EVERYONE: The Lightbulb (not actually for everyone)

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The Lightbulb, a short poetic story by Sir$**tpostError for the first of April on the Bulbagarden "Lightbulb" Forums.

This fic is rated R for Ridonkulous. Please be warned you may be offended by some of the material if you are a lamp or streetlight.

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The lamp is on.

There the lightbulb shines brightly.

The yellow light bakes my room in a harsh unnerving light.

The glow of my screen is calmer. A soft clear white light.

But no, this light is dim. Faint.

It makes the room worse off.

The lightbulb glows hotly.

I begin to sweat.

They generate heat. It is hot.

I can feel every heat ray it exudes. It is hot.

The lightbulb glimmers mockingly.

Its golden light taunts me, as if to say I will always be a silver.

Pft, what lies.

To say no one can be a number one, what nonsense.

The lightbulb has an intense brilliance.

It is insulting me. As if it is saying it is smarter.

I did not finish high school.

But I do have smarts. It is the foolish one.

The lightbulb glitters.

Is it saying it's fancier?

What does it know, it's round! It's fat!

I'm fit!

The lightbulb glares at me.

I shudder.

The light, threatening to blind me.

The heat, threatening to burn me.

The glow, threatening to humiliate me.

The lightbulb, threatening to consume me.

The lightbulb is lit with danger!

It is coming for me!

It must be stopped, must be turned off!

I reach, but it is too far! Out of reach!

It is coming!

So being a well-off American who believes in his second-amendment rights, I pull out my gun and shoot it.

I have defiled Thomas Edison's invention.

Serves him right.

The lightbulb will never bother anyone again.

THE END

 

[kintsugi]

The lamp is on.

wowowowow. This first sentence here is just so. evocative. It immediately draws me in. Short, sweet, to the point. I like it.

There the lightbulb shines brightly.

You want 'they're' here.

The lightbulb has an intense brilliance.

Small typo; you accidentally spelled "Nikola Tesla" as "lightbulb".

So being a well-off American who believes in his second-amendment rights, I pull out my gun and shoot it.

oh my goodness!! I didn't see this ending coming, but in hindsight, I can see how you built up to this so perfectly -- all the foreshadowing is clearly there. It's quite clear on a second read-through that the narrator is clearly a righteous, gun-owning American.

I do wish you'd had a bit more characterization here to make the motives a bit more justified. I'm all for a good old-fashioned flexing of my 2AR, but consider this: lightbulbs are capable of holding sticks, poptarts, toy cars -- clearly objects that could be mistaken for guns/weapons that would make it immediately obvious that the lightbulb is a threat that requires excessive force.

Otherwise, beautiful. I cried. Possibly because I was staring at the lightbulb without blinking for the entirety of my reading.

 

[Juliko]

Huh, for a poem based on an April Fool's joke, this was pretty good. And funny, too.

 

[ThatAsianInTheCorner]

.doog ytterp si dna ,etad tnerruc eht ot gnittif yrev saw etorw uoy tahw uoy tahw taht kniht I !tsenoh eb ot nettirw llew-yrevsi sihT

 

[hanecco]

Um, is this fanfic even appropriate for the Writer's Workshop? Seeing the lightbulb get shot... I'm going to have nightmares for weeks now. That was some horrifying gore and I don't know why anyone would think a fic with such a scene is only rated "R for Ridonkulous."