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Ash Ketchum's Story

C

CyberPika

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One day, Ash Ketchum stood in his bedroom and watched the sun rise up over the horizon.

He was 16. He had a fury little companion named Pikachu. The two of them had been through many adventures together over the years.

"Ready for yet another journey Pikachu?"

"Pika!"

And so the two friends rushed downstairs and left to see Professor Oak for their next assignment.

To be continue...
 
Chapter 2

Ash and Pikachu walked into Professor Oak's lab office but Oak was not there. Where was he?

"Professor?"

"Pikachu Pika Pi Pika?"

But Oak was no where to be found.

Ash looked all around until he saw a little note left on his desk.

"Im in big trouble. Please help!" the note said.

Ash and Pikachu took the note and ran off.

"What are we going to do?"

To be continue
 
Well the first thing I should tell you is that when the actual chapter is short enough to put it in a whole quote...well that's a bad thing really.

First of all your chapter is only four lines long and it's got no description or setting introduced to it no description of Ash and his surroundings and stuff. Not just that but it just starts and ends like that we're don't even know what's going on in the story. Your chapters need to be longer and need to have paragraphs one sentence is not a paragraph and basically doesn't tell us anything.

Not just that but the fic is just a little simple and it sounds more like your telling a fairy tail rather than writing an actual story with proper description of the characters, setting and surroundings.

And again your chapters need to be longer you can't just make a short post and then do a To Be Continue if you're gonna write a chapter write it whole instead of posting parts of it, that's only if the chapter is too long and I mean like 15 pages long with a lot of paragraphs and description to it.

Also don't double post to ask people why they're not reading not all fics start off a success in fact most fics are lucky if they get a review for their first chapters and I'm talking about fics with really compelling storylines and settings.
 
CyberPika said:
You are mean.

I'm trying my best.
Click to expand...

Maybe I was a little rough but I was just trying to help you said you wanted to be a writer right? well you can't become a good writer without having criticism especially if you're just starting out. We've all had criticism when we start out some more than others but without it you won't become a good writer especially since your story does need a lot of work.

Just do this, read other stories around the workshop now put them up with your story and try to point out what you think is different between them and yours and not just the plot or characters but how they are written as well.

Also while it is true that a chapter can be the length the author wants yours are way too short you can barely get anything done in those chapters and if you only write them in that size then you'll have to post like 400 something chapters before you are done depending on how long you plan your story to be.
 
I've tried asking who I should read around here but no one answers. If I new which fictions were the best, I could read them and copy the good parts.
 
You don't have to read the best ones there are a lot of great stories around the workshop that don't get a lot of reviews you can practically read any story.

Besides didn't you read Legacy's story and mine as well as Dia's and assume others too all of those stories are things that you can learn from.

The thing about asking about the best story is just not something that you can get an answer from there's no "best story" because if you ask anyone for the best story then they will all have a different opinion.
 
Pretty much everything Haze said.

I wouldn't even call what you wrote chapters, more like indescriptive comic strips without the pictures, and leaving the words that are just toothless, gutless, and crotchless. Basically what the readers are given are the equivalent of two tight paragraphs on kittens, which I'm sure many grandmothers would be proud of. But where's the substance? Where's the fresh material, the characterizations? The actual context? This is a rare exception of a story that would not hurt to have too much exposition.

You probably think I'm being "mean", but I understood writing the least of anybody when I first started writing fanfiction. My sights were on getting a ton of readers and becoming popular and just having people gawking over me and my writing. That's not how it should be. Ever. You have to understand now that the kind of readership you want isn't going to happen the way you think it's going to happen. I've learned that people won't just "stumble" upon your story and decide to read it. Very rarely will users in the workshop just click on a story that they've never heard before by an author they've never heard of before and hope for the best. You have to get your name out there and read other peoples stories and tell them what you think of their fanfiction, which will cause them to take a look at your story.

And just because they aren't commenting or reviewing does not mean they aren't reading. They might be reading but not commenting.

Now onto writing, how much time did you spend on those...chapters?

You need to be motivated to write more, and like what you're writing. Enjoying what you write and being proud of it in the end is the greatest reward of fanfiction, and just writing in general. Very often writers aren't writing because they want to, they're writing because of the hype. I should know, that used to be me.

When you say "copy" the "best stories", I strongly hope you do not actually mean copying and pasting the best parts of those stories. Because if that's what you mean, then things will take a turn for the worst. I'll just put that nicely.

I'm being a little harsh, yes, but these are things that are for the better. whatever it takes to make you understand, All that matters to me.

I believe you can write a great fanfiction, there's got to be thousands of stories in that head of yours. Just pick it and write it. It can amount to something great. Just begin.
 
Okay thank you.

Chapter 3

Ash and Pikachu ran home to tell his mom about where Oak had gone missing.

"Mom, Professor Oak is gone!"

"Where did he go?"

"I don't know."

"Pi Pika Chu Chu Pika."

Ash didn't know what to do. He hoped Oak wasn't hurt. His note sounded serious.

"Why don't you go look for him?"

"Good idea."

Ash and Pikachu ran outside and Ash called out to his Pokemon.

"Bulbasaur, Snorlax, Sceptile! Cum!"

He heard his Pokemon scream happily and come forth.

"Hi guys."

"Pika Pika Pika"

"You guys ready to go save Professor Oak?"

All of them agreed and off they went.
 
You know, you don't have to say "thank you" and pretend as though you're listening when you're not going to change anything.

Reflect on this: what is your aim here? Do you have one? Care to share your answer with us?
 
You are mean. I try changing things but it is hard.

I'm trying to make longer with more stuff.
I'm trying my best.
 
See, i'd be completely fine with you saying that you were making it longer if you actually were.

And saying that people are "mean" is just low. Have respect for the people who are trying to help you, as you obviously didn't listen to what I said.
 
i am kinda lost, ash is aperently haveing to save prof oak, but mabey you should like a 'meanwhile' thing. like at least telll us what has happened to oak. that you can build on. you are saying that we are being mean, but in your stories there is nothing to to say good about if there is vertuaily nothing. now be sayin im being ean. the writers work shop is a place for people to build on there writin carees and share their stories to get feed back.
 
I mean to ask, what is your aim?

WHY are you writing? What is the purpose? Do you have an answer to that question?
 
CyberPika said:
You are mean. I try changing things but it is hard.

I'm trying to make longer with more stuff.
I'm trying my best.
Click to expand...

They are not being mean. They are trying to give you advice.

It looks like you have a good idea in mind with your story, but if you want to improve, listening to constructive criticism is a good way to do it.
 
Chapter 4

Ash and Pika ran towards the Viridian Forest. It looked as dark and big and scary as usual.

"Maybe Professor Oak is in there." Ash said.

"Pika Chu Chu!"

So Ash and Pikachu ran through the forest but Oak was no where to be found. Soon Ash was gettig scared. What if Oak had been kidnapped?

" Do you think we should call Officer Jenny?"

"Chu Chu Pika Pikachupikachu!"

All of a sudden a squeaky sound went off near them in the bush. Suddenly a small green bug Pokemon crawled out.

"Hey! A Caterpie!"

"Chu!"

"Remember years ago when we first came here and we caught a Caterpie?

"Pika Pika!"

"Yeah, we didn't know what we were doing back then, we caught Caterpie and it evolved into Metapod then Butterfree! But then he had to leave."

"Pika Pikachu Pi Pi Pi Pika Chu Chu!"

"What's that? You think we should catch this Caterpie like old times sake?"

"Pika!"

"Great idea!"

Ash took a Pokeball from his backpack and threw it at Caterpie. It just bounced off though.

"Oh I forgot. Gotta weakin it first. Pikachu Thunderbolt."

"PikaaaChu!!"

Caterpie screamed when the lightning struck it.

Ash threw another Pokeball and caught it.

"Yes! I caught a Caterpie...again!"

With his new Pokemon ran down the forest hoping to find Oak.
 
You have potential, we all know that. But you don't use! If ash is in veridian forest and he caught a caterpie, then build on it. I know youre 'trying you best' but youre not convincing anyone right now.
 
Vulpixtail said:
You have potential, we all know that. But you don't use! If ash is in veridian forest and he caught a caterpie, then build on it. I know youre 'trying you best' but youre not convincing anyone right now.
Click to expand...

Ditto.

It's getting a little bit longer, but still, it's really no improvement in the description and characterizations.

Without critics, art would be nothing.
 
Ok here.

Chapter 5.

Ash and Pikachu with their new Caterpie friend continued down the forest looking for Oak.

"We're deep in the forest now. I forgot which way to go. It's been a while since been in here before with Misty."

"Pikachupi!"

Let's see if Caterpie knows where to go. He lives here after all.

"Caterpie I choose you!"

Caterpie appeared when the ball opened and the small green bug Pokemon smiled at his new master.

"Cat Cater Cat Pi!"

"Hi Caterpie, do you know where to go? We're looking for Porfessor."

"Cat!"

Suddenly the green Pokemon started to crawl really fast down the path. Ash and Pikachu followed him.

Soon they came to a clearing of the forest. A teen girl was sitting in front of a small pond with a fishing pole. She had red hair and short shorts.

"It can't be!"

"Pikachupi!"

Ash was shy. Was this Misty? He hadn't seen her in years. He could not just go up to her and act like something had happened. So he got a idea.

"Follow my lead Pikachu."

"Pika?"

Ash sneaked over behind the girl. He got behind a bush and quietly jumped into the pond. Before he knew it he saw the hook of the fishing pole and grabbed it and hooked it on his shirt.

"Huh? I got a bite!" the girl yelled.

Ash was lifted up on the pole and out of the water by the girl.

"Ash?" Misty said she looked stunned!

"Haha Hi Misty! Just like old times sale huh."

"Pika!"

"It's good to see you Ash!"
 
Please note: The thread is from 13 years ago.
Please take the age of this thread into consideration in writing your reply. Depending on what exactly you wanted to say, you may want to consider if it would be better to post a new thread instead.
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