soon be able to afford one of his own.

“Misdreavus, the Screech Pokémon,” it droned. “Misdreavus loves to startle people at night with its screaming. It apparently absorbs fear as nourishment.”

That explains why the little bitch kept pestering me. Misdreavus had a respectable moveset – Ominous Wind, Will o' Wisp, Future Sight … maybe I'll keep this one, he thought muzzily.

“You are so lucky to have a cock,” Eve declared, reappearing from the fog.

“... is that so?” Josh said, mystified.

“I could piss in any old bush if I had something to aim with.”

Josh stared at his friend. Eve was swaying slightly. “Your head's full of Blackthorn Spirit, bud.”

“I'm not that drunk. You're drunk, too.”

“Yes, yes I am. But you're the one talking about cocks,” he said bluntly.

“I'm not as think as you drunk I am,” Eve insisted.

“You're as think as I drunk … er,” Josh started. He reduced the Love Ball and tossed it into his tent. I'll think about that in the morning.

*​

Josh awoke to a cold morning and a vicious headache. Sour pain pressed down on his skull. His mouth was dry and tasted like he'd been eating PVA glue last night. Something warm and friendly was curled up by his waist, and he patted it vaguely.

“Nuurgh, gerroff,” Eve complained. Josh pushed himself to his elbows and refocused – Eve was curled up into a loose ball, cuddling his leg earnestly. Her hair had somehow woven itself into a straw-like thatch during the night. He gingerly lay back down, too headachey to care about Eve tangled round his leg. Why, precisely, did I do this to myself? The events of last night floated through his aching head – it seemed like the stupidest thing he'd done was keep drinking that blasted whisky. Shoving Eve aside, he stumbled out of the tent in search of painkillers.

The painkillers eventually turned up in Eve's backpack. After medicating himself, he brought Eve a mug of water and a few tablets. “Come on, bud,” he said gently. “Meds and water.”

Eve groaned and made a noise that might have been a curse.

“At least take the painkillers,” Josh persisted.

“Nuurgh! Let me die,” Eve mumbled.

Josh sighed. He was in no mood for this. “Evelina Joy, if you don't take your medicine, then I'm going to have Magnemite screech in your ear. Now do as you're told.”

Eve tried to glare at him. “I hate you.”

Josh ignored her and set to improvising breakfast. Something had made off with what was left of the chicken during the night, which was just as well. There were a couple of handfuls of dried pasta in Eve's backpack. Josh sat in thought for a moment. Why did I do this to myself? … ok, let's see what we can find.

Nearly an hour later he'd found more or less what he was looking for – a bunch of wild greens and a handful of fairy ring mushrooms, enough for a makeshift stew. After a while Eve emerged, looking at the food with a mixture of hunger and dismay.

“The pokémon been fed?” she asked.

“Not yet. Screwball's fine and Bulbasaur can graze. Oh … that reminds me.”

The captured Misdreavus had found her way onto his belt during the night. He unsnapped the Love Ball from its clasp and stared at it pensively. Misdreavus was, well, she was an interesting pokémon. She was obviously a rare species, since Eve hadn't identified her right away, and between her typing and moveset she would make a useful addition to his team. But even so … there was something about the capture that bothered him. The capture had been a lucky one, really, and that didn't seem fair to Misdreavus.

He made up his mind. “Come on out, Bulbasaur.”

Bulbasaur yawned and stretched. [Have fun last night?] he said drily.

“Very amusing. I might need you to translate for me.”

[Fine,] Bulbasaur said, lying down in the grass. Josh released Misdreavus from the Ball. She smiled innocently at him, with none of the momentary confusion that Screwball used to show after re-materialising. Josh knelt down in front of her, to get down to a more or less equal level.

“Misdreavus,” he said, “I'm giving you a choice. You can go free and become a wild pokémon again, or you can come with me and Bulbasaur.”

He placed the Love Ball in the grass between them. Misdreavus looked at it, then at him, and then at Bulbasaur. “Miss?” she said.

[Yes,] said Bulbasaur. Misdreavus drifted over to the idle Love Ball. She blinked at it with her big, childish eyes.

“Misdreavus!” she said, and butted the button, smiling beatifically as she recalled herself. Josh let out a sigh – not of relief, as such, but more of contentment. Misdreavus had chosen to stay, for whatever reason. Something more was needed, though … a name. What to call her? Ah. I know.

“Fionn.”

*​

Josh sipped at his stew, wondering vaguely about seasonings. Bulbasaur lay snuggled up close, in the same spot he'd occupied at his side for years.

“Do you think this would benefit from a bit of ginger?” he asked Eve.

Eve gave him a tired look. “It's fine, Josh. Ugh. How can you stand to eat?”

“I'm hungover, too, Eve. Trust me, you'll feel better with some food in you.”

There was a soft splash from down by the shore. The silhouette of a pokémon appeared in the fog, vaguely fox-like with a long cetacean tail. It stalked closer, head held low.

“Vaporeon! Vaay,” it growled.

“That's unlikely,” Eve remarked.

[He's after your breakfast.]

“Go away,” Josh warned. “I'm not in the mood.”

Vaporeon's head snapped up – it fired a Water Gun right at him. Bulbasaur leapt in front of the spray and took the attack head on. He landed and shook himself dry. [Back off or else!] he barked.

“Hold back there, Bulbasaur,” Josh commanded. His head was still throbbing, and he really didn't want to battle, but he wasn't about to let a wild pokémon bully him out of his breakfast either, “Alright Fionn, show me what you can do!”

“MIS-dreavus!” Fionn cried happily as she re-materialised.

“Bulbasaur, I might need your help,” Josh said. “Fionn, Ominous Wind!”

“Miss?” Fionn said, looking round as if to say 'Who, me?'.

“Vay!” Vaporeon yipped, blasting out another Water Gun. Fionn casually phased out of the way, giving Vaporeon a look of kitten-like shock.

[Use your Ominous Wind! It's ok, Josh knows what he's doing!]

“Mis? Miss,” Fionn said, breathing out a horizontal cyclone shot through with ribbons of ghostly purplish light. The vaporeon shuddered violently as if cold – Fionn laughed and faded away. Damnit! Where the hell did she disappear to? Josh scanned the fog, trying to catch sight of Fionn's floating locks.

Vaporeon switched its attention to Bulbasaur, tensing up for an attack. Fionn reappeared behind it and shrieked, startling Vaporeon so badly that it had to scrabble to keep its footing.

So that's what it looks like happening to someone else. “Good, Ominous Wind, again!”

But Fionn didn't use Ominous Wind – in fact, she didn't seem to do anything. Vaporeon seized its chance, whipping round like a stung cat. A wavering beam of unearthly green light shot from its mouth, bathing Fionn in a strange rippling glow. Fionn screamed in pain and alarm. Aargh, my head, my damn head!

“Fionn, good try! Return,” Josh commanded, plucking his pokémon out of harm's way with the recall beam. “Bulbasaur -”

[Battle's on!] Bulbasaur finished. Vaporeon whipped round to face Bulbasaur again, snarling at him. Bulbasaur growled back, a low growl that said he was prepared to finish whatever Vaporeon started.

“Vine Whip,” Josh ordered. Bulbasaur lashed out quickly, striking Vaporeon smartly in the face. It retaliated with a full-force Water Gun – Bulbasaur ignored it and aimed a Vine Whip at its legs. Vaporeon changed tactics and tried a Quick Attack.

A cold wind blew from across the lake. Vaporeon sprang over Bulbasaur's scything vine – suddenly, a multi-coloured bolt of lightning struck down from nowhere. Vaporeon howled, haloed by the psychic blast. Josh's mind raced. That's got to have been Future Sight. He snatched up a spare Dive Ball. Ready or not, you will be caught!

His pitch was far from elegant, but the Ball hit Vaporeon on the tail nonetheless. It fought gamely, but ultimately unsuccessfully against the Dive Ball's capture lock.

… ping!

*​

The air was bright and clear, with a pleasantly earthy smell. Beneath the roof of sleeping leaves, the woodland halls were warm and green. Josh leaned back against the young redwood and sighed contentedly. Somewhere nearby a wildwood stream chattered in its stony bed. Eve sat beside him, but otherwise they were alone in the woods.

“Beware the Sea!
If thou hearest the cry of the gull on shore,
Thy heart shall rest in the forest no more,” Eve recited.

“Too late,” Josh murmured.

There was a thoughtful pause.

“I've realised something,” Eve said quietly.

Josh lazily turned to look at her. “What's that, bud?”

Eve winked at him. “Carpe diem.”

She kissed him suddenly and enthusiastically. He found himself kissing her back. Eve ran her fingers through the curls at the nape of his neck, and he took the cue to move his hand to her waist. I can't believe I'm getting away with this. Her tongue slipped into his mouth – he panicked, and pulled away hastily.

“Why'd you stop?” Eve asked petulantly. Josh said nothing, but she somehow understood anyway. “Stop trying to keep up with me. Just let go,” she said. She gently but firmly pushed him onto the carpet of leaf litter with a smile that was both desirous and reassuring; this time Josh relaxed and hoped for the best. Before he knew it, his hand found its way under her shirt – she wasn't wearing any underwear. The sound of an alarm clock echoed through the forest like birdsong.

“I want my coffee,” Josh said.

He opened his eyes, and surfaced from the dream. For a fleeting moment he wondered where he was. I'm at Len Town Pokémon Centre. It's Osturday morning. I was at White Lake yesterday. He reached out muzzily and cancelled the alarm. The memory of the dream crystallised in his mind. A fierce blush rose to his cheeks. For some reason he felt acutely guilty, which was irrational because it's not like he actually had felt Eve up. Dreams were surreal, and Josh knew he had no control over them.

That logical train of thought didn't help much.

“Hey lazybones,” Eve said, making Josh jump a little. She was already awake and sitting up in the bed opposite, “You ok?” she added, giving him a concerned look.

“Bad dream,” he said. “Nothing to worry about.”

That was true, after a fashion. Eve didn't have to worry about his dreams – whatever happened in his sleep, Josh wasn't going to let bleed over into the waking world.

Next Chapter: Future Sight

Atlas: Obscure Adaptations

Spoiler

If there was an award for the most obscure location adaptations, I don't think it would be arrogant to say that I'd be a strong contender. Len Town isn't my own invention – it's actually a town of the day from The Johto Journeys (EP156 The Psychic Sidekicks). It's not given an exact location in the anime, and beyond the fact that it just happens to be around the Ilex Forest there's no particular reason for me to use it at all.

White Lake is even more obscure. Anyone remember the Poké Walker? Yeah, it was one of the Poké Walker areas. The flavour text describes it as “A lake concealed in white mist. It lends a very mysterious feel to the area” - there was actually a lake briefly shown in EP156, so the idea hit me to combine the two.

 

[diamondpearl876]

. Blank terror seized him. His heart jolted, trying simultaneously to skip a beat and beat twice as fast.

"Blank terror" is a fantastic phrase.

Eve made the throw look so easy. The Dive Ball snapped up the buizel, wobbled half-heartedly, and pinged shut.

Lol, Josh must feel so left out. I bet he'll have his turn, though.

An industrious twenty minutes later, Josh was kneeling behind a handy bush, watching a pile of chicken giblets. Somewhere in that heap of squishy meat was a Net Ball Josh had hidden as a straightforward trap. Hah! To hell with fishing. A good squeeze of raw meat juices into the water should be enough to attract the attention of a passing buizel.

“Right, Screwball. There’s a good chance this won’t be a straight-up catch, so if this doesn’t work -” Josh realised that Screwball was staring off into space. Well, it always stared off into space, but this time it wasn’t paying attention.

“Hey. Screwball. Focus,” Josh said, rapping it sharply on the head.

“Mag?”

“Right. So if it escapes then you hit it with Thunder Wave, then Thundershock. Repeat it back to me.”

“Magnemite. Mag. Mag.”

“Right -”

A cute conversation, and a creative way to catch pokemon.

It was irrational, but he didn't really want to be reminded of her tits right now. 'I know what I want this evening.' Josh tried to exile the image from his mind, instead busying himself with rummaging in his backpack.

Bad Josh. Revel in those thoughts.

“I've only ever known one other girl to really enjoy whisky without cola,” Josh said conversationally.

“Oh, sweetling,” Eve said, winking lazily at him, “When will you learn that I'm an exceptional girl?”

I think he's already noticed.

The captured Misdreavus had found her way onto his belt during the night. He unsnapped the Love Ball from its clasp and stared at it pensively. Misdreavus was, well, she was an interesting pokémon. She was obviously a rare species, since Eve hadn't identified her right away, and between her typing and moveset she would make a useful addition to his team. But even so … there was something about the capture that bothered him. The capture had been a lucky one, really, and that didn't seem fair to Misdreavus.

He made up his mind. “Come on out, Bulbasaur.”

Bulbasaur yawned and stretched. [Have fun last night?] he said drily.

“Very amusing. I might need you to translate for me.”

[Fine,] Bulbasaur said, lying down in the grass. Josh released Misdreavus from the Ball. She smiled innocently at him, with none of the momentary confusion that Screwball used to show after re-materialising. Josh knelt down in front of her, to get down to a more or less equal level.

“Misdreavus,” he said, “I'm giving you a choice. You can go free and become a wild pokémon again, or you can come with me and Bulbasaur.”

He placed the Love Ball in the grass between them. Misdreavus looked at it, then at him, and then at Bulbasaur. “Miss?” she said.

[Yes,] said Bulbasaur. Misdreavus drifted over to the idle Love Ball. She blinked at it with her big, childish eyes.

“Misdreavus!” she said, and butted the button, smiling beatifically as she recalled herself. Josh let out a sigh – not of relief, as such, but more of contentment. Misdreavus had chosen to stay, for whatever reason. Something more was needed, though … a name. What to call her? Ah. I know.

“Fionn.”

This scene seemed a bit rushed. Why the name Fionn? Why did Fionn choose yes so fast?

He opened his eyes, and surfaced from the dream.

Why must you tease me like this :'(

 

[Barfing Ogres]

So I've been meaning to review this for a while, and now I've finally gotten to it.

Technical Aspects:
Aside from the rare spelling mistake, I have no real complaints. I will admit, that being from the other side of the pond, the British spellings of various words did throw me off occasionally, but that is my issue, not yours. Good job!

Plot: The story you have here is very laid back. It really works for the slice of life aspect you are going for and that deserves a big thumbs up. The interludes appear to show that there is an overarching plot and the way you depict the human reaction to the things that occur there is very realistic. While it may not seem like much right now, it is doing wonders for its intended purpose. I do feel that the Azalea arc dragged on a little bit, but again I feel that this isn't a big issue considering its slice of life.

Characters: Josh and Eve are quite possibly the most human characters I've had the pleasure of reading. Their personalities are very believable and their interactions with others are very refined. If I do have one issue, it's that this is not as present in the beginning of the fic. There are times when I feel that Josh in particular is a little bland, though to be honest, even then he is still very good. Probably my favorite thing about the story is your character interaction. This is especially notable with the Joy clan and Eve and Josh's later interactions where the human element feels really spot on.

Overall: What you have here is a very well polished fic that thus far is feels like something a person would read on a Sunday afternoon, that is to say a relaxed feel good story. Aside from a couple minor issues in the beginning, this fic has all the right ingredients in all the right spots.

 

[Flaze]

Why must you be such a tease damn it xD I actually did believe the whole Eve and Josh thing for a second even though at first I was sure it was a dream...I still double checked, but really you suck man.

I really liked the chapter, it was simple and fun to be precise, just two people passing the time catching Pokemon and interacting. I have to say it's still pretty amazing how the chapters can be just Eve and Josh talking or doing something specific and still be really fun, the two have a lot of chemistry between one another and you really don't mind milking that out.

Anyways this chapter we got a brand new addition to Josh's team in Fionn (weird name btw) and I thinkt he way it all went down was really funny xD maybe Josh has a knack for catching things when he's drunk.

Plot wise the series is still plotless but it wasn't an issue because this chapter had a lot of fun and character moments that stand out, I do wonder what the consequences of Josh's burning love will be though.

 

[GoneGuy]

Well - now that escalated quickly! Even, if it was a dream!

This chapter has a very quick pace, which coheres with the tipsy, Blackthorn Spirit-induced state that Josh and Eve find themselves in. It feels a little breathless, with a lot going on, but once again, very well handled and some teasing nods to a future Josh-Eve relationship (knew it!).

Can I ask why you chose the name Fionn for Josh's new Misdreavus? I would know a lot of Fionn Mac Cumhaill, the legendary warrior of Irish mythology, and his band of warriors, Na Fianna. But, I can't link both Fionn and Misdreavus - is it to do with blondness??

The only thing I would suggest is that neither the caught Buizel or Totodile get much attention after their capture, whereas Misdreavus does. A nit-pick though

Bulaí Fir,
Le meas,
Airt