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Pokeshipping- Rage of the Elements

Should I make the prequals?

  • Total voters
    22
Elphaba said:
OMA, I love it!! Also:

motivator001.jpg
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I love his face and how his eyes look like he's staring at her butt. Though, I still cant help feeling bad for Misty not knowing she's being...stared at. What was the artist of pokemon thinking when he drew that picture?

Anyway, great fanfic is great :3

Putting this is my top ten. That is the second time I've edited it this month :/ I usually dont edit it too often.
 
IDK what that artist was thinking, but it's funny to me XD. And top ten? This fic is my favorite! :D
 
GUST-VOLT PART II​

“A-Ash?” She mumbled. Her head was throbbing like mad. “Where–ere are you?” Misty realized that she was not on even ground. Nor was the floor hard or cold. It was soft and warm.
“Ah! I’m so sorry!” The girl rolled off of her friend/crush and sat up. Looking down at him, she realized that his face was bright red.
“Are you okay?” Misty asked, resisting the urge to slap Ash.
“I’m fine. You?” Ash faked a grin.
“Peachy.” She paused. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t get us to the bottom safely.” The red-head was fighting back tears as she looked up at all the massive gears.
“What do you mean, you couldn’t? We’re alive and nothing’s broken or anything.” This time he grinned for real, a small one though.
“… What happened anyways?” Misty wondered aloud as she wiped the tears away.
“I… Uh…” He recalled what had occurred. ”Well, I think I shielded you-” Ash thought. “No clue.” The boy muttered.
“Ugh.” Misty ‘said’ as she rubbed the back of her head.
“What’s wrong?!” Alarmed, Ash quickly shot up into sitting up.
“Oh, I just hit my head a little. That’s all.” She looked at him kindly, to assure him that she was okay.
“Just to be on the safe side, I’m gonna make sure you don’t have a concussion.” He told her, silently thanking his mom for forcing him to take some first-aid classes.
“Okaaaay.” Misty raised an eyebrow.
“What do Tentacool evolve into?” Ash asked her the first basic/simple question her could think of.
“Tentacruel. Duh.” She folded her arms and stood up, and surveyed the area.
“Okay, you should be oh-” The male teen saw a small bit of blood on the ground where Misty had been sitting.
“We should probably find a-” The red-head was interrupted by Ash more or less freaking out.
“Are you okay!?! You’re bleeding!” He rushed over to her, only to be screamed at.
“IT’S MY TIME OF THE MONTH, YOU IDIOT!!!” Misty was redder than her hair, and steam was practically coming out of her ears. Ash shrunk down, red as well, and barely managed to speak.
“Oh.” He mumbled.


There was a long moment of silence between the teenagers. After a bit, Misty resumed talking.
“As I was um, saying; we should find somewhere safer to wait out the storm.” She said quietly.
“Probably.” Ash agreed. At that moment, the massive blimp tilted so much, and in different ways that it caused them to slide around, eventually being stopped by grabbing onto a railing on the wall. They held on tightly until everything settled down.

“Should we check out that room?” The boy pointed at a door labeled ‘supplies’ that they had rolled and slid near. From their previous location, their view of the door was totally blocked by machinery. Sounds of thunder echoed through the ‘room’ that they were trapped in.
“Yeah.” Holding onto the rail, the two inched their way over to the door, hoping that they could be safe there.

The room was small, like a pantry. A single light fixture dangled from the ceiling. Metal shelve held all sorts of things. Some were in boxes, others not. There were cleaning supplies, tools, and various other stuff one could need in such a place. More than a few of the objects lay on the floor, being a victim of the storm.
“All that stuff… I don’t think it’s a good idea to stay in here.” Misty said to the boy next to her. The closet was able to fit both of them semi comfortably when standing up, but it would be cramped if they were to sit down. Without the metal shelving and it’s contents, there would be a lot more room for the teens.
“What if we take it out?” He asked/suggested, grabbing a box from the nearest shelf.
“I guess…” She seemed rather unsure of the idea, but nonetheless, she, like Ash, got to work. Misty bent down to pick up a box. In her mind, as long as they did it neatly, it would be okay.
Out of the blue, the room, and the rest of the blimp, shook violently for a brief moment. Not like an earthquake, but a single, jarring one. Several things came crashing down, hitting Ash and Misty on various parts of their bodies. Before they knew it, they were somewhat buried beneath supplies.
“Misty!?!” Ash called out when he came to his senses and was aware of what had happened, sitting up and pushing away the boxes and such.
“Ung.” He heard as a pile moved. Out of it popped Misty, a bit disgruntled, but nonetheless okay.
“You okay?” The boy began shoving the items out the door in a slight frenzy.
“Yeah, I’m- yeagghhh.” She hissed and clenched her teeth, slightly hunching over in pain. Ash quickly pushed out the last of the stuff, other than a few lingering knick-knacks and a lone box.
“What’s wrong?!” Ash asked her frantically. Currently facing him, Misty rotated herself so that he could see her back.
“Oh, jeez! Something sharp must have fallen on your back!” Her sky-blue t-shirt had a substantial tear in it at least three inches long, vertical to her spine. At the top of it, he could see something white and about to break. In the middle of her back was a deep, messy cut almost as long as the rip. He knew it wasn’t quite deep enough for stitches, as he had had a couple gashes like that that did not need them. However, that was not nearly enough to quell his worrying.
“No duh.” She said, trying to ignore the pain of the wound.
“Bad news- it’s pretty bad. Good news- it shouldn’t need stitches.” Ash assured her, in an effort to calm the both of them. “Although-” He continued. “It could easily get infected if it isn’t cleaned before it begins the healing process. His mom always got his worse cuts cleaned and bandaged as soon as possible. Before he left home, she had taught him to always do the same.
“Then we should clean it. I think I saw some rubbing alcohol.” Misty stated with authority, the pain subsiding a tiny bit. The black-haired boy immediately began searching for it in the heap outside the door. During of which, thunder clapped again, and the blimp simultaneously shook again.
“Found it!” Ash grabbed it and brought it to her, closing the door behind him. He uncapped it to sterilize the gash, but ran into a problem.
“Um… How do I- um… get it erm- on?” The boy stuttered, turning red.
“What do you- ohhhh.” The red head began to blush as well upon realizing what he meant. “C-closeyoureyes.” She mumbled.
“What?” Ash asked her.
“Close. Your. Eyes.” Misty repeated herself, louder this time.
“Huh? What-” He was cut off.
“JUST CLOSE THEM!!!” The female yelled.
“okay” Ash uttered and shut his eyes tightly.
“Are they shut?” She turned around to check. After a minute of a ruffling sound, and a snap-click, he was instructed to open them again. His heart pounded so much that it felt like it would push itself out of his chest. The entire 60 seconds had been agonizing as uncomfortable thoughts invaded his mind. Slowly but surely, Ash opened his eyes to see a bare back.
“Uhh…” Was all he could say as he stared at Misty’s unclothed back, trying desperately to not think about the front.
“Just do it.” She told him sternly, half wanting to get it over with quickly, half wanting it to last forever.
“What do I use-?” Ash started to ask her.
“Um, my shirt I guess?” Misty said quietly. He reached out his hand and picked up the deposited shirt nearby, gulping when he saw her discarded bra a couple feet away. Tenderly, the teen poured the rubbing alcohol onto a spot on the shirt, while observing that her arms were most likely crossed in front of her breasts.
“This is going to sting.” Ash warned her, wishing that he didn’t have to cause her that pain.
“Okay.” The tom-boy had currently shed her rough exterior, and seemed somewhat vulnerable. One of her arms dropped from her defensive position, readjusting her right one to do the job alone.
Ash began to dab and wipe the wound with care, his left hand unused at his side. He felt her cringe as the cold alcohol seeped into her cut. Before long, their two hands met, Ash subconsciously allowing Misty to squeeze it in order to cope with the sting.
“Almost done.” The boy told her kindly. To his later surprise, there was no longer a dirty thought to be found. He did not feel nervous, nor like a pervert. Only a warm caring glow was left. Ash wanted her to be healthy and strong.

Again, the blimp tilted drastically. Their interlocked fingers stayed tight as they lost their balance. However, it created the perfect opportunity for Ash to get a good look at her bare chest. But just before he would have seen them, he shut his eyes out of respect. He did so as soon as he realized that Misty’s front was tilting towards him. When she saw this, she smiled at her friend, though he could not see it.
“There.” He said once he was able to safely resume treatment. Without another word, he removed his own navy-colored t-shirt and began to tear it into a long, winding strip of cloth. She turned her head around just enough to watch him do so. Silently, she admired his chest, and the muscles that were beginning to show themselves. Once she figured out what he was doing, Misty reluctantly put her head back.
“Can I um…” Ash began to speak.
“Yeah.” The female lifted up her arms and raised them up over her head, putting her trust in Ash that he would not take advantage of the situation; as her upper body was completly exposed.
Neither of the teens made a sound as he carefully, very carefully, wrapped it around her upper chest from behind her. It was important to put pressure on such wounds to help it close properly. A real bandage would do a lot better, but for now it would have to suffice. Twice, he swore that some part of his hand lightly brushed up against her two outcroppings. She could slap him later.
“I’m done.” Ash let her know. She reached over and picked up her slightly damp shirt and pressed it to her partially covered chest.
“Thanks.” She said. This was the last word spoken between them for a few hours, as they ended up not knowing what to say, then falling sound asleep side by side.



In the morning, the storm had passed, Brock and Pikachu, along with a staff member, went to go get the teens; Dawn and Piplup getting breakfast for all of them.. Brock had inserted a tracking chip in Ash’s belt after the Seviper incident. That way, when Ash disappeared, he would be able to locate him. The storm however, made it impossible to trace the signal. Even if it had, everyone was confined to their rooms. Pikachu had went back to their room when the message sounded, hoping to find Ash there, or at least to have him arrive soon after.
Brock opened the door to find Ash shirtless, and Misty covering her chest with hers, bra sitting in a corner.
“CONGRADULATIONS TO THE BOTH OF YOU!” Brock yelled, not realizing that he would soon have a black eye.

END OF GUST-VOLT

Special thanks to Kayumi for helping me get past my writer's block.
--

Okay, what pokemon type should I do next? I'm not sure. Ideas/suggestions please!
And comments! <3 The more detailed the feedback the better. Tell me your favorite parts, parts that could have been done better and how.
 
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OMG I lol'd so hard at Misty's time of the month XD Pretty good chapter; can't wait for the next one ^^
 
Great job! I just noticed one small mistake:
RainbowMoondust said:
Pikachu had went back to their room when the message sounded, hoping to find Ash their, or at least to have him arrive soon after.
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"their" should be "there" in "hoping to find Ash their, or at least...."
That is all.
I think the next Pokemon type should be grass since you had wanted to post Terra before, but ended up typing Frost. So, I think Terra would be nice!

~MM
 
Very nice. I wish you would put a space between the quotes and different narrative paragraphs so it would be easier to read. Other than that, no complaints.
 
A) Whoops. I usually don't make errors like that.

B) Terra isn't grass.

C) I'm happy that you guys like it!
 
Loved it. I couldn't stop laughing! :D

Maybe Water? OR Ghost!!!!!!! Haunted house FTW! XD LOL
 
I've been leaning towards water, but I have two ideas that I can't decide between.

Yeah, that is what I was planning on doing for ghost. Maybe an old, victorian style mansion.
 
Well, no matter which one I do, I need to take a break for at least a few days.

Although, if someone can majorly inspire me, it could be sooner.
 
One spelling error I noticed: CONGRADULATIONS should be congratulations

Onto the two chapters review, part one and two of gust/volt:

Part One:

Your setting for this chapter is very interesting although I do wonder where they got the money to pay for such a fancy blimp?! Hehe, nvm that.

Dawn and Misty like yaoi manga? Lol. That's funny.

Takeshi liking hentai manga? Lol, not surprising. Hehe. Satoshi's reaction to seeing what he was reading was hilarious and I also enjoyed how you used it to cause issues later when being before Misty.

While descriptive, many of your scenes in this chapter were ineffetive, mostly when it came to points where Satoshi and Kasumi being in danger. This couldve been improved mostly with using emotional descriptions rather than physical descriptions for those moments.

My favorite part was where Misty says it's a good thing that he was still skinny and he feels insulted by her words. Very realistic also her saying that as a way to try to stay calm.

I found it odd that Ash couldn't climb up seeing as he's always been shown as being athletic and able to climb things very easily especially in the DP season... However, sometimes for story purposes, I can def understand allowing that to happen.

Your cliffhanger was quite excellent, it did make me wonder of she survived...

Part Two Review:

This chapter was much better written than part one, my only qualm being the misspelling. The uncomfortable situations between Satoshi and Kasumi reminded of something in a clamp anime or on a melancholy of haruhi suzumiya. Have you ever seen that show?

Kasumi noticing Ash rather than the opposite way around was a nice change of pace. I found it cutely written, almost reminding me of the 4Kids produced song "Misty's Song." There was a nice add-in continuity with having Ash learned first-aid although I think it wouldve been just as realistic having Dawn have taught him something about that or maybe even Brock.

The fluff hints were nice, not overdone, the way I prefer it. I liked how Ash closed his eyes in respect and also how he noticed he no longer had the thoughts of a hentai (pervert)...

Time of the month: BEST LINE EVER! Hehehhehehehhehe! Love it!

Thank you so much for telling me you updated!

Until Next Time,
Neo
 
^whoa, switching between japanese and english names. Cool!

@RainbowMoondust Sure, go take a break. We all know you deserve that! We'll be patient, right guys? *directs question at other readers and Pokeshippers*

~MM
 
So far I've only read the first one-shot, but I'll give my review of it.

There isn't a lot of detail on the characters or the setting at all. Take the first three sentences:
RainbowMoondust said:
The trio was walking through the forest as usual, on their way to get Misty on a boat back home, for she had been traveling with them for the past three weeks. There was nothing particularly special about this collection of trees at first glance. It looked just about the same as all the other ones that Ash and co. had been through.
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They seem rather plain. No description of the setting at all, nor what the characters look like. And while I understand that this is the the final one-shot of the collection, there should still be a bit more detail of the characters in it since it is presented to the readers first.

The trio was walking through the forest as usual,
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When you say "the trio" now it can refer to quite a few different sets of people:
  • Ash, Misty and Brock
  • Ash, Misty and Tracey
  • Ash, Dawn and Brock
  • Ash, Iris and Dento
So make sure you clarify this with descriptions. Even though the majority of readers are familiar with them, it still helps to have them.
“Hey, something smells funny.” Misty stopped in her tracks, sniffing.
“It smells like… smoke!” Ash discovered. Then a massive stampede of pokemon came rushing towards them.
“Run!!!” Brock screamed and took off as fast as he could, the other two soon following him. A Donphan sped by and knocked Misty over. Ash noticed and immediately went to help her. Several trees were knocked down by the pokemon and Ash, Misty and Pikachu huddled together.
“Hang on! I’ll go get help!” Brock cried to his younger companions. That was the last thing they heard before passing out.
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No build up or anything to the random Donphan attack. Also why didn't anyone release their Pokémon to help counter it?

“Its so hot…” Misty murmured upon waking. She remembered what was going on and started shaking Ash and Pikachu.
“Get up! Get up!” She screeched. Once she had gotten Ash on the road to consciousness, the red haired girl took out all of her and Ash’s water types.
“Come on everyone, use your strongest water-type move on the fire!” She commanded. There were flames and wreckage everywhere. Embers were flying left and right, setting things ablaze. Ash sat up and looked around, finding it hard to breathe. He picked up a rock and used it to help him cut away a strip of his shirt.
“Misty, here.” He held up the makeshift mask and tied it around her head so it covered her mouth. Then Ash cut one for Pikachu, and finally one for himself.
“Its no use. The fire’s too strong. With the dry spell that’s been going on, the—“ Misty was cut off as she dodged a falling flaming tree.
“Gastrodon, use Dig! Get us a way out of here!” Ash instructed Mistys pokemon as soon as he saw she was okay. A minute later, it came back. It had dug a partial hole, more like a rut, under some of the debris. Both trainers noticed that a tree was close to coming crashing down upon the entrance to the escape route.
“Lets get the pokemon out first.” Misty started sending her pokemon through the hole, Ash’s following shortly.
“Pikapi! Pikachupi!” Pikachu looked at his humans.
“You have to go! It wont hold much longer!” Ash angrily screamed at the pokemon who didn’t want to leave them behind. Pikachu reluctantly scurried through, crying the whole way.
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Again, details of their surroundings would be helpful. Also double spacing separating each time a different character starts speaking.

Though at least in this part of the story they are utilizing their Mons to help them get out of their predicament. However, I wonder why they didn't just return them all to their pokéballs once they were done putting out some of the fire. Seems rather odd to me that neither Ash nor Misty would think of doing this.

I'm also having a hard time believing Pikachu would leave them that fast. Pikachu is stubborn and loyal, just like his trainer, he wouldn't abandon them. In Snow Way Out the little guy refused to get in its pokéball, despite the freezing temperatures, because he didn't want to let Ash freeze by himself. Here he seems to give up on the idea rather quickly. It could be argued that the situation is a lot more dire this time around and that it would eventually heed his trainer's command, but we don't really get to see that since it is just glanced over. As I said before, more details and depth would really help flesh this scene out and make it more believable.


“Ladies first, Misty.” He said, getting out of the way.
“No, this is no time to be a gentleman.”
CRASH
“MIISSTYYY!!!” The tree had given way and Misty was standing under it. Ash was trying to pull the flaming tree off, but with no avail.
“Go.” Misty whispered.
“No! I wont abandon you!” Tears were streaming down his face.
“Goodbye, Ash.” Her eyes went blank. He didn’t care about the sirens, or people calling their names, he just bawled.
“Don’t leave me! I love you! Don’t leave me again!” Ash was surrounded by the blaze, covered in her blood, squeezing Misty’s hand. “Don’t go! Don’t you dare go!” He could feel the flames burning his flesh…
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This part seems pretty forced and cliched to me. Granted, thinking the love of your life is about to die can make one do crazy and out-of-character things, but I don't think they would be sticking this closely to cheesy movie script. Maybe a line could be added in there of Ash calling for his Pokémon to come back and help him?

The bold line is an excellent though, I liked it.

“Ash, wake up! Wake up!” A voice shouted.
“Misty?” He muttered.
“You must have been having some nightmare. You were screaming like hell, and your face is covered in tears.” She looked sympathetically at the quivering boy. Staring at the fire that he had fallen asleep too close to, Ash remembered that she had to go home in the morning. He sat up and grabbed her, and held her as tightly as he could to the point which she could barely breathe, sobbing.
“Don’t leave me.”
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Oooo nice touch connecting the dream to the surroundings here :thumbup: Rare to see Ash being the one to do this, since we know how dense he can be. However, he does care deeply for his friends. After going through a nightmare like that and then suddenly waking up to see the person you thought died right next to you alive and well, it's understandable that he would initially be shocked and easily give into the impulse of hugging her.

Overall I liked the idea of the story, though I think it could be touched up a bit. Please forgive me if I came off as malicious, I was only stating what came to mind when reading, it was no personal attack against you. As I said I've only read the first one, I'm sure you improved as you went on =)
 
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No worries kakuna; and yes, I have improved a lot. But the main reason of writing that one was because of an idea that I simply had to get down.
I'm looking forward to your reveiws of my more recent work.

And Neo, thanks for another great review so that I may continue to improve.
About this~
I found it odd that Ash couldn't climb up seeing as he's always been shown as being athletic and able to climb things very easily especially in the DP season... However, sometimes for story purposes, I can def understand allowing that to happen.
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I thought some of that really overdone. Also, don't forget that they're still recovering from Venom and Frost. Neither of them are at the top of their games.

And I never said Misty liked Yaoi. I meant to imply that... well I'm not sure. But it wasn't that.
 
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