Misfit Angel
Normal is an illusion
- Joined
- Sep 3, 2013
- Messages
- 2,822
- Reaction score
- 1,308
- Thread starter
- #161
The first impression is that you're trying too hard to make Lorenzo to be a trustworthy travel companion ...
We'll be seeing that in the next chapter. His actions will put a permanent (or at least lengthy) frost on their friendship. It is a bit of a gamble, but establishing him so well was intended and I'm hoping it pays off.Saint or Sinner, I'd do something to more definitely establish him soon.
I admit, I'm not quite as experienced when it comes to trees. At a glance, I can't really tell the difference between spruce, a fir, a pine or a larch. However, I base this off of something I see in my local parks: deciduous and coniferous trees growing seemingly at random, yet planted purposefully by park rangers and city managers. They thrive well in each others' presence even if they wouldn't naturally do so in quite the same numbers or manner. Maybe that's a detail I can revisit for upcoming nature scenes, as it's something I hadn't thought about.I thought a bit about this one, and I am officially fine with the ecology there. Fact is that oaks aren't all that picky as trees - not in the same way that silver birches are, but I see oaks and ashes cheek-by-jowl every day, growing in crappy soil. I could nitpick at the pines, but I'd probably be wrong.
Fair enough. I definitely struggled to write it, which is probably evident both in the chapter and in the month-and-a-half hiatus between this and the previous one. I'm not sure where else to strengthen it... I'm not particularly bothered about it either, not every hit can be a home run, and I wouldn't classify this chapter as crucially important to either Kim or Loren's development. I'm just hoping the next one goes a bit easier.I don't think this chapter is a strong one.
The best I can say right now is that we'll be seeing why he's like this soon. Probably not in the next couple of chapters that focus on Kimberly, but "soon".It seems that at every point where there could be conflict, Lorenzo responds with a laid-back comment and a respectful deferral.
If anything comes to mind, I know where to find yaIf you want to grill me with questions about this, feel free. I might be able to explain myself better that way
Hmm, perhaps I should explain it a bit better that he's literally just passing through, whereas Kim spent a week and a solid week and a bit there. Though since he came in from Aughrim as well, that's still at least a day of travel through the forest, hmm...How'd he get to Doranshire? Wouldn't he have had to walk through the spritewoods?
I actually hadn't thought about it, is basalt really that fragile? I wouldn't think so, but I have no first hand experience with it.She lives her scientist girlfriend for five hours and does centuries of damage to a national landmark.
Hmm, perhaps it is. Besides, this is Juliano's first time seeing her abuse her medication, perhaps he shouldn't worry quite as much as he does until he starts to notice a pattern. I'll put it on the List Of Things To FixI thought having two characters in almost as many paragraphs talk about the addiction risk was a little much.
Shit. Another thing on The List. (readers with good memory might have noticed that I literally lifted that little scene out of chapter 47 of Storm Island. That explains why I completely forgot about Juliano in this case.)How did Juliano get through these?
Anywho, thanks for your continued patronage! Hopefully the kinks and struggles of this chapter will be gone soon. After chapter 29, we'll be focusing back on Andrea for a bit. She's definitely a lot easier for me to write, especially since she won't be interacting with a newly established character. Time to press on!