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OK after the utter failure of my first fanfic I took the time to come up with a new more solid one. Characters, plot twists and even a good title.
Please give me your honest opinion I'm ok with harsh criticism as long as it's honest.
ENJOY!
Synopsis:
“What’s taking him so long?”
She stood in front of the Silph co. building surrounded by many great skyscrapers in the center of Saffron City, waiting. Streaks of blonde glimmered through her long soft crimson hair. Wearing a red top and yellow pants, she faced the large screen that was positioned on the building with a concerned expression.
“Aka-chan, L is being mean.” the Magby jumped into her chest.
“Now Maggie,” she said, gazing at the Magby with her bright honey-yellow eyes. “L.” she demanded.
The yellow electric Pokémon walked towards her, the shape of a flame imprinted on his chest. “I was just trying to teach her thunderbolt.” He argued.
“And now we present to you Yuu Gray, King of the newly formed Pokémon region.” the screen broadcasted, as she placed the Magby on the floor.
A middle-aged man appeared on the screen, tall. He wore a long, yellow stripped black coat, had a short trimmed beard, and dark black hair. His eyes were a dark shade of brown with a yellow iris.
“Ever since we were born,” he began. “We were destined to work together, Human and Pokémon hand in hand.” he paused. “ Years have past since the war of the previously divided Pokémon regions, since then nothing but peace come to pass ,but the outbreak of an epidemic, that threatened the existence of pure bred Pokémon world-wide, caused a huge disruption , as you all know when two Pokémon from the same egg group breed, their offspring is of the female parent’s species, but the result of the accumulation of decades and decades of interspecies breeding, was the consolidation of type gens from the male parent into the offspring, which would then add to, or dominate one of the offspring’s base types, this would have given birth to incredibly strong and dangerous Pokémon, however, thanks to the efforts of the 16 most experienced type specialists -‘Meijins’ if you will-, the problem was temporarily stabilized. Type guilds were built to train Pokémon trainers into becoming Meijins to achieve the ability that would qualify them to carry out the treatment. Scientists are still searching for a permanent cure…”
She looked at her watch and sighed. “Not much time left, he’s going to miss the train.”
“Oh?” a sadistic smile was on the Magby’s face. “Is that really what you’re worried about.” She quipped.
She turned her blushing face. “What do you mean?”
“That’s enough Maggie.” L said, while she giggled.
He was running, gasping for air. His Grovyle gliding over him, its leaves shined a sharp green-blue in the sunlight. His dense cobalt hair waved through the wind as he looked over his shoulder to the Grovyle. “Can you see the train…Grovyle?” he asked, still running.
Grovyle nodded. “We have ten minutes.”
He smiled. “We have plenty of ti- whoa!” Still facing Grovyle he crashed into someone walking in front of him.
They both fell to the ground, he then got up and looked over to see a woman, but she looked unusual. She wore a long white dress with a red line that divided its top, and green sleeves that stretched to cover her hands. She had short green hair that extended to her cheeks, and two, an onyx and an amethyst eye, that seemed out of place.
He offered his hand. “Sorry about that, it was my fault. Let me help you up.”
“Oh, thank you.” She replied.
He looked at her again and asked. “Umm, you don’t look like you’re from around here are you?”
“I’m just here to see an old friend.” She smiled.
“Ok.” He paused, and when he finished gawking her Grovyle interrupted.
“Erm, Shinichi.”
When she noticed the Grovyle, she flinched neither of them noticed, but it didn’t seem it was because of Grovyle’s appearance, from the look on her face it was like she knew him.
“Yeah…”? he gazed at Grovyle for a moment. “Oh! We’re late. Sorry but I have to go.”
“Ok?” she said scratching her cheek with a sweat drop, and taking at last look at the Grovyle. “Nah can’t be.”
“There you are, you’re late.” She said fumingly.
He had his hand on his knees, catching his breath. He wore a pair of dark blue jeans and a green t-shirt with a blue leaf like pattern.
He faced her with shining emerald eyes. “We should get to the station.”
“Says the one who’s late!” she retorted.
“Sorry?”
When they got to the station, it was almost empty, which wasn’t surprising considering it was Tuesday. They sat on the bench next to a trainer with her Frosslass.
L tugged at his trainer’s ankle. “Akane, did you forget the reason Shin was late.”
She looked at Shinichi repentantly. “Shin, did you get to see your mother?”
He gazed at the floor. “Yeah.”
“And how was she?” she asked.
He looked up closed his eyes, lowered his head and shook it. Shinichi’s mother was the Guild master of the Celadon grass guild, and was on her death bed. There was nothing he could do to help her, not even becoming a Meijin. He had a job to do and couldn't stay.
“Shinichi, I-” she said ruefully reaching her hand.
“It’s Ok,” he sighed, then smiled. “I have two moms remember.”
They sat there in silence for a moment when the Frosslass that was sitting next to them interrupted.
“Excuse me Onii-san, if you don’t mind me asking. Where are you heading?” she used telepathy.
Shin chuckled. “Us, well were heading for Blackthorn city.”
The Frosslass looked at him in contempt, then smiled and asked. “Great, we’re going to Mahogany Town, would you mind if we tagged along? You see my trainer is too young to travel alone, even with me.”
Shin looked over to the girl sitting beside the Frosslass; she was short and had a weak build. She had white almost transparent hair; he looked at her eyes, white. “Psychic Meijins?”
“Yes,” answered the Frosslass, “We just finished training here at the Psychic Guild, and we’re going to the Ice Guild in Mahogany Town.”
“Alright then, we’ll help you out. Right guys?” he said cheerfully.
“Sure.”
“Ok.”
“Yeah.”
“How ‘bout you Grovyle?” Shin asked.
“Whatever.” said Grovyle in disinterest.
“Alright then it’s unanimous. Oh! We don’t know your name.”
“Yuki.” She said in a soft voice.
Just then did the train arrive. Shinichi got up. “Alright everyone, Ike!”
*****
He walked up the long steps to his room, the place were he could see everyone, and everything. The door opened, opened to a room that exerted darkness. As he entered, his true form was revealed, a black gripper. Yellow eyes and a mouth glowed, bounded by two large hands. A halo crowned a single red eye which was encircled by what seemed like flower petals. He hovered to his cathedra; it was bejeweled with 14 differently colored plates that were arranged circularly around it.
He sat facing a large white screen. “Yuugure-sama, we have located her.” confirmed the kneeling Gengar.
“And the boy?”
“Ecruteak City.”
“Excellent.” He clipped. He gazed warily at the screen, “I will get what is rightfully mine.” He scowled. “Nowhere left to hide, my dear Gabi.”
The screen displayed two pictures, a boy in his early teens, gray hair that covered his eyes, and upon closer inspection, amethyst. He wore black pants and a purple t-shirt with a black tribal design. A Ralts with purple horns stood at his feet, on the other side of the screen the picture of a woman, the same woman that Shinichi had met earlier that day.
Please give me your honest opinion I'm ok with harsh criticism as long as it's honest.
ENJOY!
Synopsis:
In the distant future, Pokemon have mutated, not to gain new physical features, but change in their type, according to the possibilities the are restricted within its egg group. Trainers would train in special guilds along with there partner Pokemon, to become a Meijin, and heal the mutated Pokemon so that unbelievably powerful Pokemon would not be born, Ex.(Dragon/Water Gyarados),and so that the natural environment would not be disrupted.
The story is about a Ralts named Rem who's trainer -Kenichi- is deaf, and their adventures with fellow Meijins Shinichi, Akane, Yuuki, Hikari and Yuki with there partner Pokemon, Grovyle, Maggie(Magby) and L(Elekid), Kurly(Kirlia), Light(Kirlia) and Froslass respectively.
The story is about a Ralts named Rem who's trainer -Kenichi- is deaf, and their adventures with fellow Meijins Shinichi, Akane, Yuuki, Hikari and Yuki with there partner Pokemon, Grovyle, Maggie(Magby) and L(Elekid), Kurly(Kirlia), Light(Kirlia) and Froslass respectively.
Prologue
“What’s taking him so long?”
She stood in front of the Silph co. building surrounded by many great skyscrapers in the center of Saffron City, waiting. Streaks of blonde glimmered through her long soft crimson hair. Wearing a red top and yellow pants, she faced the large screen that was positioned on the building with a concerned expression.
“Aka-chan, L is being mean.” the Magby jumped into her chest.
“Now Maggie,” she said, gazing at the Magby with her bright honey-yellow eyes. “L.” she demanded.
The yellow electric Pokémon walked towards her, the shape of a flame imprinted on his chest. “I was just trying to teach her thunderbolt.” He argued.
“And now we present to you Yuu Gray, King of the newly formed Pokémon region.” the screen broadcasted, as she placed the Magby on the floor.
A middle-aged man appeared on the screen, tall. He wore a long, yellow stripped black coat, had a short trimmed beard, and dark black hair. His eyes were a dark shade of brown with a yellow iris.
“Ever since we were born,” he began. “We were destined to work together, Human and Pokémon hand in hand.” he paused. “ Years have past since the war of the previously divided Pokémon regions, since then nothing but peace come to pass ,but the outbreak of an epidemic, that threatened the existence of pure bred Pokémon world-wide, caused a huge disruption , as you all know when two Pokémon from the same egg group breed, their offspring is of the female parent’s species, but the result of the accumulation of decades and decades of interspecies breeding, was the consolidation of type gens from the male parent into the offspring, which would then add to, or dominate one of the offspring’s base types, this would have given birth to incredibly strong and dangerous Pokémon, however, thanks to the efforts of the 16 most experienced type specialists -‘Meijins’ if you will-, the problem was temporarily stabilized. Type guilds were built to train Pokémon trainers into becoming Meijins to achieve the ability that would qualify them to carry out the treatment. Scientists are still searching for a permanent cure…”
She looked at her watch and sighed. “Not much time left, he’s going to miss the train.”
“Oh?” a sadistic smile was on the Magby’s face. “Is that really what you’re worried about.” She quipped.
She turned her blushing face. “What do you mean?”
“That’s enough Maggie.” L said, while she giggled.
*****
He was running, gasping for air. His Grovyle gliding over him, its leaves shined a sharp green-blue in the sunlight. His dense cobalt hair waved through the wind as he looked over his shoulder to the Grovyle. “Can you see the train…Grovyle?” he asked, still running.
Grovyle nodded. “We have ten minutes.”
He smiled. “We have plenty of ti- whoa!” Still facing Grovyle he crashed into someone walking in front of him.
They both fell to the ground, he then got up and looked over to see a woman, but she looked unusual. She wore a long white dress with a red line that divided its top, and green sleeves that stretched to cover her hands. She had short green hair that extended to her cheeks, and two, an onyx and an amethyst eye, that seemed out of place.
He offered his hand. “Sorry about that, it was my fault. Let me help you up.”
“Oh, thank you.” She replied.
He looked at her again and asked. “Umm, you don’t look like you’re from around here are you?”
“I’m just here to see an old friend.” She smiled.
“Ok.” He paused, and when he finished gawking her Grovyle interrupted.
“Erm, Shinichi.”
When she noticed the Grovyle, she flinched neither of them noticed, but it didn’t seem it was because of Grovyle’s appearance, from the look on her face it was like she knew him.
“Yeah…”? he gazed at Grovyle for a moment. “Oh! We’re late. Sorry but I have to go.”
“Ok?” she said scratching her cheek with a sweat drop, and taking at last look at the Grovyle. “Nah can’t be.”
*****
“There you are, you’re late.” She said fumingly.
He had his hand on his knees, catching his breath. He wore a pair of dark blue jeans and a green t-shirt with a blue leaf like pattern.
He faced her with shining emerald eyes. “We should get to the station.”
“Says the one who’s late!” she retorted.
“Sorry?”
*****
When they got to the station, it was almost empty, which wasn’t surprising considering it was Tuesday. They sat on the bench next to a trainer with her Frosslass.
L tugged at his trainer’s ankle. “Akane, did you forget the reason Shin was late.”
She looked at Shinichi repentantly. “Shin, did you get to see your mother?”
He gazed at the floor. “Yeah.”
“And how was she?” she asked.
He looked up closed his eyes, lowered his head and shook it. Shinichi’s mother was the Guild master of the Celadon grass guild, and was on her death bed. There was nothing he could do to help her, not even becoming a Meijin. He had a job to do and couldn't stay.
“Shinichi, I-” she said ruefully reaching her hand.
“It’s Ok,” he sighed, then smiled. “I have two moms remember.”
They sat there in silence for a moment when the Frosslass that was sitting next to them interrupted.
“Excuse me Onii-san, if you don’t mind me asking. Where are you heading?” she used telepathy.
Shin chuckled. “Us, well were heading for Blackthorn city.”
The Frosslass looked at him in contempt, then smiled and asked. “Great, we’re going to Mahogany Town, would you mind if we tagged along? You see my trainer is too young to travel alone, even with me.”
Shin looked over to the girl sitting beside the Frosslass; she was short and had a weak build. She had white almost transparent hair; he looked at her eyes, white. “Psychic Meijins?”
“Yes,” answered the Frosslass, “We just finished training here at the Psychic Guild, and we’re going to the Ice Guild in Mahogany Town.”
“Alright then, we’ll help you out. Right guys?” he said cheerfully.
“Sure.”
“Ok.”
“Yeah.”
“How ‘bout you Grovyle?” Shin asked.
“Whatever.” said Grovyle in disinterest.
“Alright then it’s unanimous. Oh! We don’t know your name.”
“Yuki.” She said in a soft voice.
Just then did the train arrive. Shinichi got up. “Alright everyone, Ike!”
*****
He walked up the long steps to his room, the place were he could see everyone, and everything. The door opened, opened to a room that exerted darkness. As he entered, his true form was revealed, a black gripper. Yellow eyes and a mouth glowed, bounded by two large hands. A halo crowned a single red eye which was encircled by what seemed like flower petals. He hovered to his cathedra; it was bejeweled with 14 differently colored plates that were arranged circularly around it.
He sat facing a large white screen. “Yuugure-sama, we have located her.” confirmed the kneeling Gengar.
“And the boy?”
“Ecruteak City.”
“Excellent.” He clipped. He gazed warily at the screen, “I will get what is rightfully mine.” He scowled. “Nowhere left to hide, my dear Gabi.”
The screen displayed two pictures, a boy in his early teens, gray hair that covered his eyes, and upon closer inspection, amethyst. He wore black pants and a purple t-shirt with a black tribal design. A Ralts with purple horns stood at his feet, on the other side of the screen the picture of a woman, the same woman that Shinichi had met earlier that day.
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