EVERYONE: - Ongoing Let's Play Pokémon Plus and Minus

[SeanWheeler]

Content warning: Mild suggestive themes.

Let me walk you through a possible Generation 8 Pokémon game, that I've been writing about on PokéFanon Wikia.

Chapter 1: The Adventure Begins

It was the year 2020. Gamefreak has announced the new Pokémon games Plus and Minus. I was so excited, that I went on Amazon and pre-ordered Plus.

On release day, a package arrived. I opened it and there it was: Pokémon Plus for the Nintendo Switch 2. The boxart depicted the Legendary Pokémon Pluralure, which looks like a orange bipedal cat with crosses everywhere. It's arms outstretched make it look like a plus. There is a white plus stripe on it's stomach, it's tail has split to make the shape of a plus, it has straight whiskers to make it's head a plus with it's cat ears straight. If I got Minus, the Legendary would have been Minboa who is a blue straight snake.

I popped the Pokémon Plus cartridge into my Nintendo Switch 2. After clicking on the app, the title screen appeared with the Pokémon Plus logo and Pluralure on the bottom screen. I pressed A. A man with a long grey beard appeared.

"Welcome to the World of Pokémon," he said. "Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Professor Albert Pine."

"This world is inhabited by creatures we call Pokémon. I study the Pokémon that live in the Illis region. Now tell me. Are you a boy or a girl?"

I laughed at the idea of a modern game Professor asking for a gender. The screen showed a boy on the left and a girl on the right. The boy had brown hair and wore a red baseball cap with a Poké Ball symbol, a blue t-shirt with a Poké Ball design, a red backpack, beige khakis and black sneakers. The girl was blonde and wore a red headband, a pink shirt with a Pokéball, blue denim thigh-high shorts, a red purse, and white sneakers. While I liked the female design, I chose to go with the boy.

"And what's your name?" asked Pine.

I typed in "Sean." It was harder without the touch screen but it was more fun to hover the cursor over the letters.

"Oh, so you're Sean," said Pine, "The boy next door? Are you ready?" asked Pine. "Your very own Pokémon journey is about to unfold. You will face many challenges. Come on over to my lab. Let's go!"

The screen flashed white, then faded to black. The story started with both player characters sleeping in a bunk bed. The girl in the top bunk woke up, yawned and looked at the clock.

"Yikes," she exclaimed. "We have to be at Professor Pine's lab."

The girl climbed down the ladder and shook my character. "Wake up, wake up, brother. It's me, Samantha."

So the player characters are brother and sister? If I was playing as the girl, the boy would have been on the top bunk coming down to shake me awake saying "Wake up, wake up, sister. It's me, Samuel." Whatever gender I pick would have the other character be a sibling named Sam.

My virtual eyes opened.

"We have to go," said Sam. "The professor's lab is right next door."

We both got out of bed. I was wearing blue pajamas and Sam was wearing a pink night gown.

"We need to get dressed," said Sam. She then walked over to her bag at the foot of the bag.

I can finally control my character. I used the D-Pad to walk around the room. The left analog stick also allowed me to walk, but I can walk in smoother directions. I tried the right analog stick and it moved the camera. I held B to run around the room. I walked up to Sam and pressed A.

"We need something to wear on our adventure," said Sam. "No sense in going in our PJs."

I walked toward the stairs, but an exclamation mark appeared over Sam's head.

"Wait, Sean," she said. "You're not dressed yet. Find something to wear in your dresser."

My character automatically stepped back. I walked toward the dresser and pressed A. The screen went black for two seconds. I then saw my character looking in the mirror wearing the clothes from the character select screen.

"How do I look?" asked Sam.

My character turned around. The camera panned up Sam's body and rotated around her and zoomed out as she winked with a peace sign. (Samuel's pose would have been him holding his fist with a determined look.)

"Well come on! You lead the way," said Sam as she walked up to me.

She then followed me while I used the D-Pad. We went downstairs and were greeted by Mom.

"Sean, Sam, there you are," said Mom. "Sean I got you a new Poké Phone. With this you can call people and play online games. I already got my number registered."

"We should exchange numbers too," said Sam. "Here's my number."

"Sean registered Sam in the Poké Phone," said the narration text box.

"Now let's hurry. The professor is waiting," said Sam.

We walked out the door. I tried to head south but Sam pulled me away from the Evan Town border saying "That's not the way." We then walked into the house east of mine.

"There you are," said Mrs. Pine. "Matt is downstairs with my husband."

We then walked down the stairs into Professor Pine's laboratory. Next to Pine was a spikey haired boy in a leather jacket.

"There you are," said Pine. "Did you get a good night sleep?"

"Now that they are here," said Matt, "could I pick a Pokémon?"

"Be patient, Matthew," said Pine. "You'll get your turn. First up, Sean. Take your pick. Will you take the Grass-type Leafer, the Fire-type Heatty or the Water-type Fishkin?"

Leafer is an anthropomorphic leaf. It's on four small feet and it has a simple smiley face.

Heatty is an orange tabby cat with a flame on its tail.

Fishkin is a blue tuna fish with a wavy tail.

Because I prefer Fire starters I chose Heatty.

"You want Heatty?" asked Pine.

I selected "Yes."

"Sean obtained a Heatty," said the narrator.

"Do you want to nickname your Heatty?" asked Pine.

"No." I selected.

"My turn," said Matt as he took a Poké Ball. "I'll take Fishkin."

"Looks like I'm left with Leafer," said Sam as she took the last one. "Hey Sean, let's have our first battle, right here, right now."

It then changed into the battle screen. There was that same animation with Sam.

"You are challenged by Pokémon Trainer Sam," said the narrator. "Pokémon Trainer Sam sent out Leafer. Go Heatty!"

The two Pokémon faced off at the battlefield. I selected "Fight" and "Ember".

"Heatty used Ember," said the narrator.

Heatty spit embers at Leafer. Leafer's green bar went down.

"It's super effective," said the narrator. "Leafer fainted. Heatty gained 67 Experience Points. Heatty grew to Level 6. You defeated Pokémon Trainer Sam!"

"No," said Sam. "I lost my first battle."

"Sean gained $500."

Back in the overworld, Sam got over her loss.

"Well, I'll do better next time," she said.

"Move over," said Matt. "I want to battle too."

Back on the battle screen, the narrator announced "You are challenged by Pokémon Trainer Matt. Pokémon Trainer Matt sent out Fishkin. Go Heatty!"

I used Scratch, while Fishkin used Bubble. Heatty's health went to red. I used scratch one more time and Fishkin fainted.

"No," said Matt. "I can't lose to a loser."

Back in the overworld, Matt was still mad.

"How did he beat me?" asked Matt. "My Fishkin had the advantage."

"Types aren't everything when it comes to battles," said Pines. "Here, let me heal up your Pokémon."

The screen went black and I heard the Pokémon Center jingle.

"There you go," said Pine. "Now your Pokémon are healed, I'll give you each ten Potions."

"Sean obtained Potions," said the narrator.

"And I have an errand for you three," Pine continued. "This is the latest version of the Pokédex. I'm counting on you to fill it up with all kinds of Pokémon around Illis. If you can record them all, there will be a special upgrade."

"Sean obtained the Pokédex," said the narrator.

"While seeing Pokémon would give you half-entries," explained Pine. "you get full entries by catching them. You will need these."

"Sean obtained Poké Balls," said the narrator.

"I'll show you how to use them," said Pine. "Head out to Route 1. Anymore questions and you can call me on the Poké Phone"

"Sean registered Pine on the Poké Phone," the narrator announced.

"Yeah, we'll call you," said Matt.

"Sean registered Matt on the Poké Phone," the narrator announced.

I pressed X and tapped "Save".

"Would you like to save the game?" asked the narrator.

I tapped "Yes."

"Saving, don't turn off the power," said the narrator. "Sean saved the game."

I turned off my Switch 2.

 

[henrymidfields]

I...wonder whether you have illustrations for even some of the characters/towns/fakemons. I'm looking forward to this fake Let's Play. So this is in Poke-Chicago, yes? (Wait, what is the Unova/Alola Embassy doing in a different "state"?)

 

[SeanWheeler]

Chapter 2: Capture Tutorial

I turned on my Nintendo Switch 2 with Pokémon Plus inserted and selected "Continue". I saw myself in Professor Pine's lab. I wanted to check out my new Pokédex, so I pressed X and selected "Pokédex".

The screen had a scroll list. There were the three starters Leafer (#001), Heatty (#004) and Fishkin (#007). Heatty was highlighted as caught with a Poké Ball next to its name and it's icon in the box being solid while the others are transparent. There were two blanks between each starter. I selected Leafer. It took me to a new screen with Leafer's information. I selected "Area".

"Area Unknown," said the Pokédex as it showed a map.

I tapped "Cry". It took me to a screen with a sound graph. I pressed A and the cry I heard from the battle with Sam played. I pressed down to see Heatty's data.

The Pokédex entry read: "Heatty's body temperature is hotter than a supernova. While safe for warm hugs, dissecting Heatty would blow up a laboratory. It digests its food by burning."

Heatty's area was unknown and its size was 1'2" and 1.5 lbs. Looking at Fishkin's data, it's as incomplete as Leafer.

I closed the Pokédex and looked at Heatty's summary in my party.

It had a lonely nature and liked to scatter things often. It was met at Evan Town at level 5. It's currently at level 6. I closed the menu and left the lab. I headed south to Route 1. Professor Pine, Sam and Matt were waiting for me.

"Good," said Professor Pine. "Now that everyone is here, it's time for the Pokémon catching lesson. You see, Pokémon hide in the tall grass."

He stepped into the grass and it transitioned to the battle screen. A white caterpillar appeared.

"A wild Bugker appeared," said the announcer.

Professor Pines tossed a Poké Ball. "Go! Ketty!"

A blue cat emerged from the Poké Ball. Ketty used Scratch while Bugker used String Shot. The Scratch knocked off half of Bugker's HP.

"Now that it's weakened," said Pine, "time to use the Poké Ball."

He went into his bag and selected Poké Ball. He threw the ball at Bugker. It rolled three times and sparked. Bugker was caught. We were back in the overworld.

"And that is how you do it," said Pine. "Any questions?"

"How do the Pokémon fit into those tiny balls?" asked Sam.

"Pokémon are creatures made of data," explained Pine. "The Poké Ball digitizes them into their energy form and absorbs them. That is also why they can be stored in a computer and the reason for their digital transformations called evolution. Anyway, I have a challenge for you three. I want you to catch the five different Pokémon in this area. The first one to catch them gets this Exp. Share."

So I walked around in the grass. I found a wild Lv. 3 Ketty. I used Heatty's Ember to get it in the red. I then used a Poké Ball. I caught it. Heatty got a bit of experience from it.

The Pokédex entry on #016 read: "Ketty's claws are razor sharp and can tear anything to shreds. But it's gentle to humans."

I walked around some more and encountered a blue jay bird Pokémon called Birda. I caught it easily.

The Pokédex entry on #010 read: "Birda has telescopic vision and can spot a Wurmple from Pluto. It can fly at Mach 5."

I walked around and found a familiar Pokémon. A teddy bear with a crescent moon on its forehead. Teddiursa. I caught it.

The Pokédex entry on #021 read "Teddiursa licks its paws when they are soaked with honey. Its moon mark glows when it detects honey."

I would have gotten a Meowth if I had Minus.

I walked around some more and found a grey mouse called Mousie.

Pokédex entry #031 read "The Mouse Pokémon. Mousie often steals food. It can squeeze under doors."

I would have got a Squirret if I had Minus.

I walked around and caught Bugker.

Pokédex entry #013: "The Caterpillar Pokémon. When Bugker String Shots itself, it means it wants to evolve."

The experience of catching all these Pokémon had Heatty level up to Lv 7. Pine walked up to me.

"Congratulations, Sean," said Pine. "You have caught 5 Pokémon. Now as a reward, I'll give you an Exp. Share."

"Sean obtained the Exp. Share," said the Narrator.

"The Exp. Share distributes Experience Points between all Pokémon in the party, whether than just the ones that fought."

I walked south and a Lass spotted me.

"I love cats," said the Lass. "Meow."

"You are challenged by Lass Kitty," said the Announcer.

Kitty sent out a bipedal cat with whiskers around its head and a gold nugget on its forehead. A Lv 4 Meowth. I sent out Heatty. Heatty used Ember and knocked Meowth to the red. Meowth responded with a Pay Day attack. Heatty used another Ember and knocked Meowth out. Kitty sent out Ketty. I one-hit KO-ed it with an Ember. I defeated Lass Kitty.

"Meow-Ow!" said Kitty.

I walked farther south and was spotted by a Youngster.

"You just got a starter right?" asked the Youngster. "Well mine just arrived from Sinnoh."

The Youngster's name was Lucas and he sent out an orange monkey with its butt on fire. It was a Chimchar. I sent out my Heatty for a fire-starter vs fire-starter. Heatty and Chimchar used Scratch on eachother but Heatty won.

"I should have got one from Pine instead of Rowan," said Lucas.

I checked my Pokédex. Meowth was #019 while Chimchar was #042. I've seen 10 and caught 6. I then saved my game to take a break.

 

[SuperTrainStationH]

This is something out of the ordinary and I enjoy it.

One of the common accusations of the sorts of wikis dedicated to hosting info about "non existent content", but stuff like this proves that it can lead to fun and creativity.

Its a bit unique as the fantasy elements are multi-layered here.

First there's the layer of you playing an imaginary game and describing it akin to a product review, and then there's the layer of imagining how what I presume to be a real-life region that's important to you would be interpreted into the Pokémon world.

I don't have much more to say SO FAR except for comments on a couple of lines. Mind you these are not corrections or suggestions, but simply my reactions or thoughts as to elements of the imaginary game you've presented..

"Oh, so you're Sean," said Pine, "The boy next door currently dating my granddaughter Samantha?"

Wow. First of all, they did a great job with the custom name pronunciations. Mike Pollack said my name and there was no pause, no monotone, no glitch. And he pronounced it correctly.
​

That would be one heck of a feat for them to find a way to adapt the voice acting to dynamically adjust to a player's input. Similar things have been done in some games, but I fear only in a work of Fantasy would GF do something so sophisticated on a Pokemon title.

I can finally control my character. I used the D-Pad to walk around the room. I tried the analog stick and it moved the camera. I held B to run around the room. I walked up to Sam and pressed A.
​

Ah, camera control huh? I would like that in future Pokemon games, but having to move using the D pad only so that the Circle Pad could be used for the camera? Yeah I'd hate that, I barely tolerated the skates being permanently equipped to the Circle Pad in X and Y, meanwhile I loved being able to crawl or sneak using the circle pad in ORAS.

I'll just reason that when played on a New 3DS, camera control is mapped to the C Stick and the Circle Pad can be used for movement.

Looking forward to more!

​

 

[SeanWheeler]

I just changed the console from 3DS to Nintendo Switch. And I made some edits on the story. There is no longer voice acting because can you imagine the actors recording every possible word?

 

[The Wordsmith]

This is great. I enjoy. Unique view of playing in the real world. Good job. Thank you.

 

[SeanWheeler]

Wow, it's been a whole year since I last added to this story. Anyway,

Chapter 3: Going to Chikaflic City!

After a long break from the game, I turned on my Switch 2. When I loaded the game, I was in front of that Youngster I battled last time. I spoke to him.

"Wow, you're strong," said Lucas. "Could I have your number so that we could have a rematch sometime?"

I clicked "No."

"Oh well," said Lucas. "I lost fair and square."

Then I remembered getting phone numbers for rematches were a thing in Johto. I asked him again and said "Yes."

"Great," said Lucas. "Now I won't lose next time."

"Sean registered Lucas in the Poké Phone," said the narrator.

"Whenever you want a rematch," said Lucas. "Just give me a call. I'll be waiting at this same spot."

I spoke to him again to see what else he says.

"Did you know that Chimchar is the only starter from another region to be in the Illis Pokédex?" asked Lucas. "Sinnoh sure doesn't have enough native fire Pokémon."

I spoke to him again and he kept saying the same thing about Chimchar. I walked over to Lass Kitty to speak to her.

"Could I have your number?" asked Kitty. "I want to tell you all about my cats."

Oh god, that would be so annoying. So I said "No."

"I was only kidding, meow," said Kitty.

But I thought, maybe I should collect all the phone numbers, since I'm a completionist. I checked through the Bag menu for the Poké Phone. When I selected it, it showed the time. I pressed A and it listed Matt, Mom, Lucas, Pine and Sam in alphabetical order. That is the trainer list. When I press Right, there is a list for Nintendo Network friend codes, which is empty at the moment except for "Add Friend." When I clicked on "Add Friend" it asked for a friend code while showing me my own to share. I cancelled because I don't really have anyone around and was just looking at the Poké Phone's features. I went back to the Trainer List. There was a 1% counter at the corner indicating how filled out the phone is. There would be symbols if someone wanted something. Rematches are marked with a Poké Ball. People who want to give you an item would have a gift symbol. Important story events are marked with exclaimation marks. A heart is used for when Sam wants to take a walk with you. Right now, none of those five people have any marks. But the percentage intrigued me. I closed the menu and spoke to Kitty again.

"Could I have your number?" asked Kitty. "I want to tell you all about my cats."

I selected "Yes."

"Cats are so ferocious that you won't stand a chance in a rematch," said Kitty.

"Sean registered Kitty in the Poké Phone," said the narrator.

"Meow," said Kitty.

I spoke to her again to hear what else she says.

"There are so many cat Pokémon that I just want to catch them all!" said Kitty.

I then continued onto Chikaflic City and was greeted by Sam, Matt and the Professor.

"Welcome to Chikaflic City," said Pine. "You are not in Evan Town anymore, kids. You are in a new city."

The camera panned around the massive city. It was almost like a Chicago-styled Lumiose City.

"You kids should check out the Pokémon Center," said Pine. "Nurse Joy could heal your Pokémon for free and the computer there not only stores extra Pokémon, it lets you battle and trade with anyone in the world. There's also the Poké Mart that sells the things you need. The Trainer's School could teach you the basics about battling, which could come in handy when you challenge the Gym. The Gym is important because you earn a badge. Eight badges are needed to participate in the Pokémon League challenge. And this badge in particular powers up the HM move Cut to clear trees."

"Wow," said Matt. "I'm going straight to the Gym."

"And I'm going to do some sightseeing," said Sam. "This place is wonderful."

"I'll be back in the lab," said Pine.

Everyone walked away, leaving me all alone. The Pokémon Center was straight ahead with the red roof. I walked in.

"Welcome to the Pokémon Center," said Nurse Joy. "Would you like me to heal your Pokémon?"

I selected "Yes" and she healed Heatty, Ketty, Birda, Teddiursa, Mousie, and Bugker.

"Have a nice day," said Joy.

I went upstairs. Instead of seeing Teala and the Cable/Wireless/Wi-Fi/Multiplayer/Whatever Club, there were beds. One was occupied by a girl. I spoke to her and she said "I needed to rest. So I made sure to save my progress."

I then decided to save and shut down my game too. Though later, I realized I left the game in a way some people would interpret differently.

 

[lucarioknight56]

Well, this is new to me, so why not review it?

Plot/Story:
As of now, it's a basic introduction to a new Pokemon game, which is precisely what it's supposed to be. This almost feels like a lost opportunity, really, as I feel like you can make changes that could revamp the current Game Freak formula. Adding in the girlfriend-boyfriend relationship was a good touch, as well as additional details like the controls and the Poke Phone, but so far they feel superficial; it doesn't look like anything meaningful will come about from having those thrown in.

Given the premise of this, I guess it can be forgiven. But I just feel like there could be more to make Plus and Minus the entries they could be. You could make this more story-centric instead of all the game details, even if this is a Let's Play. You can still incorporate the game mechanics and recurring elements, but for this to be a more compelling read, you could greatly benefit from making the plot more prevalent.

Grammar/Structure:
Not many errors from the first three chapters, but I think you should look over Chapter 1 specifically; I noticed at least one near a line of dialogue if I remember correctly.

Characters:
At this point, it feels exactly like a Pokemon game: generic professor, generic friends/rivals, generic trainers. While that is how a Pokemon game usually is, we can't forget how Pokemon Sun and Moon shook it up by at having characters that felt very distinct. I can't easily forget Kukui, but Sycamore and Juniper just feel like everyone else.

This Let's Play has plenty of potential in becoming the dream game that I'm sure many people have. With a story, you can develop characters to be unique from everyone else, and change up the usual formula. We've all seen this start-up when we play the core games, so we know how it goes. It's good seeing you catch that feeling, but why not try and bring familiarity in with a zing of creativity?

Setting:
Minimal at best. There's basic descriptions here and there, but overall, not much. I know that with a game you can't really go into smell, touch or taste, but sight and sound deserve to be here. What can the player notice, say, the laboratory scene? Diagrams of Pokemon? Machines whirring in the background? Aides typing away at computers? Detail paints the perfect picture, and if you can provide more, then this will make it better!

Style:
The simple descriptions make for more familiarity of the reader, given that this is meant to feel like playing through a Pokemon game. While you capture that feeling well, there is little description as to what the characters or the player is doing.

Besides this, I don't really care for the names of the Pokemon. Just look at 'Heatty' for example. If I were to name Chimchar like you named Heatty, I'd probably end up with 'Flamonkey'. While it may sound cool, I'd hardly call it imaginative. Try and find synonyms to combine into cool names, like what was done for Torchic or Squirtle. You could combine a fire-based word with, say, 'Jaguar', and have a better name for Heatty and the other Pokemon you have created.

Overall:
Simple and hearkens to the main games, but doesn't have anything to make it different from them outside of rather basic Pokemon. You have a good idea to base a story on, but provide more detail, and try to make the plot more than cookie-cutter formula for a Pokemon game. Sorry if this came off as harsh.

 

[diamondpearl876]

And with a new chapter comes a review!

"Whenever you want a rematch," said Lucas. "Just give me a call. I'll be waiting at this same spot."

I spoke to him again to see what else he says.

You mean I'm not the only one to talk to NPCs endlessly just to get new dialogue? Nice.

"Could I have your number?" asked Kitty. "I want to tell you all about my cats."

Oh god, that would be so annoying. So I said "No."

"I was only kidding, meow," said Kitty.

I'm not really sure what the goal of this fic is since it essentially seems like a story of a player playing through a fanmade Pokemon game, but the parts like this made me lol.

The camera panned around the massive city. It was almost like a Chicago-styled Lumiose City.

If you're going to be using fanmade locations, it'd be interesting if you went into details of what these places looked like. I may have grown up in Illinois all my life and know what Chicago looks like, but that doesn't mean everyone does. It'd really help to bring the story to life.

 

[SeanWheeler]

Well it's hard to write stories you know. Each chapter I post on this forum takes all day to write. I started Chapter 4 a day after I wrote chapter 3 and I can't find the draft. And I'm really busy with a novel series (which are actual books that I try to sell) and I'm at the fourth book "Fairy Girl." And well, I haven't reached the part that starts up the action of the story (when Ariel's mother gets murdered). And yes I admit I'm not that creative with my names. In fact I wish that some of the names I made weren't wasted on fan-made Pokémon. It's not likely that Nintendo would use my ideas for a Pokémon game. But maybe I could salvage the fakemon names for alien species and maybe Albert Pine could become a character for my stories? But then again, it would be like putting my established character names like Jeremy Floeter, Andy Paigne, Katie Elaz, Ariel Fair, ect in a dream I want Nintendo to do. And if I see someone use characters from my books in a way I don't approve of, I would sue them. And Nintendo can't make Pokémon Plus and Minus because I own copyrights to some ideas I put here and I can't legally sell this fangame because Nintendo owns the copyrights and trademarks to Pokémon. It really begs the question of what is the point of fanfiction?

 

[diamondpearl876]

Well it's hard to write stories you know. Each chapter I post on this forum takes all day to write. I started Chapter 4 a day after I wrote chapter 3 and I can't find the draft. And I'm really busy with a novel series (which are actual books that I try to sell) and I'm at the fourth book "Fairy Girl." And well, I haven't reached the part that starts up the action of the story (when Ariel's mother gets murdered). And yes I admit I'm not that creative with my names. In fact I wish that some of the names I made weren't wasted on fan-made Pokémon. It's not likely that Nintendo would use my ideas for a Pokémon game. But maybe I could salvage the fakemon names for alien species and maybe Albert Pine could become a character for my stories? But then again, it would be like putting my established character names like Jeremy Floeter, Andy Paigne, Katie Elaz, Ariel Fair, ect in a dream I want Nintendo to do. And if I see someone use characters from my books in a way I don't approve of, I would sue them. And Nintendo can't make Pokémon Plus and Minus because I own copyrights to some ideas I put here and I can't legally sell this fangame because Nintendo owns the copyrights and trademarks to Pokémon. It really begs the question of what is the point of fanfiction?

I know it's hard, and you don't have to take any advice we say. My comments are more "I think it'd be cool if you expanded on it" 'cause I think you've got some nice ideas here is all. For me, the point of fanfiction is to explore a world I love and grew up with (Pokemon, of course) and to practice my writing skills. Despite the trademarks and despite the fact I can't sell it, it's fun, so why not?

 

[SeanWheeler]

Yeah, it is fun. LEGO, Kingdom Hearts, Pokémon, Marvel, DC, Star Wars, H2O, Doctor Who, Harry Potter, etc fanfiction is fun. I may not be able to sell fanfiction, but at least I can still post my fanon ideas on the internet. And at least I have original ideas that I can sell in my Wheelerverse.

 

[SeanWheeler]

Man, I wish I had time to write this every day. Anyway, with the big Pokémon Switch reveal looking more like a spinoff than a Gen 8 game, I guess I can keep going with this game.

Chapter 4: Fun with Chikaflic
I turned on the game and was shocked at how I was standing by a bed watching a random woman sleep. I pressed A.
"I needed to rest. So I saved my progress," she said.
Okay... I just walked downstairs. I turned on the PC. A menu appeared with the websites "StorageSystem.com," "GlobalTerminal.com," and "PokémonNewsNetwork.com." I clicked on "StorageSystem." It showed a screen with a box labeled "Box 1" with my party on the side. There arrows on the top to switch boxes. There are 100 boxes in the storage system with room for 30 Pokémon each. I checked out the Global Terminal site. The menu let me choose between "Global Trade Station" and "Battle Coliseum." Global Trade Station allows "Deposit Trade" which works like the GTS of previous games with you depositing a Pokémon offer with a request and come back later to receive the anonymously traded Pokémon, or "Direct Trade" that works like the old Trade Center where you trade with someone in your friends list. The Battle Coliseum let's you battle anyone online in any battle mode between Single, Double, Multi, Triple and Rotation battles and you can battle a friend or an anonymous stranger. I challenged a trainer named Karly in a single match. Her Blaziken kept spamming Blaze Kicks at my team that one shot them each because I'm underleveled. I checked out PokémonNewsNetwork.com. There was one headline available: "Smokon Bank Robbed!" I selected it and a female reporter appeared on the screen.
"This just in!" said the anchorwoman. "The Smokon Museum has been robbed! Seven men and six women wearing black coats and goggles that identifies them as grunts of the terrorist organization Team Calculas broke in to the Museum in Smokon City. Detective Looker of the International Police, Smokon's Officer Jenny, the undercover Gym Leader Damian and other cops of SCPD are fighting off the thirteen criminals but Team Calculas has the Legendary Minboa on their side."
Whoa, Minboa? The mascot of Pokémon Minus? If I had that game, Pluralure would be the one Team Calculas was using instead. Smokon is the next city after Chikaflic, so I can't wait to get there. I walked out of the Pokémon Center and went next door to the Poké Mart. It looked kinda like the Marts from Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire. I spoke to the cashier.
"Welcome," said the cashier. "What do you need?"
The things in stock are Poké Balls for $200, Potions for $300, Escape Ropes for $550, Antidotes for $100, Burn Heals for $250, Awakenings for $200, and Paralyze Heals for $200. I currently have $1600 which is not enough. So I declined buying anything.
"Come again," said the cashier.
I left the Mart and walked down the street to the Boutique. Sam was there. I walked up to her and pressed A.
"Hey, Sean," she said. "These clothes are really expensive. Could you buy some for me?"
I spoke to the cashier.
"Welcome," said the cashier. "What do you need?"
I scrolled through the options. Some clothes have a gift icon. I selected a Red Dress with that icon to see what happens.
"A Red Dress?" asked the cashier. "It's a gift for your sister, right?"
I selected yes.
"That'll be $200," said the cashier.
That $200 was subtracted from my $1600 to leave me with $1400.
"Anything else?" asked the cashier.
I bought Ash's Hat.
"That would be $300."
It was subtracted to leave me with $1100.
"Anything else?"
I selected "No."
"Come again," said the cashier.
I walked into a blue curtain while Sam went into a pink curtain. Those curtains were dressing rooms for trainer customization for my player and Sam. I'm the default kind of guy so I walked out of there. Chikaflic City has a PokéCinema where I could see a PokéStar Studios movie, and a Poké Café where my character can eat. There's a house where a girl named Paige offered her Slakoth, Slackey for a Ketty, but I want to keep my Ketty so that it could evolve into a Purry and then a Clawt and I knew how Slakoth would loaf around for every other turn, so I rejected the offer. I arrived in front of the Trainer School where I saved and quit.

 

[SeanWheeler]

Chapter 5: The Trainer School
I walked into the School and sat at a desk.
"Good morning class," said the Teacher. "I am Mr. Martin, your instructor. Today we are going to have a pop quiz."
Question 1 was "Which Pokémon is the first sent out in battle? A: The one on top of your party, B: Your choice, or C: Pikachu?"
I picked A.
Question 2 was "How do Ghost and Normal Pokémon affect eachother? A: Supereffective, B: Normal damage, or C: No effect?"
I picked C.
Question 3 was "What is supereffective against Electric types? A: Fire, B: Ground or C: Water?"
I picked B.
Question 4 was "In a Double Battle, which move hits multiple Pokémon? A: Scratch, B: Ember or C: Surf?"
I picked C.
Question 5 was "Which of these Sinnoh Pokémon can be found in Illis? A: Turtwig, B: Chimchar or C: Piplup?"
I picked B.
Question 6 was "Which type does the Chikaflic Gym Leader specialize in? A: Bug, B: Dark or C: Rock?"
I picked A.
"Congratulations," said Mr. Martin. "You got all the answers correct. Here's your prize."
I obtained a Chimchar, which got sent to Box 1 in the Storage System. I decided not to name him. Now that that's out of the way, I went to the Gym and saved my game.

 

[SeanWheeler]

Chapter 6: Gym Battle vs. Buzz!

I turned on the game and walked to the door of the Gym. An exclamation mark appeared over a man's head and he walked over to me.
"Hey!" said the man. "I'm Jim. Is this your first gym battle? Well, Buzz is really tough and he has six bugs on his team. But every type has a weakness, and bugs don't like fire or birds. If you can beat him, you can get the Ant Badge, a bug-type TM and a Buginium Z."
I spoke to Jim again and he said the same thing. I walked towards Buzz, but a Bug Catcher dropped out of the ceiling, hanging by a String Shot.
"You want to challenge the Leader?" asked Bug Catcher Ben. "You will have to go through me!"
The battle started and Ben sent out Bugker. I sent out my Heatty. I took off half of Bugker's HP with Ember. Bugker used String Shot and that did nothing but decrease my Speed stat. But the next turn, Bugker went first with its String Shot just to lower my Speed and I retaliated with Ember, finishing it off. Heatty reached Lv 8. Bug Catcher Ben sent out Fleanet. I one-shot the Fleanet with Ember.
"Alright, you got me!" said Ben.
I got $220 before going back to the overworld. I spoke to Ben again.
"My two Pokémon was just a warmup," said Ben. "Buzz has a full party."
I walked up to a man with a buzzcut and military jacket and pressed A.
"Welcome to the Chikaflic Gym," he said. "I am Buzz and I like collecting bugs. They may be underestimated a lot but they slay Psychic types. Do you have what it takes to take on the Pokémon League challenge? I'll be the judge of that."
Then the most awesome music started playing. I was challenged by Gym Leader Buzz. The first Pokémon he sent out was Flyug. Go Heatty! Flyug was Lv. 10 like Ben's Pokémon. But my Lv. 8 Heatty's Ember still one-shot it. Then he sent out Mothu. Heatty one-shot it again with Ember. Then he sent out Nitnak. Heatty's Ember only put it in the red. Nitnak used Bug Bite, but it didn't do much. I finished it off with another Ember. Heatty reached Lv 9. Buzz sent out... Parasect? A Bug-Grass type? That's just making it too easy for me. I overkilled it with Ember. Then he sent out Ribombee. I beat it with Ember. He then sent out his sixth and final Pokémon Kriketune. One more Ember finished this easy Gym Battle.
"Yes, you do have what it takes," said Buzz as he paid me $6000.
Back at the overworld, Buzz congratulated me.
"You have beaten me," said Buzz. "Per League rules, I have to give you my Ant Badge."
A badge resembling an ant appeared on the screen as the victory theme played.
"The Ant Badge is proof that you've beaten the Chikaflic Gym," said Buzz. "And it allows traded Pokémon up to Level 20 to obey you and the HM move Cut to be used to cut small trees. And here, you can have a Z-Crystal."
I received the Buginium Z.
"That's the Buginium Z," said Buzz. "You put it on your Z-Ring and... You don't have a Z-Ring do you? Okay, I've got plenty for new trainers."
I recieved the Z-Ring.
"The Z-Ring allows you to perform Z-Moves with a Z Crystal," said Buzz. "The Buginium Z can allow your Pokémon with Bug-type moves to perform Savage Spin-Out. But you would need to make this pose to do it."
Buzz demonstrated the move from Sun and Moon.
"Of course, you do need a Bug-type move," said Buzz.
I recieved TM76.
"TM76 is Struggle Bug," said Buzz. "Teach it to a Bug-type Pokémon to do some damage and potentially reduce the Special Attack of your opponent."
I spoke to him again and he just repeated the part about Struggle Bug. I then walked over to the entrance to talk to Jim.
"Wow, you defeated Buzz," said Jim. "Only seven more gyms before you can challenge the Elite Four."
I then walked out the gym and my Poké Phone rang. I hit A to answer it.
"Hey Sean," said Sam. "How are you doing? You got your first Badge? Wow. I just met this tough trainer on Route 3 at the shore of Lake Mixy. Her Heatty really burned my Leafer. You've got a Heatty too. Could you come over and help?"
The "Her Heatty really burned my Leafer" would change depending on the player's choice of starter. For someone who picked Leafer, it would be "Her Leafer cut my Fishkin." If I were to pick Fishkin, it would be "Her Fishkin soaked my Heatty. Also, the dialogue would change based on the player's gender. Samuel would say "hot" instead of "tough" and would end the conversation with "Could you come over and meet her?" instead of "come over and help."
When the call ended, I saved the game and quit.

 

[SeanWheeler]

While it has been six years since I posted a new chapter, this should not be in the Archives as a completed story. For one thing, it's not complete. I only got up to the first Gym. The first gym is not a complete playthrough. I just took a break to focus on my own non-fanfic story. But now I'm back and I'm hoping to take this story all the way to the Battle Frontier. Also, some recent developments in this game will warrant changing the previous chapters. For one thing, Sam is the player's twin sister now, so I need to remove the romance with her. In fact, a new love interest will be introduced in the next chapter, Tawni, a girl who started her journey a week ago and picked the same starter as the player will be at Lake Mixy instead of Sam. Could we get this out of the archives and mark this as ongoing?

 

[SeanWheeler]

Sorry, I've been preoccupied with my novel Fairy Girl, but the next chapter of Plus and Minus is coming. I've already changed the relationship of the player characters. Might need to check those Pokédex numbers because I did update the Illis Pokédex on the PokéFanon Wiki to include Galarian and Paldean Pokémon. I am considering replacing Chimchar with an Illisian variant of a Sinnoh Pokémon.

 

[SeanWheeler]

Chapter 7: The Rival With the Same Starter
I went East to Route 3. I saw Sam next to a red-haired black girl at the lake shore. An exclamation mark appeared over Sam's head which triggered a cutscene.
"Hey, Sean!" cried Sam. "Over here."
My character automatically walked towards them.
"So this is your brother?" asked the dark-skinned girl. "Looks kind of cute. I'm Tania."
If I had played as a girl, Tania would have said "So this is your sister? Looks kind of weak."
"Don't underestimate him." said Sam. "Sean had beat me and Matt in our first battles at Professor Pine's lab with his Heatty."
"A Heatty?" asked said Tania. "Looks like we have something in common. I got Heatty a week ago. Let's see whose Heatty is stronger."
If I had played as the girl, Tania would have cried "A Heatty!? You copycat! I got Heatty a week ago! Your Heatty is going down!"
And of course, if I had picked a different starter, all those references to Heatty would be changed to Leafer or Fishkin.
The battle started with new rival music.
"You are challenged by Pokémon Trainer Tania," said the announcer. "Pokémon Trainer Tania sent out Heatty. Go, Heatty!"
We both sent out our Heatties. My Heatty was just a level under hers. She out sped with a Smokescreen which did nothing but lowered my accuracy. My Heatty retaliated with a Scratch that took almost half of her Heatty's health. The next turn had us both using Scratch, which took out a huge chunk of my HP and left her in the red. The third turn, she used a Potion that healed her Heatty when I tried to finish her off with Ember. Fire-type moves aren't effective against Fire Pokémon so it did less than Scratch. The next turn, she used Ember while I used Scratch. Her Ember left me in the red which changed the music to a remix of Black and White's low health music. Luckily, her health was in a point where one more scratch could knock her out and it wasn't low enough for the AI to use items. The next turn, she used Leer which only lowered my Defense. One more scratch knocked it out. My Heatty was raised to Level 10 and learned Smokescreen. Tania sent out a Birda which was only Level 7. Heatty took that bird down with a critical hit Ember.
"What!?" cried Tania. "I lost!?"
I earned 500 Poké Dollars from the match. The screen changed back to the overworld.
"Well, you beat me fair and square," said Tania. "Or maybe my Heatty was attracted to your Heatty?"
"What do you mean?" asked Sam.
"I wasn't talking to you, loser!" snapped Tania. "I'm talking to your cute brother. So how about it, Sean? The beach looks great. Wanna hang out?"
I clicked "Yes."
"Then it's a date!" said Tania.
"I'll leave you two alone," said Sam as she headed to Chikaflic City.
The cutscene ended and Tania followed me around as I moved. If I had said "No" to the date, Tania would have just given me her Poké Phone number and ask me to call her she headed to Chikaflic City. Sam would have given me a Vs. Recorder. And if I was playing as a girl, Tania would been angrier about losing and vow to get stronger, before shoving me aside and running off like Silver. And Samuel would have been shocked to see how mean Tania was to me after she was nice to him. He would apologize and give me a Vs. Recorder.

But I'm a boy who said yes to Tania's date, so Samantha is gone and Tania is now following me around and every battle we get into Route 3 will be a double battle. Tania will give me her number at the end of the date when we go to the border of the city, and Sam's waiting in the Chikaflic Pokémon Center with the Vs. Recorder. But I'm going to do all of that next week.

I paused the game and saved. Then I turned off the game.

 

[Welkamo]

I’m here on a whim. Might as well stick around and review.

I think your approach here is really cool, with the narrator being a person playing the new game(s) and giving us a play by play of the game. There’s a lot of potential with a concept like that. I do wish, however, that the writing did more with that concept, if that makes sense? As in, I would like to see more reactions from the narrator, more personal opinions. We get a liiiittle bit of that, but I want more! What are Sean’s opinions on the rival, on the starting home town, on the starters? What things stand out to him? I know the point is more to showcase the world of Plus and Minus in a sort of let’s play style, but part of the appeal of let’s plays is the personalities of the players themselves. It’s why even watching someone who has no clue what a Pikachu is can be really fun.

There’s also some grammatical stuff, which I’ll go into with the line by lines:

Gamefreak has announced the new Pokémon games Plus and Minus.

Most of this fic is in past tense, but there are moments like this where it switches to present tense. Nothing to worry about! Even I mess up tense lol.

The boxart depicted the Legendary Pokémon Pluralure, which looks like a orange bipedal cat with crosses everywhere. It's arms outstretched make it look like a plus. There is a white plus stripe on it's stomach, it's tail has split to make the shape of a plus, it has straight whiskers to make it's head a plus with it's cat ears straight. If I got Minus, the Legendary would have been Minboa who is a blue straight snake.

This is probably less a critique and more a funny observation, but I chuckled a bit that Pluralure got a lot of vivid description and Minboa is just blue snake. I don’t think that was the intention, though. So I would suggest maybe balancing the descriptions a bit more.

Actually, on the topic of descriptions, I noticed that Pluralure’s is the only one among people and Pokémon and… well, anything that goes into a whole lot of detail. Granted, there is nuance to how much description a thing is warranted. Some Pokémon are more detailed than others, and most people have a general idea of what humans look like, compared to a Legendary Fakémon. However, using humans as an example, we’ve got a lot of variety in our species: different heights, body types, hair colors, eye colors, skin colors, facial features, fashion tastes, and so on and so forth. I’m not saying that you need a paragraph of description for each character, but like… there’s a lot of Pokémon characters with long, grey beards, especially among professors. Even just describing the vibes you get from them is a good start—is Professor Pine a bit stern like Rowan? Maybe friendly yet foolish like Oak? (Please lemme call Oak foolish just this once shhhhhh)

I bolted a specific part so I could tie it into the below point:

A man with a long grey beard appeared.

When working with multiple adjectives, you’ll want to separate them by commas. Ex. “blue straight snake” should be “blue, straight snake” and “long grey beard” should be “long, grey beard.”

It was awesome to hear voices in a Pokémon game. Professor Pine was voiced by Mike Pollack, which I was able to tell by his Eggman-like voice.

GASP Mike Pollack from Ratatoing??????

I laughed at the idea of a modern game Professor asking for a gender. The screen showed a boy on the left and a girl on the right. The boy had brown hair and wore a red baseball cap with a Poké Ball symbol, a blue t-shirt with a Poké Ball design, a red backpack, beige khakis and black sneakers. The girl was blonde and wore a red headband, a pink shirt with a Pokéball, blue denim thigh-high shorts, a red purse, and white sneakers. While I liked the female design, I chose to go with the boy.

This was written in 2016, and so it’s kind of funny to see how much this aspect has change. Starting with Sun and Moon, they started asking “what do you look like” instead of “are you a boy or a girl”. Even if it’s still locked to boy or girl, it does allow a lot of fluidity in expression.

The screen flashed white, then faded to black. The story started with both player characters sleeping in a bunk bed. The girl in the top bunk woke up, yawned and looked at the clock.

"Yikes," she exclaimed. "We have to be at Professor Pine's lab."

The girl climbed down the ladder and shook my character. "Wake up, wake up, brother. It's me, Samantha."

Bunk beds hell yeahhhhhhhh

What isn’t hell yeah is how Sam refers to her brother. This is a super petty pet peeve of mine, and granted it is something that Pokémon might do/might have done, but I greatly dislike when siblings in media refer to each other as brother/sister/sibling. I can only speak for myself, but I, like, never refer to my siblings by their relation to me. It speaks of a lack of trust in the reader, that they couldn’t infer the relationship of two people and/or would automatically assume that a boy and a girl in the same room must be in love. (I’m being a bit overdramatic here, methinks.) You can have dialogue that confirms two people are siblings, and probably should, but in a scene like this + the mom conversation, I can make a safe bet that these characters are siblings or otherwise familial without being told with a character’s first dialogue.

The left analog stick walks to but I can walk in smoother directions.

*too
There maybe should also be a comma after the too. (Also, is this sentence saying that the smoother walking comes with the analog stick? Am a bit confused.)

(Samuel's pose would have been him holding his fist with a determined look.)

It’s cool that the narrator has some information on the games prior to the release. I can imagine these poses are something that would have been shown in a first or second trailer. (Thought I feel like these cinematics are typically used for the player character and not the rival of the gender you didn’t choose? Minor nitpick, and it probably doesn’t matter.)

Pad. We went downstairs and was greeted by Mom.

*were

"Sean, Sam, there you are," said Mom. "I was going to wake you two up but I was worried you might be, you know.

No mom I don’t know

"Sean registered Sam in the Poké Phone," said the narration text box.

Part of me thinks that the narration could maybe be formatted differently from character dialogue? Like instead of literal dialogue, maybe it’s bolded or something. Idk just some food for thought.

(On the subject of dialogue: there’s voice acting in Plus and Minus iirc. Who are the voice actors for the characters besides the Professor?)

"There you are," said Pine. "Did you get a good night sleep."

The second sentence should end with a question mark.

Leafer is an anthropomorphic leaf. It's on four small feet and it has a simple smiley face.

I would die for Leafer

Back on the overworld, Sam got over her loss.

*in

"Types aren't everything when it comes to battles," said Pines. "Here, let me heal up your Pokémon."

*Pine

The screen went black and I heard the Pokémon Center jingle.

This is a cute detail. Very “real Pokémon game” : )

"There you go," said Pine. "Now your Pokémon are healed I'll give you each ten Potions."

The phrasing of the second sentence is odd. Maybe it should be “Now that your Pokémon are healed, I'll give you each ten Potions.”

 

[SeanWheeler]

I’m here on a whim. Might as well stick around and review.

I think your approach here is really cool, with the narrator being a person playing the new game(s) and giving us a play by play of the game. There’s a lot of potential with a concept like that. I do wish, however, that the writing did more with that concept, if that makes sense? As in, I would like to see more reactions from the narrator, more personal opinions. We get a liiiittle bit of that, but I want more! What are Sean’s opinions on the rival, on the starting home town, on the starters? What things stand out to him? I know the point is more to showcase the world of Plus and Minus in a sort of let’s play style, but part of the appeal of let’s plays is the personalities of the players themselves. It’s why even watching someone who has no clue what a Pikachu is can be really fun.

There’s also some grammatical stuff, which I’ll go into with the line by lines:


Most of this fic is in past tense, but there are moments like this where it switches to present tense. Nothing to worry about! Even I mess up tense lol.


This is probably less a critique and more a funny observation, but I chuckled a bit that Pluralure got a lot of vivid description and Minboa is just blue snake. I don’t think that was the intention, though. So I would suggest maybe balancing the descriptions a bit more.

Actually, on the topic of descriptions, I noticed that Pluralure’s is the only one among people and Pokémon and… well, anything that goes into a whole lot of detail. Granted, there is nuance to how much description a thing is warranted. Some Pokémon are more detailed than others, and most people have a general idea of what humans look like, compared to a Legendary Fakémon. However, using humans as an example, we’ve got a lot of variety in our species: different heights, body types, hair colors, eye colors, skin colors, facial features, fashion tastes, and so on and so forth. I’m not saying that you need a paragraph of description for each character, but like… there’s a lot of Pokémon characters with long, grey beards, especially among professors. Even just describing the vibes you get from them is a good start—is Professor Pine a bit stern like Rowan? Maybe friendly yet foolish like Oak? (Please lemme call Oak foolish just this once shhhhhh)

I bolted a specific part so I could tie it into the below point:

When working with multiple adjectives, you’ll want to separate them by commas. Ex. “blue straight snake” should be “blue, straight snake” and “long grey beard” should be “long, grey beard.”


GASP Mike Pollack from Ratatoing??????


This was written in 2016, and so it’s kind of funny to see how much this aspect has change. Starting with Sun and Moon, they started asking “what do you look like” instead of “are you a boy or a girl”. Even if it’s still locked to boy or girl, it does allow a lot of fluidity in expression.


Bunk beds hell yeahhhhhhhh

What isn’t hell yeah is how Sam refers to her brother. This is a super petty pet peeve of mine, and granted it is something that Pokémon might do/might have done, but I greatly dislike when siblings in media refer to each other as brother/sister/sibling. I can only speak for myself, but I, like, never refer to my siblings by their relation to me. It speaks of a lack of trust in the reader, that they couldn’t infer the relationship of two people and/or would automatically assume that a boy and a girl in the same room must be in love. (I’m being a bit overdramatic here, methinks.) You can have dialogue that confirms two people are siblings, and probably should, but in a scene like this + the mom conversation, I can make a safe bet that these characters are siblings or otherwise familial without being told with a character’s first dialogue.


*too
There maybe should also be a comma after the too. (Also, is this sentence saying that the smoother walking comes with the analog stick? Am a bit confused.)


It’s cool that the narrator has some information on the games prior to the release. I can imagine these poses are something that would have been shown in a first or second trailer. (Thought I feel like these cinematics are typically used for the player character and not the rival of the gender you didn’t choose? Minor nitpick, and it probably doesn’t matter.)


*were


No mom I don’t know


Part of me thinks that the narration could maybe be formatted differently from character dialogue? Like instead of literal dialogue, maybe it’s bolded or something. Idk just some food for thought.

(On the subject of dialogue: there’s voice acting in Plus and Minus iirc. Who are the voice actors for the characters besides the Professor?)


The second sentence should end with a question mark.


I would die for Leafer


*in


*Pine


This is a cute detail. Very “real Pokémon game” : )


The phrasing of the second sentence is odd. Maybe it should be “Now that your Pokémon are healed, I'll give you each ten Potions.”

Your corrections have been given into account. I'm guessing the "you know" might have been left over from when the two player characters were dating in my original version but were changed to siblings in my revival to make room for Tania as the male player character's love interest while Matt would be the love interest for the female player. I had to remove the romance between Sean and Samantha to stop the Luke/Leia-type of controversy. In the original version, Sam was Professor Pine's kid, and well, obviously the bunk bed wasn't there. This change really censored the beginning and helped kept the E-rating. But now I have to think of another reason for Mom not to wake the twins up.

I'm not so sure about having the comma between two adjectives. If a comma would be needed but it's only two things, we'd use the word "and" instead of the comma. And to me, the measurement and color next to a noun sounds more natural not separated. If there is some grammar rule in the English language that says multiple adjectives should have commas like that, then I don't really care. I'm American, but I spell the color as "grey" instead of "gray." You might have noticed with my latest chapter I described Tania as "a black girl" instead of "a Black girl" because I would refuse to capitalize "Black" as a race until "White" gets capitalized too. I don't like the inconsistency of capitalizing one skin color and not the other. So basically, I would write the way I write the books. If a character in my books were to play a game that has an announcer, I'd write what that announcer says in dialogue. If it was just text on the screen, the text would be centered and formatted the way it should look like on that screen, so maybe it is better that I decided on these games being fully voice-acted, with Rodger Parsons from the anime voicing the non-dialogue text boxes.

Also, before I got started on Chapter 7, I tried to update Chapter 2 to reflect my current Illis Pokédex, but with the body of the Pokédex grouping every Pokémon by type, and Meowth having an Illisian form that makes it a Dark-type because of the lack of Dark-types in Kanto, there would have been a huge gap in the Pokédex. I shouldn't have a Pokémon in the 400s this early. Perhaps I could rearrange my Pokédex so that instead of grouping Pokémon by type which I did to make sure I've got Pokémon from every region and type, I could instead reorder them based on the order I encounter them in this playthrough? I tried to replace Chimchar with a Fire-type Illisian Buneary, but I liked the trainer with the Chimchar so I couldn't scrap him. Buneary's such a girly Pokémon so it wouldn't be fitting for the Youngster to use one. And if I really wanted a fire rabbit, I could have used Scorbunny. Buneary wasn't my initial pick for a Fire-type Illisian variant of a Sinnoh Pokémon. It was Drifloon. But the only Ghost-type replacement would have been Giratina, a legendary, Spiritomb and Rotom, rare Pokémon caught in Legendary-styled encounters, and Mismagius and Dusknoir which are part of evolutionary families of other generations. But maybe there's no problem keeping Lucas and his Chimchar is there? My point of adding Tania as the rival with your starter was to make sure the player could see every Pokémon in the Illis Pokédex without needing extra trainers with starters. In my idea for the Diamond and Pearl remakes before Brilliant Diamond and Shining Pearl, Lucas/Dawn would have the same starter as you while a new rival would have the starter weak to you, while all the trainers that originally had Sinnoh starters would have them replaced with Pokémon from the expanded Pokédex. But other than a few changes, BDSP ended up a copy-and-paste of the original Diamond and Pearl. So, I moved the idea of a rival with your starter to Plus and Minus. Seeing every Pokémon in the Illis Pokédex before obtaining the National Dex had always been a requirement for Plus and Minus, even before BDSP. I like how close to complete my Pokédex looks by the post-game and I'm glad the Sinnoh Dex requires completion before the post-game.