Pyradox

We're already talking about this issue and making progress in a way that doesn't scare me. I can't let you continue to talk about it in those kinds of terms. It's not healthy. Just remember the good days when you have a bad one, okay? It's hard, but when you get out of that dip you'll realize that you see the truth more clearly when you are feeling okay. I can't help but feel like this is all nonsense I'm saying to you. I'm just scared for you.
(CHICKS DIG WARLOCKS, RIGHT? I HAVE A WARLOCK. YOU KNOW, I HEAR THAT STATISTICALLY, GUYS WITH WARLOCKS ARE ABOUT 10.4 TIMES SEXIER THAN GUYS WITHOUT WARLOCKS. DOESN'T THAT GET YOUR ESTROGEN PUMPING OR HOWEVER THE FUCK GIRLS WORK?)

Anything you want to talk about that you've been afraid to tell me?

We're talking about the bullying and not your over-all state, right?

Okay, so you have obstacles that most people are fortunate enough to not deal with. That doesn't make you a bad person at all.

I know. It's okay. Just remember everything I've said before, okay?

I was expecting it. :I You're so precious when you fan-girl and enter this instinctive, predictable state. It's too cute, Synny, it really is.
You know who doesn't use Warlocks but uses other BC Rich models like Assassins and Mockingbirds? Black Veil Brides! ISN'T THAT JUST FUCKING SPLENDID!?

How on Earth could you possibly not deserve happiness for being a strong person and a great friend?

I was I couldn't believe it and still can't...it was like a dream

You really, truly scare me when you put it that way, Synny. I worry so much for you.
(COME AT ME, BABY.)

I just don't want you to avoid talking about something because you're concerned for me. There are a few things that will be extremely difficult to talk about with you, but I'll try. I can't guarantee that I'll be good at talking about them, but you can at least vent to me.

The only person who knows whether or not it's working is you. I'm only going off of what you've said to me.

"Freak" is derogatory no matter how you say it, and being outside the norm doesn't mean you're "wrong". The norm has been incorrect many, many times, and on top of all of that, feelings are not concrete facts governed by rules. There is no right or wrong.

I want you to build up the confidence to say it again to your dad. Tell him that you're serious about getting help. Okay? Can you try that?

I never said you wouldn't point that out, did I? You're so predictable. ;P
You know who else uses Warlocks? Slipknot! Isn't that dandy!?

I just want to see you recovered. I care too much about you to see you like this. It breaks my heart. I'm legitimately about to cry right now. You deserve to be happy.

Just got back from a big trip to see Megadeth down London way We met them at a CD signing too and Dave smiled at me :3 It was really awesome

It took me a while to adopt that philosophy, too. It's not like I never worry any more - you know how much of a worrywart I am - but now it doesn't affect my decisions as much. It just took a while.
(I RECORDED A DRONE METAL SONG THE OTHER DAY, ACTUALLY, BUT I CAN'T FIGURE OUT A WAY TO SHOW YOU BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A LAPTOP ANY MORE AND THIS PHONE HATES ME. I HAVE BEEN PRACTICING MORE AND I'VE TAKEN AN INTEREST IN LEARNING ABOUT ELECTRIC GUITARS, TOO, SO I GUESS I'LL FOCUS ON THAT WHEN I'M NOT FOCUSING ON YOU.)

I'll do that, then, because I think helping me out will make you feel better. Don't feel that way about opening up to me, Synny. You can talk about anything you want with me, including the things that are painful for me to see you talk about. I'll contain myself. I promise.

You're doing a great job already.

I think people have similar views, too, but that doesn't mean you're a freak for feeling differently, which I doubt you do anyway.

Don't be sorry. If it hasn't helped before, then I understand how you feel, okay?

Speaking of music that you orgasm over, guess what band uses the same model of guitar as me? Here's my guitar, the BC Rich Warlock, in case you don't remember:

I'm getting worried again. In between your messages, however long or short a length of time that is, I worry about you. I think about you almost constantly. I worry so much. I'm sorry.

I used to worry about things I couldn't control. It tore me up inside when I was younger. Then I heard those words I just told you on some radio show that my mom was listening to, an it helped me realize that not everything is my fault, or yours.
(ALRIGHT, SO NOW LET'S STOP DWELLING ON IT. SCHOOL'S OUT OVER HERE AND I WAS PLANNING TO ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING WORTHWHILE AND FINISH THE STORIES I STARTED SO LONG AGO AND THEN ABANDONED BECAUSE I'M A LAZY PIECE OF SHIT, BUT NOW I HAVE NO COMPUTER OTHER THAN THIS IPHONE SO I GUESS I'M NOT DOING SHIT OVER THE SUMMER. IDEAS?)

Well, alright. I just don't like using you as a vent because I feel kinda selfish or insensitive when I do.

It's not a hard skill to master. Every time one of those dumb-ass kids or dumb-ass teachers says something about you, just remember three things: 1) Fuck them, 2) they don't deserve your attention, and 3) fuck them.

And just to make sure you're not misunderstanding me here, I wasn't saying that you couldn't comprehend other people. What I meant was that people interpret things different ways, and sometime you just can't describe how you see something to someone else. The same is true for colors. All your life, you see things and they are assigned colors: green, blue, red, etc., and so you build an idea of which word goes to which color. But have you ever tried explaining a color to someone? You can't. So there is literally no possible way, other than through means that don't exist yet, to know whether or not what you see as "green" is what I would call "yellow". They're both the same frequency of light going into our eyes, but we register them differently. The same is true for emotions. Get it?

Don't be scared. It's something you have to do. It'll be good for you, I promise.

They'll desensitize our populace into a bunch of raving lunatics, what with all the violence and negativity! I need a once-through of The Deer Hunter after all this, care to join me?

Oh, I hope so It's been ages since they released an album. (I'm not counting the L word, lol) xD I loved Beyond Magnetic but that was only short and wasn't it old songs that didn't make it onto Death Magnetic? I mean, I did love the songs but they weren't newly written ones.

Bleh this convo is getting nowhere, so I'm changing it.

How have ya been lately Mandy? And yes that's your permanent nickname now.

Where are you? I'm starting to get really worried.

Agreed xD Metallica don't know what they've lost! Though the good thing about it is we have three ace bands and not just one. Three more chances to see shows Metallica often only do festivals and they cost a bomb so I can't get to them :O

I know it is. Just do what I told you in our PMs. Don't worry about things you can't control.
(HOW CAN IT BE WILLING IF IT HAS NO FACULTIES, HON? I'M NIT DISAGREEING WITH YOU, JUST SAYIN'. I JUST DESCRIBE THE HEART AS A FUCKER-YOUR-SHIT-UPPER AND THAT'S THAT.)

I really should stop beating myself up in front of you. You don't deserve to see it. You deserve my full attention and best effort to try helping you.

That's great! I didn't want to say this because I thought it wasn't the best way to say it, but you've really exceeded my expectations on this. You've done an amazing job as far as ignoring what people think of you goes. Excellent, excellent job, Synny. You're awesome.

Well, you know, you can't explain colors to a blind person. Think of it that way.

I'm not sure when you'll read this, so I'll just ask if it's worked yet.

And just look at the names these bands come up with. Black Sabbath? Judas Priest? What's next, "Pig Destroyer"? "Megadeth"?

I know it does, but if you focus on that too much, then it's just more likely to happen.
(THAT'S PRETTY MUCH IT. ALWAYS GO WITH THE HEAD IN MATTERS LIKE THIS, SYNNY. THE HEART LIES.)

Well, I guess you're right. I'm sorry for hating myself.

So this does mean you've been having less problems with those dumb-ass teachers, right?

I suppose it is possible, but it's not psychopathy, and I don't think it's you, either.

That's the spirit! I wish you the best of luck.

And have you heard this awful new "heavy metal" tripe coming out of England? As if rock music weren't insipid enough without that horrible fuzzy noise these people are giving it. Do they even know how to set up their own equipment? Ugh. I'll bet they sacrifice gerbils to Satan in their spare time.

That's a given for anyone, Synny. Don't feel like you're any more likely than others.
(I'VE BEEN ENTERTAINING THOUGHTS OF ASKING OUT THIS FRIEND OF MINE. IT'S SO FUCKING DUMB. I WON'T BE SEEING THE LAST OF HER WHEN SHE SWITCHES SCHOOLS, BUT EVEN THEN, I'VE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT SHE DOESN'T LIKE ME AS ANYTHING MORE THAN A FRIEND, AND MOST OF ALL, I CAN'T STAND THINKING ABOUT STARTING A RELATIONSHIP WHEN I'M 100% CERTAIN THAT IT WON'T WORK.)

What kind of a person asks a question just to get an answer that they like? Fucking narcissists like me, that's who.

You should be proud of yourself. You've done a good job. Keep it up.

Umm, psychopath? Did I not just prove to you that you're a caring person? Psychopaths, by definition, do not possess human empathy. You do. You aren't a psychopath. It's that simple.

You know what? Get a hold of him anyway if he helps you. If your mom asks why you're talking to him, say that he helps you feel better and that you deserve the means to talk to your own father.

Then keep to it. Music is a constructive vent, as long as you don't smash your guitars like those hooligans, The Who. Kids these days and their new-fangled rock music, am I right?

Agreed I'm glad he's got his own band now and has started touring and making new albums It's funny to think how both he and Dave were once in Metallica and now they are doing stuff on their own, lol. Now all we need is for Ron to start touring, lol

I'm glad I was able to present you with this stunning revelation. I am right, Synny. You're a good person.
(I'VE GIVEN UP ON RELATIONSHIPS AND I HOPE THAT DECISION IS FINAL.)

I just feel strange for asking you to give me gratification.

Either way, it's a good thing. I am so proud of you, Synny. :'3

You don't exactly have the best track record for telling me like it is.

Well, I only want you putting your trust in the doctors as a last resort, so just find something else to lean on. Is your dad doing a good job?

So just focus on that. Try to at least make attempts at other things, too, but if music is there for you, and it helps you cope, and it serves as a constructive vent, then keep at it.

And you say you aren't a caring, considerate person? Holding it inside isn't the way to deal with things, but that's beside the point right now. The point is that this should be proof to you that you aren't a heartless bitch like you say you are. You are kind, thoughtful, and caring, and I've known this for a long time.
(WHAT DO YOU MEAN?)

I'm sorry for lashing out like that. You're right.

That's great! I can't know this for sure, but you know what? I think that maybe it's not that the problems are less common, but that you aren't even giving them enough thought to remember them. Do you think that's it?

Are you sure about that?

I'm not in a position to judge that, but if you think so, then you should seek help and see if you really need it. It's not all bullshit.

I know exactly how you feel. Practicing guitar has really helped me cope a lot more than you might think. That and listening to music.

Hehe, thanks He is a great cat, he has good taste Poor Jason though I was talking to a friend the other day and she said about how mean Metallica were to him in Japan in, was it November 1986? I'm not sure when they did their first tour with Jase.

Be scared, rawr. >:L

Ummm wonderland? :0

Best kind of years youngin'

Aye I shook the poor soul too much. o-o

That's a great attitude to take. Keep it up. Your emotions lie to you.

I know it is, Synny. Just let it out on me or by some other vent like writing or drawing whenever you can't dismiss it.