TEEN: Darkness before Dawn (3)

[Safe]

Re: Darkness before Dawn (2)

All he found was a deep dark abyss with water at the end of it, it’s dripping filling the entire shaft with its echoes.

Ok this sentence was weird and annoying to read.
Maybe if it was like this:
All he found was a deep dark abyss with water at its base, the sounds of dripping filled the entire shaft with their echoes.

I suggest you get your chapters beta-read before you post them, so you can avoid the simple mistakes like spelling and such.

 

[Safe]

Re: Darkness before Dawn (2)

All he found was a deep dark abyss with water at the end of it, it’s dripping filling the entire shaft with its echoes.

Ok this sentence was weird and annoying to read.
Maybe if it was like this:
All he found was a deep dark abyss with water at its base, the sounds of dripping filled the entire shaft with their echoes.

I suggest you get your chapters beta-read before you post them, so you can avoid the simple mistakes like spelling and such.

 

[Flaze]

I wasn't expecting for a Purrloin but I guess it works out too. There was a lot of description when it came to the character's developments and feelings, especially their contradicting personalities towards the Pokemon. I can't wait to see what happens with the Purrloin and how the Duke will find it, if he does that is.

 

[Marcat]

Ok this sentence was weird and annoying to read.
Maybe if it was like this:
All he found was a deep dark abyss with water at its base, the sounds of dripping filled the entire shaft with their echoes.

I suggest you get your chapters beta-read before you post them, so you can avoid the simple mistakes like spelling and such.

Uh huh, I was kinda skeptic about that sentence, too. I'll just modify my sentence then. Well about a Beta-Reader... nah. They would hinder the process too much. Not to brag, but my spelling/typo mistakes aren't that many, since I use MS Word and tend to re-read a chapter about five times after posted. :3

I wasn't expecting for a Purrloin but I guess it works out too. There was a lot of description when it came to the character's developments and feelings, especially their contradicting personalities towards the Pokemon. I can't wait to see what happens with the Purrloin and how the Duke will find it, if he does that is.

Thanks! I got alot planned for the next few chapters, its going to be a wild ride.

 

[Marcat]

I'm really sorry to have to say this...
But I must stop writing this story and stop writing for quite a while, too. Family circumstances that aren't exactly in my favor have been keeping me from writing. Therefore, I'm sorry to have to say... I'm not going to continue writing it. This is very difficult for me since I really enjoyed writing it.

...Oh well. I'll still be hanging around the Workshop, just not as a fellow writer. Thank you to everyone who read.