• For those of you who voted in the Arcade Game Night, the next step is scheduling the best time for playing! Check out this post for more details.
  • Due to the recent changes with Twitter's API, it is no longer possible for Bulbagarden forum users to login via their Twitter account. If you signed up to Bulbagarden via Twitter and do not have another way to login, please contact us here with your Twitter username so that we can get you sorted.

EVERYONE: - Complete Full Moons and Quarter Life Crises (Halloween 2022 One Shot Contest)

F
Created at
Index progress
Complete

For the Halloween One-Shot Contest 2022!

Nacho has a problem. He helps himself by making it //everyone's// problem.
Joined
Sep 8, 2022
Messages
5
Reaction score
6
Nacho was going to do everything he could to make sure he didn’t rip any of his favorite clothes this time. Last time he turned, he had thought that he’d have enough time to make it back to his little safe corner of the forest and stash his clothes away. Instead, he had to mourn his favorite sweater the next day while also trying to patch up himself.

This time around, he was going to only be wearing his tertiary rotation of clothing the entire week leading up to the main event. Sure, it meant he was wearing a lot of nerdy shirts that he hadn’t thought of in maybe ten years, but if it meant giving his favorite overalls another day in the sun, he’d even dig out his old choir uniform to keep his closet intact.

Nacho truly believed he could swing an uneventful change with all the planning and practice he’d come to be excellent at. Unfortunately, he forgot how terrible his luck was. Especially when it came to his love life.

“Do you—would you like to go with me to the Halloween party this Saturday? As a date?”

Struck momentarily dumb, Nacho attempted to pick his jaw off the ground. “Are you serious? You want to go out with me? Do you know who I am?”

Hugging her Swablu close to her, Celestina laughed, and Nacho could have sworn he heard bells. “Yes, I know who you are, dork! You’re Ignacio Cadenza. You work in the IT department, and we ate together a few times in the past month?” When it sounded like she was asking a question, Nacho found himself nodding quickly.

“Yes! Well, I mean, yeah, we’ve eaten lunch together, but I thought you were only doing that because your coworkers were out on the conference trip.” Perched on his shoulder, he did his best to ignore the amused tittertings of Noibat.

“At first, that was probably true, but if you’re OK with it, I’d really like to be able to spend time with you outside of work sometime. We can even get some dinner before we head to the party—if you even want to go with me!” Celestina threw her hands up in a placating manner.

Nacho laughed in disbelief, the movement causing Noibat to flap his wings. “Yeah!—Oops, sorry, Noibat, here ya go—Yes, I’ll totally go with you! Oh my Arc, I’ve wanted to ask you out since last week, but I didn’t want to come off as a creep.”

At that, Celestina’s eyes sparkled and Nacho forgot every word they’d exchange. “Really? That’s kinda sweet. Next time, you should just go for it. Have some confidence in yourself!”

Knowing that his cheeks were gradually turning bright red, Nacho ducked his head. “Aw, you’re too kind.” He looked up and did his best to smile as brightly as he could while feeling like he was being watched by thousands of people in the very empty hallway they were standing in. “Do you want to exchange numbers? We can confirm later where we’ll go eat and what time I can pick you up.”

Celestina smiled coyly. “Already assuming I’ll let you pick me up, Nacho? What if I want to meet you at the restaurant? What if I want to pick you up?”

Noibat chirped in disapproval and Nacho felt his warming face suddenly turn icy in horror. “Oh Arc, I’m sorry for assuming. I’m absolutely OK with you doing whatever you want, and I can even—Hey, stop laughing, I’m being serious!”

Her laughter grew even more when she saw his face, and she reached out to grab his arm to steady herself as she doubled over. Nacho soon understood what the definition of heart-warming truly meant. He had thought it was another way to describe heartburn, but instead he was feeling all kinds of cozy from her gentle grasp. He was probably going to have to detox his mind from all these romantic thoughts when he got home and get himself back to a normal amount of caring for her. Maybe he’d try the local gym challenge, something to wind himself down. Noibat would probably end up using an attack on Nacho himself if he kept going like this, though.

“I’m sorry,” she giggled. She adjusted Swablu in her arms, and reached to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. “You’re just so easy to rile up. I’m totally cool with you picking me up! I didn’t even know you had a car. Or wait, do you have a Ride Pokemon?”

Nacho chuckled self consciously. “Yeah, I have Rapidash. She’s been my biggest support for this job since I interviewed. Officer Jenny almost gave us a ticket for how fast she got us here for my first day. Do you mind me picking you up on her?”

Celestina beamed. “Are you kidding? I used to play around with my sister’s Ponyta as a kid all the time! I love them all so much. Does she have a nickname?”

Rubbing the back of his neck, Nacho blushed. “Uhh, yeah, it’s kinda embarrassing, but it’s the only thing that she responded to when she first hatched.”

“What is it?”

“...Mrs. Nibbles. But I usually can get away with calling her Nibs.”

Nacho saw her stifle some of her laughter and sighed. “Go ahead and laugh. I’ve tried getting her to answer to everything under the sun, but that’s the only one that won’t get a fireball sent at my head.”

Even Swablu looked like it was trying to hold back amused chatter. Celestina grinned, trying and failing to cover her big smile. “No, no, I just think it’s adorable. How long have you had her?”

“She hatched in the nursery down Route 8 about four years ago?” Nacho scrunched up his face in concentration. “Yeah, something like that. She just evolved this past year while we were trying to see how many gyms we could earn badges from. It was so cool!” He looked up to see Noibat nodding along. He had been there every step of the way on helping Nibs grow in confidence and power.

“Then I’m excited to get a chance to meet her.” She pulled her phone out, and typed in her code before handing it over to Nacho. “Put your number in, and send yourself a text. I should be getting back to my desk soon, and you probably need to go save someone’s computer from catching fire.”

Nacho grumbled, “I still don’t know how they managed to do that. My boss got them a fire extinguisher for their birthday last month, to commemorate the occasion.” He sent himself a Hey and gave the phone back to Celestina. “So I’ll text you later?”

Celestina smiled at him, so pretty and so going to make him distracted for the rest of the week, before she nodded and stood on her tiptoes to chastely kiss Nacho on the cheek.

“See you later, Nacho. Make sure he gets where he needs to safely, Noibat!” Celestina winked at his partner and hurried down the hall toward her team space.

He knew Noibat was a good Pokemon, and Nacho was given confirmation of this because he let Nacho stand in the middle of the hallway looking like a dunce for a good two minutes before he squawked right into his ear.

Somehow Nacho made it back to his own desk, and as he started to allow himself to settle into some drowsy daydreams about what their date might be like, he heard Noibat scuttling around on his desk. He looked down and saw him scratching and moving things around near his large desk calendar.

“What’s up, buddy? Want some more food? Sorry I got distracted during lunch, I wasn’t expecting her to…What are you doing?”

He watched as Noibat nabbed a pen with his mouth and moved to use it to point at a spot on the calendar.

“What are you saying? I know Saturday is Halloween. You don’t need to remind me, I can put together a costume for a date.”

When Noibat rolled his eyes, Nacho huffed in annoyance. “Don’t roll your eyes at me! Just tell me what you’re trying to say!”

“Noibat!” Noibat growled. He kept tapping and pointing at the date on Saturday.

“I don’t know what you’re trying to tell me, but it’s getting annoying, so—Wait.”

More emphatic tapping.

“You’re joking. There’s no way I could have forgotten.”

“Noi,” he sighed.

“But I thought it was happening November 1st! We talked about it last month! Hold up, I’m gonna look this up because you have to be wrong.”

The lunar schedule Nacho had saved in his phone was opened quickly and subsequently closed just as soon.

“Did they change the date of the full moon?”

“Noibat,” he shook his head in pity.

“But what if they did? There has to be some weird Pokemon related event where the date of the full moon just changes on you, right?”

One singular and distinct tap.

Nacho wailed. “I can’t go on a date as a Pokemon!”

///

After moving many things around and trying and failing to get everyone under the same roof, Nacho and his Pokemon were all gathered outside in the backyard of his house. Noibat was jumping over the waves created by Nib’s mane. While Sunny, his devoted Clefable, and his Ampharos were attempting to rearrange the backyard even more after Nacho had tried to make enough room for Nibs to feel comfortable.

“Guys, I think it’ll be OK. Nibs, you OK standing for a bit? We’re just gonna hash out a game plan, and then I can send you back over to the field to stretch your legs. Sound OK, everyone?”

A wave of confirmations came from his dearest friends, and Nacho felt his anxiety lessen a little bit. “Great, so as I’m sure Noibat has let you all know, I messed up.”

“Ampharos!”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, you don’t have to be all judgey, I already got enough of a lecture from Nibs on the way home today.”

Nobody flinched when a harsh round of neighing and snorting came from Nibs.

“I know, Nibs. I know.” Nacho sighed. “I wasn’t thinking. As per usual.” He looked down when he felt something nuzzle up against his leg, and smiled as much as he could at Sunny. “Thanks, dude. But you know what, it’ll be OK! We can manage this weekend like we always do, and then! I can somehow also go on a date with the best girl I’ve ever met. It’s super doable, and not at all impossible!”

Everyone groaned, and Ampharos walked over to knock on the wooden fence a few times.

///

“How do I look?” Nacho asked, running a hand through his hair and looking at Noibat in the mirror.

Noibat glanced up from trying to destroy an old pair of shoes to chirp in a very positive tone.

“Does it say I’m A Normal Dude And Not At All Cursed To Turn Into A Dragon Every Month? Or that I’m A Total Dork And This Is My First Date Ever?”

A negative sounding chirp came from his partner.

“Both?! Don’t be mean! I’m going to change again, then!”

Immediately knowing that another foray into his closet would make them even more late for the evening’s plans, Noibat threw himself at Nacho’s back and started sending as many annoyingly high pitched sounds through its ears before Nacho batted him off.

“All right! Fine! I’m ready! Don’t break the glass again in here! I’m still not sure if I’m covered for your sonic attacks in my renter’s insurance!” Nacho successfully managed to pry Noibat off his back, and wrangled him into a tight hug. “OK. OK! This is going to be OK! I managed to get her to agree to the new time, the new plans for tonight, and we’ve arranged for almost every kind of bad thing to happen. With Sunny and you keeping track of the sunset, and then Ampharos on sight to keep the new guy in check, we’ll get through tonight and next week, I can take her out on a proper date that doesn’t end with me having to run away at the first sign of a full moon.”

“Noibat…”

“I can’t just cancel on her after all this work we put in! We prepared for this. All the contingencies, Noibat! We can’t be cowards!” Nacho asserted, mostly for his benefit.

“...Mpha?”

Peeking his head around the corner, Ampharos looked into the bathroom where Nacho was getting ready. “Ampharos?”

“Yeah, we’re ready. Is the new guy doing OK with Nibs?”

A brief hesitation led to a sheepish kind of look that did nothing to give Nacho the kind of confidence he desperately needed right then.

Nacho sighed. “Well. Let’s go make sure they haven’t burnt down the backyard.”

The scene that greeted them when they walked outside did nothing to help with Nacho’s anxiety.

“What happened to being on best behavior?!” Nacho shouted as he tried stepping in between Nibs and his new pain in the neck.

Nibs blew a harsh raspberry sound and flicked her tail at Nacho. “Hey, c’mon now, you two should be getting along! Or at least tolerating each other! We all need to be on our A game for this to work. If you’re not ready, you should let me know now so I can let Celestina know.”

Stubborn silence fell, followed by annoyed cries all around.

“You guys are way more important than a date. So if we all can’t do this tonight, I’ll call it all off.”

More disgruntled silence. Then blessedly, Sunny cried out what must have been something soul-stirring because everyone in the yard started rallying around her, cheering.

Nacho looked at them, putting his hands on his hips.

“OK, that all sounded very positive. Are we all OK?”

Affirmative chirps and grunts sounded all around.

“Wonderful. Then let’s go do this thing. Together!”

///

“My gosh, you look really good in your costume, Nacho!”

Fighting through the paralyzing warmth that came from the soft smile Celestina gave him, Nacho found his voice. “You, uh—You look amazing, as well. Are you Champion Diantha?”

Celestina’s face lit up beautifully and did a little twirl. “Yes! I found the coat at a thrift store, and put the rest of the outfit together from my closet. Is it easy to tell who I am?”

Nacho thought briefly that this was his reward for everything else he had to deal with that evening. Swallowing hard, Nacho said, “I have a feeling we’re gonna be stopped for photos just because of you. You look just like her. Did you just have this look ready to go?”

When Celestina’s entire face started burning red, Nacho’s heart momentarily stuttered in fear that he had upset her. Until she ducked her head and started wringing her hands in what he quickly realized was embarrassment.

“Well, I, uh, OK. So, don’t laugh but I actually got the idea to go as her from you?” Celestina rushed through her words, as if she wanted to distance herself as far from them as possible. She even went as far as taking a step back from Nacho.

Well, Nacho had to do something about that. “Are you serious? That’s so cool! I feel like one of those influencers, like Raihan with all his brand deals, y’know?” Nacho laughed. “Seriously, though, at least your costume is pretty. I went for what I usually go for.”

“A wizard?”

Nacho could hear his Pokemon laughing and snorting from behind, and shooed them away from behind his back. He hoped desperately that Celestina couldn’t hear them. “Ah, oh goodness, um, no! You’re close, though! I guess with the hat and the cape, it’d be pretty smart to guess that, but I’m actually something else!”

Celestina tilted her head, puzzled. “Then what are you supposed to be? With your pointy hat and cloak…?”

Nacho laughed. “Oh my Arc, no! I’m a Mismagius! See? I even have the little soul gems like they do!”

She leaned up to look closely at his chest where he had spent ten solid minutes trying to get them to lay as flat as possible. With how close she was, Nacho felt the need to hold his breath so he didn’t disturb a hair on her head.

“Whoa, that’s cool! Oh, yeah, now I see it. You even painted on the different colorings they have on the ends of their cloak things! Is this like your forever costume? Did you make it and now it’s your thing for the rest of time?”

“Pfft, nothing like that.” Nacho grimaced and started nodding. “OK. OK, it’s a lot like that. I made it as a part of a group costume me and my college buddies did a while ago. And you know when you put so much effort into a thing, and then you don’t want to just put it away to never be seen again? This is that thing. This hat? It took me like three separate trips to my sewing store to get everything I needed for it.”

Celestina laughed. “That sounds inefficient.”

“It was. So now, this is my costume forever and always until I make another unnecessarily difficult costume for a dumb reason.”

From behind, Nacho could hear some growling, most likely from Noibat. It was time to get a move on, whether they were ready for it or not.

“Should we get going? Also, thanks so much for being so flexible tonight. I really appreciate it. I promise, if you want, I’ll make it up to you next time.”

Celestina laughed and swatted at Nacho’s arm. “Pretty presumptuous there, Nacho.” When Nacho tensed, she smiled and looped her arm around his. “I’m kidding. I told you that I liked confidence, and you’re already delivering. Shall we continue with the evening?”

Feeling as though maybe things would work out and everything would be fine, Nacho nodded and together, they walked forward into the night, with the golden full moon watching on from above.

///

For the first two hours, Mrs. Nibbles felt pretty confident that she could get the new guy whipped into shape for the only job he had tonight. They had become acquainted when Nacho had found him in the middle of the local park and asked if he wanted to be part of their group for a bit. It was…OK. Nibs thought that maybe they didn’t really have any use for him, but she trusted Nacho. If he thought they needed him, she’d do her best to make sure the new guy was ready to go.

However.

She was beginning to think that maybe they should have spent a few more seconds, minutes, hours considering bringing this guy in. He was kind, at the very least, but when it came time to get into character for what Nacho had planned for him, it was a little difficult to get him to focus.

The lead up to this evening had been filled with her exasperatingly attempting to get him to at least try and do what was asked of him. All she got in reply were the sweetest little eyes filled with naivety (stupidity) and goodheartedness (simplemindedness). All this and in the background, Sunny and Ampharos cooing and fluffing up the little guy’s ego to help with his confidence. Anytime Nibs brought up how maybe the new guy wasn’t up to the task, Sunny had sent her away by spreading out Stealth Rock from where the new guy was napping (???).

Regardless, now that it was show time, Nibs was somewhat confident in at least her ability to get things going in a positive way for Nacho.

After taking him and his date to the local Halloween market where Nacho had arranged for them to share a dinner together, Nibs had dashed back to where he was supposed to be. It looked like Ampharos had been left on Little Dude Duty and was trying to entertain by passing a little ball of electricity back and forth with him. With a questioning look and a shrug, they each exchanged how the evening had gone so far for both of them. Ampharos huffed a little, reached to pat the new guy on the head gently, and walked away to get to his own position. Nibs knew he’d probably had the most difficult job of the bunch. It was always a little tricky getting Poke Nacho to concentrate on not getting caught or finding his human friends when he got like that. Thankfully, though, they were all pros at it by this point. Well, almost all of them.

Turning back to see what the new guy was up to, Nibs jumped a little to see a copy of herself standing there, straining their neck to look at the flames dancing on their tail. With a grunt, Nibs got the copy’s attention. The new guy at least had the wherewithal to look a little sheepish as he shifted back to his usual form: a Ditto.

“Ditto…” he whined, hoping for some leniency from her harsh expectations.

Nibs rolled her eyes and gestured for him to get a move on. They would tail Nacho and Celstina from afar for the first two hours, and then when Nacho ran away to the bathroom, they would make the switch.

It was definitely the wildest plan Nacho had ever come up with to solve a problem of his, but at least he had been careful to make sure everyone was happy with the idea. It had taken some serious convincing to get Sunny OK with it, not that she wouldn’t do whatever she could to help make Nacho happy. Since they had all come to find him in whatever way they had, it was unanimously agreed, Ignacio Cadenza deserved all the joy in the world. And if making sure a wayward Ditto kept to some assumedly lowkey roleplay, then Nibs would try her best.

///

“Are you looking for someone?” Celestina asked.

Nacho jumped, looking down at where his date was tucked under his arm. “What, what do you mean?” he asked, not at all suspiciously.
She raised her eyebrows. “You’ve been swinging your head back and forth as if someone from your past is about to dramatically arrive. Is this all a set-up? Are you meeting your long lost twin here and using me for support?”

Laughing, Nacho let himself give her a gentle squeeze on the arm. When she leaned into him a bit more, he figured he’d made the right call. “I’m sorry. I’m really just trying to take in all the sights. Don’t want you thinking I’m not focused on the date.”

“You’re fine. Just looked like you were on the lookout for someone. If you need to leave, I can find my way home fine—”

“No no no!” Nacho stepped away from her, waving his hands. When he caught himself doing so, he tried nonchalantly rubbing the back of his head. “I mean, uh, I’m good to keep the date going. If you want to, as well. Whatever you want, I’m OK with!”

Celestina threw her head back in laughter. “I’m gonna have to be careful about riling you up in the future. It’s really too easy.” She stepped into his space and pulled his hand towards her, lacing their fingers. “Now come on, we got this last lane of vendors to get through, and then we’ll leave?” She sounded somewhat disappointed.

Nacho wished he had been cursed to turn during waxing gibbous moons.

“Yeah,” he said softly. “That sounds about right. Sorry again for cutting the date so short.”

“It’s fine, Nacho. Just means you get to make up for it next week,” she winked.

Nacho smiled widely, about to get ready to try and ask Celestina for a hug, when he felt a familiar itch.

His happiness immediately deflated. But he did his best to disguise it as quickly as he could.

“Hey, uh, Cel? I’m very excited about continuing this date, but I really need to use the bathroom. You mind waiting around a bit until I get back?”

Celestina looks up at him and smiles. “Of course! No problem! Be a dear, and be quick though. It’s a little chilly out here, and you’re like a furnace,” she laughed.

Knowing that this would be the last time he saw her tonight, Nacho tried to keep his face from falling. “Yeah, yeah, no, I’ll hurry. Give me like five minutes.”

And when he turned away to start running towards what he hoped she’d believe was the bathroom, he started convincing himself that he wasn’t tearing up.

///

“Are you ready, little dude?”

When Nacho ran into the clearing where Nibs and Ditto were waiting, he was relieved to see that Nibs wasn’t looking as annoyed as she had the past week when watching after the new guy. She does look resigned, but still better than how she’s looked previously.

A bubbly chirp and a slow growing glow of light reveals everything they’ve worked hard to accomplish in the past week: a perfect copy of Nacho, dressed as a Mismagius.

Nacho shook his head. “Still not used to that.” He settled a hard look on his doppelganger. “OK, little dude, this is your big moment. All you gotta do is walk back out there, pass out in front of Celestina, and then Nibs will run in and pick you up. Pretty chill gig, huh?”

Ditto chirped again, nodding his (Nacho’s) head. Nibs rolled her eyes and snorted at Nacho.

“I know, I know, I’ve gotta run. Probably got a few more minutes before I lose it. You and Noibat ready?”

Nibs snorted again.

“Great! OK. I’ll leave y’all to that, and well, I gotta go!” Nacho started running towards where he knew Ampharos would be waiting. “See ya later, guys!”

///

Five Hours Later.

///

Celestina was sitting in her car. After the last few hours, she thought that sitting in silence for a moment would help make the evening’s events clearer, but if anything, she felt a little more detached from reality than she had before she entered her car.

In her lap, a Ditto was snuggling into the warmth of her coat. Five hours ago, it had been in the shape of her date. Five hours ago, she felt her heart crash into her stomach when she had thought her date had died right in front of her. Five hours ago, she had thought that her date was taken by his own Ride Pokemon to the hospital to be taken care of. When she had seen him being dragged away from a food stall by Rapidash not even an hour after seeing him being whisked away, she had felt betrayed, upset, angry. When she had marched up to him to give him a piece of her mind, she had screamed slightly when the scare she’d given him resulted in him melting down into a puddle of goo.

The events following the liquefaction of her date were starting to blur together now, but if she were to fully understand everything that happened, she would have to impress upon Nacho that he was very lucky that she was incredibly open-minded.

In the backseat of her car, the very large, very loudly snoring form of her date was taking up the majority of her rearview mirror. Apparently, he turned into a Pokemon during full moons. At least, that’s what she was able to glean from all of his Pokemon squawking and shouting at her in their own ways. She’d have to ask him about it when he was able to fully communicate with her. He couldn’t then, being asleep and all. Since he turned into a Dragon every full moon and still somehow believed that he should have gone on a date tonight.

Celestina shook her head in disbelief again at the thought. She really knew how to pick them. At least she knew why he’d been so weird about the timing of the date. He could have just said he was busy, or some other kind of mundane reason, and she would have been OK with it. She gets that things change and plans are sometimes forgotten in the heat of making other plans.

But no. Instead, her incredibly sweet, funny, and gorgeous date had decided to go out with her on the one night a month he turns into a winged beast that likes to divebomb his Pokemon and tries to cuddle up to his date in his oversized form. Thankfully, Noiverns weren’t the kind of Dragons that had horns or armor or really sharp scales all over. She did have to duck his fangs, but she wasn’t going to fault him for his overexcitement at seeing her.

She was going to have to discuss his entire situation at length when he turned back. Noivern Nacho sighed loudly in his sleep from the backseat, and she knew she’d have to take into account all the work he’d put into making sure she wouldn’t find out. From how much Ditto had gotten glares from all of Nacho’s other Pokemon and the fact she hadn’t heard about Nacho having a Ditto before, she figured Nacho must have recruited him for tonight specifically and the little guy had messed up royally by returning to the Halloween market. Chuckling softly at that, Celestina gently petted the little guy curled up on her lap.

All of Nacho’s other Pokemon were also in the car with them. Noibat was slumped over Clefable in the passenger seat, both of them passed out from the evening’s activities. Ampharos was the only other one awake, taking care of Celestina’s Swablu in the open trunk area. She could hear Swablu’s soft cooing that he usually only did when he was asleep. Once she was OK to drive again, she was planning on taking them all back to her house to put everyone to bed. She’d have to remember to put out some Poke Puffs as well, in case any of them got hungry. Did Noivern Nacho eat Poke Puffs? Did he eat at all in this form?

Celestina was suddenly a bit more alert when that line of thinking led her to wondering if he could turn her into a werebeast as well if he bit her…That wasn’t possible, right? She looked in the rearview mirror again, noticing the light that reflected off of Noivern Nacho’s fangs and webbed wings.

Deciding that it was better for everyone if she got going, she tried clearing her mind of how dumb her date had been to come up with the plan he had and started the car so that she could take everyone home. Maybe when he woke up as Nacho again, she’d help him understand that critical thinking and problem solving were skills, and not artless endeavors. How he’d gotten any kind of gym badges was beyond her current mental capacity.

As she pulled into the street, the full moon glowed high above, having finally dusted itself of the harvest gold that had been present earlier that evening. The blue silver light shone down on Nacho, and the Noivern wrinkled his nose as he shifted and fell deeper into comfortable sleep.
 
Hi there! I've been checking out the contest oneshots and having a really good time. I liked the light-hearted angle that you went for, while still incorporating some fun Halloween themes like dressing up, tricks and treats, a little brush with the supernatural weredragon inside. Really fun stuff.

I thought your intro was delightfully snappy. It's never outright stated, but right off the bat we can see that Nacho's some sort of involuntary shapeshifter, he's a little introspective about his clothing, and he's got a rather methodical but unorthodox way of solving problems. You do a great job of setting up the character and central conflict in the first few sentences. In general I found this story really cute and engrossing, but I thought in particular the intro paragraphs were well-done.

The dynamic between Nacho and Celestina is sweet and cute, reminiscent of those giddy first-date butterflies that never really go away, the sort of childish innocence of having someone cute hold your hand. Since the story is from Nacho's perspective for the most part, Celestina's a little opaque--does she just enjoy causing Nacho visible distress? By the end we see that that's not entirely the case; I'm always a little on the fence about mid-oneshot POV switches, but I see why you formatted it this way. I also thought you did a really great job of capturing that sort of youthful foolhardiness of "yeah, this is a really good idea, this is totally going to work out" that offers a technically-correct solution to a problem that could definitely be solved by other ways. All-in-all it made for a really cute character dynamic, and while at the core conflict of shapeshifting is telegraphed at the very beginning of the story and stays constantly in the background throughout, it never really feels dangerous, which I thought served your tone really well--more of a whacky romcom episode than heightened drama.

There's also some really fun turns of phrase in this! "The events following the liquefaction of her date" is such a great deadpan line, my god.

I did think the Ditto miniplot was a little convoluted, and my main takeaway was just that it showed off the cute personalities of Nacho's team, of which only Nibs and Noibat really stood out to me (not really a criticism, more that it's not really possible to have 100% memorable casts in 5k words with 2 human characters + 6 nonverbal characters). I would guess that you avoided naming or describing Ditto outright until later so as to not immediately reveal the plan, but imo the mystery of the plan actually decreased the tension, since I had no idea of knowing what was going on. I think it might've actually worked better to reveal the plan early--the mystery of "what is Nacho planning" is kind of interesting, but I think the knowledge of "this plan is totally going to crater, I'm just not sure how" might've served you better here.

Still though! I really enjoyed the team dynamics in these later scenes. Mrs. Nibbles is a great name and we stan her. In the introductory conversation between Nacho and Celestina it did feel like Noibat/Swablu were a little extraneous, but as the story progressed it was fun to see the pokemon in all of the hijinks, and to see how each of them cared for Nacho in their own little ways. A super cute dynamic in an already adorable story.

Overall, this was a ton of fun to read. The general concept of "oh no first date but also i'm a WEREDRAGON" is really awesome, the light-hearted tone sells the fluffy joy of the story, and overall I thought you did a great job establishing some likeable characters and fun dynamics. Thanks for sharing!

some typos that I noticed while reading are in the spoiler below, if you're interested:
Nacho forgot every word they’d exchange.
[every word they'd exchanged]
He had been there every step of the way on helping Nibs grow in confidence and power.
"every step of the way on" is kind of awkward to me--maybe you meant [way of]? not entirely sure though.
Celestina beamed. “Are you kidding? I used to play around with my sister’s Ponyta as a kid all the time! I love them all so much. Does she have a nickname?”
I was a little why Noibat didn't have a nickname actually! At first I thought it was just a world where nicknames weren't common, but since this was one of the first things Celestina asks about Nibs, it seems like they're pretty ubiquitous.
The lead up to this evening
[the lead-up]
Sunny had sent her away by spreading out Stealth Rock from where the new guy was napping (???).
I think the (???) might be a relic from drafting. You might also want [spreading out Stealth Rock around where the new guy was napping] if the implication is that Sunny is repelling specifically Nibs, a fire-type.
Nacho jumped, looking down at where his date was tucked under his arm. “What, what do you mean?” he asked, not at all suspiciously.
She raised her eyebrows.
dropped a paragraph break here
A bubbly chirp and a slow growing glow of light reveals everything they’ve worked hard to accomplish
[glow of light revealed everything they'd worked hard to accomplish]
She does look resigned, but still better than how she’s looked previously.
[she did look resigned, but still better than how she'd looked previously]
///

Five Hours Later.

///
Your call, but I don't think the timeskip label was necessary in the scene break. Celestina's narration ("Five hours ago, it had been in the shape of her date. Five hours ago, she felt her heart crash into her stomach when she had thought her date had died right in front of her. Five hours ago [...]") made it pretty clear to me early in the section that time has passed.
She gets that things change and plans are sometimes forgotten in the heat of making other plans.
[She got that things change and plans were sometimes forgotten]
Instead, her incredibly sweet, funny, and gorgeous date had decided to go out with her on the one night a month he turns into a winged beast that likes to divebomb his Pokemon and tries to cuddle up to his date in his oversized form.
This sentence should either be in past tense (as it was the one night in October that he turned into a dragon), or it might be more clear to say "on the one night each month" (that this thing, which happens periodically and also in the present). Kind of a subjective thing; I prefer the former but I don't think there's a hard and fast rule on it.
 
Hi there! I've been checking out the contest oneshots and having a really good time. I liked the light-hearted angle that you went for, while still incorporating some fun Halloween themes like dressing up, tricks and treats, a little brush with the supernatural weredragon inside. Really fun stuff.

I thought your intro was delightfully snappy. It's never outright stated, but right off the bat we can see that Nacho's some sort of involuntary shapeshifter, he's a little introspective about his clothing, and he's got a rather methodical but unorthodox way of solving problems. You do a great job of setting up the character and central conflict in the first few sentences. In general I found this story really cute and engrossing, but I thought in particular the intro paragraphs were well-done.

The dynamic between Nacho and Celestina is sweet and cute, reminiscent of those giddy first-date butterflies that never really go away, the sort of childish innocence of having someone cute hold your hand. Since the story is from Nacho's perspective for the most part, Celestina's a little opaque--does she just enjoy causing Nacho visible distress? By the end we see that that's not entirely the case; I'm always a little on the fence about mid-oneshot POV switches, but I see why you formatted it this way. I also thought you did a really great job of capturing that sort of youthful foolhardiness of "yeah, this is a really good idea, this is totally going to work out" that offers a technically-correct solution to a problem that could definitely be solved by other ways. All-in-all it made for a really cute character dynamic, and while at the core conflict of shapeshifting is telegraphed at the very beginning of the story and stays constantly in the background throughout, it never really feels dangerous, which I thought served your tone really well--more of a whacky romcom episode than heightened drama.

There's also some really fun turns of phrase in this! "The events following the liquefaction of her date" is such a great deadpan line, my god.

I did think the Ditto miniplot was a little convoluted, and my main takeaway was just that it showed off the cute personalities of Nacho's team, of which only Nibs and Noibat really stood out to me (not really a criticism, more that it's not really possible to have 100% memorable casts in 5k words with 2 human characters + 6 nonverbal characters). I would guess that you avoided naming or describing Ditto outright until later so as to not immediately reveal the plan, but imo the mystery of the plan actually decreased the tension, since I had no idea of knowing what was going on. I think it might've actually worked better to reveal the plan early--the mystery of "what is Nacho planning" is kind of interesting, but I think the knowledge of "this plan is totally going to crater, I'm just not sure how" might've served you better here.

Still though! I really enjoyed the team dynamics in these later scenes. Mrs. Nibbles is a great name and we stan her. In the introductory conversation between Nacho and Celestina it did feel like Noibat/Swablu were a little extraneous, but as the story progressed it was fun to see the pokemon in all of the hijinks, and to see how each of them cared for Nacho in their own little ways. A super cute dynamic in an already adorable story.

Overall, this was a ton of fun to read. The general concept of "oh no first date but also i'm a WEREDRAGON" is really awesome, the light-hearted tone sells the fluffy joy of the story, and overall I thought you did a great job establishing some likeable characters and fun dynamics. Thanks for sharing!

some typos that I noticed while reading are in the spoiler below, if you're interested:
[every word they'd exchanged]

"every step of the way on" is kind of awkward to me--maybe you meant [way of]? not entirely sure though.

I was a little why Noibat didn't have a nickname actually! At first I thought it was just a world where nicknames weren't common, but since this was one of the first things Celestina asks about Nibs, it seems like they're pretty ubiquitous.

[the lead-up]

I think the (???) might be a relic from drafting. You might also want [spreading out Stealth Rock around where the new guy was napping] if the implication is that Sunny is repelling specifically Nibs, a fire-type.

dropped a paragraph break here

[glow of light revealed everything they'd worked hard to accomplish]

[she did look resigned, but still better than how she'd looked previously]

Your call, but I don't think the timeskip label was necessary in the scene break. Celestina's narration ("Five hours ago, it had been in the shape of her date. Five hours ago, she felt her heart crash into her stomach when she had thought her date had died right in front of her. Five hours ago [...]") made it pretty clear to me early in the section that time has passed.

[She got that things change and plans were sometimes forgotten]

This sentence should either be in past tense (as it was the one night in October that he turned into a dragon), or it might be more clear to say "on the one night each month" (that this thing, which happens periodically and also in the present). Kind of a subjective thing; I prefer the former but I don't think there's a hard and fast rule on it.

You are incredibly sweet for writing such an in-depth review and critique! I cannot thank you enough. So glad you liked my little story. It was a ton of fun writing, and you've given me a lot to think about for next time I write. You're incredible, and I hope you have a wonderful day!
 
Ok this one was incredibly cute. The character writing is really good, especially between Nacho and Celestina. They're complete dorks and I love that for them. I also enjoyed the slow-burn mystery of trying to piece together exactly what Nacho turns into. Even once we got the "big dragon" hints I was honestly thinking stuff like Salamence. I do think I agree with kintsugi that the plan was a little hard to follow based on how you decided to obscure Ditto, but it's a small hitch in an otherwise fun story.
 
really liked the direction this went. i liked how each of the cast's character was shown and how much it contributes to the movement of the plot. as mentioned before, the sudden ditto addition made things a little confusing, but i believe its understandable given the nature of the event. lots of pranks, lots of fun, lots of characters possibly hurting themselves in their own confusion, and im all in for it.
 
I really enjoyed this one!

Like, a lot! You had a nice mix of kind of zany moments, romance, and it blended together to make a super super enjoyable piece of work.

Your dialogue writing was incredibly, like, real? But humourous, too, which is sometimes super hard to pull off. I really liked the 'new guy' not being described until the plan actually went into motion!

Uhmmmm, I really enjoyed this, so thank you for making it. I hope you make some more fics and post them to here soon..!
 
Please note: The thread is from 2 years ago.
Please take the age of this thread into consideration in writing your reply. Depending on what exactly you wanted to say, you may want to consider if it would be better to post a new thread instead.
Back
Top Bottom