- Joined
- Sep 12, 2018
- Messages
- 1,236
- Reaction score
- 538
So... I've been working on a fanfic about certain Eevee for almost a year now (I'm good at coming up with simple plot ideas and not the worst at expanding them into less simple ones, but terrible at actually writing them). I don't want to reveal too much plot details right now, but it takes place in game canon Sinnoh, three years after Pokemon D/P/Pt (technically very first scene starts two years before action of said games, but it doesn't really have much plot bearing).
Anyway, I simply wanted to ask for feedback on said very first scene - hatching and first months of life of said Eevee.
Anyway, I simply wanted to ask for feedback on said very first scene - hatching and first months of life of said Eevee.
Glaceon looked with pride at four eggs laying inside the straw-filled pen. The ice Pokemon had every reason to be proud - they were, after all, her children.
Three of the eggs already hatched yesterday, giving birth to three Eevee. By now one of them was already setting its first, still shaky and careful steps inside the hatchery, the other was curiously examining a cracked fragment of the egg it was born from - and all three seemed to be constantly hungry.
Glaceon already showed the new life to her owner, professor Rowan. He was a renowned Pokemon researcher, specialising in evolution process - and it was for sake of said research that he decided to breed Eevee, Pokemon with multiple extremely varied evolutionary forms.
Two more eggs started to crack, catching Glaceon's attention. Criss-cross pattern of scars slowly started covering both green shells as something moved underneath. Two new Pokemon were about to come to this world.
Finally, after few minutes, smaller of the two eggs broke into several pieces and a hatchling slowly crawled out. It was small even by its species standards, with black tip on its left ear. It's green eyes oppened slowly, unused to the light, and started looking around curiously.
Very carefuly and shakily, newborn Eevee moved closer to Glaceon. It instinctively knew that her presence means safety - and in its first days in an dangerous, hostile world, it needed any protection it could get.
***
All seven young Eevee were growing very quickly. Few weeks after hatching they were already adept at using their species' native language and professor was sure that they'd be able to understand even Pokemon of other species if there was a need. They were also slowly learning to understand human speech - much faster than a wild Pokemon would.
What was worrying was the green-eyed one - not having much talent for naming, Rowan called it simply "Number Four". He was one of five males in the litter. Slightly smaller than his brothers and sisters, but equally or even more curious, he would spend all day exploring the facility, playing with his siblings, professor and his assistants and slowly getting accustomed with live in the lab. A quite normal young 'Mon it would seem - if it wasn't for his rather clear disinterest in battling.
Number Four really disliked fighting. He would stay away from any battle - be it an encounter with a wild Rattata trying to loot Rowan's fridge, or just a pretend fight with his siblings. Normally the old researcher wouldn't even notice - but this time he specifically needed the hatchlings to learn combat as soon as possible in order to make them evolve.
Rowan blamed this apparent fear of direct encounter on a combination of Fourth's insatiable curiosity and yearning for knowledge and influence of his father - old, scar-covered Espeon, until recently wild. Rowan found him - back then still an Eevee - several months ago, during his visit to Kalos, terribly maimed and slowly dying of multiple deep stab, cut and bite wounds and a nasty poisoning - clearly a work of Seviper. Professor managed to bring him back from the brink of death, nurse him to full health and even evolve him (though he wasn't exactly sure if him turning into Psychic type was a sign of trust for humans, or an attempt at getting back at Poison types) - but wasn't able to cure the mental trauma.
No matter the reason, it was rather clear that he won't be able to turn Number Four into battler - and he wasn't going to try.
Thus, while the rest of the litter slowly mastered the art of fighting, Fourth spent his days learning about the world. His understanding of human language was slowly getting better and he was starting to expand his still very basic knowledge of their technology and culture. Sometimes he would spend all day sitting in front of a tabletop PC, batting curiously at the mouse with his paws, trying to work out how moving it can affect the things on screen, rolling around on keyboard and inadvertently destroying the work of whoever was unfortunate enough to use it at the moment, and - at one point - gnawing through cables. He was similarly fascinated by lamps, at which he could stare for hours at time, flicking them on and off if switch was within his reach (fortunately, it usually wasn't). He once tried examining the matter transmitter that professor used to send Pokemon under his care back to their trainers and almost ended up getting himself accidentaly teleported. And he could sit motionless in front of fridge all day (although it rather quickly became clear that in this case he's more interested in its content than method of working).
It was several months after the birth of seven Eevee when professor decided to give Number Four away. Not just to anyone, though - he already had a right person in mind.
Three of the eggs already hatched yesterday, giving birth to three Eevee. By now one of them was already setting its first, still shaky and careful steps inside the hatchery, the other was curiously examining a cracked fragment of the egg it was born from - and all three seemed to be constantly hungry.
Glaceon already showed the new life to her owner, professor Rowan. He was a renowned Pokemon researcher, specialising in evolution process - and it was for sake of said research that he decided to breed Eevee, Pokemon with multiple extremely varied evolutionary forms.
Two more eggs started to crack, catching Glaceon's attention. Criss-cross pattern of scars slowly started covering both green shells as something moved underneath. Two new Pokemon were about to come to this world.
Finally, after few minutes, smaller of the two eggs broke into several pieces and a hatchling slowly crawled out. It was small even by its species standards, with black tip on its left ear. It's green eyes oppened slowly, unused to the light, and started looking around curiously.
Very carefuly and shakily, newborn Eevee moved closer to Glaceon. It instinctively knew that her presence means safety - and in its first days in an dangerous, hostile world, it needed any protection it could get.
***
All seven young Eevee were growing very quickly. Few weeks after hatching they were already adept at using their species' native language and professor was sure that they'd be able to understand even Pokemon of other species if there was a need. They were also slowly learning to understand human speech - much faster than a wild Pokemon would.
What was worrying was the green-eyed one - not having much talent for naming, Rowan called it simply "Number Four". He was one of five males in the litter. Slightly smaller than his brothers and sisters, but equally or even more curious, he would spend all day exploring the facility, playing with his siblings, professor and his assistants and slowly getting accustomed with live in the lab. A quite normal young 'Mon it would seem - if it wasn't for his rather clear disinterest in battling.
Number Four really disliked fighting. He would stay away from any battle - be it an encounter with a wild Rattata trying to loot Rowan's fridge, or just a pretend fight with his siblings. Normally the old researcher wouldn't even notice - but this time he specifically needed the hatchlings to learn combat as soon as possible in order to make them evolve.
Rowan blamed this apparent fear of direct encounter on a combination of Fourth's insatiable curiosity and yearning for knowledge and influence of his father - old, scar-covered Espeon, until recently wild. Rowan found him - back then still an Eevee - several months ago, during his visit to Kalos, terribly maimed and slowly dying of multiple deep stab, cut and bite wounds and a nasty poisoning - clearly a work of Seviper. Professor managed to bring him back from the brink of death, nurse him to full health and even evolve him (though he wasn't exactly sure if him turning into Psychic type was a sign of trust for humans, or an attempt at getting back at Poison types) - but wasn't able to cure the mental trauma.
No matter the reason, it was rather clear that he won't be able to turn Number Four into battler - and he wasn't going to try.
Thus, while the rest of the litter slowly mastered the art of fighting, Fourth spent his days learning about the world. His understanding of human language was slowly getting better and he was starting to expand his still very basic knowledge of their technology and culture. Sometimes he would spend all day sitting in front of a tabletop PC, batting curiously at the mouse with his paws, trying to work out how moving it can affect the things on screen, rolling around on keyboard and inadvertently destroying the work of whoever was unfortunate enough to use it at the moment, and - at one point - gnawing through cables. He was similarly fascinated by lamps, at which he could stare for hours at time, flicking them on and off if switch was within his reach (fortunately, it usually wasn't). He once tried examining the matter transmitter that professor used to send Pokemon under his care back to their trainers and almost ended up getting himself accidentaly teleported. And he could sit motionless in front of fridge all day (although it rather quickly became clear that in this case he's more interested in its content than method of working).
It was several months after the birth of seven Eevee when professor decided to give Number Four away. Not just to anyone, though - he already had a right person in mind.